by S. A. Ichigo
Then suddenly he lets go of me.
“I will ask again,” he says, his voice firm. “Where is the tape?”
“I don’t know which tape are you talking about! I don’t have it!” I shout crying.
“Eden,” he says my name and puts his hand to my throat. “Do you know how long does it take to strangle someone?” he asks harshly. “Four minutes,” he explains. “Very painful, four minutes fighting for breath. After this time your brain will be permanently damaged, that is, if you will survive,” he touches my cheek. “I don’t want to do this to you, so be a good girl and tell me where did you hide this tape?”
Tears roll down my face like a waterfall.
“So, how it’s going to be?” he asks.
I let out a loud sob.
It’s all I can do. I have no one to protect me anymore. I have nothing to go back to. No home. No family. Maybe this is for the best. Maybe I should’ve died alongside my parents. If there's nothing to save, there's nothing to lose. And I have nothing to salvage anymore. They’re all gone. It’s only a matter of time before Matt will give up on me as well. He can’t stay locked in my bubble of sorrow forever, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to escape it.
“I don’t know!” I scream. “I don’t know,” I whisper and burst into tears.
I hear a loud bang on the door. Echo bounces on the empty walls of the warehouse. Then another bang, and another.
I scream.
Then everything happens like in those slow-motion movies. I hear gunfire. Someone screams and I feel the most horrible pain I’ve ever experienced.
“L.A.P.D.! On the ground!” an officer screams. “Drop your weapons!”
Few more gunshots cut the air.
Then it’s quiet.
Someone unties my hands and takes off a blindfold from my eyes. Everything is so blurred. My head is spinning and I feel a blood gathering in my mouth.
“Help! She’s been shot.” I remember this voice. It’s officer Brooks. “Hold on. It’s going to be okay,” he shakes my head.
I want to say something, but words won’t leave my mouth. He slaps my face delicately.
“Stay with me, Eden.” He breathes. “You hear me? You will be okay!”
But I can’t.
Suddenly I feel so light like I’ve never been before.
There is a light.
I don’t feel pain anymore.
I don’t want to suffer a minute longer.
I have nothing to lose.
So I close my eyes.
I let go.
It’s sad how a forever can change within the blink of an eye. How life can be tossed into the trash like it means nothing. It breaks a heart to see people you love letting you go. It wrecks you completely seeing them moving on.
But it was the only way.
It is the only way.
“Are you ready, Miss Wood?” Agent Miller asks, squeezing my arm gently.
Am I?
“As ready as one can be, attending their own funeral.” I whisper, shutting my eyes.
I swallow hard and put on dark sunglasses on my face.
It’s done.
There’s no turning back.
Everything’s changed. Forever.
I’m no longer Eden Wood. She’s dead. I’m dead. As far as I can tell, it hurts like hell. It wrecked me more than dying ever would. They say I will heal, but it’s bullshit. I’m empty. Hollow. All I want to do is turn back time. Just this once. To save them and save me.
Dressed all in a black, raven wig on my head, sunglasses fixed firmly on my nose, I step out of the van following agent Miller’s footsteps. I sway on my feet like a ghost.
I never believed in God. Neither did my parents. Matt knew that. But for some reason, he’d given me a proper funeral. On the cemetery. With a priest. Instead of burning my body, he’d buried me in the ground. But I know, funerals aren’t for the dead – they are for the living. So they can have a place to come back to. So they can cherish the memory. So they don’t forget.
Agent Miller puts a hand on the small of my back and leads me towards the crowd gathered around my coffin. So many people came. Even the ones I never got to know in person. Even the ones that have hated me most of my life. But they’re all blurred when I see his face.
Matt.
His eyes are swollen, he’s not even trying to hold back the tears. His parents stay by his side, supporting him as much as they can. But they don’t understand the pain he feels. They never will. I do. I never got the chance to say goodbye as well. Not to my parents. Not to him.
Giving up on him was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. It wrecked my heart the way I didn’t think was possible. Until this moment, I never thought my heart could break more than it already was – but it did. And it hurts so damn much.
“I can’t do this.” I whisper trying to run away.
Agent Miller’s firm hand lands on my wrist, stopping me from taking another step. I let out a sob and try to free myself, but he holds me tight.
My heart breaks.
I want to scream.
I want to tell him, I’m here. I’m not gone. It’s going to be okay. Funny how these words don’t do the magic. It’s never okay. It never gets better. If you truly loved someone, you’ll carry the pain of their loss until you die. You may move on. You may live - but deep down you’ll miss them.
It’s the most beautiful funeral I’ve ever seen. Despite my lack of belief in God, I attended many burials. Yet I’ve seen nothing like this. I never thought I could be missed by so many. The amount of people giving a speech about me is overwhelming.
I am holding on, trying not to burst in tears. I’m doing good until Matt takes over the platform.
“You were my rock.” Matt says when his turn comes. “You were my sun on a cloudy day. You were everything I’ve ever loved. I wish you could hear me now. I wish I could tell you ‘take me with you’, cause I don’t want to live another day without you.” Tears roll down his face and I cover my mouth not to scream. His voice is shaking so are his hands, but he continues. “We were supposed to get our happily ever after, but this cruel fate tore you away from me.” He wipes tears from his eyes.
I feel a waterfall flowing down my cheeks.
“I wanted to tell you this on our wedding day. I had it all planned in my head. It was so perfect, you know? You were so perfect,” his voice breaks. “You. In a white dress. Flowers in your beautiful hair. I will never get to see it.” I stifle a moan. “My love. I vow to you today as my heart breaks into a million pieces. I will love and cherish you always and forever. You are my home. You are everything I’ve ever wanted in this life. You made me the man I am today. And for that I will be forever grateful to you.” He takes a deep breath. “I promise you, you will always be in my heart. I love you, Eden. I always will.” He puts his hand on the coffin. “Sleep well, my little angel.”
I should be grateful for the chance they have given me, but I didn’t realize it will hurt so much. That the pain of letting him go will be so intense it will wreck my heart into million pieces. I know there’s nothing left. I know I lost everything. I know there’s no turning back. There’s only an emptiness that anchored deep down my broken heart – hollowness that grows with every breath I take.
But I need to let it go.
So that’s what I do.
Chapter Eight
Kai
Present
“Have you lost your mind?!” I snap at my baby brother.
Well, he’s not so little anymore – but still, I am the big brother. Five years older. Five years wiser. Five years more experienced. Caleb is only thirty-three, and God forbid me for saying this – he’s an idiot. In every possible way. Starting from his free spirit, carefree lifestyle – ending on being a heartbreaker and a playboy this world has never seen before. Not even our local casanova Mason Allen can compete with him.
Apparently, Caleb has just expired or completely lost his mind.
“Calm d
own, Kai,” he says. “She’s the one.”
“She’s the one?! Are you even hearing yourself? Letty was the one no more than two months ago and that stripper girl before her was also the one!”
“She wasn’t a stripper,” he groans.
I stifle a moan.
“Whatever.” I sigh.
“You are not being supportive, big bro.” He complains.
“The hell, I’m not!” I frown. “I’m not helping you fuck up your life because your dick decided to stay in one nest longer than one week!”
“You could use a nest as well, maybe you wouldn’t be such a prick.”
“I’m not having this conversation with you!” I growl.
“You know I’m right,” he continues. “You are no fun, big brother.”
Hold me or I will kill him.
“Come, visit me. Meet her,” he’s trying to convince me. “And if you don’t like her I’ll look for another best man.” I laugh harshly.
He’s making fun of me. He’s seriously into this crazy idea.
“Is she pregnant?” I ask firmly.
“What? No!” he shouts so loud I need to move a phone away from my ear.
Dead silence falls for a moment. Not for long though, because Caleb continues his bubbling seconds after.
“Come on, Kai!” he begs. “I need you here.”
“You will regret your decision sooner than you know. We both know you can’t stay with one girl longer than a couple of nights!”
“Well, she’s different,” he sighs.
“Yeah. They all are.”
Don’t get me wrong. I love my little brother. I know he deserves to be happy, but I also know he is a dick, a player and a liar. Been there, seen this before. His ex-wife left him after she found him in a bed with his secretary. That was no longer than three years ago. He’d been through a horrible divorce that almost left him penniless. Yet he did not learn his lesson, I guess.
“Remember what happened with you and Maddie.” I warn him.
“She was a manipulative, self-centered, materialistic bitch.”
“Then why marry her in the first place?” I ask.
“She wasn’t like this until we got married.”
“There you have your answer, little bro.” I explain.
“She’s nothing like Maddison!”
Here we go again. Same old story. She’s different. She’s an angel. Given some time and a few fights turn into: she’s a bitch or she’s like them all. Caleb never learns his lesson. He is way too naïve for a player his format.
“Give her a chance, Kai,” he insists.
“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I sight. “I will not babysit you when she leaves.”
“She won’t.”
To my surprise, I’m sitting on the train the next morning, sipping coffee I purchased in Starbucks a few minutes earlier. Caleb officially lost his mind. There’s no doubt about that. He’s marrying a girl he’d met on a holiday a month ago – yes, you heard me right. A month. Not a few months, not a year or a few years. A month. You never know when you’ll meet your true love, big bro. His words echo in my head. If anyone would have said my brother will use the word starting with an ‘l’ and finishing with an ‘e’ to describe his feelings to a woman, I’d kill him with laughter. I check out my calendar to make sure it’s not an April fool today.
Three hours and a few coffees later I walk into the restaurant Caleb told me to come over. I search for him for a few minutes only to find him sitting with a very sexy brunette and I freeze. She’s sitting in front of my brother, laughing on something he’d said. Her smile fades the moment she sees me. Of all the girls in the universe he must have picked her?! My face goes red with fury.
“Finally!” Caleb shouts and stands up to shake my hand.
I look at him, eyeing her out of the corner of my eye. She looks just as surprised as I am.
“Kai, this is Mia Parker,” he introduces us. “My wedding planner.”
Wait, what? I look at him confused. Wedding planner? How come she’s in Saint Louis? She said to me she lives in Jackson. I can’t believe this is happening. I must have understood something wrong. But yet she’s sitting in front of me looking as gorgeous as I remembered her. She smiles briefly.
“Nice to see you again,” she holds out a hand. Caleb lifts his eyebrow. “Long time no see.”
Five days. Way too long. I frown but don’t say a damn word. I knew her surname sounded familiar the other day. Suddenly it all seems to fall in the right place. Mia Parker – as in Parker Planning. Event organizing company based in Jackson. How could I miss this? I’d heard that name trillions of times during the past four years. Lisa mentioned it to me as well when we were planning our wedding. Lisa.
I thought time will heal the hole she left in my heart – yet everything reminds me of her – everything reminds me of the pain I’d felt when she left so suddenly. Only one can understand how much it hurts – one that loved and lost the love.
I stare at Mia, my mouth open. I’m trying to compose myself, but nothing seems to work. I’m stuck in this mess again – mess I can’t find a way out off. So much time has passed – but she’s still there – in every moment of my life. Everything reminds me of Lisa.
“You have no manners, big brother!” Caleb snaps at me, pulling me out of my trance. “Normal people usually say ‘nice to see you too’.” He turns to Mia and grins. “Sorry about my brother, he’s not himself lately.” I frown. “How do you guys know each other?”
Her face goes pale. It doesn’t skip his attention. A wide grin prints on his face.
“Holy shit!” he shouts, throwing his hands in the air. “You did not bang my wedding planner, did you, Kai?!”
Suddenly all the people from the restaurant stop talking and stare at us. Mia looks like she’s going to pass out. Fuck you, Caleb. I curse him in my mind. I knew I shouldn’t have come here.
“Sorry.” he says, showing no guilt. “What are you staring at!?” he snaps at people looking our way. They all turn around in milliseconds pretending they didn’t hear or see anything.
Typical Caleb. Harsh, straightforward – speaking before his little brain gets to acknowledge what he’s about to say. The funny thing is, most women fall for this bad boy attitude faster than in light-speed. I never really understood his phenomenon. But then, Caleb is my opposite. We are both good-looking, blond-haired, tall guys – but this is where our similarity ends. He’s an incorporeal dreamer, always looking for a new adventure. Me other the other hand – I am embittered, socially clumsy and introverted type of man.
Mia sends me a questioning look, her mouth wide open. She probably thinks I told him about the night we met. Which I didn’t. We’re close, but not that close. Besides, nothing happened that night. Damn you, Caleb.
“Shall we sit?” he asks as nothing happened.
“I think I need a minute.” Mia says and storms towards the toilet.
Caleb looks at me furrowing his eyebrows.
“What?” I snort.
“Why didn’t you say you already found a nest?” he grins.
“Fuck you, Caleb.” I say harshly. “I’m not sleeping with her.”
“Then how do you know her?”
“I know your little brain does not get along with the fact that you can know a woman without getting between her legs in the first place, but please mind that not every man is a man-whore like you, baby brother.” I say trying to stay calm.
“Ouch.” He pretends that he’s hurt. “I get you are mad at me, but I’ve changed.”
“Doesn’t look like you did.”
“I’m getting married,” he grins.
“You were married before, that didn’t stop you from bedding half of the population of Saint Louis!”
“Ashley is different. She makes me a better man.”
“You know her barely a month.” I frown.
“Love does not choose.”
A couple of minutes later Mia comes out of the toilet
accompanied by a tall, slim brunette. Now I understand Caleb’s attraction towards her. She is beautiful – a model type of woman. Yet she’s just a shadow compared to Mia. I mean, yes, she’s gorgeous. Nice tits, slim waist, long legs – she has it all – pretty face, wavy shoulder-length hair, full lips. If I didn’t see the woman next to her I would be impressed, maybe even would consider getting her number if I were younger.
My eyes wander to Mia. Her cheeks returned to their natural rosy-pink color. She and Ashley seem oddly close. They’re talking, laughing and exchanging glances on their way back to the table. I must say – she has the warmest and the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.
“This Mia girl, she’s hot. I think you should ask her out,” Caleb whispers into my ear and his grin widens. Then he winks at me.
Dear Lord. I roll my eyes. He is unbelievable.
“Ashley, darling.” Caleb stands out to hold a chair for her.
My brother is a gentleman – well, that’s something new. Treating women like they matter wasn’t really his thing. Not before Maddison screwed him over and especially not after she used him and left him hanging. If you ask me, he deserved it a little for all the cheating during their marriage.
“Kai, this is Ashley Watson. My future wife and Mia’s co-worker.” He introduces her.
Girls take their seats across from us, eying us suspiciously. Mia is avoiding my gaze, but she’s peeking when she thinks I’m not looking. So this is how she ended up in here. Her employee asked her to organize her wedding.
How convenient.
Caleb seems to be super excited about taking part in preparations – I’ve never seen him this involved before – not when he married Maddison at least. He let her choose everything, even his suit, without even looking at the catalogs she used to bring on his desk almost every day for two weeks. He didn’t care. Looking at him now, I barely recognize my little brother. Maybe Ashley changed him a little more than I thought. I begin to see the fragile side of him I never thought he has. He seems truly happy – and that scares me.