Broken Bonds

by Jade Alters

The only thing I’m not sure of, is does this realization makes things simpler between us…or exceedingly more complicated?

  Samantha

  What just happened? I’m not certain I really can say. One moment, I was trying to get him to tell me why he seemed to dislike me so much. The next…his tongue is in my throat, and I’m caught-up in the hottest kiss of my life, followed by amazing, frantic, passionate sex.

  I don’t understand how we went from zero to one hundred in point zero one seconds. When I placed my hand on him, it was as if…as if I became possessed. I was suddenly overwhelmed with this intense need for him. This desire that felt like a fire in my blood. That was shocking enough, but then when Dr. Pyrrhos grabbed me and kissed me…it felt as though I was in some crazy dream.

  I’m pacing back and forth in my lab, my mind a riot as I consider everything that happened between us. After we’d finished, things had felt awkward, as though neither of us were sure how to proceed. Which, in all likelihood, was one hundred percent true. With a lame excuse about getting back to work, he’d left the room, practically fleeing me, but I hadn’t tried to stop him.

  I’d needed space to actually process everything.

  This made things much more complicated between us, of that I had no doubt.

  * * *

  I shake my head. That’s enough! I can’t keep obsessing over this. I need to get work done, which means I need to focus. I’m determined not to think about Dr. Pyrrhos or that kiss and everything that followed. I move across the room to my microscope and set back into my work, studying my samples.

  After a few minutes, however, I lift my head from the scope and sit back on my stool with a frustrated sigh. Damn it. I can’t focus. That whole encounter just won’t get out of my head. I’m not someone who usually engages in casual sex, but in that moment, when Dr. Pyrrhos had me on the table with his hands roaming all over me, I just couldn’t stop myself or what was about to happen.

  I just don’t understand what it was that came over me. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. Did he experience the same thing. Of course he did. There’s no way he’d have kissed me initially if he had full faculty of his senses.

  For some reason, that thought stings a bit. There’s no reason it should, I tell myself, because it’s not like I’m actually interested in him anyway.

  Sure, he’s handsome, with eyes so blue I could drown in them. And, he’s obviously intelligent, which is super sexy as well. His personality wasn’t bad until he decided to hide away from me completely, but, like I’ve said before, what can I expect from someone who’s been in isolation for so long? Sure, if he wasn’t so set on avoiding me all the time, maybe I could see something happening between us. Maybe I could see myself possibly falling for him, if he were at all sociable, but that’s not the way things are at present. He’s made it very clear that he wants pretty much nothing to do with me, so that kiss had to be an anomaly of some kind. A moment of poor judgement on both our parts.

  I frown as a realization enters my thoughts, however. If Dr. Pyrrhos really is so dead set on avoiding me, why did he come to the kitchen and then stay when he saw that I was there? Why didn’t he turn and immediately run away, like I’d have expected him to?

  His staying and eating with me, even if conversation with him was like talking to a brick wall, gave me the smallest spark of hope that some kind of friendly relationship was possible. Did that mean nothing in the end? Did I just read too much into that interaction?

  Even if I did, though, that still doesn’t explain what just happened between us.

  Letting out an exasperated groan, I shove to my feet. I’m obviously not going to be able to focus on my work anymore tonight with everything else that’s rattling around in my head, so I should really just go to bed. Everything will make more sense in the morning…I hope.

  I straighten up my lab and step back out into the hall. Dr. Pyrrhos’ door is still closed. I resist the urge to step closer and see if I can hear him inside. He’s probably going to pull another all-nighter, or at least use that as an excuse not to come out and risk running into me. Lifting my chin, I turn and walk away from the labs, making my way through the facility to the dorms. When I reach my room, I shut the door behind me and proceed to get ready for bed.

  Dressed in my usual nightwear of t-shirt and sweatpants, I sit on the edge of the bed and pull the right leg of my pants up, revealing my prosthetic leg. I gaze down at it and rub a hand along the aluminum thigh. This is another reason my eagerness to let Dr. Pyrrhos take things further is rather shocking. I’m usually very careful about letting my potential partners knew well in advance about my leg, because I know how much it can bother some people.

  With a grimace, I go about removing it and setting it to the side so I can crawl into bed. My leg isn’t something I readily talk about, and I’m so good at walking with it that people don’t even guess that I have it unless they see me in shorts…or naked. I rarely wear shorts, though, and I’m very picky about who I get naked with. He had no idea that I have a prosthetic, but I was shocked that he seemed genuinely unbothered by it.

  Still, it’s so weird. I’m usually so careful. I’m admittedly pretty self-conscious about my missing leg, though I’m very used to not having it now. At that moment, as if to remind me that I’ll never be totally free of the pain of losing it, the top of my thigh that’s left pulses with a shooting pain that travels to my hip and up my spine. Suddenly, it feels as though my leg has returned, but as a mass of aching muscle. I get these phantom pains pretty regularly, but it doesn’t make them any more bearable to deal with.

  Flinching, I curl up and bite my lip to ride through it. These instances never last very long, and after a few moments, the pain begins to fade and I’m able to relax. I release a shaky breath and close my eyes, determined to go to sleep. Before I can go to sleep, however, my mind wanders back to Dr. Pyrrhos as it is no longer burdened with the pain of my phantom limb.

  I press my face into the pillow, as if I can somehow hide from my mental image of him. I need to get over this. There’s no future with him. No matter how amazing the sex was, my time here is short and I can’t afford to get involved with anyone that will distract me from my goals. It takes effort, but I finally manage to push my thoughts of him away long enough that I can actually go to sleep. As I begin to drift into unconsciousness, however, that sexy nerd manages to slip right back into my unguarded mind.

  Flames dance all around me. I stand in the middle of them as they form a large circle, as if corralling me. Gazing around, I try to figure out where I am. Is this still the facility? Judging by the height of the flames, it seems too cavernous to be the outpost. But, if that’s not where I am, then what is this place? And how did I get here?

  I can’t see anything past the flames. It’s all darkness, and there’s no sign that anyone else is there that I can see.

  “Hello?” I call. “Can someone help me?”

  There’s no urgency in my voice, however, which surprises me. You’d think, standing in a ring of fire in a place I don’t recognize, I’d be freaking out a lot more. Yet, I’m oddly calm as I try to figure out how to escape my circle. I realize with mild surprise that I should feel a lot hotter than I do. It’s definitely warm with the fires, but not nearly as hot as it should be. That’s rather odd, but then again, I’m not sure what about this situation isn’t odd.

  I don’t receive any response, but then, a shadowy figure appears in the flames right in front of me. Frowning, I step forward, curious as to who it is…and why they aren’t screaming in agony.

  “Are you okay?” I call, yet still I feel somewhat deadened inside. Almost as if I’m numb.

  The figure doesn’t say a word but moves close until I can finally make out their face.

  It’s Dr. Pyrrhos.

  My eyes widen in surprise and my heart beats just a little harder.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer me, and I notice the flames, which had just mome
nts before appeared to have no effect on him, begin licking at his pant legs. The fabric begins to burn away.

  I feel a strum of panic in my chest. Can’t he feel that? Why isn’t he moving?

  “Dr. Pyrrhos,” I say, that flicker of anxiety building up inside me, pushing me out of my numbed state, “your pants…you’re on fire. You’re going to burn!”

  He still doesn’t move, and now the fire has started crawling up his leg and eating away at his flesh. Terror pulses through me now and I try to lurch forward, but it’s as if my feet have been cemented to the floor. I can’t move. I can’t get to him.

  I can’t save him.

  “Dr. Pyrrhos!” I cry. “Please! Get out of there!”

  He just continues to stare at me. I can’t really tell if he even sees me, or if he’s stuck in some sort of trance. Frantically, I wave my arms, trying to snap him out of it. Nothing. I can’t tell if he’s even blinking.

  The fire is up to his torso at this point, and there’s nothing I can do. I shout his name over and over again, but it doesn’t seem to register with him. He’s not screaming in pain like he should be. In fact, his expression is almost serene as the fire completely consumes him.

  “Aleixo!” I shriek as hot tears run down my cheeks. It’s too late, though. The flames die down enough for me to see that all that’s left of him is a pile of ash.

  I jerk away with a startled cry and sit up in my bed. It takes me a moment to orient myself enough that I recognize my room.

  A dream.

  It was all just a dream.

  I release a shaky breath as I press my hand to my forehead. What the hell was that? I never remember my dreams, but the image of Dr. Pyrrhos burning right before my eyes seems seared into my mind. Blinking, I realize that my cheeks are damp with tears.

  This is so strange. I don’t understand why this dream shook me so bad. I know it’s not real, so why am I still trembling?

  Aleixo

  Idiot! How could I be so stupid?

  I’m in my lab, pacing back and forth like a madman. I don’t know what time it is, but I’m pretty sure it’s morning already. Another sleepless night, but I hardly care. Even if I’d tried to sleep, I know it would’ve been impossible. My racing mind wouldn’t have allowed it.

  I can’t stop thinking about making love to Samantha. As enjoyable as it admittedly was, I’m disgusted with myself for allowing the bond to manipulate me like that. It made me mindless, which is something I despise. When I’m mindless, I don’t have my free-will, and I’m helpless to do anything but follow my instincts.

  Turning, I move to the safe with the vials of potion and unlock it, yanking the tray out with such force, they clatter precariously together. I walk to my work table and set them on top, then place both hands flat on either side of the tray and stare down at the little glass bottles. I should drink one. I broke this bond before, I can do it again. Tensing, I will myself to reach out and grab one and just drink it, but for some reason I hesitate.

  What’s the matter with me? Do I actually want to be bonded to Samantha?

  No, that’s not it. That can’t be it.

  It’s the unknown of it all. I still have questions about the effects of the potion. What will happen if I take it again? The last time, I was sick for a week as it worked to break that damn link between me and my dead mate. She’d only been a haunting memory, though. What will happen if I take it while my mate is still living? Will the effects be even worse since it’s a second dose?

  I don’t like taking such risks without some kind of hypothesis as to what could happen. That sounds like a crummy excuse, I know, but it’s the truth. If I hadn’t been so desperate to be rid of the constant memories of my former mate, I might not have tried the first dose of the potion at the time that I did. I’d likely have taken the time to run more tests on it to be surer of its affects, but I was desperate and needed her out of my head for my own sanity.

  It’s not the same with Samantha. She’s not at all like my first mate in the least. In truth, I wouldn’t mind being with a woman like her under different circumstances. If we weren’t bonded…and if I were human. As a phoenix, I’m doomed to most likely live an immortal life because of my regenerative abilities. Samantha is a human. She will grow old and die. The bond would allow me to share my fire with her and make her a phoenix as well, but I wouldn’t doom her to such a long, lonely existence.

  My life stopped feeling as though it had meaning decades ago. What stakes were there for me? Humans fear death, but it makes their lives worth living. Any day could be their last, so every moment for them was precious. They could cherish their existence, and find purpose in their lives.

  Immortality robs a being of such appreciation for life. I know people dream of living forever, but it’s not a dream. It’s a nightmare.

  I shake my head and frown. Why am I even thinking about this? Turning Samantha into a Phoenix was by no means an option, because I wasn’t going to let the bond continue. I wasn’t going to trap us into something that neither of us are choosing of our own free wills.

  So…why can’t I just take the potion?

  Why can’t I just end things right here and now?

  I grit my teeth and stare at the vials of potion, as if they’ll somehow reveal the answers to their innerworkings to me if I just gaze at them long enough.

  Releasing a sigh, I slump onto my stool. Damn it. Where is this hesitation coming from, really? Am I really that scared of possible side-effects? Unknown consequences?

  I’ve lived for hundreds of years. I’ve suffered more injuries than a dozen humans could survive. I had the plague, for gods-sakes.

  There’s no reason I should be afraid to take this potion again. No way. Whatever might happen to me as a result of taking it really won’t be a big deal in the long run.

  And still, I don’t pick one of the vials up. I sigh in frustration. Maybe it’s the bond, screwing with me head.

  Standing, I grab the tray and return it to the safe. I’ll take one…eventually. I just need to clear my head, most likely. Get some sleep, get refreshed. Once I can think straight again, I won’t have these hesitations anymore and I’ll take that potion again and break the bond. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

  For now, I’ll just be careful around Samantha. It’s probably best to avoid her altogether as much as possible, which really won’t be that much of a change from how I was interacting with her before.

  An image flashes through my mind of her downcast expression and I have to shake it from my head. I can’t feel bad about avoiding her now. This is what will be best for everyone in the end, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

  I shake my head. I need to get a grip. It’s not helping anything that I’m stuck in my own head with what-ifs and impossible scenarios that don’t really matter. I just need to focus on my work. Focus on my research, so that I feel better about taking the potion.

  Gazing around my lab, I debate for a moment whether I should continue working or if I should go get some sleep, like I’d thought about just a few moments ago. I land on a compromise. I’ll go my room and sleep, but first I’ll stop in the greenhouse and check on a few specimens I’ve got growing there. Turning for the door, I step out into the hall and pause as I gaze over at Samantha’s lab. The door is closed, but I don’t hear anything coming from the other side. I take a few steps closer and listen more carefully just to see if perhaps I’m missing something, but no, I don’t hear a peep.

  I check my watch to see what time it is. Maybe she’s still in bed?

  When I see it’s about nine, though, I know that’s unlikely. Samantha might not pull all-nighters like I do, but she’s still an early riser and is usually up and in her lab working by eight. So I doubt she’s sleeping in, but where could she be if not in there working?

  The fact that I don’t know where she is for sure is a little troubling, only because I’d rather avoid an awkward encounter with her unprepared. Like a cop casing an armed suspect’s home, I slink thr
ough the facility toward the greenhouse, checking around corners and practically tiptoeing so I don’t make any noise.

  When I pass the storage room where all our outdoor equipment is kept, I see that the door is open and I pause. Even though I know I should just keep going, I can’t help myself and I peek in through the doorway to find Samantha suiting up to venture outside.

  Frowning, I ask, before I can stop myself, “What are you doing?”

  She jumps slightly, clearly startled by my sudden appearance. However, she quickly gets over her surprise and shoots me a narrow-eyed glare.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, were you speaking to me?” she replies in a biting tone. “I wasn’t aware I was worth talking to again.”

  I deserve that, I suppose. Still, her tone grates against my nerves. Crossing my arms, and lean against the doorframe and arch a brow at her.

  “Who wouldn’t want to engage in conversation with you and doing so is such an absolute pleasure?” I snark.

  She turns her nose up before focusing back in on lacing up her boots.

  While I stand there and watch her, and take a moment to assess the bond. I definitely feel it tugging at me, drawing me to her, but it’s not as strong as yesterday. Very likely, it’s weaker because we’re not touching, just as I suspected it would be. I stay in the doorway to keep out of reach of her, knowing a repeat of what happened last night would be disastrous.

  “I’m going to go observe the Antarctic hoatzin,” she tells me.

  I frown, not a real fan of that idea. “Alone?”

  She shoots me an exasperated look before rolling her eyes. “Yes, alone. There’s a nesting grounds near here with a large number of the birds that I can study.”

  That’s all fine and dandy, but the idea of her going out there alone still doesn’t sit well with me.

  “You shouldn’t be out there without a partner,” I tell her. “It’s dangerous.”