by S. A. Ichigo
“The man who killed them didn’t know I was at home that night. It probably saved my life.” She takes a deep breath. “I will remember his face until the day I die,” she sighs. “He took my life away from me. I lost everything.” She cries out.
“You are alive, that’s what matters.”
“I am dead for over five years now,” she whispers.
“I don’t understand,” I say confused.
She holds my gaze. I can see the struggle inside her. She opens then closes her mouth again a few times. Her heart is beating so loudly I can hear it even though I’m sitting next to her.
“Can I trust you?” she asks, her voice shaky.
She looks deep inside my eyes, waiting for an answer. I nod.
“My real name isn’t Mia Parker. I’m not from Nashville as well. After they murdered my parents, feds took the case. My folks were well-known divorce attorneys in California, flawless at first sight. A member of a drug cartel killed them. He was captured and sentenced to death shortly after. I was a crown witness.” She takes a deep breath. “My hell started shortly after. They have abducted me, I nearly lost my life. Police found me just at the right time. If it wasn’t for that, I would not be alive.”
She looks at me. I see the fear in her eyes, but she goes on.
“Feds offered me a deal, witness protection program. They gave me a new identity, so I could start over.” She catches her breath. “But I had to leave everything and everyone behind. No one could know I am alive. So they faked my death, buried me and shortly after I ended up in here.” Tears fall down her cheeks. “I lost the love of my life. Seeing him so broken nearly killed me,” she whispers. “But little did I know, my whole life was a lie. Starting with my parents, ending on him.”
It’s a lot to process and with every word she says, everything falls in place. Her strange accent, the way she looks way different from any woman I’ve met. I start to understand why she’s been so withdrawn since the very first moment. I finally realize why she was so scared to let me in and I know one more thing. Something I knew from the moment I met her.
“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper. “Any of it.” I kiss her softly. “All that matters is that you are here, with me. And I love you.” I look into her eyes. “You are my everything. No matter who you are or where you come from. You are my home, Mia.” I say. “I don’t care who your parents were or how fucked up your past is. I’ve got my own dirt under my nails.”
“You’re not mad I’ve been lying to you about myself?” she asks surprised.
“You were protecting yourself and I understand you had doubts. Trust is one of those things that once shattered can never be rebuilt. And it doesn’t matter that someone else made you lose it, the fear of getting hurt again will always be there. I’m happy you told me the truth and I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.” I say. “But it doesn’t change a damn thing about how I feel about you.” I lift her chin to meet my eyes. “None of this matters, you hear me?” I hold her gaze. “I will repeat it as many times as you need to believe I’m telling the truth. You. Are. My. Everything.”
She pulls me closer and buries her head in then she continues. She tells me everything that happened in the past week. She talks about how she felt finding out he’d betrayed her. How many secrets both her parents and he kept from her. And I can’t believe he loved her, all I want to do is to kill him. For lying to her. For giving up on her. For not having guts to fight for her. For making her doubt herself. I curse him. He is the reason she had to give up on her life. He is responsible for all the things that happened to her. He’s the one to blame for not taking care of her. Not her parents. He is.
I hate him but at the same time, I am grateful to him. Because if it wasn’t for his lies, I would never get the chance to meet her. And as fucked up as it sounds, I’m glad he did it. I’m glad he broke her heart. He gave me the best gift of all by keeping those secrets from her. He gave me my reason to live.
I search for her gaze and stroke her cheek. She slowly stops sobbing and reaches out to touch my hand. Her beautiful eyes sparkle in the light.
“Agent Miller said they will take care of everything,” she says. “Matt will go to prison, probably.”
“Did he tell you why he did it?” I ask.
“He said he had nothing left to lose. I didn’t understand it back then, but I do now. I guess he couldn’t let his father go to prison. After all, he was his family. No matter if he was corrupted or not,” she exclaims. “Later on, I found out his dad passed away a few months ago and his wife left him shortly after. Agent Miller said she filled the divorce papers month after and that Matt probably collapsed after that completely.” She takes a breath. “You know. As much as I try to hate him for everything he’s done, I can’t,” she whispers. “I lied to him as well, even though I had no idea he knew about it all this time. I gave up on him. And he was right. I ran away without him, not giving him a word of explanation. I was just as selfish as he was.”
I pull her closer.
“I forgive him and I hope he will forgive me one day as well,” she says.
A week later, we’re on our way to the log cabin by the lake. We’re both excited as little kids going on a school trip, but I guess we are kids again. Mia’s changed a lot since she came back. It’s like she’s not holding back to her past anymore like she finally made peace with what happened. Like the weight, she’s been carrying in her shoulders disappeared. She’s happy, relaxed, and adventurous like never. I guess she really meant it’s time to let go of her past. I can see the change in her. I can feel it too. She’s no longer pushing me away. She’s no longer holding back. She’s with me and for the first time I feel, it’s only me. She’s finally mine.
The time she’s been away made me realize two things. First – I can’t spend one more day of my life without her. Second – she is the love of my life. The kind of love that changes you. The kind of love that lifts you ten feet off the ground. The kind of love that gives you hope. And as much as I loved Lisa, my feelings for Mia are ten times stronger. It took me a while to realize that she’s the one, though deep down I knew she’s special. I’ve been holding back as well. I couldn’t let myself love her this much. But love is tricky and as much as I’ve been trying to fight those feelings – they grew stronger day by day.
I thought I would never love again. I thought I would drown in my sorrow until the day I die. I was wrong. There were better days to come. There was still hope. I just wasn’t looking close enough to see it. But now I do. When I see her smile, when I hear her laugh, when I touch her. It’s real.
We arrive at the cabin late evening. Mia orders pizza while I unpack our stuff. It’s nearly May and the temperature isn’t this low anymore, but still, I decide to light a fire. I know she loves the cracking sound of a fireplace.
Once it’s done I go upstairs to take a quick shower. After a few hours of a drive, I’m exhausted and I need to freshen up. Warm water feels like salvation to my body. A few minutes later, I step into the bedroom and put on a black shirt Mia bought for me and khaki trousers. Not too formal, but not too casual either.
“Pizza is here!” Mia shouts with excitement.
I don't understand how she’s able to stay so slim when she’s able to eat whole 10-inch pizza on her own, but I love her appetite. She looks ridiculous with ketchup spread all over her lips and around, and cheese sticking to her cheeks. Never in my life, I’ve seen a person who can get this dirty whilst eating pizza. But it’s cute. Everything about her is.
The moon is high in the sky when we head outside for a walk. It’s so peaceful and quiet I can hear my own thoughts. We walk holding hands until we reach the quay. The warm water of a lake brushes our bare feet. The stars light up the sky and the round moon brightly shines.
“Can you swim?” Mia asks playfully.
She bites her lower lip and drags me into the water. Then she takes off her dress and tosses it into the sand. Her lingerie follows shortly
after and she winks at me.
“So, Kai, how is it?” she chuckles. “Can you swim or not?” she twirls around.
I was gone way before she undressed, but now nothing’s holding me back. I take off my clothes and throw them on the pile she made and then lift her off the ground. Moments later, we are kissing as our naked bodies dance under the water. She’s the most spontaneous person I’ve ever met. The most beautiful and tempting woman I’ve ever touched. And she’s all mine. So as we kiss and make love in the moonlight, I know I have everything I could ask for. Her body entangled with mine. Her quick breath on my lips. Her moans as we both collapse. I need nothing more.
Or maybe I do?
I kiss her one more time and grab her face with my palms. I look her deep in the eyes and I see the sparkle I saw that very first day when I met her. She smiles and jokes.
“Just don’t fall too hard, Russel,” she laughs.
“Too late for that, babe,” I whisper.
She plants a soft kiss on my lips.
“Don’t you ever leave me alone, promise?” I say.
“Never,” she says.
I drag her out of the water. She’s cold and so am I. Water is still not as warm as during Summer, though for the moment it seemed hot as hell. We get dressed quickly and I grab Mia’s hand and pull her close.
“What is it?” she asks concerned.
“Promise me you won’t freak out?” I ask.
She smiles.
“Promise.”
“Close your eyes,” I command.
She closes her eyes and I reach for the pocket of my trousers.
“Now open.”
Her mouth drops the moment she sees me kneeling in front of her.
“Marry me,” I say and open the box I’ve been keeping in my pocket for the past month.
There was never a perfect moment. Then she disappeared so suddenly and I realized there is never a perfect moment. There’s only here and now. And forever. And I want her forever. Starting from now on.
“Just say, ‘I do’,” I whisper.
She kneels and throws herself on me. She cries and laughs at the same time as she kisses my lips.
“I assume that means, yes?” I chuckle.
“Yes, you dork. Hundred percent yes!”
Chapter Sixteen
Mia
Present
I’ve organized dozens of weddings, parties, and other events over the past five years – in a short notice, a long notice and even planned a year or two in advance. But this is different – I feel like Neil Armstrong taking his first steps on the moon. One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Though I’m not walking on the moon, I’m strolling head over the clouds. Literally. I feel like I’m getting in control of my life again – like I’m finally heading in the right direction. Every morning I wake up I still pinch myself to make sure it’s all for real.
Kai is the sweetest, funniest, and the most selfless man I’ve ever met and I couldn’t be more grateful to have him by my side. He’s taking active participation in planning our big day and I must admit – he’s way worse than Caleb. More demanding, pickier and way too much stressed.
“It must be perfect,” he says every time I moan about his attitude. “You deserve a flawless wedding, and I intend to make it the best day of your life. So please, would you stop complaining and follow your heart?” he smiles at me.
We laugh.
Most of the formalities have been taken care of already. We’ve set up a date for the second week of August, booked a small restaurant and a band. We both agreed we don’t want a big wedding, so it’s going to be just us, Caleb with his wife and Kai’s parents. There is a case of a maid of honor that has not been solved yet. Caleb’s going to be Kai’s best man, but I’m left with no relatives or close friends I could count on. Luckily, I still have two months to find her.
We’re heading over to Caleb’s place for dinner. Over the past few months, Kai and his brother rebounded and now we’re seeing each other more often. I’m happy to see their relations gotten better. Having them around makes me feel like I have a family again.
Traffic to Saint Louis is horrible despite we’ve departed an hour earlier than planned. I’m not complaining though. I love spending time with him alone. Though we practically live together, I still can’t get enough of him.
Kai’s hand rests on my lap, although his eyes are fixed on the road the whole time. He drives slower than a speed limit, but I totally understand why. Deep down he’s still crushed by what happened to his wife. And I know he’s still blaming himself for it. He can’t cope with the fact that it wasn’t his fault. He doesn’t talk about it, but it’s those little things that betray him. He’s overprotective, focused and always puts my safety first.
“How did you end up in Jackson, anyway?” I ask.
For a long time, we had a silent agreement not to talk about the past, but I’m curious about his story. I know this may trigger some sad memories, but I’ve shared mine with him already.
He smiles.
“I left my hometown at the age of twenty,” he says. “Been here and there around the States. I was looking for my place, but couldn’t find any,” he exhales. “Until the day I ended up in Jackson for some renovation job, my dad asked me to oversee.” He laughs. “I always used to say no whenever my parents asked me to help them run their company. I never wanted to work for them and even if I struggled sometimes, I wouldn’t let them help me out. But at that time, I was really running short with money, so I agreed.”
He frowns a little.
“The first month was torture. I hated this place, hated those sniffy people peeking through my windows,” he explains. “Then I met Lisa and everything has changed.”
He swallows not looking at me.
“She would be happy I found you, you know?” he says. “She would love you just as much as I do.” I grab his hand resting on my lap and squeeze it tightly. “I know she would.”
When we reach Caleb’s house it’s nearly noon and I’m so worn out I barely keep my eyes open. I must admit, even though I spent countless days behind the wheel traveling for meetings, I’ve never been so tired in my life. But it’s not just this. For the past three weeks, I feel like I’m sleepwalking. I try to get as much rest as I can to function properly, yet I’m still sucked out of energy.
Caleb opens the door for us and invites us inside. I can’t stop admiring how spacious and beautiful their house is. What’s most surprising is that Caleb furnished it all by himself with no interior designer’s help. I must say, he’s got an eye. Their house is a mixture of classic and modern designs, with lots of art on the walls.
Today is a big family dinner, which means I will meet Kai’s parents. I’m stressed, cause I have no idea whether they will like me. I’m scared of being compared to Lisa, though Kai says my fear is groundless. I don’t think he understands. I’m afraid of being compared to his dead wife, I know how much his parents loved her and it’s hard to walk past the fact that I’m scared they will see me as her replacement. I know Kai loves me, but it doesn’t mean his parents will accept his choice. Kai squeezes my hand and we walk towards the dining room.
“Relax,” he whispers to my ear.
I take a deep breath and we step inside the room. Ashley greets me with a hug, but I’m too nervous to look at her. All I can see is Kai's mother's eyes fixed firmly on me. I swallow hard and walk towards her. I can hear my heart beating so loud I think my head will explode.
“I’m Mia Parker, nice to meet you, Mrs. Russel, Mr. Russel,” I say as calmly as I can.
They both give me a hard stare, eying me from head to toes.
“Nice to meet you too,” they say at the same time.
I feel the weight dropping from my shoulders.
“Breathe.” Kai’s mom smiles and pulls me into a hug. “I won’t bite,” she laughs. “And please, call me Miranda.”
Kai stands behind me and greets his father.
“You have a good
taste son,” his dad says. “She’s beautiful.”
My cheeks flush red and the embarrassment hits the highest level.
“For God’s sake, James!” Miranda snaps at him. “Behave!”
Caleb laughs and the rest of us follow. I have the feeling this dinner won’t be as bad as I expected. Kai was right. His parents will support him and if marrying me is what he wants, they will stand by his side. I start to believe they may even like me.
I inspect Kai’s parents as we seat by the table. He’s got his mother’s eyes and nose, but he looks more like his father, so does Caleb. They both have some features of their mother but given a closer look they’re like Mr. Russell’s twins – just over thirty years younger. Miranda is the sweetest and kindest person I’ve ever met. She’s happy for Kai and roots for us more than I’ve expected she would. Her deep brown eyes don’t leave me and Kai for a second, but there’s kindness in her gaze. She doesn’t talk much, I’m guessing she’s not a very talkative person. James, their father, is a copy of Caleb. He’s funny, straight-forward and free spirit just like his younger son. At least now I know who did Caleb get his attitude of.
The dinner is delicious and by the time the dessert arrives, we’re all relaxed and laughing as James shares some stories of Kai’s and Caleb’s childhood. Who would have thought Kai was such a Casanova at the age of four?
Caleb and James are like two drops of water and I can’t help but wonder how funny Miranda’s life must have been with having them both around. They are the most funny and sarcastic men I’ve ever met. They love to tease each other and throw hilarious comments at one another.
“You’re giving me a headache, I swear,” she laughs and grabs Caleb’s ear. “I hope one day your own children will be as frustrating as you, so you can get a taste of your own poison.” She pulls his ear.