A Hot Mess

by Brandi Evans

  He clenched his teeth and sucked in an unsteady breath as if trying to hold back a heady outbreak of emotion. "I'm trying, Bree. I swear, I'm trying. I'm not purposely keeping things from you, but my childhood…" He closed his eyes. "I barely survived it once. The idea of having to relive it is terrifying."

  Terrifying.

  I hugged him again, tighter than before. "I'm not trying to cause you pain. I'd do anything in my power to keep from doing that. I hope you know that. But how are we supposed to move forward with anything resembling a healthy relationship if we really don't know each other?"

  "You know everything about me that really matters."

  "No, I don't, and that's what you're not getting. I want a relationship with all of you, not just present-day Max. Now that my secret's out, and I'm no longer legally bound to keep it, I'm an open book. Ask me anything!"

  "I don't need to know anything about you I don't already know," he said quietly.

  "Damn it, Max."

  I pushed to my feet and skulked to the open balcony. Max didn't follow, and I was grateful for the moment alone. I loved Max with a ferocity I'd never loved anyone else, but sometimes, he made loving him so fucking hard. What would it take to get through his stubborn skull?

  Being the only child of an emotionally absent mom and a bastard of a father was a lonely way to grow up, something Max and I both had first-hand experience of. For me, my lonely childhood made me long for companionship; for Max, it seemed to make him withdraw.

  I glanced back into the hotel room. He was still sitting motionless on the sofa. I loved that man like crazy. If he'd have just talked to me, how much of this insanity would we have been able to stop before it had grown into this mess?

  A thought struck me. Maybe a lot of the blame for this fiasco rested squarely on my shoulders. After all, it was kind of because I'd let him get away with not talking for much of our relationship. I was so afraid to push him that I'd let things slide. Our last big blowout had been over an ex, and we almost hadn't recovered. So yeah, when Giselle had shown up and Max had shut down, a big part of me had been too afraid to push too hard. That had been a mistake, and I wasn't planning on making that same mistake again.

  "Tell me something you've never told anyone else," I murmured.

  I'd said those words to him once before, at the very beginning of our relationship, and he'd shocked me with an honest truth. I hoped he'd do the same tonight.

  With slow, deliberate movements, he pushed to his feet and joined me on the patio. For a long moment, he didn't speak; he just watched me, the moonlight playing over his handsome features.

  "After my childhood and after Giselle, I honestly didn't think I had it in myself to love again. I'd made a halfhearted attempt with Gina, but that wasn't love. I know that now. Falling in love with you, though, was the simplest thing I ever did."

  I touched his cheek. I couldn't help myself. This man made it damn near impossible to stay mad at him. I wasn't about to back down, but at this moment, the fight drained from me. I didn't want to be at odds anymore tonight. Maxwell Penn may be the root of my greatest frustrations, but he was also the source of my greatest happiness.

  "I'm still mad at you," I said. "Probably madder than I've ever been in my life but—"

  "You should be mad. I fucked up."

  "But right now, Max, there's nothing I want more than for you to take me to bed and do your damnedest to make me forget just how shitty this day's been. When you're done with me, I don't even want to remember Giselle or Théo's name or what they did to us." I put a great emphasis on the last word because they had done this to us. "No words. Just our bodies. Until the sun comes up, okay?"

  "Until the sun comes up." He wrenched me against him with enough force to lift me from the ground.

  I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist and held on as he carried me to bed. I loved the way Max held me, the way our breaths mingled as one moment morphed into the next, and I prayed this night would never end. Tomorrow, trouble was waiting for us, but for now, I'd revel in this respite. Here, in Max's arms, tomorrow held no power

  Chapter 10

  Unlike the wild, brutal fuck in his office, when he'd needed an emotional release, each touch, each caress was slow and deliberate. Tender. Exactly what I needed. I loved that he knew what I needed, loved that he took his time removing my clothes. That he took his time removing his.

  I drew my palms over Max's smooth chest as he unfastened his pants. "You are so beautiful," I said.

  "You should see the view from where I am." His gaze sharpened as he spoke.

  "It can't compare to what I'm seeing."

  "Yeah, you're probably right." He moved over me, naked skin to naked skin, and grazed his lips over my earlobe as he whispered, "Because, when compared to you, my sweet, there is no comparison."

  And I absolutely believed he believed that. When Sir touched me, I did feel beautiful. When he looked at me, I felt adored. When he made love to me, I felt cherished.

  I wrapped him tight with my entire body. "I want you inside me, Sir. Please. It's late already, and I don't want to waste another minute."

  "Me, either." He kissed the side of my neck and nibbled on my earlobe. "Until sunrise. There's so much I can do to you in all that time. So many ways I can make you come."

  "Promises, promises, Sir."

  "Ones you know perfectly well I'm capable of delivering on."

  I giggled. I fucking giggled like a love-struck school girl.

  "Do you remember what you said to me the other day about reliving our first night together?"

  "How could I forget? And, no, before you ask, I don't need you to go rushing back to your office for that letter opener so you can cut my clothes off."

  "Good thing you're already naked, huh?"

  "Very good."

  He pressed his mouth to mine, but all too soon, he pulled away. I made a move to stop him, missing the weight of his body on mine, but he held a hand up to stop me.

  "Don't move, little sub. I have something for you. I'd planned this for you, for our weekend away, but then…"

  I swear I could see the gears in his brain working, trying to rework the sentences to exclude that thing we weren't talking about until morning.

  "…but then everything changed. And now, I want to give it to you."

  He grabbed his travel bag from the corner of the room, where the bellhop had placed our luggage. He pulled out a simple leather fold-over bag that was secured with a thin strap of leather.

  A shiver worked its way through the deepest parts of my body; I knew what types of things my Dom kept in that bag. I crossed my legs and pressed them together—hard—putting pressure against my suddenly throbbing clit. If I were a guy, I'd call it an instant hard-on.

  "Oh, no, you don't. Get those legs back open, little sub. I know what you're trying to do, but making you squirm is my job." His voice might be soft, but it held the authority of a twenty-star general, and shut up, I know those don't exist. But Max…

  God.

  "Yes, Sir." While holding myself up on my elbows, I relaxed my legs and let my knees fall wide.

  "Very good."

  Settling between my splayed legs, he placed the leather bag on my belly, and with movements so slow that I swore he was just trying to fuck with my head, he unfolded the flaps. I didn't need to see the contents to know what I'd find: lotions, straps, vibrators, and a vibrating egg he loved using on me. But since he'd mentioned a surprise earlier, I did glance over the contents, but I didn't see anything new. Then again, just because I didn't see anything new didn't mean Sir didn't have some new way of using these on me.

  Sir took a familiar wireless egg into his skillful hands and turned it on. A soft hum filled the room, and I sucked in a sharp breath, anticipation filtering through me like a drug. I knew what he was about to do with that delicate little vibrating device, and I couldn't wait.

  He teased the egg over my left nipple, my right, and then back again. "I think you know wha
t I'm about to do with this."

  "Yes, Sir." I relaxed fully onto the mattress, my knees staying wide.

  "I don't have to tell you not to let this slip out, do I?"

  "No, Sir. I know your rules."

  "Very good." Sir removed the bag from my stomach, set it beside me and, with his thumb and index finger, peeled my labia open.

  When the cooler air hit my clit, I instantly tensed. Breath stalled in my lungs; time suspended as I waited.

  Waited…

  I knew what was next, and I dreaded Sir's next action even as I craved it.

  Max brushed the vibrating egg over my swollen clit, setting off an involuntary muscle twitch that had me arching my back and digging my fingernails into the sheets.

  "Fuuuuuck."

  "So touchy, little sub." He circled the egg over my clit, once, twice, three times. Each touch seemed to linger longer than the last. I had to fight to keep my legs open, but I was quickly losing control over my limbs. With every touch, the fire in my core burned hotter and hotter, expanding outward until—

  Max pulled the egg away seconds before an orgasm broke. "Not all at once. Not all at once. We need to draw this out."

  Even as a profanity played on my lips, he slipped the egg between my labia and deep into my channel. On instinct, I tightened my inner muscles around it, around the fingers inside me. The vibrations weren't as devastating as they'd been when applied to my clit, but it wasn't as if they didn't affect me, either. Getting a tenth of the voltage of a lightning strike as opposed to the full blast. Potent, yes, but not enough to send me immediately hurtling over the edge.

  "Don't move, little sub. Stay just like this while I put you into something a little less comfortable."

  God.

  With the confidence of one of the world's most prominent businessman and the efficiency of a well-practiced Dom, he secured my wrists and ankles to the four corners of the bed. I moved each limb in turn, testing the restraints. With each tug, something akin to anxiety filtered through me. It always did when I was at the mercy of Sir's unyielding power. Giving up control, no matter how many times I surrendered to him, still affected me. Would I ever be able to control the autonomic fear response of my amygdala?

  Did I even want to?

  When he finished, he knelt over me, a knee on each side of my ribcage. "You told me you wanted a replay of our first night together, so I'm going to give you that. Because that night was special to me, too. You are special to me." He traced my lower lip with his thumb. "But for this, I've added a little twist. Let's just call this a little game of give and take. The more you please me, the more I'll please you."

  If my spirit were to leave my body to describe the smile curling my lips, I'm sure the word that would come to mind would be wicked. The more I pleased Sir, the more he'd please me. I liked the sound of that.

  He grinned, too. "So glad you understand the rules of the game, little sub. Shall we begin, then?"

  "Yes, Sir." Past ready.

  His gaze stayed locked on mine as he fisted his dick in his right hand and held up the egg's control in the other. He inched forward on his knees. As he switched his grip, he buried his fingers into the hair on the crown of my head and gripped tightly.

  "Open wide, little sub."

  Goosebumps raced over me, but I gladly obeyed. I licked my lips, anticipating what was to come, desperate for the feel of him smooth and hard on my tongue.

  "Now don't move," he ordered, tapping the tip of his cock to my bottom lip. "Not a muscle. Do I make myself clear?"

  He was trying to bait me. If I said 'Yes, Sir,' he'd slap me on the cheek with his cock. If I didn't respond, he'd also slap me with his cock but for not saying 'Yes, Sir.' There was no right or wrong here, but that was why I loved it.

  I decided to play around, so I kept my lips perfectly still as I said, "Yes, Sir." As he'd instructed, I hadn't moved a muscle. Well, at least not my jaw or my tongue. I couldn't precisely control the movement of my vocal cords.

  He chuckled as he painted my lips with the very tip of his glans, applying the world's sexiest lip gloss. "Such an obedient little sub. That deserves a reward."

  The vibrations of the egg increased, drawing an involuntary shudder, and my eyelids drifted closed.

  Smack!

  Max slapped my cheek with his cock. "I said not to move a muscle."

  Bastard! But I didn't dare say that aloud.

  "Let's try this again, little sub." The vibrations of the egg decreased, and Max repeated his painting of precum on my lips.

  I held my breath and didn't move a fucking muscle. It was excruciating.

  "Much better," he said. "Let's see if you can keep from losing your reward this time."

  He upped the vibrations, and the same involuntary shudder shimmied through me. My eyes threatened to roll back in my head again, Max's handsome face losing focus, but I fought it.

  Max's words from our first night together came back to me. Your passion doesn't control you; you control it.

  "Very good." He eased his erection farther into my mouth while simultaneously upping the vibrator yet again.

  A million expletives leaped to the tip of my tongue. I wanted to close my legs and hold tighter to the device vibrating deep inside of me. I wanted to close my lips and draw Max deeper into my mouth. I wanted him to stroke my clit, lick it, do whatever magic he did to make me come apart at his hands. I wanted to do whatever was needed to release the need welling inside me, but I couldn't move. If I did, I'd lose the pleasure he'd already given me, and that was absolutely the last thing I wanted. So, I did the only thing I could to achieve my goal. Nothing at all.

  I was utterly at Sir's mercy.

  "Such a good little sub." He upped the vibrations yet again and, tightening his grip around my hair, slid his erection forward until his glans tapped the back of my throat.

  Fuck.

  My breath stalled. I swallowed, throat collapsing around the head of his cock. I didn't know how much longer I could last. What Max was doing to me—god—it was too much. He was too much. My toes went rigid, fingers, too. I was strung so tightly, I felt as if I could break at any moment, but Max held me fast. He didn't thrust, didn't mess with the egg.

  I was suspended with him in the moment as tears rolled free and into my hair. Everything I'd experienced in the past twenty-four hours coalesced to override my central nervous system. Max, Giselle, the Swingers' Ball, my father, the media blitz, Théo. The emotional, whole-body assault devastated me, and I started crying at the same moment my orgasm sped through me.

  Max set the egg to high as he pumped in and out of my mouth. I screamed around his hammering cock, pleasure shooting outward to every inch of my body. All but choking on Sir's dick, I was little more than a helpless bystander to my own pleasure.

  I jerked.

  I spasmed.

  I wept.

  I flew.

  I fell.

  Only when my climax began to wane did Max leap off me. He removed the egg from my still-quivering sex and replaced it with his cock. In one furious, forward jab, he joined our bodies, and fuck, I was coming again. Or maybe I'd never really stopped.

  "Bree." My name was a strangled sound from his mouth, his breath hot against my lips. He never slowed his frantic thrusts. While he held himself over me, he pounded into me until he found his own climax. "Bree!"

  When it was over, we lay locked together for a long time. Our mingled breaths were the only sound in the room. I wished we could stay suspended in this perfect moment forever. I didn't want the sun to rise. Sunrise would bring too many problems with it, too many uncertainties, but want as I might, I couldn't hold back the dawn any more than I could go back in time and stop Giselle from leaking my past to the world.

  Eventually, Max pushed onto his elbows and cradled my head between his hands. "Please, don't give up on me, Bree. I'm fucked up beyond anything you could ever imagine, and I know I don't deserve you. But I need you. You're the only thing keeping the nightmares at
bay."

  "Nightmares?" I whispered, wishing my hands were free so I could touch his face and smooth the wrinkles from his forehead. "Tell me about them."

  "I will. I promise. But please, not tonight." He kissed me and rested his forehead against mine. "We have until sunrise, and I want to spend every second like this. Just the two of us, together, if that's okay with you."

  I stared at him. He'd freely agreed to tell me about his past. He hadn't fought me. He hadn't made excuses. He'd simply asked to postpone it. My Max. My Sir. My beautiful, broken lover and the guarded past he was finally ready to talk about. Well, almost ready. Of course, I'd give him tonight. I was exhausted. He was exhausted. We'd have more than enough hanging over us when we woke. This new piece of his past could wait one more day.

  I woke to the patter of rain, an empty bed, and crushing reality.

  I rolled to my side and hugged Max's pillow against me. The night had passed too quickly, but I was far from ready to face the day ahead. I wanted to go back to sleep, where I could pretend yesterday hadn't happened, that my life hadn't been turned upside down, or that the foundations beneath mine and Max's relationship didn't have a massive crack in it.

  The shuffle of feet on the floor called my attention to the doorway. Max stepped into the room, already dressed and ready for the day. The only part of his three-piece suit he hadn't put on was the jacket. Give him a leather vest and tie, and he'd look like he had the night we'd attended the Swingers' Ball.

  Max stopped suddenly, gaze falling on me. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

  I shook my head. "The rain, I think." Or more likely, my body missing the heat of his against it, but I didn't dare say that, considering everything.

  "Is there something I can get you?" he asked.

  "A time machine and some coffee, but other than that, no."

  For a long moment, neither of us spoke; we merely stared at each other. Now that the sun was up, I wasn't sure what to say. It was hard to make relationship course corrections when I didn't know what course we were supposed to go or where we were even headed anymore.