An Amish Singing

by Amy Clipston

  * * *

  The following Saturday afternoon Andrew sipped a glass of iced tea as he moved back and forth in a rocking chair on the porch of his grandfather’s rehabilitation center. He gazed up at the gray clouds clogging the sky as a slight breeze swept over him.

  His thoughts turned to Darlene. He hadn’t seen her since they’d had their disagreement, but that was for the best. He’d not only skipped the supper at Sharon’s that night but he’d chosen to work late at the furniture store to try to take his mind off her.

  As frustrated as he was, he still missed Darlene. In fact, his heart had fractured when he realized they could never be more than polite friends. Not with her beliefs so different from his own. Her mother’s illness had affected her deeply, but this?

  “Penny for your thoughts.” His grandfather’s words were still slow and slightly garbled, but Andrew caught them.

  He glanced to where Daadi sat on another rocking chair, smiling at him. “I’m sorry. I was deep in thought.”

  Daadi studied him. “I could tell. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Andrew rubbed his chin. “No. I’ll be fine.” He forced a smile. “Your speech has already improved, and I’m sure the function in your arm will be next. You gave us a scare.”

  “I’m sorry about that, but I am feeling a little stronger. What about you? I heard you’re seeing a pretty maedel. What’s her name?”

  Andrew shook his head. “I won’t be spending time with her anymore, at least not alone. I thought perhaps we could have a dating relationship, but it’s over, Daadi.”

  “So soon? I never got to meet her.”

  “We’re too different.”

  “How so?”

  “When it comes to our beliefs.” Andrew tried his best to summarize their disagreement. “She said she doesn’t understand why God lets bad things happen to gut people, and she doesn’t understand how I can depend on my faith when those bad things happen—like to you. She thinks God is unfair.”

  “Why would she say all that?”

  “Her mamm has been battling cancer and has had a difficult time. So has she.”

  “Hmm.” Daadi looked out toward the parking lot. “It sounds like she could use a freind like you to guide her heart back to faith.”

  Andrew shook his head. “Not me. I care about her, but I’m too upset by what she said.”

  Daadi looked at him with an intensity he hadn’t expected. “But do you love her? I have a feeling you do. And if you do, you’ll give her another chance.”

  Andrew swallowed. Did he love Darlene? He missed her so much his heart ached. He longed to see her smile and hear her laugh. But love?

  How could he love someone who doubted God?

  Chapter Ten

  “I haven’t seen you smile all day today,” Sharon told Darlene as they sat with Alice in the Petersheim family’s barn. “What’s going on?”

  Alice picked up a pretzel and pointed it at Darlene. “Not only did you not come to the supper Thursday night even though we know your mamm is better, but you looked like you were in your own world during the service.” She tapped her chin. “And I didn’t see you or Andrew acknowledge each other this morning. Did you have a disagreement?”

  Darlene snorted. “You could say that.”

  Despondency and anger had been her constant companions ever since Andrew marched out of her family’s store. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, and she’d cried herself to sleep every night. She kept hoping he’d call her or show up, that he’d apologize to her, but she hadn’t heard from him.

  And when she spotted him this morning before church, he’d turned and walked the other way, sending another knife into her already punctured heart. He’d told her she could share her deepest feelings, and when she did, he’d judged her after all. That’s when her hurt turned once again to anger.

  “What happened?” Alice asked.

  Darlene shook her head. “It’s too difficult to explain.”

  “Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it will be all right,” Sharon said. “Have you tried talking to him?”

  “He wouldn’t even look at me this morning.” Darlene picked up a pretzel and then dropped it. Her appetite had evaporated the moment she saw Andrew walking out of the barn without a glance her way. She looked up just as Alice and Sharon shared a glance of their own. “What?”

  “Nothing,” Alice sang, a little too happily. “How is your mamm doing now? We’re looking forward to the day she feels up to coming back to church.”

  The three women made small talk during the remainder of their lunch, and Darlene responded with only one-word answers. She found herself checking the barn door, still hoping to see Andrew seek her out. But he never appeared.

  After helping clean the Petersheims’ kitchen, Darlene stepped outside and scanned the groups of young people for Andrew, but she didn’t spot him. He’d given up on her and their friendship, and the reality hit her like a punch in the stomach, making her shoulders slump as she plodded toward the line of waiting buggies to find her family.

  “Darlene!”

  She spun and found Alice and Sharon standing with Jay, Dave, and Cal. Andrew was still nowhere in sight.

  “Ya?”

  “Do you have plans for the afternoon?” Sharon asked.

  Darlene shook her head. “But if you’re about to ask me about a singing, I’m too tired. I’m going home.”

  “Where’s Andrew?” Cal turned and then waved. “Hey, Andrew! Get over here.”

  Darlene held her breath as Andrew joined them. He met her gaze, and the intensity in his eyes sent a shudder through her body. He nodded, and she responded with a nod. His coldness stabbed at her chest.

  “Hi, Andrew,” Sharon said. “I was just about to say maybe we could all sing for Darlene’s mamm today.”

  Darlene turned her attention to this news. What was Sharon up to?

  “Ya!” Alice said, looking at Darlene with suspicious enthusiasm. “Do you think she’d like that today? We can help celebrate her last treatment.”

  Darlene nodded, unwilling to keep her mother from visitors. “Ya, I think it’s okay, since she’s feeling better.”

  “I can’t join you,” Andrew said. “I’m going to visit mei daadi.”

  Sharon looked at Alice, and Darlene saw the disappointment in their eyes.

  Jay turned to Darlene. “We’ll just wait by our buggies while you ask your dat if a visit is okay with him.”

  Darlene lingered, hoping Andrew would take her hand and tell her he was sorry and still wanted to be her friend. But he only slipped his hands into his pockets and said, “I’m glad your mamm is doing so well.”

  “Danki.” The word came out in a trembly whisper. “I hope your daadi is recovering.”

  “Danki. He is.” He looked down at the ground and then back at her, his lips in a tight frown. “Well, gut to see you.”

  She opened her mouth to beg him to talk to her, but he was already marching toward his horse and buggy. Fighting back tears, she hurried to find her family.

  * * *

  Andrew heard someone call his name as he reached his buggy. He craned his head over his shoulder as Cal approached him.

  “What’s going on between you and Darlene? And don’t tell me nothing, because Sharon and Alice made it clear they know otherwise.”

  Andrew bit his lower lip. He looked over to where Darlene stood by her father and sister, and renewed frustration and heartache raced for first place.

  Part of him wanted to apologize to her, then pull her into his arms. But he couldn’t just forget the sinful things she’d said. He couldn’t plan a future with a woman who didn’t trust God.

  Still, he missed her to the depth of his bones. Losing her had left a hole where his heart should be.

  Andrew took a breath and worked to keep his voice even. “We’re not spending time together anymore.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s personal.”

  Cal’s eyebrows rose. “What do y
ou mean?”

  Andrew looked at Darlene once again, and his irritation spiked. “Why don’t you ask her?” Then he climbed into his buggy.

  Cal leaned in the window. “I don’t know what happened, but I think you’re being stubborn and prideful if you let her slip through your fingers.” Then he tapped the door and walked away.

  * * *

  Darlene slipped into the family room as soon as she arrived home with Dat and Biena. She’d asked her friends to wait on the porch until she told her mother they were going to sing, just in case Mamm preferred not to have company.

  She found her sitting in her recliner, reading a devotional.

  Mamm looked up at her and smiled. “How was church?”

  “It was gut.” Darlene glanced over her shoulder toward the doorway where Dat stood, and he nodded, encouraging her to ask her mother for permission to bring in her friends. “We have visitors.”

  “Oh?” Mamm removed her reading glasses and set them on the end table beside her. “Who?”

  “You know how mei freinden and I have been singing for people?” she asked, and Mamm nodded. “Well, we want to sing for you today.”

  Mamm gaped and then smiled, her brown eyes misting over. “How nice.”

  “Would you like that?”

  “Of course I would.” Mamm sat up straighter. “What are you going to sing?”

  For the first time since Andrew walked out on her, Darlene smiled. “I’ll see what they have in mind.”

  Soon Darlene stood between Alice and Sharon, facing both her parents, who were settled in their recliners. Biena stood with the group too.

  Holding up her hymnal, Darlene turned to her friends. “What would you like to sing?”

  “How about ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness’?” Biena said, making the first suggestion.

  “That’s a schee one,” Alice said.

  “I’d like to start,” Biena said. Then she cleared her throat and began to sing. “Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father, there is no shadow of turning with thee. Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not, As thou hast been, thou forever will be. Great is thy faithfulness . . .”

  Darlene never expected what happened next as she and her friends joined Biena in singing of God’s faithfulness. Her heart opened wide, and soon understanding flowed through to her soul. God’s love surrounded her, held her, kept her safe. He was there. He’d always been there!

  She sang the refrain with joy. “Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.”

  By the time they were singing the third verse, Darlene could hardly get out the words.

  “Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.”

  As Darlene sang, God’s comfort wrapped around her. God always cares. His will is always the best path—even when I can’t see ahead on the road he’s put before me or when life is challenging.

  She closed her eyes as she opened her heart to the Lord. I understand now. You’ve been with mei mamm, my family, and me throughout this illness, and you’ll always be here. You’re constant. You never change even as the world spins around us!

  She sniffed and smiled at her sister and then her parents. She was going to be okay. Her family was going to be okay. God would always provide.

  Darlene looked at her friends as they again sang the song’s refrain, and the warmth of God’s love filled her. He was truly faithful—always, and in so many ways. He’d provided for her through the support of her friends. They would take care of her—even when the worst happened. And although she still didn’t understand why bad things happened to good people, faith was a choice. She would always choose faith!

  After three more hymns, Darlene and Biena served apple pie and coffee in the kitchen, everyone talking and laughing. Darlene tried to participate, but her mind and heart were stuck on Andrew. Even though he’d hurt and angered her, she missed him. And she now understood why he’d been so upset with her. She wanted to talk to him and try to work things out.

  Later, she walked her friends outside to say good-bye.

  “Danki for coming.” Darlene hugged Sharon and then Alice. “You really helped cheer up our family. I’m so grateful God has blessed me with freinden like you. You’ve been a tremendous support.”

  “Gern gschehne,” Sharon said. Then she leaned over and whispered, “Don’t give up. We’re praying for you.”

  Darlene gave her friend’s shoulder a squeeze. “Thank you for not giving up on me. Someday soon I’ll tell you both everything that’s been going on with me, but it can wait for another day.”

  * * *

  Darlene pulled two apple-cranberry crumb pies out of the oven Friday afternoon. She breathed in the sweet scent and smiled.

  “That smells amazing.” Biena walked up behind her. “What’s the occasion?”

  Darlene set them on a cooling rack and then closed the oven. “Alice is hosting a supper and singing tonight, and I offered to bring a pie.”

  “I hope you leave the other one home for us.”

  “I will.” Darlene set her oven mitt on the counter. “Mamm and Dat should be home soon. I hope they have gut news from the test results.”

  “They will. I have faith.”

  Darlene nodded as her thoughts turned to Andrew.

  “Have you talked to Andrew?” her sister asked, as if reading her thoughts.

  “No.” Darlene sighed. “I’m hoping he comes to Alice’s tonight so we can talk.”

  Biena looped her arm around Darlene’s shoulders. “I have a feeling he will, and that you’ll work everything out. I’m glad you finally confided in me.”

  “Hello!” Dat’s voice rang from the mudroom. “What is that heavenly scent?”

  “Darlene made apple-cranberry crumb pies,” Biena announced.

  “How did it go?” Darlene held her breath as her parents entered the kitchen.

  Mamm and Dat looked at each other, and when they smiled, Darlene’s heart soared.

  “Do you want me to tell them?” Mamm asked.

  “Ya,” Dat said.

  “The cancer is gone,” Mamm choked out as tears poured from her eyes.

  Darlene and Biena cheered before taking turns hugging their parents, their own cheeks wet with tears.

  “Praise God!” Darlene said. “You’re in remission!”

  “It’s a miracle,” Biena added.

  “It is,” Dat said, wiping his eyes with his fingers.

  “We have to celebrate,” Darlene said. “Let me make some kaffi.”

  “I’ll grab some ice cream from the freezer,” Biena said.

  As they sat at the table, Darlene felt as if she might burst with happiness and relief. She looked down at her half-eaten mint chocolate chip and closed her eyes.

  Thank you, God. Thank you. Forgive me for ever doubting you.

  When a knock sounded on the back door, Darlene looked up. “Is anyone expecting a visitor?”

  Dat shook his head. “No.”

  “I’ll go see who it is.”

  Her stomach flip-flopped when she found Andrew standing on the back porch, holding his hat in his hand. She pushed the screen door open and stepped out. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” He cleared his throat and pointed toward the glider. “Could we please talk?”

  “Of course.” Her body trembled as she sat down beside him. “How have you been?”

  “Gut.” He shook his head and grimaced. “No, I’ve been terrible. Awful. I want to apologize to you. I was so wrong to treat you the way I did.”

  Her breath hitched as she studied him.

  “I’ve missed you, Darlene, and that’s why I’m here. I want to work things out.”

  “I do too.” She took a deep breath.

  “Gut.” He straightened his shoulders. “I’ve been doing
a lot of thinking, and I realized I’ve been a terrible freind to you. I offered you my support, but when you finally opened up to me, I rejected your feelings and emotions. I judged you. That was wrong, especially when I told you I wouldn’t. I’m sorry. You’re entitled to your feelings, even if we don’t agree.”

  “Danki.” Tears stung her eyes.

  “I’ve also realized something about faith.” He angled his body more toward hers. “When mei daadi had his stroke, I told mei bruder to have faith, and he got annoyed with me. He accused me of never being scared. The truth is I was scared.” He shook his head. “No, I was terrified that we were going to lose our daadi. And looking back, I see now that it’s easy to tell someone to have faith when they’re going through something terrifying, but it’s not necessarily easy to have faith when it’s happening to you.”

  She nodded. “Exactly.”

  “I’m sorry for hurting you and for dismissing your feelings. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I do forgive you. And I’ve learned something too.” She took another deep breath. “Last Sunday when our freinden came and sang for mei mamm, Biena suggested we sing ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness.’ The words of the hymn made me realize that the Lord has been carrying my family and me all along. But I was too angry about mei mamm’s disease to see it. The hymn pointed out that God provided for me. He gave me wonderful freinden to take care of me and my family when things were at their worst. God never changes, even when this world we live in is spinning out of control. He is constant, and faith is a choice.”

  She pointed to her chest. “And I choose to have faith. God is always with us, and he will provide for us, no matter what. My faith will remain strong in that truth.”

  “You’re so right.” He took her hands in his. “But I had no right to judge you. You went through a lot. You had a right to be angry. No matter what happens, we’ll face your mamm’s illness together.”

  “But I have news. Today she went to the doctor and learned she’s in remission. I’m so grateful to God. He’s been with us all along.” She gave a little laugh as tears fell. “He healed her, Andrew. He did. And even though it’s possible her cancer could come back, I trust him with Mamm’s life. I trust him with all my heart.”