by J. Nichole
When I got in my room I sat at the end of the bed. My finger hovering over the call button. I pressed it and waited for her to answer, and she didn’t. Instead, I heard her melodic voice on voicemail asking me to leave a message. I hung up without leaving a message.
The phone rang before I could make it into the shower. I wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed it. “Hello.”
“Hey,” she said in a soft voice sounding half sleep. “I must have fallen asleep.”
“Long day?” I asked, wishing I could see her face. When she first woke she always looked so sweet. Her eyes not fully open, no smile, just there in the moment.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I’ve had a lot of those lately.” I almost felt bad for suggesting the design project because it was that project was keeping her this busy. “And it’ll be a few months before things are semi back to normal.”
“Sorry to hear that.” Not only was I sorry to hear that for her, I didn’t want my girl all stressed out, but I was also sorry to hear about it for me. If she was too tired for texts, and couldn’t stay awake at night for our usual phone calls, we’d likely go for spurts without talking.
I immediately thought about my last relationship that was tested by distance, and I didn’t want ours to traverse the same path. “What can I do to help?” I offered.
“If you know of a construction team who was willing to work for free, send them my way,” she joked. “No, but really, thanks for asking.”
She became quiet. “Hey, are you falling asleep over there?” I asked, half joking, half serious.
“No, just thinking.” I took a long breath waiting for her next words. “I think I’ve been wanting to ask about Veronica but not wanting to overstep any boundaries.” There it was, the reason why she became distant in our already long-distance relationship.
“There are no boundaries there, she’s my ex. What did you want to ask?”
I sat, my towel wrapped around my waist, at the edge of the bed. “Honestly, what’d she say when she demanded I leave the room?” Demanded? I didn’t remember it that way. But then again, I hardly paid her any attention that day in the hospital.
What I do remember her complaining about was nonsense, and uncalled for. “She’s mistaken,” I said, adding, “She doesn’t believe I should have my girlfriend around Yara. Said you shouldn’t have been the one bringing Yara to the hospital.” As Veronica said it, I just looked at her like she was crazy. If Anaya was just a random chick it would be one thing, but I was hoping this would be longer than a few glorious nights.
“Hmm,” Anaya hummed. “Do you agree?”
“Absolutely not. I had to tell her plans would’ve been made had I known she was going to be dropping her off randomly. We had a nice conversation about how that needed to change. Either I have her every weekend or only my weekends. She couldn’t keep going with these bullshit games she was playing.”
“Please don’t let me cause any friction in your relationship with your daughter.” Her words made me shake my head.
“Nobody, including yourself, could ever change my relationship with Yara.” I thought about how she could be feeling. “And I hope nobody could ever change my relationship with you either.”
I thought our issues had been resolved and we’d be back on track. We stayed on the phone talking about random shit, and hearing her laugh was enough to warm my body that was still half naked on the edge of my bed.
But that next morning, as I waited at my gate for my flight, the few texts I sent went unanswered until it was time for me to board the plane. Then, it was only a smiling emoji.
Yara would be with me for the weekend, and I knew she’d still be recovering from the flu and ear infection, so Anaya and I agreed we’d go without seeing each other. A conclusion that was killing me because I wanted her in the badest way, but I didn’t want to expose her to more germs, unnecessarily. It was already odd that Yara had picked up the flu at the tail end of the season, and I’d be fortunate not to get sick. If it took us all out, we’d be screwed.
I heard the familiar knock, low on my door, and I was excited to at least see one of my girls. I opened the door and swooped her up into my arms. When Veronica walked in after me I could see her looking through the house. “What are you looking for?”
Her smile was a little too wide for my liking when she responded, “Just checking if your little girlfriend was here.” I put Yara on her two feet and asked her to go grab one of her bears from her room.
“Listen,” I said sternly. “First of all, she’s a grown ass woman, not my little girlfriend.” I added air quotes to emphasize my point. “If you have a problem with her, like I told you last weekend, keep that shit to yourself.” I heard Yara repeat my curse word and I shook my head. “Yara, don’t say that,” I insisted, looking down at her holding up her teddy bear for me to take. I calmed my voice as I continued, “Besides, I don’t know why you are this concerned about Anaya, you have a man of your own. One who should be making you d—” I caught myself before dropping another curse word.
Veronica put her hand in the air and opened her mouth to speak, but I stopped her. “No, you need to hear all of this.” It was well overdue. “When you decided he was what you wanted, while you carried my baby, you gave up your right to ever be concerned about me.”
She looked down at Yara and started making her way to the front door. “Her medicine is in the bag. Check her fever every couple of hours; it hasn’t been high in a few days.” She opened the door and walked out.
Yara went to the door and with a sad look on her face said, “Mama.” It shattered me. I scooped her and her bag up and went to the one place I knew would make us both feel better.
“Boy, don’t you know I’m too old to be catching the flu,” my mama said with her hand covering her mouth and nose. Although she said it, she still reached out for Yara as she stopped blocking the doorway.
“Mama,” I huffed. “I need to talk to you.”
Her eyes widened and she said, “What about?” She walked us into the kitchen where we sat across from each other at the kitchen table.
I told her how distant Anaya had been over the past week. Then described my conversation I had with Veronica at the hospital and at my place. “I see,” she said smiling down at Yara. “You want to see Papa?” she asked before disappearing and returning minus Yara. “I’m glad you finally told Veronica how you feel. It’s been too long. Hopefully you’ll finally be able to forgive her so you can move on completely.” I scowled because that was highly unlikely, especially now with the bull she was pulling.
“Anaya,” my mom said her name with much more delight in her voice. But I’m sure she was biased. “Now that one, I don’t blame her. You left her to fend for herself with your child. Then as it’s all done, that little Veronica had the nerve not to be grateful.” What it was about everyone being demoted to little... I had no idea. But I dared not defend Veronica as I did Anaya earlier.
I sat back and waited for her to continue. I could tell by her tone she was just getting started. “Outside children have always been, and will continue to be, a challenge in relationships. You not only have to worry about your relationship with Anaya, but with Veronica too, and maybe more importantly, the relationship between Anaya and Veronica.” I sucked in my breath. That last one, Veronica and Anaya, I saw that as a non-starter. “The only way for that to work is being open and honest with everyone involved.”
“And how do I get Anaya back to where we were before?” I asked.
“Time, give her time, but let her know how you feel before that.” That was all too familiar. I had to give her time when she first found out about Yara. This time, I was not pleading because of some shit I did wrong; well not completely.
My dad came into the kitchen holding Yara’s hand. “You know I don’t do runny noses and such,” he said as I looked down to Yara’s face. He handed me a tissue and Yara’s hand before he left from the kitchen.
I cleaned her nose then asked my mo
m, “What type of leftovers y’all got in there?” She smiled and fixed a plate of roasted chicken and vegetables for me and a sandwich with the same chicken in it for Yara.
Yara cleaned her plate and climbed into my lap with her head on my shoulder. My mama reached her hands out and she said, “Let me take her. I’ll get her down for a nap.” She nodded as she took Yara in her arms. “You go call my future daughter-in-law.” She chuckled as she left the room.
I wasn’t sure about the future daughter-in-law part, but I did call Anaya. When she answered after a couple of rings, I was relieved.
Twenty-One
Anaya
The house was full of dust, tools, and men—all in construction gear. I grabbed a hard hat from one of them and asked, “I can walk through, right?” He nodded his head. I was walking through with Brent, the architect, to ensure my design was finally coming to life.
“Hey, Anaya,” Brent said with a thick British accent. “You’ll have to use your imagination a bit, but let’s take a walk through.” Over the last few weeks, we’d spent days upon days reviewing architectural designs and mock-ups. My clients had some objections to a few of my design decisions causing us to scrap plans and Brent to redraw. “Alright, this is the new living area, more open,” he said as he swept his arms across the space.
I nodded as I imagined the living space being more functional for the family than the cramped den they had before with a formal dining room attached. Then Brent turned towards an empty area. “And this will be the kitchen space.” Without counters, or cabinets, I couldn’t imagine how Jackie, a self-proclaimed chef, would use the space, but I trusted Brent would deliver on my design decisions for a galley kitchen with a large island.
The one concern that remained was that we couldn’t create more space, but oddly, as we walked through, it felt more spacious. “They are walking through in a few days.” I didn’t want to state the obvious but I pointed to the filth that was gathering in corners. “We’ll hope the foreman can get it cleaned up a bit?” Brent nodded emphatically as I handed him my hard hat.
As I drove back to my office, I took calls from other clients and mentally tried to remember each intricate detail of the properties I had shown them, or the details of houses I was trying to sell. I walked into my office, sat at my desk, and hung my head while my laptop fired up.
“Girl,” I heard and lifted my head, “you in here dozing off.” I looked at James then to my computer that was now on sleep mode. “Maybe you should call it a day.”
“I don’t even know what time it is,” I said honestly, looking around for my phone. “I’ve been so busy,” I admitted.
James held his leather courier bag in the air and said, “It’s time for you to go is what time it is.” He laughed and waved as he continued past my office.
Since I had come to the office to post updates to listing prices, I continued the path but planned to go straight home to sleep afterwards. As I was making updates, a calendar notification flashed on my screen. “Client 120 Day Check-In.” Our company had a policy to review the services we provided with each of our clients, gather feedback, and remind them to send us any of their friends or family our way. A shameless way to get more business. I always loved catching up with clients, if they moved into a new space, going over to see how they decorated and added their own personality.
I clicked on the notification and saw “Russell Moore.” I sat back in my seat, and sighed. Last time we spoke, Russell offered to give me space to consider the whole Yara situation, particularly Veronica, who had become the worst part of this relationship.
Before I could be ready for this check-in, I’d need to be ready for the discussion that’d be bound to follow. Could I be with him, and deal with her? I grabbed my phone and did the next best thing—texted my girls for a necessary girl’s night.
They agreed to meet at my place, and I wanted to be prepared for their arrival. I hadn’t been grocery shopping lately, so my refrigerator was stocked with leftover take-out containers. I stopped at the Whole Foods on my way home and grabbed wings, a fruit tray and cheese tray, and bottles of their favorite wines.
Thankfully, in the haste of my busyness, I had been able to keep my living room clean enough for visitors. Now my bedroom, that looked like a tornado touched down in my closet and ejected my clothes in the bedroom, onto my bed and even my floor. If walking into my room wouldn’t have drawn me to the pillow, I would have attempted to clean it. Instead, I pulled the door closed.
Lisa arrived before Marley, and I wasted time by asking her about Deshaun. She smiled widely when she said, “Girl, I think he may be proposing soon.” I choked on the sip of wine I was drinking when I heard her. She patted my back and continued, “Yeah, I was surprised too.” She was likely not surprised; her snooping ass probably knew everything about plans that were meant to be a surprise. I side-eyed her then she admitted, “It started when my mom asked if I was ready to get married out the blue.”
“Mama still can’t hold water, huh?” I said, laughing at all the times she told Lisa about other people’s business, especially that which should have been held close to her.
Lisa shook her head. “That alone just got me to digging and listening intently to what Deshaun would talk about.” She described the ring she’d picked out after watching random movies with him and he’d ask if she liked random pieces of jewelry, including engagement rings that would appear on screen.
“Deshaun needs to be a bit more discreet.” I laughed. “He might as well just flat out tell you what he’s doing. He hasn’t learned that you are Inspector Gadget yet?” She laughed and threw her head back.
I walked to the door as Marley started beating on it. “Damn girl, stop beating on my door,” I proclaimed when I answered. She laughed and threw her arms around my neck to hug me. I could smell liquor on her breath as she pulled away. “Started the party before us?”
She wagged her head. “I hadn’t heard from either of you boo’d up hoes in a while so I hit up happy hour with a co-worker.” Lisa yelped behind me. “I know. You know I hate each and every one of them.” She shrugged. “Well I used to. Jen, from accounting, isn’t too bad.”
“Okay.” She sat at my bar and I said, “Sorry I haven’t had time to vibe with you lately, but it has nothing to do with the boo.” I looked at Lisa and added, “But that one is boo’d up and ready to walk down the aisle so you might as well keep her cancelled.”
“Hey,” Lisa yelled. “I can still go out. He doesn’t have me on lock down or anything.” Marley and I exchanged a look, both knowing that was a lie. If it were the truth, she would have been traveling with us on our trips.
Marley opened her mouth but instead of speaking, she hiccupped and laughed. “Dang, how much did you and Jen have to drink?” I asked, grabbing a glass and filling it with water instead of wine.
She sipped it quickly then said, “Jen is wild, and she had me taking body shots off some fine ass man at the bar.” My eyes bulged because although Marley was lively, her ass wasn’t that damn lively. “I know.” She blinked. “He took a few off me too.” She grabbed her phone and waved it. “And had you not messaged me needing help, I would have probably ended up in his bed.”
“Well…” I sipped my wine and thanked her for her sacrifice. “I hope you at least got his number.” She nodded her head. “Jen is a real one if she got you out your head for one night.”
Marley smirked and said, “It’s been more than one night. I haven’t seen you in weeks Nay, and I was Facebook stalking you to see if you were taking trips with your man without me. Then I realized I saw no more future husband posts, no nothing in a few weeks.” I laughed hard, and then Marley got emotional. “I can’t be out here the only one without a man. Y’all hoes ain’t leaving me to be scouring the earth for friends to hang with.” She pointed to herself. “Jen is cool but this drinking she be on”—she hiccupped again—“I can’t hang.”
I grabbed her glass and refilled it with more water. “Like I said in
the text, I have a dilemma.” I explained the check-in I needed to have with Russell. “But it’s been weeks since we’ve spoken.” Marley’s eyes were barely open so I focused on Lisa as I leaned on the counter in front of the two of them.
“It seems simple. Do you want to be with him?” Marley asked, and I hunched my shoulders. “Okay, minus the baby mama drama, if it was just him, and the baby, ‘cause you can’t separate that fact. But just imagine he’s able to get ol’ girl in check.”
I imagined it, and peace overcame me. “If it was just Russell and Yara, I’d be cool. I love Russell and I love Yara too,” I said honestly, admitting it for the first time.
“But that baby mama,” Marley shouted.
“Right,” I said softly. “But what should I do?” I asked.
“You have to do the check-in. Besides that, y’all are in a relationship unless you tell him otherwise, but you can’t keep stringing dude along like that.” Lisa tapped her empty glass and I refilled hers along with mine. “Just call him,” she said.
I pouted my lips and agreed to call him, but not till the next day. “Tonight we are hanging, before Jen takes our spot.” Lisa and I both looked at Marley who was sitting quietly trying to keep up with the conversation.
“That’s right, ‘cause otherwise, I’d go get some dick.” She laughed.
By the end of the night, we had polished off four bottles of wine, and neither of them was in the position to drive. I swept the clothes off my bed and we all cozied into the bed together with my warning, “If you need to throw up, make it to the bathroom.” Before falling sound asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night with a headache and urge to pee. I tiptoed over my piles of clothes and into the bathroom. After I finished I splashed my face with cold water and looked in the mirror. Without my bonnet on, my fresh press was knotted on my head. I peeked into the room at the girls, both stretched out into my empty space. I grabbed my phone and a blanket and headed for the couch.