Receive

by Sarah Addison-Fox

  After a few practised strikes of steel to flint, the pinecones blazed to light in the fireplace. Carl pulled himself to standing, the slightest of a sway letting her know he was still feeling the effect of Ben’s drug.

  Hadley checked on Kade again and eased to her feet. “What about the fire?”

  Carl pulled a face. “Oh right, well, the kitchen’s right next door. I’ll take care of the horses. You see if there’s food in there and keep the fire going.”

  Hadley frowned as he bowed low as though she were royalty before pivoting, stumbling, and pulling the door closed.

  Luna looked up at her, her head cocked before she shifted her weight, her tongue lolling from her mouth as she waited for instruction. Hadley patted her quickly and told her to stay before turning to place a few smaller pieces of wood on the fire.

  Kade’s light snores followed her as she located the kitchen. It was smaller than the Retreat’s. A large wood burning stove filled one wall, a bench, open shelving stacked with pots, plates and pottery jars filled with utensils lined the other.

  Underneath the bench large, deep angled drawers were filled with sacks of food. Grains filled one drawer. Flour the next. In the final drawer, Hadley found a collection of wilted root vegetables, onions that were beginning to sprout, and a few sorry looking potatoes that had obviously been here since before winter set in.

  She could make something from the grains, but even with the provisions they’d brought, it would still be a meagre meal.

  Hadley sighed and stared outside at the sun dipping below the clouds. In an hour or so the light would be gone; she needed to get as much done while the kitchen was lit. She grabbed the candlestick closest and hurried back to check on the fire.

  Kade stirred as she entered but stayed asleep as she carefully poked the candle wick into the flame. She checked on him again before lighting several more half spent candles on top of the fireplace.

  The fire was burning hot enough to be left for a while by the time she stepped back into the kitchen. The sun was gone when she produced a single bowl of hot oats, flavoured by a shaker of cinnamon that reminded her of the morning she and Kade had spent with Jack at the tavern.

  She nipped in and out of the kitchen, checking on Kade as she worked. Carl was still absent as she carried a pot of honey to place on the table.

  Tomorrow, when she had better light, she’d try to manage something a little more interesting as a thank you to them both.

  She added a few more pieces to the fire and left Kade to sleep while she crept out the door again. Luna moved quickly and joined her, stretching a little before ambling out into the greying day as it came to a close.

  Her breath was just visible as she wrapped her coat around her, her skin dimpling despite the heat from the woodstove, and the warmth in the house. The night would turn cold soon, and if she didn’t get Carl in soon, so would the porridge.

  Carl’s voice caused her to jump as she rounded the house. “Was just checking the traps Cester’s neighbor sets around the back.”

  He raised a hand, two plump rabbits dangled from his fist. He grinned. “Don’t think anyone will mind if we pinch a couple.”

  Hadley smiled back at him. “How are you feeling?”

  The grin tugged even higher as he opened the door for her. “Feeling pretty good since I’m with you.”

  Her cheeks flushed crimson as she frowned at him. “What about the pain?”

  Carl sniffed as he frowned at a still sleeping Kade. “I’ll live.” He cocked an eyebrow. “Look at him. Sleeping like a baby. Always was a lightweight when it came to booze; guess it’s the same with drugs?”

  With another grin, Carl shuffled off towards the kitchen, and Hadley took the moment to study Kade as he slept. He’d shaved off his light beard. In the flickering light, she could see a long jagged scar running underneath his chin.

  She stared at him until Carl’s clomping boots pulled her gaze away. He sent her a flash of a smile and took a seat at the table. “What you manage to make?”

  Hadley settled into a chair, her eyes flicking between Carl and Kade. “It’s just porridge.”

  Carl’s eyebrows raised as though surprised. “You made this just for me? Because I can’t eat properly?”

  Hadley’s mouth opened, but no words came out as he tucked into the porridge and beamed at her. “Thanks. That’s really sweet of you.”

  She managed a weak smile at the misunderstanding. She should have made something easier for him to eat, but she’d completely forgotten.

  At the look he was giving her as he ate, she saw how easily her actions could give him the wrong idea. “Oh, I, ah, you’re welcome.”

  Carl carried on eating, refilling his bowl and adding drizzles off honey while sending her glances through his lashes that made her increasingly uncomfortable.

  Kade groaned, and her heart jumped as he pulled himself to standing, stretching as he spotted them and made his way cautiously towards the table.

  He pulled out a chair and flinched a little at the scraping sound before he collapsed into the chair and reached for the ladle she’d left in the large pot. His hands held the slightest of shakes as he dished himself a small portion and managed to give her a tight half-smile.

  His voice was still thick with sleep as he spoke. “Sorry, I left you two to do everything. Won’t happen again. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

  Carl snorted and pushed his bowl away. “We’ll see.”

  Kade nodded and turned and looked at her intently. “I didn’t get your bedroom fire going; I’ll finish this and go do that now.”

  Carl sat back a little and eyed Kade. “I’d offer to go, since you look like a cup of cold sick, but since we did everything else, it’s the least you can do.”

  After a glare at Carl, she moved to tell Kade not to, but something in his eyes warned her off. Even in the candlelight, he looked drawn, nothing like the vibrant man she’d known.

  He locked his gaze on Carl. “I’ll be right back.”

  Carl raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t eat your meal? After Hadley went to the trouble.”

  Hadley shook her head at the frown growing on Kade’s face. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Kade looked unconvinced as he stood staring. Then he smiled so weakly her heart hurt. He turned without another word, drew his shoulders back and carried on until he was out the door.

  Carl blew out a long sig, his words echoing her own concerns. “He’s worse than I thought.”

  Hadley looked aside at the bowl Kade had barely touched. He’d not eaten the midday meal either. Was this trip going to be the very thing that would make him break his promise?

  As Hadley tuned out Carl as he started flirting again, her thoughts became more morose. What if Kade didn’t break his promise? What if he did everything he set out to accomplish only to sacrifice his health?

  A whisper of a thought swept through her mind. What if it isn’t promises but Kade that gets broken?

  Chapter Five

  A scream locked in his throat, Kade shot upright in bed, sweat covering his body, blankets tangled around him as he fought the panic causing his heart to race. Caught in the reoccurring nightmare, his breathing heaved as he scrambled to orientate himself in the near dark.

  A soft voice broke into his scattered thoughts. He squinted, trying to get his bearings as he felt the bed move slightly as a slight figure grasped his hand.

  In the muddle, he reached for the comforting voice and felt arms wrap around him as he choked back a sob. “It’s alright: it was just a bad dream.”

  Heat rushed through him as he realised he wasn’t dreaming. Hadley was holding him, soothing him. He knew he should push her away, but he couldn’t.

  His bare skin grew hot, blazing where her fingers met his back. For a moment, too long a moment to be accidental, her fingers caressed his skin, and it was all he could do to not press his lips to hers.

  It was dangerous even being in the same room. His breathing became too ragged as his
heart thumped uncontrollably. His skin was on fire and chilled at the same time. Worse was the knowledge that if he kissed her, she wouldn’t stop him. Damn it.

  This wasn’t the time. It wasn’t the place, and no matter how much he wished he had Carl’s cavalier attitude where girls were concerned, he couldn’t do that to her. Not like this. Especially not with Carl in the next room.

  He shuffled back a little, placing enough distance between them so her face was silhouetted in the moonlight. Her voice was low, too throaty and too enticing. “You were screaming; Luna jumped on my bed.”

  The slight tip-tapping of nails alerting him to the dog’s presence. Kade winced. How could he reply to that? Lie? Say he wasn’t? “Apologies. I didn’t mean to wake you or Luna.”

  Hadley exhaled slowly as she stared at him. Her face growing clearer now his eyes were adjusting. She was dressed in a long white nightgown, and while modest, it highlighted the need for her to leave. Immediately. If Carl happened upon them, he’d take great pleasure in reporting it to Cester.

  He was about to mention it, when the moonlight trailing in the window caught on an object hanging from her neck. He moved forward to look at it more closely, and a pang struck his middle as he recognised his father’s dog whistle. Had Meg given it away because she didn’t need it anymore? Or because she didn’t need him?

  He stared at it for a moment before Hadley’s hand wrapped around it, and she tucked it back under the top of the gown. Her voice carrying uncertainty as she spoke. “I hope you don’t mind? Meg said I could borrow it?”

  Kade shook his head, trying to shake off the ache her presence caused. “I don’t mind. You can use it if you get into trouble.”

  It was a good idea. Not only would it alert him, but the whistle was almost identical to the one Cole used to train the dogs. Luna would recognise it instantly even if Hadley were out of his hearing...not that he was going to let her out of his sight.

  Hadley’s blonde hair caught the gentle moonlight as she eased off the bed and gave him a smile that made his chest tighten. She patted her leg, and Luna immediately padded to her side.

  For a moment she stood, the moonlight casting her features in a watery glow, making her look angelic and as pure as snow. His heart thudded against his rib cage as she held his gaze. “I’m worried about you, Kade; why don’t we leave a little later tomorrow?”

  His cheeks flushed, his thoughts caught between wanting to thank her, wanting to kiss her, and being terrified she’d figured him out. “I just need a few more hours sleep. I’ll be fine.”

  Hadley sighed, but she didn’t fight him. She covered a yawn and pivoted to walk out of his room before turning to nod her head at him. “Goodnight, then.”

  Kade forced a smile until the door closed behind her, and the smile dissolved. He lay back down and ran a hand over his face, trying to still the irregular beat of his heart.

  The slightest creak of the floorboards betrayed Carl creeping into his room. Before Carl spoke, he knew what was coming. He pulled himself to sitting and waited for the onslaught of mocking.

  Carl crossed his arms over his chest and leaned to one side. “I get it. Playing the sympathy card? Nice one: she’s a soft touch all right. If it works, use it, I say; not that you have a chance with me here, no competition.”

  Kade’s growl erupted before he could stop it. “I’m not playing anything; Luna just needed to see I was still breathing, that’s all.”

  Carl snorted and shifted his weight to the other side. “Sure, well, if you’re done screaming like a girl, I’m going back to bed.”

  Kade huffed out a muttered insult, tiredness creeping over him as Carl left the room. He flopped on his back again and began to order the muddled thoughts rushing around his mind.

  At least Carl hadn’t pushed too hard. And there wasn’t anything to report. Not that Carl has seen anyway.

  They were still on track. He just needed to get through the coming weeks and try to cut off any more headaches before they got too bad and caused the nightmares to start up again. Easy.

  Kade growled at himself. No matter how many times he said the word, it failed to stir confidence anything would go smoothly.

  He turned on his side and adjusted the dagger under his pillow. A yawn overtook him as he closed his eyes again, and out of desperation sent out a disjointed prayer to any merciful god to give him a break. Just for a few weeks. “Find someone else to torment,” he mumbled into his pillow.

  He kept his eyes shut and made sure his breathing was slow and even, trying to fool himself into finding sleep again. When dawn’s grey appeared, Kade gave up and silently dressed, making sure his footfalls were soundless as he crept across the hallway and into the main area.

  He eased out the door, his muscles still weary, eyes gritty and blurry as he ambled towards the stream at the back of the section. The crisp air simultaneously woke him up and sent a shiver down his back.

  The grass crunched underfoot, the slightest of frosts coating everything in a powdery residue. He picked up his pace. Carl wouldn’t usually wake this early. But if there was the slightest chance he’d get a few moments alone with Hadley, his cousin would grasp the opportunity.

  But after the nightmare, and his still clammy skin, and the feel of Hadley’s touch, Kade needed a moment to clear the cobwebs in his head. And a brisk wash in the frigid stream was exactly what he needed to wash away the fragments of his dream and refocus him.

  Because without focus, he was as useless as everyone already thought he was.

  One week later…

  Hadley glanced ahead at Kade as they rode single file through the gorge. The drop on the side made her grip the reins a fraction tighter. Her own unease at the crashing waters below them merged with her concern for Kade’s wellbeing. When her eyes weren’t on him, they were following clumps of dirt as they broke off and tumbled down the huge drop to the river running alongside them.

  He hadn’t had anymore nightmares, and she wasn’t sure if she was pleased or disappointed. When he’d held her so fiercely, still in the throes of his dream, she’d felt like she was the very thing he needed most in the world. It had almost been enough to give in to the quiet thrum of her own need that grew each time they were alone.

  But the morning had broken, and he’d gone back to scowling; but whether from pain or from irritation at Carl’s continued flirting, she couldn’t be sure. It was as if they’d taken a step backwards. Back to Amaria where he treated her as though she were a nuisance, a problem and a thorn in his side. It was safer perhaps. And after three days travel, she was too tired to find reason in his actions.

  For the last two hours they’d been picking their way along the track running parallel to the Azetary. And for two hours, her nerves had been coiled tight, worry growing with each step that she’d pushed Kade to leave when he wasn’t fit to do so.

  Riding single file meant she couldn’t check to see if his forehead was creased or his lips jammed tight, indicating he was in pain, but from the set of his shoulders, he seemed a little better than he’d done the past week’s travel.

  Though he hadn’t complained, every time they stopped to rest, he was lacking his usual gusto when he ate, and his movements seemed a little more cautious as though wary of aggravating an injury.

  She didn’t bother twisting in her saddle to check on Carl. If she did so, she knew he’d take it as encouragement to start talking again.

  The way the narrow pathway forced them to ride made for a reprieve from his usual grumbling attitude. Carl complained almost constantly. About the food, the changing temperature and recently about chafing she really didn’t need to hear about.

  She huffed out a long sigh, squinting to see if the winding trail was close to coming to an end. There was still a few more weeks of travel, and a bed would be a luxury they’d all appreciate after sleeping mostly rough.

  Luna was ahead of her, close to the side of the track, her ears pinned back as though afraid to leave the safety of the side clos
est to the mountain.

  The slightest cracking sound caused her heart to leap to her throat. She had no time to think when her mount’s hoof slid a fraction, and it was all she could do to squeeze her thighs tight and hang on as the horse righted itself with a frightened whinny.

  Kade pivoted on his saddle, his eyes wide. “You alright?”

  Hadley swallowed and forced herself to stay calm despite her raging heart. “She just missed a step.”

  Kade frowned deeper, his eyes shifting to Carl as his mount came to a halt. “I don’t remember it being this bad last time.”

  Hadley twisted to check Carl’s reaction, his own frown making her anxiety increase. “Must have been a lot of rain, maybe safer to walk it?”

  She turned to find Kade nodding slowly before he swung off his mount. “Keep to where Luna’s walking.”

  Hadley nodded, her throat tight with fear as she carefully dismounted on the side closest to Luna. Her hands were shaking as Kade sent her a subtle smile that warmed every inch of her skin.

  Then he started walking. He called over his shoulder as the horses began moving again. “It widens out in a few k’s. Till then, just take it easy.”

  Carl snorted behind her, then muttered too low for Kade to hear. “Tell me something I don’t know, genius.”

  Hadley eased forward as Kade set a cautious pace, every so often throwing a backwards glance to check on them. Or more accurately, from the way his eyes locked on her as she shuffled forward, he was checking just on her.

  When the shadows began to lengthen, and Hadley’s legs were burning, she noticed the path spreading out a little. As they carried on, her nerves began to settle as the steepness of the drop lessened marginally.

  Instead of the thick forest that had accompanied them, the trees were thinning out, making way for a splattering of houses built on the sloping hill opposite.

  She continued with a plodding pace, her calves tight and feet hot and throbbing in her boots. Now that the worst of the danger had passed, Carl’s voice once again, took up his steady stream of complaints.