She held her breath, imagining him tangled in sheets, hot and damp from sleep, and for a minute wondered if it would be in her equilibrium’s best interest to leave the tray at the door.
“Oh, hell.” His voice came through the door. “Come in.”
He sat on the bed, foggy-eyed and naked from above his pajama pants, and Liv bit back a sigh of satisfaction at seeing his bare skin again. The same slim hips cut with stark muscle, the same bronzed chest she’d lain against, the muscular arms that had held her . . .
“Looks like I slept in.” His mouth kicked up at one corner as he scrubbed his hands through his glossy hair. “Where are the girls?”
Liv put the tray on a side table and moved to open the shutters at the window, anything to avoid looking at him, at his muscles flexing under shimmering skin.
She bit her lip as she snuck a guilty look. “Petro and I’ve just fed them, and the doctor’s appointment is in an hour so we’re getting them dressed.”
“It’s ten?” he exclaimed.
She turned back and nodded, trying to keep her gaze on his face and not let it drift any lower. “You fell asleep in the girls’ room last night, so I covered you with a blanket, but when I went in to feed them at five thirty you weren’t there.”
“Oh, yeah.” He shook his head as if to banish the threads of exhaustion Liv could feel dragging in her own body. “I vaguely remember waking up on their floor with the worst pain in my back and I crawled into bed.” He sucked in a breath. “God knows what time it was.”
He grabbed a T-shirt from the dresser and pulled it on and her heart pulsed with the sweet, strong memory of him last night.
Two long years might have passed since she’d felt his touch, been consumed in his kiss, but the power of him was everything she’d held in each cell of her body all that time. That memory would have to be locked down tight for all their sakes.
“How about you?” he said, letting out a low chuckle. “I’d been speaking to you for a couple of minutes and realized you’d gone to sleep.”
Shocked pulsed through her. “But that’s terrible! I could’ve hurt Phoebe.”
He chuckled again and it warmed her blood. “You were holding her so close in the front pack, I literally had to prize her away from you.”
“Thanks,” she said, shooting him a grateful smile before looking out the window. “Have your breakfast then we can all go to the doctor’s.”
“Are you sure you want to come? I could just go myself.” He picked up his cup of coffee and drank from it. “Thanks, for this.” He grabbed a piece of toast then bit into it, tossing her a casual grin that lit up the space between them.
“Of course, I’ll come, and you’re welcome,” she said. “We need more diapers, wipes, and formula, and it’ll unsettle the girls getting in and out of the car all the time. And besides,” she said, “I love being involved in every part of their day-to-day lives.”
The scene of him with the girls last night, and the way Phoebe and Zoë had reacted to being snuggled into his clothes, played over and over in her mind. The nagging thought that she couldn’t take Phoebe and Zoë away from here was becoming more persistent, and the most frighteningly simple solution just wouldn’t leave her. The solution that Markus had already proposed.
Marrying him and staying here.
“I’ll admit,” he said, before swallowing another mouthful of coffee, “now that I’m looking after the girls all day, not just in the mornings and evenings as I was before, I’m really feeling it. How about you?”
“Exhausted,” she said, throwing him a smile. “Like my head’s full of cotton wool and I’ve got great weights pulling on my bones. I can’t help thinking how lucky we are to have Petro doing the cooking and washing, though. Imagine if it was just the two of us! Imagine what we’d be eating! Cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”
“It’d be hard, bringing up twins on your own.”
He’d said it slowly, and Liv swung her gaze to meet his, her heart beating rapid-fire that he was reaching out to her again.
“You know the girls and I are having the paternity test done today?” he asked quietly. “I thought the sooner we get that cleared up, the better.”
“Yes.” She turned back to the window and the view of the dust-dry hills beyond. The confirmation would be nothing more than what she already knew—he’d told her the truth. Nobody could love the girls the way he did and deny paternity.
“I’m not sure what happened last night,” she said, continuing her earlier train of thought. “The way the girls were so unsettled. I wonder if there’s something we can do to help them sleep better.”
“Like what?”
“Well, they didn’t always seem hungry, not in the first part of the evening, anyway. They wouldn’t settle until much later. One of the how-to books suggested using essential oils in the bath to calm them before they go to sleep. Something soothing that they’ll associate with the routine of going to bed.”
“What sort of essential oil?”
“Lavender.” She turned back to him. She’d been thinking about this since she woke and she was eager to try it. “You said you have your grandfather’s old still in your workshop here?” She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice.
He stood and then pulled the snowy covers up on the king-size bed. The cotton of his pajama pants clung to long, lean thighs and she suppressed a gulp. “I’m not sure if it all works, but it’s set up ready to go,” he said.
“You’ve got some beautiful plants in front of the house and I was wondering if I could try making some oil from those.”
“Have you extracted oil before?” His words trailed off and Liv basked in the warmth of his grin. “Of course, you’ve done it before. How could I forget,” he said, the smile lingering in his voice. “It was practically all you did every weekend while you were studying.”
“I haven’t made perfume in a long time.” She conceded. “I’ve been involved in the management and marketing side of the business since I’ve been in Switzerland, but, yes, that’s exactly what I was doing in Paris.”
“I think you should give it a go,” he said, moving to the foot of the bed. “If anyone knows about the power of a fragrance, it’s you. I don’t see how it could do the girls any harm, and if it means we can have fewer nights like last night, then I’m all for it. Which reminds me,” he said, “Petro planted all those vanilla orchids down the side of the house when I moved here from Paris. Part of his little plan to get me back in the swing of things. I noticed the vanilla scent yesterday and went out to have a look.” His gaze skimmed her. “It’s time the beans were harvested, if you’re interested in helping me.”
“I’d love to,” Liv said, a whiz of connection rocketing through her. He wanted her here, helping him. “Now, you finish getting dressed and I’ll get the girls ready.”
She moved past him, but he put out a hand and touched her arm. Divine tingles rushed the length of her body as she swung her gaze to his face.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice rich as velvet. “For the breakfast.”
For a second she considered stepping away, but then she allowed the luxury of his warmth to peal through her. “You’re welcome.” Her voice was a rasping whisper. And when she looked down to where his hand sat hot on her skin, she saw her own hand covering his.
Confusion overtook her and she slowly broke the connection. “You deserved it.”
Half an hour later Markus turned the car onto the main road to Paphos and accelerated. The girls were clipped into their baby seats in the back. One glance in Liv’s mirror showed their faces puckered in sleep.
It took a lot to get the girls ready—making sure she and Markus had enough warm clothes, diapers, and emergency bottles prepared. She thought back to the extended lunch breaks and frequent stops for coffee during her days in the office in Switzerland; it all seemed so long ago. And she didn’t miss it one bit.
She turned to Markus in the driver’s seat. His hair was still
damp from his quick shower. “I’ll get onto the lavender as soon as we get back,” she said. “Petro has said he’ll help me pick some, so even though the oil will take some time to extract, I could make some lavender water for their bath tonight.”
He glanced over at her and his mouth kicked up at the corners, sending a shower of sparks through her body. This was a smile all for her and she could’ve shouted in joy at its sincerity. “Will the house smell the way the apartment used to in Paris?” he asked. “I can still see those rose petals drying in bowls all over the living room. When I close my eyes, I can still smell the cloves and bergamot . . .” His words disappeared as he seemed to realize where he was, his face losing the faraway look of a few seconds before.
He breathed out swift words. “It was an intense time, wasn’t it?” He glanced over again and this time his gaze hooked hers. “Our hunger to learn, all the new experiences, our naivete about the way the world worked.”
She smiled at him. Part of her heart told her to stay away from these bittersweet memories, to keep things impersonal, but the words in her throat had a life of their own. “But we had fun, didn’t we? Remember the old guy in the boulangerie who used to laugh at the way we pronounced chausson aux pommes? And the woman at the laundromat who thought we were hysterical not ironing anything?” She couldn’t stop her light and breezy laugh.
The memories were so vivid, so filled with sensuality, that she could almost see the vibrant colors of market day and smell the street on a cold winter’s morning. Could almost feel her hand in Markus’s as they strolled by the Seine in the springtime. How he’d stopped and held her face in his hands and said, “I love you”. The shiver of delight the thought of those words evoked caught her off guard.
A grin sounded in his voice when he spoke. “Remember that funny old woman who walked her dog down the street by the University? The poor little thing was dragged along as if it had never been out of its apartment and was too frightened to put one foot in front of the other.”
“And she called him ‘Pierre the dog’ as if he might be mistaken for something else.” She chuckled.
His deep, rumbling laugh erupted and blended with hers, and for one magical moment, they were joined by a gossamer strand and the magic of closeness burrowed deep in her bones.
The memory of what Markus had said about them bringing up the girls together pushed its way into her mind. They were friends. They had a shared history. They could still laugh and joke about things as they were doing now.
So why shouldn’t they be able to spend their lives in the same place raising the girls? No matter how flippant Markus might’ve been when he first brought up marriage, it was rapidly becoming the best answer to ensure the girls’ guaranteed stability. Commit to marrying Markus and stay in Cyprus. Giving the girls two parents who loved them, despite not being able to share a life together, was the only solution.
“Can you tell me why it all ended?” Markus asked in a quiet voice.
Her thoughts scrambled as she realized the conversation in the last two days had always been destined to reach this point—hurtling toward a showdown of the truth.
She slid her hands under her thighs and stared at the dappled blue sea. If there was a possibility Markus and she were going to stay in the girls’ lives together—whether that was back in the States or here—they had to put this behind them once and for all. Nothing must be unspoken now, no question about why their relationship had ended unasked. They had to acknowledge what had happened in the past and move beyond it. Her heart clenched. “Are you sure you’re ready to talk about this now?”
His voice was calm. “I feel as though we can talk about it, now that other things are out in the open.” He pulled the car off the road. “This conversation is much too important to have while I’m driving though.”
When he’d cut the engine, she counted to ten before she spoke, willing her heart rate to return to a normal level. It wouldn’t.
She turned to face him and forced the words out through the staccato thump at her throat. “My leaving was bad timing. My boss was desperate to get me into the Geneva office that week. The managing director had just been charged with fraud and staff were leaving. I was in a very difficult position . . . but it was more than just work.”
“You woke up one day and decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore.”
His flat, monotone words nicked her heart.
“I want you to know how it felt, Liv. When the bottom dropped out of my world.” His gaze softened. “Now we can talk about this, I want you to know how it felt having you wake up one morning and say you had to leave. I want you to know so you never do it to the girls.”
His words were shredding her.
“I had to go, Markus.” Heat rose from her neck to her scalp. She’d harness some of that power and infuse her words with it. “We were finished.”
The air sizzled between them.
“Were we?”
The implication that he didn’t agree hung hot in the air, and the pulse beating harder in her throat prevented her from answering.
“I think you’re wrong.” His voice was calm and steady. “If you hadn’t been too frightened to show some commitment, I would’ve fought for you.”
I would’ve fought for you.
She tried to ignore the hum those words sparked inside her. “You’d come home two days late from caving after I’d begged you not to go. You hadn’t said you’d stop taking risks, so yes, we were finished.” She made her words firm and confident, and he flinched.
“You weren’t a risk taker when we first met. It was one of the things that drew me to you. You were so strong. So safe. And then when we moved to Paris, you changed. It was as if you couldn’t live life at a fast enough speed. As if you were addicted to adrenaline, and even though that drug was coming between us, you couldn’t stop.”
He scrubbed a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. There was a long silence before he spoke. “It was tough for both of us moving to a foreign country. I know our parents worried about us. But when I left Mom, Dad and Alex to support Andoni, when previously we’d all done it together, it was almost as if I needed to live the biggest life I could, you know? Doing those things made my heart race, made me feel alive.”
She reached out and touched his hand. When he looked up, her heart squeezed. “But you couldn’t stop, even when you knew how much it terrified me.”
He rolled his lips together. “No, I couldn’t. I’m sorry for that now, of course. So sorry that I didn’t have the strength to be open with you, to really step inside your shoes and understand what my actions were doing to you, and to us. But back then I was too . . . frightened.”
“Frightened?” she whispered. When had she ever known this strong and self-assured man to be frightened?
His throat moved in a tight swallow and he rubbed his chin with both hands. “My uncle is bipolar, like Andoni, and some people say my grandfather probably was too. I was frightened that if I didn’t outrun bad feelings, if I sat and thought about things too long, it might take me over as well.”
“Oh, Markus,” she said, as tears pushed at the back of her nose. “I wish I’d known. Wish I could have understood what you were going through.”
“And I wish I’d been open about discussing my fears with you.” His face softened. “It wasn’t until Andoni died that I realized how selfish my actions were. When I saw the raw and gut-wrenching grief my parents went through, I knew I never wanted to think of them going through that again. I started seeing a counselor and that’s helped when things have been tough. Made me see there is help when and if I need it. I’m just glad I made the decision to change that part of my life before the girls came into it. I can’t bear the thought of them losing anyone they love.”
Liv pushed her palms harder into the leather seat. It was as if a light had been shone in the darkest part of her heart and a weight that had been dragging her down had finally been lifted. And a powerful thought built in her mind. Now
she could fight. Now she had the sort of commitment she hadn’t been able to give Markus then, and he had an understanding of what his actions had meant for her.
“I’ll do it,” she blurted.
She could feel his gaze burning into her as she stared out the windscreen. “I’ll marry you for the sake of the girls. We’ll have shared custody and bring them up together. We can live in the States, or we can live here. But I don’t want a marriage just so I can get a work permit. I want to be part of their lives. Be the mother they should’ve had. I have what it takes, Markus.”
He was silent for so long she was tempted to turn her head to see his face, but she knew that once she looked into his eyes, he’d be able to see how her announcement had scared the breath out of her. Nevertheless, she meant every word.
“Are you sure?” he finally said. “A marriage? A commitment to raise the girls? You think you can do that and not run? Keep the agreement even when the going gets tough, as it surely will?”
She flicked her hair, straightened her back, and then turned her head and locked her gaze with his. “I know in my heart that Polly would’ve wanted me to raise her children. But being here, I’ve realized how much you love them too, how settled they are and how much you have to offer them. I’m not about to rip that all away, Markus. I have the commitment. I’m doing this.”
Without a word, he started the engine again and then pulled back out into the traffic, his gaze fixed on the road ahead.
“I love the girls, too, Markus. I want them to have a mother and a father in their lives and I’ll do whatever it takes to achieve that.”
When they pulled up outside the clinic five minutes later, Markus watched Liv unclick her seatbelt and move to open the door, but he put a hand on her arm to stop her. The girls were quiet in the back, and they still had ten minutes before they were due in the doctor’s surgery.
The fragile warmth of her body beneath her T-shirt was achingly familiar, but he was filled with a feeling of foreboding. The shock of her announcement still reverberated through his tired body and brain.
A Family for Good : A sweet, small town, second chance romance (Tall Dark and Driven Book 6) Page 9