Generation Misfits

by Akemi Dawn Bowman

  Millie would happily dye her hair every color of the rainbow if it meant she’d never again worry what people thought of her.

  “I heard Luna Acevedo joined J-Club,” said a voice nearby.

  Millie stiffened. Zuki practically choked on a mouthful of water.

  Ashley Seo was standing at the other side of the table, hands tucked casually in their pockets and their tie straightened to perfection. But something was different about their face. Normally they looked unbothered by the world, but today Ashley’s frown wasn’t one of indifference; it looked a lot like concern.

  Millie and Zuki exchanged a look before eyeing Luna’s table on the other side of the cafeteria. She was too far away to hear, but that didn’t matter. Millie and Zuki had made a promise: nobody could know about Luna joining J-Club.

  “We don’t know what you’re talking about,” Millie said finally, and Zuki nodded in agreement.

  Ashley rolled their eyes. “Not that I would believe you, because you’re a terrible liar, but I literally saw her leave the audition room.”

  Millie’s voice went up an octave. “People see things all the time. It doesn’t make any of it true.”

  “So she auditioned and asked you not to tell anyone?” Ashley sighed. “Typical.”

  “No—she didn’t—I didn’t—” Millie sputtered.

  Ashley shook their head. “Remind me to never trust you with a secret. Ever.”

  Millie felt like her face had been set on fire.

  Zuki frowned, eyes pinned to Ashley. “Wait. How do you know Luna?”

  “That’s a big question. I don’t answer big questions,” Ashley replied.

  “Why do you always stay late after school?” Zuki tried instead. “And what were you even doing near the orchestra room? Because it’s starting to seem like you’re spying on us.”

  Ashley grinned smugly. “I have to stay late—I don’t have a choice. So I wander around campus, and sometimes I see things. It’s a side effect of boredom.”

  “If it’s just boredom, then why do you care whether Luna is in J-Club or not?” Zuki asked. She plucked at the bracelets on her left wrist.

  “Just because you keep asking questions doesn’t mean I have to answer them,” Ashley pointed out tersely, their own eyes falling to Zuki’s bracelets.

  Zuki immediately tucked her hands beneath the table like she was hiding them from Ashley’s gaze.

  “Well, we can’t talk about J-Club to people who aren’t actually in J-Club,” Zuki said, flattening her mouth.

  Ashley’s eyes found Luna again, and Millie realized it wasn’t concern written all over their face; it was longing.

  “You could still join, if you wanted to,” Millie started, slowly weaving her thoughts together.

  Ashley’s eyes sparked. “I told you, I don’t do clubs.”

  “I know. I just thought maybe you’d changed your mind.” Millie lifted her shoulders. “We’re more of a band now than a club anyway. Plus, you know, we have more members.”

  Zuki scrunched her face with confusion, but Millie only nudged her with her shoe. She wasn’t telling anyone Luna had joined, exactly. She hadn’t broken any promises. She just didn’t want to miss an opportunity to recruit a new member when it was clear the only reason Ashley was curious about J-Club was because of Luna.

  Zuki must’ve sensed the greater good, too. “Millie’s right. You can always stop by, if you’re bored.”

  “What about auditions?” Ashley asked.

  Millie opened her mouth to confess they didn’t go very well, but Zuki’s upbeat voice stopped her. “We invited you to be in J-Club before the auditions.” She looked at Millie with a bright smile before turning back to Ashley. “So technically you still have a place, if you want it.”

  Millie was relieved they wouldn’t have to sit through any more auditions. “That’s true. And we already know you like Generation Love.”

  “You’re a theater tech, right?” Zuki’s momentum started to build. “Can you sing? Your backpack is covered in musical groups, so I bet you can. What about dancing? Is that how you know Luna? Did you use to dance together?”

  Ashley made a face. “No, we didn’t—” They sighed. “I’m not making any promises, but I’ll think about it,” was all they said before exiting the cafeteria.

  Zuki stuffed the last bite of chicken in her mouth and failed to hide her growing smile.

  Millie’s chest filled with hope. “I think we just got another member.”

  A squeal erupted from Zuki’s mouth and she threw her hands in the air. “I know, right? This changes everything. Now we’re only one person short of having a full imitation band! Do you think Ashley will turn up to rehearsal? I mean, I’m sure they will. I don’t know what that was about Luna, but clearly Ashley wants to be around her. I wonder if they know each other? They don’t seem like they’d hang out in the same circle. But oh my gosh, we have a new member!” She took a breath and let it heave out of her again like the weight of her joy was too much to carry.

  And for a moment, Millie forgot all about progress reports and the awkwardness of band. All she could think about was how their little world had just gotten a little bigger.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  After school each day, Millie spent hours practicing her flute, doing her homework, and trying her best to avoid answering too many of her parents’ questions about Advanced Studies. It didn’t feel good to lie. Millie didn’t like how it made her feel as if there was a gremlin in her chest, shaking at her rib cage harder and harder until she thought she might burst.

  But if she told her parents the truth, they’d make her quit J-Club. And if they found out about her grades, they might even make her quit school.

  So she focused on trying her best in all the ways she still could. And of course there was still the next J-Club meeting to look forward to.

  Millie couldn’t wait to get to know Luna and Ashley better. They were going to be a real band. A real group. She was nervous and hopeful and excited all at once. Was that how Generation Love felt the first time they met?

  Generation Love had always said their chemistry was instant. That they bonded over cute animal stationery and a particularly adorable dorama and had been best friends ever since. One of their most popular singles, “Forever Love Song,” was even inspired by their friendship.

  Maybe J-Club could be like that, too.

  Millie fell asleep dreaming of J-Pop, and friend groups, and what it would feel like if J-Club had their very own theme song.

  And when she woke up on Thursday morning, she was already beaming.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Ashley and Luna sat across from each other in the orchestra room, arms crossed and backpacks at their feet.

  Millie felt the tension crash against her, and her whole body wanted to recoil. It reminded her of home and the arguments with her parents.

  She took a breath. J-Club was a safe space. She refused to let her worlds overlap.

  So instead, she forced a smile and walked into the room. “You made it!”

  Ashley looked up, their brows scrunched together. “You’re late. Where’s Zuki?”

  Luna kept her eyes pinned to her candy-pink fingernails.

  Millie tried not to be offended by the lack of enthusiasm. “I told Zuki I had to stay after class to talk to my teacher. Wait, she’s not here yet?”

  “Obviously not,” Ashley said, looking around the empty room for emphasis.

  Millie twisted her mouth, feeling the weight of her backpack grow heavier. It was unusual for Zuki to be late to anything, but especially J-Club. Maybe she had to stay behind to talk to a teacher, too.

  Ignoring the weirdness brewing between Ashley and Luna, Millie took a seat and squeezed her phone. This was usually Zuki’s job—the organizing and the leading.

  Millie wasn’t sure she’d be any good at it.

  “How about we watch some Generation Love music videos, and figure out which one we could learn the choreography to?” Millie
offered.

  Luna nodded. “Sounds fine to me.”

  Ashley shrugged.

  Halfway through the first song, Millie realized nobody was actually watching the video. Luna was staring at the floor, and Ashley was trying not to stare at Luna. And Millie was so self-conscious about having to lead the group that she could barely concentrate.

  “Um. Is everything okay?” Millie finally asked, breaking the steel barrier separating the other two.

  Luna looked up, eyes wide like she’d been caught cheating on an exam.

  Ashley crossed their arms. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  Millie shuffled in her seat. “It’s just … Have you two met before?” She assumed they already knew each other, but maybe they didn’t. Maybe that was why it was so awkward.

  Ashley snorted, and Luna cast them a scowl that took over her entire face.

  “Why is that funny?” Luna demanded.

  “We’ve been pretending to be strangers for so long, I think maybe we finally are. Strangers, that is.” Ashley lifted their shoulders. “What? It’s kind of funny.”

  “No, it’s not,” Luna hissed.

  Just then, Zuki burst into the room like she’d been thrown from a tornado, eyes jubilant and a wide smile stretched across her face. Her cheeks were more pink than usual, as if she’d been running across campus. When she spotted Ashley, she squealed.

  “You’re here!” Zuki raised a small stack of papers in the air, high above her head. “And I made a personality quiz!”

  Luna raised an eyebrow. Ashley looked like they’d just been delivered terrible news.

  Millie breathed out a sigh of relief. “I didn’t know what to do, so we’ve just been watching videos. Where were you?” And please don’t leave me in charge of J-Club ever again, she wanted to add.

  Zuki handed a quiz to each member before taking a seat next to Millie. “The school counselor wanted to talk to me. It’s not important. Anyway, I made these last night, and I think they’ll help us all get to know each other better and figure out which Generation Love member we’re most like. Does anyone need a pen?” A hoard of glittery gel pens appeared, and she held them out to the group like a bouquet of flowers.

  Millie took a pen and frowned. “The school counselor? Again?” The only time she’d ever spoken to the counselor was when Mr. Thomas moved her to Wind Ensemble II and she had to rearrange her schedule. Why would Zuki need to go more than once?

  Zuki waved a hand. “It’s not important. Come on, I want to know what your answer to number seven is!” She flashed a bright smile before gluing her eyes to her paper.

  Millie didn’t think it was normal for school counselors to want to talk unless it was important, but Zuki didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. So maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Millie was just too overly paranoid about being in trouble all the time.

  Besides, if something was really wrong, Zuki would tell her. They were friends.

  She uncapped the purple gel pen and focused on the questions instead.

  “I’m not answering these,” Ashley said suddenly. When everyone looked up, Ashley was holding the quiz in the air. “Number nine says ‘What is your favorite cupcake flavor?’” The room was quiet for three whole seconds. “Do I look like someone who has a favorite cupcake flavor?”

  Zuki blinked. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.”

  “That’s exactly my point,” Ashley quipped.

  “You could just write that you don’t like cupcakes?” Millie offered.

  “That’s going to be their entire quiz—that they don’t like anything,” Luna muttered under her breath. Except in the quiet of the orchestra room, it came out a lot louder than she’d intended.

  Luna stiffened, cleared her throat, and focused intently on whatever it was that she was scribbling.

  Ashley was at a loss for words.

  “This is supposed to be fun! Nobody has to take the questions too seriously,” Zuki intervened with a bubbly laugh. “Just write whatever feels honest to you. Also, for the record, my favorite cupcake flavor is vanilla with fluffy pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles.”

  “Of course it is,” Ashley grumbled, but returned to filling in their answers all the same.

  Millie found most of the questions easy to answer.

  What’s your favorite animal? Sea otter.

  If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be? Japan, to visit the actual Pokémon Center in Tokyo.

  Do you prefer a song you can dance to or a song you can chill out to? Both, depending on my mood.

  But then she got to question twelve.

  If you could trade your parents for any two people from history, who would you pick?

  Millie didn’t know what to write. Even when her parents made her feel like she couldn’t breathe, she never wanted to trade them in for someone else. She loved her mom and dad. And she knew they loved her, even if they weren’t very good at listening.

  But wanting parents who were a little bit different wasn’t the same as wanting different parents completely.

  She glanced at Zuki. The questions were supposed to be fun. Lighthearted. Millie wanted to write that she would keep the same parents she already had, but she worried it would hurt Zuki’s feelings. And she couldn’t figure out why.

  So she wrote I don’t know, and moved on to the next question.

  When the late bell rang, everyone hurried to jot down the last of their answers before giving their papers to Zuki.

  “Thanks, everyone,” Zuki sang. “I can’t wait to read your answers.”

  Luna paused by the door. “See you next week,” she said finally, and disappeared into the afternoon sun.

  Ashley slung their backpack over their shoulder. “I could only answer half the questions. I guess that means I don’t really have a personality.”

  Zuki tutted. “No way. You have a great personality!”

  Ashley flinched. So did Millie.

  Zuki didn’t seem to think she’d said anything strange at all. “You just have to open up to people more. Don’t be so afraid of rejection.”

  “I’m not afraid of rejection,” Ashley growled. “I just don’t think a person can be summarized by a personality quiz. Especially one written by somebody who thinks bubblegum-pink is a mood.”

  “Colors can be moods,” Zuki countered. “People can feel blue, can’t they? So why not raspberry red? Or dazzling turquoise? When I walked in the room today and saw you’d joined J-Club, I was feeling fluorescent lemon!”

  Ashley blinked. “We don’t speak the same language.”

  “But you’ll come back, right?” Zuki asked quickly. “Next week?”

  Ashley shoved their hands in their pockets, staring sourly at the place where Luna had disappeared. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  Millie rocked back on her heels, searching for a way to break through the silence. She felt like someone should at least ask about the figurative elephant in the room. Because this wasn’t just a normal elephant—this one had wings and was painted in neon colors and wouldn’t stop singing Broadway tunes.

  Nobody in the world could sit beside Luna and Ashley and not realize something major had gone down between them.

  The words tumbled out of Millie in one quick rush. “What’s with you and Luna?”

  Ashley looked at the vacant doorway, eyes hardening. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought joining J-Club might have been a sign, but…” Their voice trailed off.

  “A sign of what?” Millie asked patiently.

  Ashley just shook their head. “It doesn’t matter. I have to go—and you two will miss the late bus if you don’t hurry.”

  For a moment, Millie wondered if it was the last they’d see of Ashley Seo. But when they reached the corner of the street where their paths would sever, Ashley lifted their hand in a half-hearted wave.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch,” was all they said before turning for the classrooms.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 
; “You’re in a very good mood today,” Scott noted from the driver’s seat. He flicked his finger against the turn signal.

  Millie liked the sound it made. It was a gentle, lazy click. If sounds were animals, she imagined it would be an enormous bullfrog sitting in the mud, counting the seconds until another fly passed by.

  She grinned at the thought. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  “Did something happen in school?” her dad asked, eyes focused on the road.

  Millie gripped her flute case in her lap. She’d had a great day at school. Ashley had officially joined their lunch table, and they’d even started talking about songs they could all learn to perform together. Millie was so happy, even her flute lesson had been bearable.

  A big part of her wanted to tell her dad how she was feeling. But telling her parents things didn’t feel natural anymore. They always thought her interests were silly or somehow turned the conversation back to band. That led to talking about chair placements or flute scholarships to universities Millie hadn’t even considered yet.

  J-Club was just for her. It was something she had to protect.

  Millie breathed through her nose. “School was fine, same as always.”

  Scott tapped his thumb against the steering wheel. An instrumental soundtrack was playing through the car speakers—something from an Oscar-winning movie Millie had no interest in seeing. “Here comes the flute solo!” he announced suddenly, beaming from ear to ear as the sound filled the car. And then he was waving a hand in the air like he was Mr. Thomas conducting Wind Ensemble II.

  Millie laughed in spite of herself. Her dad loved music in a way that probably wouldn’t make sense to most people, besides maybe her mom. Maybe that was why they were so perfect for each other.

  And even if Millie didn’t love it in the same way, she could still understand it. She knew what it was like to have music transport you to another world, or help you make sense of your feelings. It was why she adored Generation Love so much.

  “That could be you one day, with a big solo in the London Philharmonic,” Scott said, voice full of pride although it was barely even a dream.