The hours dragged until it was time to collect Mouse. Nell hated herself for clock-watching but she couldn’t help it.
There was a parking space close to the Thatch, so Nell pulled in and waited nervously, hoping it hadn’t gone disastrously wrong. Just after four o’clock Mouse appeared and looked around. She beeped the horn and waved. Mouse’s face lit up and she ran to the car and jumped in.
‘Well?’ Nell asked cagily.
‘I rocked it,’ Mouse said looking as if she’d burst with excitement. ‘Joseph is dead-on. He’s really good at explaining stuff and he told me that if I keep going the way I was today, I’ll have a permanent job!’
‘That’s amazing,’ Nell said. ‘Not that I had any doubts about you.’
‘I got the form to fill out. Will you help me when we get home?’
Nell’s eyes misted over as she nodded and turned on the car. Mouse had called the lighthouse home.
‘I missed you today,’ Nell said out of the blue as they drove along the narrow road approaching the lighthouse. ‘I’ve become used to having you around. I’m not a fluffy person, as you may have gathered. But I believe some things happen for a reason. After so many years of bitterness and heartache, I think you were guided to me. Probably by your mother and my Laura. We’re both a bit broken and I guess it works. Who knows, maybe we’ll fix each other a little bit.’
They arrived at the lighthouse and as they walked past the photograph on the hall table just inside the front door, Mouse paused.
‘I’d love to know the end of the story,’ she said quietly, ‘when you’re ready to tell it.’
Nell went and sat at the kitchen table. ‘After Australia, you mean?’
Mouse nodded and came and sat down next to her.
Nell took a deep breath. ‘When Laura told me about going to see her father, we had the most horrific fight. I told her she was forbidden to leave me. She fought back like a caged tiger and lashed out, telling me I was the worst mother and the worst person on the planet. That I’d ruined her life and she hated me.’
‘Oh Nell,’ Mouse said. ‘Poor you.’
‘Ah I’ve mulled it over in my head. For years I’ve mulled it over,’ she said. ‘And I know Laura was partially right. I held her back in lots of ways. I used her sickness so I could withdraw from the world.’
‘That’s not true,’ Mouse said emphatically.
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Because Laura has been gone a long time and you’re still here living in your lighthouse, hiding. So you didn’t actually use her as an excuse. You just brought her with you.’
‘I never thought of it that way,’ Nell said. ‘Anyway, there’s no point in looking back. What’s done is done. My Laura is gone and nothing would ever have changed that outcome, unfortunately.’
‘Did she die in Australia?’ Mouse asked.
Nell shook her head. She sat in total silence for quite a while. Lost in the memories that clearly still caused so much pain.
‘She was gone for almost a year. Eleven months to be exact.’
‘Did you talk regularly?’
Nell shook her head. ‘Only once. She phoned to say that she’d arrived safely and her father had collected her at the airport. She sounded so happy and said it was amazing there.’
‘What a bitch,’ Mouse said before clapping her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean …’
‘Don’t worry, Mouse, I had the very same reaction. I told her she was a traitor, that she was an ungrateful little witch, that I’d dedicated my life to her and she’d turned her back on me.’
‘But she knew you didn’t mean it, right?’
‘Oh I meant every word of it,’ Nell said. ‘I was so hurt and so consumed with jealousy at hearing about the fine house and the swimming pool and the four half-siblings, three girls and a boy, who had welcomed her with open arms … the glamorous Australian wife called Daisy who cried when she hugged my Laura … it was all too much of a smack in the face.’
‘I’d say you felt like getting on a flight and finding that smug family and beating them to a pulp.’
Nell laughed. ‘That’s kind of a violent example of what I felt like doing, but yes … ashamed as I am to admit it, I was devastated. I think what hurt me the most was the way that Laura seemed able to forgive her father for leaving us. I mean, I was the one who was left holding the baby and yet I ended up on my own.’
‘There’s nothing fair about that. Did your ex make any contact with you while Laura was living with him?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘Not for a long time. He probably didn’t really feel there was much point, and he had his own thing going on. Whatever about Laura, I was surplus to requirements.’
‘That sucks,’ Mouse said. ‘It was as if they tossed you aside … as if you were worthless … that’s not right.’
‘That was how I viewed it, too. But actually they were just a normal family. Daisy had no idea Laura even existed until she turned up at their house. His four kids were just as surprised, but they instantly embraced her and treated her like one of them.’
‘Didn’t a tiny part of you hope that she’d have a terrible time and come home with her tail between her legs?’
‘Of course, Mouse. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t feel that way. But hindsight is a great thing and knowing that they were so kind to Laura has given me great comfort and peace of mind since she passed away. I’m glad she lived her final days in happiness.’
‘So she died in Australia?’ Mouse asked again.
Nell didn’t really want to get into that part. But felt she had to give the girl an answer.
‘No, she came back here. She realised she was truly at the end of the road and when push came to shove, she chose to be with me in the end.’
‘I’m glad you were with her,’ Mouse said. ‘At least you got to say goodbye.’
‘We had six weeks together. We talked incessantly. We tried to squash our whole lives into that time. I savoured each and every conversation, and I know Laura did too.’
Mouse got up and hugged her. ‘Thanks for telling me. I’m going to take a shower, if that’s OK? Could we fill out the form afterwards?’
Nell nodded and Mouse left the room. Nell looked to the ceiling.
‘Thank you, darling,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t know if I deserve a second chance after what I did … I couldn’t cope after you died. I wish I had done things differently. I won’t mess up this time.’
Chapter 29
Doug was taking Billy and Jess out on the boat for the day. Keeley had packed a picnic and waved them off. She needed a few essentials, so she drove around the bay and stopped by Nourriture to say hello to Róisín on her way to the supermarket. She was shocked by her daughter’s appearance.
‘What happened you?’ she said, looking at her pale complexion and panda eyes.
‘I didn’t get much sleep,’ she admitted.
‘She was panned out on the chair up at her desk when I came in to make the breads this morning,’ Brigid said as she breezed by. ‘And the smell of alcohol was so strong, I was nervous about lighting the gas ovens!’
‘Is everything alright, love?’ Keeley asked.
‘I’m fine Mum, I need today to be over and done with and I’ll go to bed and wake up feeling normal tomorrow. Either that or I’ll keel over and die at any moment.’
‘Where were you? Did Jill drag you out celebrating?’
‘Something like that,’ Róisín said brushing over it. She was about to tell her mother that the real reason she was so under the weather was that she’d been lying awake waiting for Liv to start choking on her own vomit, but the shop was too busy to get into it. Besides, her mum seemed to be in such good form she didn’t want to upset her.
As she waited for her coffee, Keeley was delighted to see Claus arrive.
‘Hello!’ she said cheerfully. ‘How are you today?’
‘Not too bad,’ he said. ‘I’m feeling better every
day, in fact. I think the Irish air is good for my soul.’
‘Will you join me for a coffee?’ Keeley said. ‘I’ve been abandoned. Doug has taken the grandchildren out for a day of boating. They’re headed to one of the little islands for a picnic and I’ve got a few free hours.’
‘I’d love that,’ he said, taking his wallet from his pocket to pay.
‘They’re on me,’ Róisín said waving his money away. ‘Family friends get special treatment. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve to go up to my office and try not to die.’
‘See you later, love,’ Keeley said, shaking her head and smiling. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen Róisín so hung-over in years. It’ll do her good, mind you,’ Keeley confided. ‘She works so hard and never takes time to herself.’
‘She’s very pleased with her shop, isn’t she?’ Claus said.
‘It’s not just a shop, Claus,’ Keeley said. ‘She does all sorts of foodie events and she absolutely eats, sleeps and breathes her trade. She built this place from nothing.’
‘What was here before Nourriture?’
‘It was vacant for a long time and Róisín took it on to see if she could make it work. Lots of the locals thought she was mad. The pub at the end of the village was the only place to eat and it was and still is very busy. But nobody thought there’d be a calling for a food emporium like this.’
‘And the supermarket isn’t great,’ said Claus. ‘Now that I’m actually living here, I’m realising how limited it is. I guess from living in Germany, I have become accustomed to having a large and varied supermarket on my doorstep.’
‘When you live in the country it’s not a big deal to drive and find shops. This village is all about the scenery and the beauty. Nourriture and the thatched roof of the pub and the fact that the supermarket is almost apologising for its existence means the place isn’t destroyed. Besides, as you well know, it’s a hub of activity so I don’t think the tourists and locals object to the way it is now.’
They finished their coffee and Claus suggested a walk. ‘If you’re busy, I understand. I don’t want you thinking I’m some poor widower who needs you to mind me.’
‘I don’t,’ she said with a smile. ‘I’d love a walk along the beach.’
As they fell into step with one another, Keeley took a deep cleansing breath. She adored her surroundings and couldn’t imagine living any place else, but it made her feel a little sad that she had to share these precious moments with a veritable stranger. As if reading her mind, Claus spoke.
‘I miss Heidi. I always thought she would accompany me at this point in our lives. It’s so peaceful and beautiful here. I wish she could’ve seen it.’
‘Well,’ Keeley confided, ‘my husband is still alive but I never seem to see him. I too thought I’d have more time so Doug and I could do things together. I’d made a pact with myself that this would be the last summer for the B&B. It’s all too much and I’m too tied to it. But I’ve been realising that I might be very much out on a limb if I don’t keep it going.’
‘Doug seems like a very nice fellow,’ Claus said. ‘But if I had you, I would cherish you. You’re right to want a slower pace and more of the enjoyable things than work.’
‘I’ll be sixty soon,’ she said. ‘Róisín wants to organise a big party for me.’
‘That’s a nice idea,’ he said. ‘You more than deserve it. I hope you will agree.’
‘A part of me would love it and another part of me just longs to do something low-key that would involve all the people I love. Since Liv’s accident and Róisín’s present upheaval, it’s put things in perspective.’
‘How is Liv doing?’ he asked.
‘She’s in much better form and we’ve worked out a good rota so that she’s being helped out in a constructive way. But she’s different. I can’t put my finger on it. I’ve tried talking to her so many times, but it seems the more I push, the more irritated she becomes. I’m just hoping she gets over this hump soon.’
‘Correct me if I’m wrong here,’ Claus said, ‘but Liv seems to be the more needy one? Róisín is the one who can manage with most things, yes?’
‘That’s pretty fair to say.’ Keeley sighed.
‘Róisín’s very like her mother,’ Claus said with a smile.
‘That’s the amazing part,’ Keeley said. ‘She’s adopted and Liv isn’t.’
‘Oh, I had no idea.’
‘We were told we’d never have children, so we adopted Róisín. Then Liv came along three years later by some incredible miracle. But it’s always amazed me that I see so much of myself in Róisín.’
‘It proves that children pick up a lot of their personality traits and values from their parents, whether biological or not.’
‘I know. She’s having a tough time right now as well, but she’s coping with such strength.’
‘What’s wrong with Róisín?’ he asked.
Keeley hesitated. She wasn’t used to discussing her family with strangers. She usually had Doug for that. It seemed a little disloyal.
‘She’s having a spot of bother with her business. But it’s nothing she can’t sort out,’ Keeley said.
Claus stopped walking. ‘You can trust me, Keeley,’ he said. ‘I promise you I won’t judge your girls or you. If you need to talk, I’m here and more than happy to listen.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, but chose not to continue the conversation. Claus seemed to respect that and Keeley was grateful. They finished their walk and he invited her to see his rental property.
‘It’s actually lovely inside,’ she said in awe. ‘Much brighter and airier than I’d expected.’
‘It’s great,’ he said. ‘I love the sea view and the proximity to the village.’
‘It’s probably a nice change from your own home too. Is it easier to be here rather than at home without Heidi?’
‘Very much so,’ he said. ‘I haven’t decided how long I will stay. As long as I need, I guess.’
Keeley knew she needed to get home, so she thanked Claus for his company and said she’d see him again soon. As she drove up to the B&B several minutes later, Keeley turned off the engine and sat motionlessly staring at the house. This place had been her saviour once upon a time. It had given her a livelihood and a sense of purpose. She could enter the Guinness Book of Records for the amount of sheets changed in one decade … but now, she mused, life was about far more than perfect corners on bedsheets, dust-free skirting boards and fresh scones. Keeley realised she’d been living her life through an invisible microscope for years. She’d zoned in on every little problem and tried to solve it. She’d spent long enough in a downward stare, she needed to lift her head and look up and enjoy the view.
Ida’s face flashed before her. The poor woman was younger than she was now and her life had ended … and as for Róisín’s birth mother, she’d missed out on raising, loving and knowing her incredible girl. Lives could be extinguished so swiftly and unexpectedly, without warning. She had no right to waste the time she’d been given. It was up to her to make the most of the precious life she was living, right here, right now.
As she opened the car door and stood out, she turned to look at the water across the road. The small inlet seemed to be opening its arms and welcoming the infinite expanse of the sea. There were so many opportunities open to her. She shouldn’t feel shackled or bogged down. She should embrace life and rejoice in all it had to offer.
Feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her, she walked purposefully into the house. Her mind was made up. She wasn’t taking any more bookings. She needed more time for herself and more than that, she was sick of working like a slave. The B&B had more than served its purpose, so why should she continue with it now?
Feeling rejuvenated and relieved, Keeley began to plan her birthday party in her head. She would use the evening to make her announcement that she too was about to retire. Perhaps if she was a woman of leisure, she and Doug could plan a holiday. After that, the world was their oyster.
Róisín wanted to cry when Brigid shouted up the stairs that there was someone there to see her. Staggering down the steps, she stopped short when she saw Rob.
‘Hey,’ he said. ‘How’s it going?’
‘I’ve been better,’ she said. ‘A lot better, in fact.’
‘All self-inflicted,’ he said. ‘I accept no responsibility. I didn’t rugby tackle you to the floor and pour drink down your neck.’
‘No,’ she said with a grin. ‘But you weren’t exactly a good example.’
‘I never said I was a role model,’ he said.
‘Coffee?’ she asked.
He nodded. She walked to the machine and made two cappuccinos and joined him at the window seat, where he was gazing out at the view, his chin on his hands. She put his cup down along with a glass of water and two painkillers.
‘Thanks,’ he said, grabbing the tablets and swallowing them. ‘So much for clearing my head,’ he said. ‘I might go for a walk on the beach. I don’t suppose you’d like to come?’
‘I would love nothing more,’ she said. ‘But I have so much to do here it’s not funny. I got practically no sleep. My sister was worse for wear when I got back and I ended up sleeping with one eye open in case she died in her sleep.’
Claus walked in the door, and Róisín waved.
‘Back again?’ she said.
He nodded and wandered into the wine shop to have a browse.
‘Who’s your man?’ Rob said stroking his beard. ‘He looks familiar.’
‘He’s a German tourist who stayed at my parents’ B&B a while back. He was here with his sister and the poor woman was dying of cancer.’
‘So what’s he doing back?’
‘He lost his wife five years ago and then his sister recently, as I said. This was the last place they were together so he’s here to grieve.’
Rob stared in at Claus. ‘I could’ve sworn I’ve seen him somewhere before.’
‘He looks like a typical tourist,’ Róisín said. ‘The smart clothes and tanned skin and immaculate hair … he looks like he even has manicures.’
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