“I guess your conscience is actually working now. We will never meet again.”
It required an excessive amount of energy to contain my rising emotions.
My voice slightly cracked when I added, “You clearly do not want to see me anymore and so it appears we both want the same thing.”
I quickly glanced in his direction, avoiding his eyes.
I barely whispered, “Goodbye, Jude.”
I opened the shed door to leave and held my breath so I did not do something as stupid as cry. I was annoyed at myself. Why did I care for somebody who obviously did not care about me? What was I even thinking in the first place? I passed through the entryway.
Jude pleaded, “Ana, wait.”
I heard him, but could not wait. I pressed forward with determination. I detected him following me, but persisted striding away briskly.
We were out in the open. The raw emotions of the night were clouding our better judgment. We were within Animal Quarters and nobody was there at night, but I glanced around nervously. I feared being discovered. Normally we made sure to never leave at the same time. After our visits I would leave first. He would wait for a long period of time before doing the same.
After searching the area, I became very anxious to return to my drudge house. No matter how much it was going to shred my heart into pieces, I would not return. I moved with a resolution to hide the upset sentiments clearly written on my face. The last thing I desired for him to observe, was any weakness I had when it came to him. Despite my best efforts, I had to wipe a dreaded escaped tear. Jude grabbed my hand and gently pulled me to a halt.
In a hushed, but forceful whisper he pleaded, “Ana, please, stop.”
I forced my heartbreaking emotions into frustration. I turned around, ready to lash at him with more fuming words. I stopped short when I saw tears pooling in his eyes and genuine pain on his face. I held my heated words back and shook with aggravation. I was mad at his tears. They were breaking my resolve.
I asked, “What, Jude? What else is there to even say?!”
Standing so close to him holding my hand, was making it difficult to focus. He held my attention with an intense and penetrating gaze.
“You are right. It might seem like I do not care because of my actions. I have been putting your life in danger by meeting with you every night. But your accusation is wrong. I am just being incredibly selfish. I’ve always admired you. You are remarkably beautiful. And now I’ve been able to get to know you. I’ve found you are not only beautiful, but you are kind. You are funny and so smart, Ana! You’ve learned everything I have taught you and about all I know, in a matter of weeks.”
Blood rushed to my cheeks. He effectively stabbed me in place with his piercing brown eyes and flowing compliments. I was way too aware of my hand in his. It was making it hard to concentrate on his avid speech. He kept talking and I persisted to have difficulty comprehending.
He professed, “I… I love being with you. I love talking with you. I love seeing you. You are all I think about all day. It’s…”
Before I could fully register what Jude was telling me, he put both of his hands onto each of my thin cheeks. He softly pulled me to him and guided me to his mouth. He barely brushed his lips against mine. In a state of shock and unsteady rationale, I shut my eyes, stood there, and let him. Afterward, he carefully stepped back and appeared defeated. He attempted a broken smile. It was both charming and sad.
Suddenly, there were footsteps pounding in the distance! Panic reflected our quick and anxious glances. Anxiety paralyzed my limbs. I was terrified of being caught past hours! The shadow of a figure was bursting forward. It was rapidly approaching in the darkness of night. Running steps were fast and hard and rammed into Jude. Jude was wrestled to the ground with a powerful thud!
Fear gripped my heart and my nerves clattered. Somebody discovered us and I would be put to death immediately. Did the person see Jude kiss me!?
Zander’s fuming whisper permeated the silent night air.
He hissed furiously, “What is wrong with you!?”
Zander was on top of Jude and he punched him in the mouth. Jude struggled with the surprise attack and endeavored to fight Zander from his pinned form. Zander continued to speak in hushed, infuriated tones.
“Are you trying to get her killed!?”
He pushed Jude hard into the ground before standing. Zander turned to me with livid eyes. They smoldered with concern and possibly hurt as well. His chest was pumping intensely.
He growled, “Analysse, what are you doing!? Are you insane? Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Zander grabbed my arm. He compelled me toward the drudge houses. He was leading me away from this situation and from Jude. Vehemence rippled his strong frame.
I glanced at Jude. He regained his composure and wiped blood from his mouth. My heart was shattering. I was being dragged away from him, and most likely it would be for forever.
Jude spoke fervently, “You don’t understand. I love her.”
His words enraptured my senses. Zander stopped dead in his tracks and frustration shadowed his features. He remained holding my arm, but irately stalked back to Jude. Zander was filled with a new rush of rage and slammed his finger into Jude’s chest.
He harshly demanded, “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare. I can’t believe you! The danger you have put her in!”
He let go of me and hovered over Jude with clenched fists. He pushed Jude good and hard, but this time Jude was ready. His footing was firm and he shoved Zander back, followed by a swift swing of his fist. It connected with Zander’s left eye. The smacking sound of the punch splintered my nerves. I could not bear another struggle.
With powerful urgency I whispered, “Stop it!”
I forced myself between them and strived to break up their fight.
All three of us heard horse hooves beating the ground. Normally, the elite tens or Chief Meadows rode horses. We froze and stared at one another.
Jude spoke first, “Ana, get in the shed. Now!”
It took Zander longer to snap out of the initial terror of what was about to be discovered. When he did, he agreed with Jude.
“Yes, hurry! Get in there now, Analysse!”
I was not thrilled. Both Zander and Jude were telling me what to do and I was worried for them as well.
I tried to disagree and demanded, “But, what about you two!?”
Jude and Zander indicated stressed impatience. They each took one of my arms and practically threw me into the shed.
I heard Jude tell Zander harshly, “Shut up and let me do the talking.”
I scurried to turn the lantern off and stifled anxious breathing. I was trembling uncontrollably with panic and hysteria. Was the shed quivering with me in the darkness? If Zander professed what he discovered, I could be dead by morning. Would he expose my unlawful conduct? No, he would not. He was disappointed and angry, but he would not reveal the truth. A drudge would never be the intentional cause of another drudge’s execution.
Would Jude spew accusations and be the reason for Zander’s death? What was Jude going to say!? They were out past the ten o’clock hour within Animal Quarters. And it would be obvious they were fighting. Zander assaulted a firstling. He attacked and punched Chief Meadows’s son. Lesser crimes had sent drudges to their instant graves. I silently pleaded for Zander’s survival and hoped I would not be discovered. Both of our lives were in devastating danger. Could Jude resolve these disastrous circumstances? The thundering horse hooves came to a halt in front of the shed.
A voice boomed through the air, “Jude!? What is going on here?”
I recognized the horrible and gruff tone. It was no other than Chief Meadows. He was the worst person to catch us. I would be killed immediately and sensed the sting of defeat.
Before Jude could respond, Chief Meadows spat, “What are you doing out past the ten o’clock hour, drudge? Why is my son bleeding?”
Jude declared, “I asked him out here
, father.”
Chief Meadows was threateningly near. His horse moved and whinnied. Would I be discovered!?
Chief Meadows demanded, “Why did you ask him, son?”
Jude firmly answered, “I wanted to beat up a drudge. Look above his cheek. I was able to get in a good hit too, until I heard you approaching.”
Chief Meadows sounded pleased.
“Yes, I see and I agree. There is nothing more satisfying than beating a drudge, especially this one. But you still did not answer why you are bleeding? Did this worthless drudge strike you back? Because if he did, I will shoot him right now.”
He removed a gun from his holster and chambered a bullet. The noise was unbearable.
Chief Meadows sneered, “Or, I am sure we can rally everyone for a nice hanging tomorrow. If you decide to press the matter, which I’m assuming you will?”
I hated Chief Meadows for disregarding drudges so easily. He was a horrible man. Zander could be executed for simply striking someone? His presumptions about Jude’s future actions made me loathe him even more.
My heart was racing as I waited in the darkness. If Jude sentenced Zander to death, I would never speak to him again. I bit into my bottom lip, tore through skin, and tasted blood. How would Jude get Zander out of this or would he even try? Zander attacked Jude Meadows. What possible solution would diminish this dreadful situation? Chief Meadows did not wait for Jude to respond. His speech roared as he addressed Zander.
“Drudge, did you strike my son?”
There was a slight tremor in Zander’s reply.
“Yes, sir, I did.”
Chief Meadows’s menacing tone taunted, “How dare you?”
There was a splitting sound in the darkness. I was positive Chief Meadows kicked Zander. I pressed my hands over my mouth to control an emphatic reaction. Zander released a dreadful cry of pain and clearly fell to the ground.
Jude’s voice shattered the moment of silence, following Zander’s agonizing howl.
“Father, I am dropping the matter. This drudge does not need to be executed.”
Chief Meadows replied lividly, “Excuse me? No son of mine will be weak and pathetic by pardoning a drudge.”
Jude remained firm in his retort, “I am not pardoning a drudge. I asked him to fight me. I ordered it. I wanted a good honest brawl, not an easy one. He obeyed my orders. No crime has been committed. Let’s go home and retire to bed. I am tired.”
Chief Meadows bellowed into Zander, “Is this true? Did you hit my son out of an order?”
It took Zander entirely way too long to answer and I waited petrified. Was he not responding out of honor or defiance? Would Zander’s stubbornness fuel a disastrous result?
After what seemed like an entire summertide he asserted, “Yes, sir. It is true. I was simply following orders.”
Chief Meadows scoffed, “It may have been an order, but you will still be punished for punching my son. You have Remembrance Duty tomorrow, correct?”
Zander replied, “Yes, sir. I do.”
Chief Meadows announced, “You have earned yourself an extra night outside of the fence. Here, Jude...cuff him.”
The shackles of metal clanked against Jude’s hands.
The Chief jeered, “We will haul him outside of Starosa tonight. If he survives...the aggravating, cleaning drudge will join him in the morning. If not, I guess we’ll see how she fares on her own.”
Chief Meadows laughed like he made the funniest joke in Starosa. How could this terrible man be Jude’s father? Would Jude turn into him, a horrible man and leader?
I listened as Jude cuffed Zander. During the next few minutes, I scarcely breathed. It sounded like Jude retrieved a horse from Animal Quarters. Horse hooves pounded the ground quieter and quieter. I waited in the arresting darkness until there was complete silence.
They were dragging Zander to the exit of Starosa. I wanted to erase from my memory, the echoing sounds of him struggling behind their horses. Undoubtedly, the cuffs were ripping into his wrists. He would be left alone, outside of the community’s towering security. And it was disgracefully my fault.
I ached in incessant anguish for Zander and began to mourn the loss of Jude. He deceived his own father to keep me safe. He lied to defend Zander. A drudge assaulted one of the most important firstlings in Starosa and Jude protected him. My spirits were agonized. I would never be able to talk to Jude again.
I quietly returned to my drudge house in anguish and torment. I crawled onto my modest cot and underneath my thin, paltry blanket. I shivered and convulsed. The blanket was not enough to warm my cold contemplations. I hated Starosa.
An uncontrolled, gravitational power moved my hand to my lips. I remembered Jude’s pressed against them. Using all the strength I could muster, I pushed away the bittersweet moment. Jude said he loved me. Did I love him? I was not sure. But the kiss and profession of love meant nothing, even if they meant everything. The affectionate actions represented an impossible future.
I was indebted to Jude for what he gave and taught me. The mysterious groupings of intricate lines and curves of black ink, flowing with ease across a page, were given life and meaning to me. It would be impossible to repay him for this precious gift.
More than anything else, I owed him for what he did for Zander. Sadly, I would not be able to thank him. I would never be able to speak to him again. It was for the better, but the ache in my chest was suffocating. My life had suddenly become full of despair and it made me shudder.
Chapter 17
The elite tens, Shane and Jada dragged me outside of Starosa. Shane was tall and muscular with dark brown hair. Jada appeared the perfect contrast with light hair and a slender figure. They pulled me along the main dirt road. It was an extra foreboding walk to the electric fence. I was fatigued from a restless night of sleep. The emotional toll of crying most of the night left me exhausted. I was having an incredibly difficult time keeping up with the horses. My wrists were lurched and sliced with vengeance. They were on fire with throbbing soreness by the time we reached the gate.
I was relieved to see Zander sitting on the ground and leaning against a large boulder. He did not stir upon our arrival and remained as still as the rock flanking his back. Was he asleep? If so, he had never slept so soundly while on Remembrance Duty in the past. I tried to thrust away gloomy conclusions. Was he alive?
Shane and Jada did not take notice to Zander’s lifeless form. They roughly tossed me outside the gate and out of the safety of Starosa. As quickly as we arrived, they left me alone with Zander. I rubbed my bruised and battered wrists and anxiously walked to his motionless body. With rising unease, I hoped he was only asleep and inched my way near him.
I whispered, “Zander?”
He did not move and my heart pounded heavily against my chest. His frame was as still as death. His dark, brooding eyes were listlessly open and staring off into the distance. There was purplish bruising under his left eye where Jude punched him. His lip was cut and swollen from what I imagined was the brutal kick from Chief Meadows. I stepped closer, and still he remained unmoving. I totteringly brought my hand to my mouth, sure of his demise.
On the verge of weeping, I was stopped by the tiniest movement of his eyelids closing over his eyes and opening again. At first, I was not positive of what I saw. I continued to watch him frozen in horror. His eyes blinked again. He was alive!
I exclaimed, “Zander!? Oh, thank goodness! Zander!”
I went to my knees and faced him. He did not flinch. His only response was increased breathing as he was previously holding his breath in my presence. He persisted to gaze blankly in the distance. Only occasional and slight movements proved he was alive. Zander was ignoring me in the stoniest way possible. I gently placed my hand on his arm and softly said his name again.
“Zander?”
He finally looked at me, but it was only to glare with hurt and anger. He shot fiery arrows in my direction. I winced and rapidly removed my hand from his arm.
> Zander demanded, “What, Analysse!?”
He articulated my name with revulsion. Zander was never overly kind, but we had at least become approachable acquaintances. It was a challenge to shield myself from his heated infuriation. The events from the night before loomed over like a thunderous rain cloud ready to explode. I endeavored to umbrella the situation and keep the raging storm at bay.
“I am happy and relieved to see you are still alive.”
I offered a pensive half smile and he bore into me callously. He displayed disgust and was unresponsive to my comment. My patience dwindled and his behavior caused frustration.
I asked hastily, “Why are you doing this, what’s wrong with you?”
Zander scrutinized me with his all too familiar glance of loathing. His brows furrowed above dark and hardened eyes.
“What is wrong with me, Analysse!? What is wrong with you?!”
He stood and moved in furious motions before shouting.
“What were you doing with Jude Meadows? Of all people! Not only is he a firstling, but he’s Chief Meadows’s son. The future leader of Starosa. He will be a drudge killer, Analysse! Are you insane!?”
I could not think of any way to respond. He was right. I was senseless to have been meeting with Jude. I strained to fight unexpected tears. I wanted to challenge Zander’s angry words, not to cry. I spoke as firmly as possible and hoped my voice would not break.
“No, I am not insane. Don’t worry, I am not going to meet with him anymore.”
As the words left my mouth, I became weighted with the serious damage not seeing Jude was going to do to me. Circumstances required the complete removal of Jude from my life, magnifying my pain. I was inflicted with an intense aching. As a firstling and a drudge, we needed to sever all ties. This would be better for Jude and for me. This necessity would be fulfilled for Old Jake’s sake and Zander’s as well. Continuing our absurd actions would be irrational.
Zander grumbled, “Good! He was just using you. You cannot trust firstlings, Analysse. Especially him!”
The Forbidden Plan Page 12