A Soul of Steel

by Troy A Hill

  Relief swept through me enough to make my knees wobble at the news. I had just made friends with Bleddyn and Rhian. Rhys’ death was tragic, and a blow to my heart already. I didn’t want to suffer yet another blow with Lord Penllyn’s death.

  Footsteps sounded in the cave entrance. Cadoc walked out, but kept a hand on the wall to steady himself. If that werebear came back, none of us were in shape to take it on. If I did I’d have to feed on its blood, no matter who saw me. I hoped Ruadh had killed it, or at least driven it off.

  Behind Cadoc, the other three guards exited. Their eyes had the hard but misty edge of trained warriors ready for blood. But each of them had a haunted look, about them. Afon twisted his hand on the hilt of his sword. Gerallt bit his lower lip. Siors, with a spear in hand, let his eyes jerk about the hillside.

  Cadoc looked them over and nodded at Gerallt.

  “Get the fire blazing, so we have some bloody light,” the young lord said. “And build two litters to get Rhys and father out of that cave. It reeks of death.”

  “Yes, milord,” Gerallt said, and waved his men back to the campsite. Cadoc and Gwen exchanged a lengthy glance.

  “Thank you, milady,” he said. “You are sure father will live?”

  “I believe so,” she said. Her voice quiet. “I believe I’ve stopped the werebear’s curse from infecting his wounds. Only time will tell, though.”

  “What HO! Penllyn?” a familiar voice bellowed from the forest.

  A large grin split my face, and my heart soared. If I hadn’t been so wounded, I would have grabbed him and given him my own version of a bear hug.

  “Ruadh, come in, man,” Cadoc said from inside the cave.

  “I just saw a bear run off.” The monk said as he joined us. He had donned his monk’s tunic again, but his cross was absent. Where he left them when he shifted forms, I had no idea. He winked at me.

  “Was that yer glowy blade that drove the beast away?”

  I nodded and thought about giving him that hug. But my demon was still growling for blood. Best that I keep everyone at arm’s length for a while.

  “The Lady Mair proved herself a true friend of Penllyn tonight,” Cadoc said. He managed a weak smile from where he still steadied himself on the wall. “Did you…?” He let the question hang. The guards didn’t know of Ruadh’s nature, but Cadoc did. He figured out enough to know it wasn’t me that drove off the other werebear.

  Ruadh gave a quick short nod. “Anyone hurt?”

  “Rhys was killed straight off.” Gwen said. She shook her head and glanced back at the cave entrance. “I could do nothing for him. Bleddyn took two strikes from the creature, but is alive. He needs bedrest. A lot of bedrest.”

  “And the bear?” I asked Ruadh.

  “He be a slippery one. Lots of tricks in his fur. Looks like he was in a real fight. One that would scare him off any return.” Ruadh chuckled and winked at me. “Right now, though, he be running for his life. He won’t be coming back this way soon.”

  “Thank you, my friend,” Cadoc said and held his arm out to Ruadh. “Penllyn owes you much,” he added in a whisper. Ruadh took his arm and pulled Cadoc in for a hug.

  “That be what friends do,” Ruadh rumbled in a quiet voice.

  Cadoc turned to me with his arm extended.

  “And you, Lady Mair,” he said. “My gratitude is immense that you placed yourself in front of that creature to protect us…” his voice caught. “I… I couldn’t fight it alone.”

  Ruadh wrapped an arm around the young lord’s shoulders.

  “Aye, Mair be a true friend,” Ruadh said. “but she looks like that beast slashed her too.”

  Panic drifted across Cadoc face. “Will she catch the curse?” he asked Gwen.

  “I will use The Holy Lady’s blessings on her wounds once I have time to recover my strength,” Gwen said. “Mair’s wounds are not near as bad as your fathers.” Gwen shifted her eyes up to me.

  “Can you catch the curse?”

  “I haven’t yet,” I sent and had to repress a grin. “That wasn’t the first shifter I’ve fought.”

  Ruadh fished around in his belt pouch until he retrieved his cross – one of those dark wooden ones that brother Iolo must have carved – kissed it, and looped it over his head.

  “Come, lad,” he said to Cadoc. “Let’s go give Rhys the prayers for the dead. The abbot will be on me, if I don’t do all I can to help.”

  Cadoc looked at him for a few seconds, then a grin split his face. We all knew Ruadh had already done more than anyone to help drive off that werebear. But, with the guards around, we needed to keep to our normal roles. Ruadh was a monk, so prayers were his duty.

  29

  Guilt

  As the raven cawed and flew away into the mists, Gwen put her hand forward, and opened another rift. The moon was still above the horizon, and stars twinkled in the peaceful sky over Caer Penllyn. Cadoc stepped out behind me, with the other end of his father’s litter. Gwen directed us to set the Lord of Penllyn on the soft soil of his homeland.

  “Perhaps you should head to the keep, send guards here,” she said to Cadoc. “Then find your mother and tell her what happened before rumours fly.”

  “It would have been best if we could have brought the men here, too,” he said, and raised an eyebrow as Gwen leaned against an oak and massaged her temples again. “but we are all tired. I know nothing of the miracles you preform, but even they tire you.”

  Gwen gave him a small grin.

  “It taxed me to bring you three here,” she admitted, and sank down to the loam. “Go find stout men to carry your father. Ruadh will stay with them as they return.”

  “The beast won’t attack them? Will it?” he asked. “I mean, with Ruadh along, it will be scared to attack another shifter… Can they sense each other?”

  “Smell is more like it,” I said and sat next to Gwen. My wounds complained as I bent and twisted. “But I suspect the other one is running far away. Finding another shifter in the same area was unexpected. Your men handled the news of one shifter well.”

  “Our men are the best, milady,” Cadoc said with a grin. “I’m just glad we could keep Ruadh’s secret.” He glanced at Gwen again. “You’ll make sure that the shifter’s curse won’t harm Lady Mair? She’s earned our family’s gratitude a thousand-fold tonight. From what Ruadh has told me of the curse, I would wish it on no one. Not even Fadog.”

  “I will,” she said. “Your father was close to death, so I used all of my energy on him. The Holy Lady’s magic saved him. But I have to be the one to deliver the magic. With wounds as deep as his, and the curse leaking into him, that was almost more than I could channel in one night.”

  The young lord was surprisingly collected despite seeing his father almost killed by a half-bear beast, then walking through the fringes of the Otherworld after stepping into a fiery slit in a tree.

  “He will live?” Cadoc asked.

  “I believe so,” she said. “He needs rest, a lot of rest in a warm bed.” Cadoc held her eyes, then straightened his shoulders.

  His gaze lingered on his wounded father. “How long will he be down?”

  “A month, maybe more. Everyone heals differently.” She said. “Go now. The night is still warm, but will cool quickly. I want him inside before the fog rises.”

  Cadoc turned toward the path down the hill. The clearing below we used as our practice field was empty, waiting for me and my students to dance again. The smell of smoke from the hearth drifted to us in the still night.

  I wondered if Emlyn had returned yet. Tonight was the earliest he had expected to return. Tomorrow was more likely. I dreaded the look he would give me. I was supposed to protect everyone. That’s why I went with them. True, none of us expected a shapeshifter. A bear, or a large cat should have been easy enough to deal with. I opened my cloak and pressed my hand again my injured side. The gashes in the flesh moved less if I applied pressure. I’d have to feed soon.

  But I had just fed from
Emlyn. He still needed time for his body to replenish his blood. Gwen was too exhausted. I didn’t want to draw from her well. I despised drinking from a sleeping person. The best I could give them was sweet dreams of pleasure. But without their permission, no matter how vague I was about my need, I rarely allowed myself to go there. But I might have to.

  Unless… The power the goddess was sending me seemed to be holding off the worst of my hunger. If I remained sedate while the sun was up, and avoided any more fights with shifters, I should be able to last until Ruadh returned. I hoped he would open a vein and fill my cup for me. He wasn’t a candidate for me to share a bed with, but I suspected he’d donate to help me heal.

  Gwen must have seen me wince. She turned and ran her hand along the tree to open the slit to her storage area in the otherworld. She pulled out a cloak and passed it to me.

  “Trade. Yours is a ripped and bloody mess, dearest.” I realised she was right. I let my cloak drop, then unfolded the other one and wrapped it around me. We had more dresses in the cottage, but I wanted to see Bleddyn to the keep, and spend time with Rhian, Cadoc and Enid. In this time of crisis, I wanted to be there to support them.

  This was one hell of a way to begin a friendship, even if we were several weeks into it. A rogue shifter on the loose, and now the Lord of the cantref injured and out of for who knew how long. I sat against the log, my knees to my ripped chest. I pulled the cloak around me as I stared at Bleddyn.

  Gwen set her hand on my shoulder.

  “It’s not your fault, you didn’t bring the beast here.” She hadn’t read my thoughts, but she understood where my thoughts had drifted. She was correct. If only I hadn’t been so cautious and had pulled energy from my blood demon right away. I might have stopped the shifter attack before he harmed Bleddyn. Damn it. Why had I been so slow? To not alarm Cadoc?

  “Without you there tonight,” she moved to sit on the ground next to me, and her hand moved the hair from my eyes, and tucked it behind my ear again. “Without you, Penllyn would be short not only a Lord, but also its heir and four guards.”

  “Ruadh helped. It wasn’t me that chased it off,” I said. She was right, though. “

  Gravel crunched on the path below us.

  “Milady Gwen?” a voice called out. Gwen stood and directed the two guardsmen into the trees of the grove. Their eyes grew wide as they spied Lord Penllyn on the litter.

  “Did Cadoc tell you what your mission is?” she asked. The men shook their heads.

  “Only that you and Lady Mair was here and needed help to carry an injured person.” That made sense. The cantref would find out soon enough their Lord was severely injured. Better to get him into the keep before the kitchen girls and others started to spread the news and turned out the entire hilltop.

  One guard swallowed hard, then directed his fellow to grab the litter. They lifted Bleddyn. “To the keep?” the guardsman asked.

  “Yes, gently.”

  Several of the kitchen girls hovered anxiously inside the keep. They waited to see what had prompted Cadoc's return. Rhian came to the balcony over the great hall.

  “Up here,” she said. She wasn’t close enough for me to read her expression, but the Lady Penllyn tone was in her voice. Cadoc rushed to help with the litter. I already had hold of one of the front poles. The four of us moved the Lord of Penllyn’s litter ever so gently up the staircase. Cadoc and the other guard at the back raised their end high, and we on the front kept our end low, with the litter as level as possible.

  The doorway into Lord Penllyn’s chambers was too narrow for us to carry the litter in side by side. I passed my end to the guard. Rhian let out a little gasp as she saw my blood-soaked and torn dress. After the gasp, she set her lips in grim determination. We both understood. Emotions later. Now we had work to do, and plans to make.

  Rhian bit her lip silently during the transfer. Once he was on the bed, she thanked the guards for their help. Cadoc closed the door after them.

  “I know you want to be here now,” Gwen said to Cadoc. “But, the news is already spreading. You need to be the temporary Lord of Penllyn, and be downstairs to calm your people.”

  He glanced at his mother, nodded to Gwen.

  “I will send Enid up, once she arrives,” he said. “I sent Rhosyn to wake her before I came up to tell mother.”

  Once Cadoc had shut the door behind him, Gwen moved to the bed, and directed Rhian to help her get Bleddyn undressed and his wounds cleaned.

  “I used the Lady’s magic to stop his bleeding in the cave,” Gwen said. Rhian gasped as they peeled back his ruined tunic. The gashes in his side looked how my own gashes felt. Wide, deep and ragged. I didn’t bleed because my demon had used up all the blood to heal what she could of the gashes. Bleddyn was more than lucky Gwen was there to staunch his wounds. He would have bled out and died like Rhys without her aid.

  Rhian had a roll of linen and salve in hand already. They worked efficiently, and had him undressed, and a blanket pulled over his legs while they cleaned his wounds with a basin of water and linen cloths that Rhian had on hand.

  The Lady of Penllyn’s eyes were misty as she worked the wet cloth across her husband’s skin. I stayed to the side, out of the way and watched them work. She must have sensed my eyes on her.

  “Our marriage,” she said, “is like so many others of our station.”

  “Political,” I said. “More for producing alliances than for love.”

  “Love?” She smiled at me. “We’ve come to love each other. But we’re both realists. And have been from the beginning. We don’t ask about what we’d rather not share in our private lives.”

  She blushed and glanced up from where she applied a foul smelling ointment to Bleddyn’s side. She looked at Gwen.

  “You’re sure he’ll continue sleeping? Those look painful. I’d be screaming if I were hurt that bad.” Her voice caught on the word hurt. But her hands kept working. She never flinched from the task. Lady Penllyn had steel in her character.

  “I used The Holy Lady’s magic to make him sleep,” Gwen said. “He was already out with shock, but I wanted him to have a chance for his body to heal before he wakes.”

  The door opened without a knock and Emlyn strode in. His eyes found me, then slid to his brother on the bed.

  “I just rode in and come back to this?” he said. “How is he?”

  “Alive,” Gwen said. “I channelled The Lady’s power to kill off the beast’s disease before it could affect him, and then stopped his bleeding. I barely had energy to do that.” She wiped the dried blood from around the wounds on his side. “I am sorry, but Rhys was dead before I got to them. I could only save Bleddyn.”

  He gave her one curt nod, then spun toward me. Footsteps sounded along the hall and into the room. Behind me the door swung shut. I glanced over at Cadoc, who stood quietly, waiting.

  “I sent you to keep them safe.” His voice was low, cold. “And this happens.”

  That hurt. He hadn’t been there, and didn’t know what we had encountered. My demon stirred at my emotions, my anger at his words. Rhian gasped and held her hand out, trying to stop him.

  I met his eyes and saw the pain behind his icy stare. No one spoke for several seconds.

  “She took two blows meant for me,” Cadoc said, his voice firm. “If she hadn’t stepped in, you’d have no lord of Penllyn left.”

  “Do better next time,” the sword master said. His hands flexed, and slid toward his blades. But I saw something else in his eyes. Something that Rhosyn the seamstress had told me about how his first family had been killed. Then his adoptive father ambushed right before him. All of that guilt was there, in his gaze. He couldn't forgive himself yet again. He made the decision to leave them in my care. His decision… and his eyes betrayed his feelings. His guilt. But he couldn’t admit it.

  I stepped toward him. “Stop blaming yourself for this.”

  The way his head jerked told me. I hit the raw nerve in him.

  “If you h
ad been there,” I said, “Cadoc’s words would still be true, with one change. Penllyn would be without its lord, his heir, and their Penteulu.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  I held his gaze as I reached up and unfastened my cloak and shrugged to let it drop to the floor. My ripped and torn dress. The only difference between my torn clothing and Bleddyn’s was mine lacked blood. Emlyn would know why.

  He shook his head. “Why didn’t you…”

  “I’m tougher to kill, remember,” I interrupted, then reached down and ripped open the tears in my dress. Cadoc gasped. Emlyn gave a small flinch at my wounds. Gashes from just under my left breast across my belly. Deep like those of his brother’s.

  Emlyn jerked his eyes up to my face. “You would have bled out before the fight was over. Do NOT blame yourself.”

  I didn’t take my eyes off Emlyn.

  “We have problems to face.” I didn’t have the energy to deal with Emlyn or his guilt right now. I wanted time with Gwen to hold her and find comfort in her touch. I could have shared that with Emlyn, but not with his guilt eating him like this.

  “Penllyn needs her Penteulu,” I said, my voice low.

  His gaze stayed hard. He wasn’t ready to, couldn’t let go of the guilt, and spun away from me, and bowed to Rhian.

  “I will be in the armoury, taking inventory if you need me.” He strode to the door then turned back. His eyes lingered for a few seconds on his unconscious brother, before he gently pulled it shut.

  30

  Caress

  Rhian and Gwen finished wrapping a clean linen bandage across Bleddyn’s chest and tied it off the best they could. I bent and retrieved the cloak to cover myself. Lady Penllyn stepped over to help, but her eyes darted to Cadoc. I had just shown him I differed vastly from his sword master. I’d never had this many mortals in one household know of my nature.

  Rhian opened my cloak and stepped back to examine the wounds. “How… Will…?”