An Amish Singing

by Amy Clipston

  A hand on her shoulder startled Darlene. She looked up to see Dat. “You need to go.”

  “But Mamm—” Darlene’s voice broke.

  “We’ll take gut care of her.” Dat nodded toward the hallway. “Go.”

  Darlene divided a look between her parents and then turned to her sister. Confusion squeezed her chest, stealing her words.

  “I promise we’ll make sure she’s okay,” Biena told her.

  Darlene felt as if her heart was being torn apart as she let go of Mamm’s hand. “I won’t be out late.”

  “Enjoy your evening, mei liewe,” Mamm whispered.

  Barely holding back tears, Darlene ran upstairs without glancing into the kitchen. She changed into a yellow dress and fresh black apron, then glanced at the red and puffy eyes reflected in her mirror. Andrew would definitely be able to tell she’d been upset.

  She took a deep breath and hurried to the upstairs bathroom, then washed her face with cold water. After she’d straightened her prayer covering, she sped down the stairs, then froze at the bottom and stared down the hall toward her parents’ bedroom.

  Oh, how she longed to stay home. But Mamm had told her to go, and deep down she knew he mother would be upset if she stayed.

  She closed her eyes and prayed for the first time in days.

  Lord, please guide my heart. I feel as if I need to be here for my family, but they insist I belong with mei freinden tonight. Where do I belong? Please lead me.

  “Darlene?”

  She pivoted toward Andrew as he stepped toward her.

  His brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”

  She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “Ya. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” She entered the kitchen and gathered the container of oatmeal raisin cookies and the pecan pie she’d made earlier. The Lamberts and Blanks never expected her to bring anything, but she wanted to. “We need to get going.”

  She glanced over her shoulder and found Andrew’s expression filled with concern. Maybe he could tell she was leaving her heart at home.

  Chapter Six

  Darlene’s hands trembled as she climbed into the buggy. She held the box of cookies and pie on her lap and stared straight ahead as Andrew settled in the driver’s seat, then guided the horse toward the road.

  Darlene’s thoughts spun. She couldn’t get the vision of her mother slumped against the bathroom sink out of her mind. Mamm seemed weaker and more despondent than she’d ever seen her. She gripped the box of cookies as grief threatened to pull her under.

  “Darlene, I apologize if this is out of turn, but you look like you’re having a really rough day.” Andrew’s voice was calm. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but a sob escaped her throat and tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. She covered her face with her hands as she tried to control her emotions, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. She’d reached the end of her strength.

  The horse and buggy jerked to the right and then came to an abrupt stop.

  “Hey, hey.” Andrew’s voice was close to her ear. She felt the seat shift, and then his leg brushed against hers. “It’s okay. Just let it all out.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered with her eyes closed. Tears dripped down her cheeks.

  “Don’t be sorry.”

  The seat shifted again.

  “Here. I found these,” he said before his warm hand touched hers. She took the wad of tissues.

  “Danki,” she whispered as she wiped her eyes and nose.

  “You know you can talk to me, right?”

  She glanced up at him, and the care and concern in his dark eyes warmed her from the inside out. “I just feel so alone.”

  “You’re not alone.” He touched her arm. “I’m right here. And I’m listening.”

  She nodded.

  Silence filled the buggy, and she looked out toward the passing traffic. Andrew had halted the horse at the side of the road.

  She turned toward him again, and the urge to share her burdens overwhelmed her. It was as if the compassion in his expression had crashed through the wall she’d kept around her heart. “Mei mamm has had such a horrible day.”

  He rested his arm on the back of the seat behind her and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

  She looked down and lifted a piece of lint from the skirt of her dress. “Sometimes it all just gets to me. Watching Mamm suffer is torture, and all I want is to take away her pain. But I can’t, so I just keep doing what I can to care for her and—”

  Darlene’s voice broke as a new rush of tears took her by surprise. She covered her face with the tissues and wept.

  “You’re going through something awful, Darlene.” Andrew’s soothing voice was beside her ear, sending a chill down her spine. “Just let it out. It’s just you and me here.” He handed her the box of tissues.

  She ripped a handful from the box. After wiping her eyes and nose again, she looked up at him, and she felt safe. It was as if she could tell him anything, and he would keep it a secret.

  After a deep breath, Darlene felt her heart open, and truth poured out. “The stress is overwhelming me. And mei dat keeps telling Biena and me to make time for our freinden. But how can I spend time with you all without feeling guilty?” She looked down at the box of cookies and fingered the plastic top.

  “Mei mamm’s hair is falling out in clumps, and she can barely walk. I was trying to get her back to bed when you arrived. My family insisted I come with you. So here I am, trying not to sob because I feel like I’m letting mei mamm down. I feel selfish and wretched for leaving her.”

  She looked out the window as a car sped past them.

  “Darlene, look at me.” Andrew touched her hand again, and a strange awakening stirred in her chest.

  She took in his serene expression, and for the first time she noticed just how handsome he really was. And how had she not noticed the kindness in his eyes before? She swallowed against her suddenly dry throat.

  “If you’d rather be home, I’ll take you back,” he continued, not seeming to sense her admiration. “I don’t want you to spend tonight feeling as if you shouldn’t be at the supper. Your mamm is more important than singing for Englishers, and I’ll tell Sharon it’s not a gut day. She’ll completely understand, and so will everyone else.”

  The urge to stay with Andrew shot through her. He made her feel protected as she shared her deepest emotions. She needed more time with him—more time to be herself.

  He set his elbow on the back of the seat, lifted his hand, and leaned his cheek against it. When he smiled, he looked adorable. “You look like you’re trying to figure out a complicated puzzle,” he said.

  She looked down, trying to ignore her sudden attraction to him. “I still feel torn.”

  “I understand. But this is your decision. What do you want to do, putting aside what anyone else says?”

  “I want to spend time with you.” She felt her cheeks flame at her admission. “I mean, I want to go to the supper. I think.”

  He looked at her for a moment, then said, “I think I can help you solve your dilemma.”

  “How?”

  “What if you go with me but then let me take you home early if you still feel like you shouldn’t be there? That way you’re spending time with your freinden to appease your family, but you’re giving the evening a chance.” He shrugged. “Does that work?”

  “It does.” And just like that, the tense muscles in her shoulders relaxed. How did Andrew know exactly what she needed to hear?

  “Gut.” He twisted back in the seat and faced front. Then he glanced at her. “Darlene, you can always talk to me. I promise I’ll listen to you—without judgment.”

  “Danki.” She smiled. “I appreciate that.”

  “Anytime.” He guided the horse back into the street. “And I do hope you save a piece of that pie for me,” he added with a wink. “It smells appeditlich.”

  “Of course I’ll save you some.” She c
huckled.

  “It’s gut to hear you laugh, Darlene. I hope to hear that more often.”

  Warmth surged through her veins as she settled back in the seat. Andrew’s friendship was a blessing. She just hoped her strange new feelings for him stayed in their place.

  And maybe, someday, she could be totally honest with him. He said he’d listen without judgment. But she wasn’t ready to tell anyone the current state of her faith as she watched her mother suffer.

  * * *

  Andrew tried to concentrate on setting up the tables and chairs in Sharon’s kitchen, but he couldn’t stop his gaze from moving to where Darlene prepared a salad for the meal.

  She looked so beautiful in the yellow dress and black apron she wore, and her brown eyes were dazzling as she said something to Alice and Sharon and then smiled. He kept recalling their intimate conversation in the buggy—how she’d cried and opened up to him, sharing what seemed like deeply personal emotions about her mother’s illness.

  His heart had nearly shattered when she sobbed, and he’d had to fight the overwhelming urge to pull her into his arms and console her. Although it was inappropriate for him to even think of touching her like that, he’d wanted to take away her pain and tell her she’d be okay.

  Instead, he’d handed her tissues and only touched her hand. When their skin brushed, the contact had sent shivers of awareness up his spine. His attraction for her was growing each time he saw her, and he could only pray she had feelings for him too.

  “Hey, Detweiler,” Cal quipped. “Are you going to take these chairs from me or just stare off into space? What is it with you at these suppers lately?”

  “Sorry,” Andrew mumbled as he grabbed another stack of chairs from Cal and began unfolding them. Then he pushed them all under the tables, doing his best to keep his thoughts of Darlene from distracting him.

  Andrew, Dave, Cal, and Jay set the tables while the women continued prepping the food. They were just finishing when the Englishers began arriving.

  Andrew sat on a stool at the back of the kitchen between Cal and Jay as the women greeted the guests. Darlene smiled as she introduced herself to an English couple, maybe in their early thirties. Andrew studied her mannerisms. She seemed more relaxed as she nodded and listened to something the woman said. Andrew hoped she would allow herself to enjoy this evening.

  When all the guests had arrived and were seated, Sharon walked to the middle of the kitchen. Her mother had asked her to take the lead tonight.

  “Good evening. My name is Sharon Lambert, and I’m so excited that you came for supper. Welcome to my father’s dairy farm. I live here with my mother, Feenie.” She pointed to her mother standing by the counter. “And my younger sister, Ruby Sue.”

  Ruby Sue waved, and the group said hello.

  “My family and I host these suppers periodically, and we enjoy teaching others about our culture and sharing our favorite meals.” Then she introduced each of her friends.

  Andrew offered a wave when Sharon said his name, then glanced over to find Darlene watching him. She blessed him with a sweet smile, and his pulse galloped. She was so pretty and special. He longed to tell her how much she was coming to mean to him, but he feared scaring her away. For now, he’d just be the friend she needed and keep his growing feelings for her to himself.

  “Let’s eat,” Sharon told the group. “We’ll start with a green salad and a fruit salad.”

  Sharon and the rest of the women took bowls to the table while Andrew and Cal filled the guests’ glasses with water. Once they’d finished their salad, Andrew helped serve the main course—ham loaf, egg noodles, broccoli, corn, and rolls.

  “You’re gut at serving food,” Darlene teased after he set a basket of rolls on a table.

  She grinned at him, igniting a fire in his veins. How he adored her!

  Once dessert was served, Sharon fielded questions from guests, and she shared information about her farm. When a young man who seemed to be a few years older than Andrew asked about occupations, Dave shared stories about working as a brick mason, and Cal spoke about his father’s horse breeding and training farm.

  “We’d like to sing for you while you finish your dessert and have some more coffee,” Sharon announced as her mother began making rounds with her carafe.

  “Isn’t that nice?” a middle-aged woman sitting near the back said.

  “We enjoy singing hymns during our suppers,” Alice said as she handed hymnals to her friends. “What would you all like to sing first?” she asked them.

  “How about ‘Blessed Assurance’?” Ruby Sue asked.

  “That’s a lovely one,” an English woman who overheard her said.

  Darlene sidled up to Andrew and held out the Heartland Hymns songbook. “Share with me.”

  Andrew smiled down at her. “I’d love to.”

  Darlene turned to the hymn and then looked up at him. “Sharon asked me to take the lead on the first song tonight. Ready?”

  “Always.”

  Darlene began to sing, and Andrew enjoyed the beautiful lilt of her voice. Soon their whole group was singing along.

  Andrew lost himself in the hymns, enjoying standing beside Darlene while they praised the Lord and shared the gospel through song. What a perfect evening!

  * * *

  “That went well,” Jay said as he carried a stack of dishes to the counter after the guests had left. “I heard several of the Englishers say they enjoyed the food.”

  “I did too,” Mamm chimed in. “You did a great job, Sharon.”

  “Danki.” Sharon looked at Darlene. “You got quite a few compliments on those kichlin and that pie. You didn’t have to bring anything, but danki again. That gave our guests more variety to choose from.”

  Andrew carried a handful of forks to the counter and then turned to face Darlene. “Did you save a piece for me?”

  “I tried.” She bit her lip as she held up an empty pie plate. “But one of the guests took the last piece.”

  “Oh no.” Andrew rested his hand on his chest. “It was that popular. My heart is broken.”

  “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

  Andrew winked at her. “Then maybe I’ll forgive you.” He turned around and found Cal smirking at him.

  “Let’s eat,” Ruby Sue said. “I’m hungry, and I’m sure everyone else is too.”

  As they sat down to eat from the bounty of leftovers, Andrew glanced at Darlene again. She still seemed to be enjoying herself, and he eagerly anticipated another conversation with her on the way to her home.

  * * *

  “I’m so glad you picked me up today,” Darlene said as the horse and buggy headed toward her house. “I probably would have stayed home if you hadn’t come.”

  “I’m glad too.” Andrew gave her a sideways glance. “You seem more at ease now. Did the supper give you a break from your worries?”

  “I think so. Especially the singing. Danki for listening to me.” She smiled warmly. “What do you like to do for fun when you’re not at work?”

  He gave her a surprised look. “You mean like a hobby?”

  “Ya.”

  “Oh.” He rubbed his clean-shaven chin. “Well, I like to read.”

  “Really?” She angled her body toward him. “What are your favorite genres?”

  “Mysteries.”

  They spent the rest of the ride talking about their favorite books, and when her house come into view, Andrew was disappointed. He longed to continue talking. He guided the horse up the driveway and then tried to think of a reason to keep her in the buggy for a while.

  He halted the horse, and when he turned to look at Darlene, she said, “Wait here for a moment. I want to get you something.” She grabbed her empty pie plate and cookie container, then hopped out of the buggy before dashing up the back-porch steps.

  What was she doing?

  She appeared on the porch a few moments later holding a pie plate, and he laughed as he climbed out of his buggy.

  �
��I told you I would make it up to you.” She handed him the pie when they both arrived at the bottom of the steps. “It’s pecan.”

  He took the plate but then shook his head. “Did you make this for your family? I can’t accept it if you did.” He held the pie out to her. “I’ll get a piece next time.”

  “No.” She took his free hand. “I insist that you take it. I can make another one for my family. I want you to have it as a special thank-you.” Her smile faded. “Please take it.”

  He searched her eyes. “Why?”

  “It means a lot that I can share my feelings with you.” She released his hand. “This pie is just a small way to tell you I’m grateful you’re mei freind.”

  This time Andrew’s heart seemed to completely turn over. “I’m glad you’re mei freind too.”

  Darlene took a step back and pointed toward the house. “Well, I want to see if my family needs me. Be safe going home.”

  “Gut nacht, Darlene.”

  “Bye!” She gave him a little wave and then rushed up the steps.

  As she disappeared into the house, Andrew stopped for a moment to look out toward her father’s expansive pasture. The sun had started to set, painting streaks of coral across the horizon.

  He truly cared for Darlene, and with all his heart, he hoped someday she’d care for him too.

  Chapter Seven

  The following Thursday, Darlene heard a late-morning knock on the back door. “I’ll get it,” she called from the kitchen. She stepped through the mudroom and gasped when she found Alice and Sharon standing on her back porch. “What are you doing here?”

  Alice held up a container. “We want to help.”

  “Help?” Darlene divided a confused look between them.

  “Ya.” Sharon balanced a casserole dish in her hands. “I made a tuna noodle casserole, and Alice made brownies.”

  “And we want to clean, do laundry, or anything else you need—if you’ll let us,” Alice said. “We know you’ve said you’re mamm doesn’t want visitors, but we’re not visiting. We’re just here to lighten your load.”