by S. A. Ichigo
He loves her - in some fucked up way of his – but I believe he does. He’s different around her. Gentle, caring, a bit more composed. Maybe he was right; Maybe love from the first sight exists, you just need to let it in.
I look at Mia. She’s focused on making notes of all the ideas Caleb had mentioned. She looks adorable, frowning her eyebrows like this. From time to time she lifts her head, glancing at Ashley to confirm she agrees with all the crazy concepts my brother talks about. The way I see it, it’s going to be a wedding of the year – and it’s going to cost a small fortune.
I sneak glances at Mia from time to time, admiring her beauty. She looks so peaceful and sexy whilst working. Damn sexy professionalist. Seeing her from this side makes me even more attracted to her. The way she parts her lips whilst typing, the way she furrows her eyebrows, the way she laughs when Caleb mentions something ridiculous – it all makes me want her. Bad.
Mia is a mystery, a challenge I am tempted to take. For the past five days, I’ve been wondering if I ever get to see her again. I couldn’t shake her image out of my head. Eating breakfast with her the other morning felt just right – like she was a part of my daily routine for ages. It filled the empty space in my life after I’d lost Lisa.
She’s not Lisa.
She never will be.
I need to remind myself that every time I look at her, but damn me for wanting her. Damn me for wondering if I even have a chance. I curse myself. I curse myself from the moment we met. Because I want her – not only to possess – I want her to stay. To get to know her. I want to learn how to live again and I know she can teach me. She’s got that sparkle in her eyes, even though she’s hiding it beneath a wall of secrets.
As much as I hate saying it – Caleb is right. I sure as hell need to ask her out. I’ve missed my chance once. I can’t do it again. My brother – as fucked up as he is – is right saying it’s time to move on. I didn’t want to listen until the day I met her. Mia is intelligent, kind and passionate. She’s the kind of woman you need to love and cherish, admire and support – but on the other hand, she’s strong, stubborn and rough around the edges – a loner, if you ask me.
Just like me.
An hour later Caleb has finally managed to shut up. Even Ashley seems relieved he’s done talking. I couldn’t believe my own ears when I saw Caleb pointing on an orange color of the decorations, saying ‘We’ll take this beautiful rosy-peach pattern’. Rosy-peach? Is that even a color? I know my brother always had more sensitive taste for fashion and was the stylish, modern, trendy Russel – but for Christ’s sake, rosy-peach? Damn him.
Mia smiles briefly and takes a sip of water. She sends Ashley a questioning look and closes her laptop.
“Is there anything else I can help you with today?” she asks.
Caleb is about to bubble again when Ashley shuts him up.
“No, thank you, Mia,” she says. “I owe you one.”
“No problem. I’m happy for you two crazy souls.” She laughs.
“You sound like Kai.” Caleb mumbles. “Mark my words, Mia. Love does not choose.”
She only nods and smiles politely. Then she takes her bag and packs a laptop inside. Saying goodbye to us, she turns towards the exit. Caleb kicks my leg underneath the table and clears his throat insinuatingly. He then shifts his gaze from me to Mia, who is now walking away.
“Go. Now. Big brother,” he whispers. “Don’t fuck it up this time.”
If only looks could kill.
Only that, I know he’s right even though he’s got some stupid way of expressing his mind.
I stand up and storm towards the exit. She’s gone. I look around the parking lot in search of her face. Just when I almost lost all the hope, I find Mia fighting with the car’s door handle. I run towards her.
“Hey!” I wave at her. “Need a hand?”
She turns around surprised and smiles. I walk towards her and open the door from a passenger's side.
“Thank you,” she says. “What’s up? Did Ashley need something else?”
“No.” I respond and brush my hand through my hair.
I feel like a kid trying to ask out a girl from the upper class.
“Have dinner with me, Mia.” I say before I chicken out.
She looks at me shocked, but smiles. It’s like she couldn’t wait for me to ask that question the whole time. The look in her eyes tells me she is more than overjoyed, even though she’s trying to hide her excitement. Her beautiful eyes sparkle in the lazy afternoon sun, making her face look even more perfect than it already is.
I take her hand and the smile from her face drops. Her gaze fixed firmly on the ring I’m wearing. The ring I wasn’t wearing the other day. My wedding ring.
Shit.
I sigh.
She shakes her head and points at my hand.
“I don’t date married men.” She says with a cold voice.
Think, Kai. Just say something or this train will depart. I know I shouldn’t wear a wedding ring. It’s been over two years already – yet I never truly made peace with the fact Lisa is gone – so I kept wearing it, hoping it will ease the pain. But it didn’t.
I stare at Mia, not knowing what to say. Her expression is hard to read. She’s good at hiding her emotions, but I can tell she’s pissed. So I decide on the safest thing to reduce the tension in the air.
“Judging by the way, your body reacted to my touch the other night, I don’t think you date at all.” I joke.
Her gaze sharpens and she frowns.
“Don’t you dare play that card on me right now,” she hisses. “You are married, Kai. Why on Earth did you bring me to your apartment the other night? Have you lost your mind?!” she screams.
She grits her teeth.
“It’s complicated.”
“No, it’s not,” she gestures between us. “I don’t date married men.”
“I’m not married anymore.” I say. “I will explain everything, just let me take you out for dinner.”
“No.”
She folds her arms and sends me a judgmental look.
“One date, Mia. If after that you will not want to see me anymore, I won’t bother you ever again, I promise.” I assure her. “Come on, Mia. You owe me one.”
Her face turns red with fury.
“Just because you saved me from being some asshole’s toy the other night, doesn’t mean I will jump into bed with you,” she hisses through gritted teeth.
I open my mouth surprised and start to laugh.
“I’m not asking you to fuck me, for Christ’s sake!” I groan. “Do you really think I would expect you to sleep with me in return for saving you from another man?” I lift an eyebrow at her.
“I’m sorry. I thought...” she apologizes.
“If you ever decide to take that step with me, it will be because you want it.” I say firmly. I look her in the eyes. “I would never force you or expect something like this from you. If I wanted to have I could do it the other night and you know it. Have some trust in me.”
Her mouth drops open.
“One date, Mia.” I say. “Don’t make me beg.” I smile.
“Would you?” she jokes and laughs.
The tension in the air drops with every loud laugh escaping her mouth. A few moments later she smiles again and I take a breath of relief. She is undeniably the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.
“No.” I respond. “I would stalk you until you’ve said yes.”
Chapter Nine
Mia
Present
Red or a black dress? Heels or flat shoes? Hair up or down? Natural or sexier makeup? I feel like a teenage girl going on her first date. I haven’t felt so stressed in years, but on the other hand, I haven’t been as excited in a really long time as well. I want to look breathtaking. I want to sweep him off his feet. I want to see his jaw dropping to the floor.
I know I should have said ‘no’, that would be a wise choice. For him. For me. Yet I’m standing in front of a
big mall mirror, trying to decide whether I should buy a red, ankle-length, bodycon or a black, off-shoulder, mid-thigh dress. Both of them expose my greatest features. I want to look attractive. I want to see the desire burning in his eyes once his gaze lands on me.
I want to make a good first impression. Then I remind myself – we’ve met already, and I wasn’t in my best shape. Well said. I puked all over his bathroom and I have a feeling he won’t let me forget about it any time soon. I must admit, as ashamed as it makes me feel, the more I think about it the less I get stressed about our date. He’s seen me at my worst already and he still asked me out.
I am curious about his secret. I want to know why he’s wearing a wedding ring if he’s divorced. This makes no sense. Unless she was someone special, and he still loves her or can’t let her go. But that doesn’t explain it either. She must have broken his heart. I can tell by the way his expression has changed when he said he’s not married anymore. The hurt in his eyes was undeniable.
I walk out of the shop with a red dress in my bag and a pair of matching glossy high heels. It’s nearly noon, so I go back home to get a quick shower and put the makeup on. I decided on a gentle smokey-eye to emphasize the color of my eyes. I glance at myself in the mirror and put a few final touches to my look. The red dress looks breathtaking even with my hair falling down the shoulders. It’s classy, sexy and elegant. He’s already seen me at my worst, also in my natural environment, so now’s the time for him to see a feminine version of me.
I wish I could be as confident as when I was younger. I haven’t been on a date in ages, not talking about going out. My stomach is tied in a knot, my hands are sweating and I’m counting the minutes to his arrival. It’s like I can’t wait a minute longer.
Five minutes before seven o’clock a doorbell rings. I take one last glance at myself in the mirror and open the door. I freeze in the spot. Kai is standing in front of me, dressed in a black suit and tie, holding the most beautiful bouquet of red roses I’ve ever seen. He smiles at me and hands me flowers.
“Thank you,” I say my voice shaky. “Come in.”
He steps inside the house and follows me to the kitchen. I feel his gaze all over my body even though I’m not looking at him. I place flowers in the vase and set them on the kitchen counter. Calm down, Mia. Just act normal, be your usual. I turn around and smile. His eyes don’t leave my body for a second.
“You look wonderful,” he says. “Like, wow,” he grins at me.
“Thank you.” My cheeks turn red. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, we better get going,” he sighs. “I would love to stay here a little longer, but I made a reservation for us.”
“You weren’t joking with this formal date idea,” I laugh. “I’m impressed.”
I take my purse and head outside. His hand lands gently on the small of my back as I walk towards his car. He’s driving a pickup truck, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Most small-town men pick this car. It’s comfy, roomy and can fit almost anything. Given Kai’s occupation, it totally makes sense. He’s a bar owner and the fact that he’s handling a lot of deliveries makes his car choice understandable.
He opens the door for me and I sit on the passenger’s side. With a few fast steps, he jumps onto the driver’s seat and starts the engine. I glance at him, watching his hands firmly tighten on the steering wheel.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask.
He looks at me for a moment and smiles.
“Always curious, aren’t you?” he smirks.
“A little,” I admit.
He laughs and pulls a car on the road.
“You’ll see in a few minutes,” he says.
Just as promised we park in front of the restaurant around ten minutes later. Not just some kind of restaurant though. Best location in town. Fancy, tasty and expensive Chinese restaurant. Kai leads me towards the table on the terrace and I notice it is the only seat outside. We’re alone.
“I figured we could use some privacy on our first date,” he says, looking me deep in the eyes.
“So you’ve booked not a table but a terrace?” my jaw drops.
“What can I say. I want your eyes locked just on me this evening,” he grins.
He holds a chair for me and waits until I sit down. Then he takes his own seat across from me. The waiter comes shortly after with the menus and takes our drink orders. I go for a glass of white wine, Kai picks an apple juice. Once the waiter is gone, we start to go through the menu.
I lift my head from time to time to inspect Kai. He’s surely in his thirties but still looks hot as hell. His long blonde hair is now tied behind, his beard is trimmed so I can see the curve of his mouth. They’re perfect. He frowns a little and I laugh. He looks cute when he’s focused.
“Can’t take your eyes off of me, Miss Parker, can you?” he jokes, lifting his eyes from the menu.
I laugh and point at his suit.
“Well, I don’t get to see a wild man in a suit every day.”
“A wild man?” he lifts an eyebrow.
“Yes, a wild man,” I laugh.
“Why is that so?” he asks.
I point at his hair.
“Really? My hair?” he laughs and puts down his menu.
“Well, you look kind of sexy in this edition,” I admit.
“Did you just pay me a compliment?” he lifts his eyebrow and smirks at me.
I nod and smile softly.
“Are you hitting on me, Miss Parker?” he laughs.
Just when I’m about to say ‘no’, a waiter approaches us with our drink orders and sets them on the table. We thank him at the same time and proceed with our main course demands. I can tell that we have a similar taste. First, Kai took me to a Chinese restaurant, not knowing it’s my favorite type of food. Second, he ordered the same dish as I did. Duck in a plum sauce.
The food is delicious, so we eat in silence. I feel the electricity in the air, even though none of us wants to admit it. I want to get to know him; I know he’s got some secrets of his own and it scares me a little, but I don’t push the topic.
The desert follows shortly after and I’m already full. This whole situation feels so natural. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. We share a connection I never thought I would feel with anyone. Matt was the only man in my life. He was all I knew and all I wanted. I’ve spent five long years missing him. And yet here I am, sitting with another man who makes me feel like nobody ever did. Not even Matt. His priority was always studying and working. Kai is different. He’s curious about me – mainly because he doesn’t know me – but on the other hand, I know it’s more than that.
We talk and the time standstill. I have so many questions, but I’m afraid to ask them. I’m afraid it will burst the bubble we’re in. He’s not wearing his wedding ring and though he’d noticed my curiosity, he doesn’t touch the topic. So I don’t push him. We talk about our daily lives, our jobs, and plans for the future. I tell him about my plans for developing Parker Planning and our upcoming Christmas party. I can’t hide my excitement and the first time in five years I’m truly happy. Happy to be alive.
After dinner, Kai drives me home, but I know I don’t want this evening to end. Not yet. I want more. He was right the other day. I want to get to know him. Despite we met in bad circumstances, there’s something about him that makes me want to stay a little longer. It’s like I can’t stop talking. I know one way or another he will be my downfall. My happiness never lasts long. Yet the first time in five years I want at least to taste how it feels. I want to forget about the entire world and let things go on their own.
When he turns to leave, I grab his hand.
“Come inside,” I say, my voice is shaky.
I feel like a teenage girl that’s trying to sneak her boyfriend inside the house when her parents are asleep. Kai lifts an eyebrow at me.
“I wasn’t expecting you to...” he starts.
“Shut up for a moment, will ya?” I laugh. “An
d no more sexual jokes about me from now on.”
He laughs and follows me inside the house. I lead him towards the living room.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask.
“Water, please.”
After a few minutes, I settle down on a sofa next to him and hand him a drink. We stay quiet for a moment, but then he speaks.
“Can I ask you a personal question, Mia?” he eyes me with concern.
“You can try,” I respond suddenly getting nervous.
“Who is Matt?” he says firmly. “And don’t tell me he’s a friend.”
My face goes pale. How can he know about Matt? I never talked about him with anyone. My pulse rises and my hands shake. What if he knows who I am?
“Where did you hear this name?” I whisper.
Suddenly all the blood from my veins drain.
“The other night,” he says. “You’ve been saying his name when you were asleep.”
“Did I say anything more?” I ask terrified.
“Just his name,” he admits and takes my hand. “Hey, Mia, look at me.”
My hands are shaking and all I want to do is run away. I want to disappear, but he doesn’t let me. He brushes my hand softly with his fingertips. I slowly lift my gaze to meet his.
“I figured on my own that he is important to you,” he says. “If you don’t want to, you don’t need to tell me. Just...”
I shake my head.
“No,” I say. “He’s just someone from my past.”
Past. A simple word that means so much. A word that holds so many memories. A word that hurts so much. Kai seems to know the meaning of it. He’s got his own story behind those beautiful brown eyes. He doesn’t dig for the details of my relationship with Matt. He knows it hurts to bring back those memories.
I squeeze his hand gently. His warm touch on my hands feels so good, so natural. Like we’ve been holding hands for years. I lift my eyes and he grins at me.
“I understand,” he says.
I let out a breath of relief and a single tear escapes my eyes.
“Mia, it’s okay.” He stands from his seat and crouches by my side.