Zander’s curt comment provoked annoyance. He knew nothing about Jude. Jude was kind hearted, good, patient, and caring. I would always defend him.
“Your allegations are not true, Zander. He saved your life last night. We would have been killed, if he did not shield us from his father. Even after you attacked him, he safeguarded you.”
Zander responded with a, “Hmph.”
He pivoted from me sharply and stomped away.
“Yeah, he had to save my life alright. After putting yours in devastating danger.”
He swiftly wandered in the opposite direction and left me stewing. Zander always made me as mad as an angry hornet!
I yelled after him, “You don’t know everything, Zander!”
More softly I uttered, “He cares about me…he said he loves m...”
I failed to notice Zander rapidly march back my way. I was not sure he heard my last statement, but he did not let me finish before harshly interrupting.
“And you love him, don’t you?!”
I was instantly defensive, if not alarmingly embarrassed.
My cheeks flushed red and I yelled, “No! I don’t know...maybe.”
Without masking the hurt laced in his heated tone he questioned, “Yet, it was so preposterous for you to fall in love with me, a drudge like you. Someone of your kind?”
“Drudges cannot love without consequence, Zander! Especially you and I. We already had targets on our backs and it would have been insane!”
A flash of exaggerated bewilderment crossed Zander’s features. I was not making an inkling of sense. Falling in love with Chief Meadows’s son was a million times worse than falling for Zander. Zander responded to my muddled response in a defeated manner. The tone and attitude were not usual for him.
“It is interesting what is unthinkable to you, Analysse...and what is not.”
His words stung because they were true and most of his reprimands were warranted.
I admitted, “You are right, Zander. I am sorry. And I won’t see him again. I swear.”
My apologies were almost lost in the wind. They were barely audible, much like the sounds of insects crawling in the sand.
I suddenly thought of Old Jake and how the discovery of my deceitful actions would destroy him.
“Zander, please promise you won’t tell anyone about what I’ve done. Please? If Old Jake found out, it would kill him.”
Zander appeared wounded and disappointment filled his eyes.
“Whatever, Analysse, yeah sure I promise. It’s not like I would ever be allowed to talk to him anyways.”
He turned and sauntered to a scattering of trees a little further into the wilderness. I watched him slowly traipse away and slump against a sizeable trunk. He was as far away from me as he could manage. He was conversationally unreachable, but within enough proximity to help if danger arose.
We spent the rest of Remembrance Duty without speaking. Other than the typical pangs of fatigue and hunger, it was an uneventful day and night. One wild dog crossed our path, but because it was not with a pack, it dared not attack. I almost wished it had so I could feel something different. So I could feel anything other than the pain and growing emptiness in my heart.
Chapter 18
Everyday became a constant, depressed daze, and the skies were always gloomy. I was physically incapable of mustering the energy to smile, laugh, or be happy. I longed to read, write, and to study math. I ached to be with Jude and my once vibrant spirit was wilting like a dying flower.
Shortly after the dreadful night, Jude risked peril to slip me a note. It read:
Please, meet me tonight.
I received the note with mixed and sporadic emotions. I was personally thrilled. I could read the words on the page. It required a few exhilarating minutes to sound out the letters. When I did, instant sorrow filled my eyes because I could not meet him. I imagined Jude anxiously awaiting my arrival, but I never showed. The consequences could not be disregarded any longer. I was jeopardizing an immediate end to my life. I refused to deceitfully betray Old Jake’s trust anymore. As much as he aggravated me, I did not want to disappoint Zander either.
Brenna attempted to figure out what was wrong with me to no avail. She decided I was chronically sad because Old Jake was getting sicker. It was true, his illness added to my dejection. However, she could not know and I was not positive, but I think I was experiencing…heartbreak. It was an unrelenting and stabbing pain in my chest.
Subsequently, I rededicated my life to drudgery with full determination. I labored vigorously every day and avoided trouble in any form. I resolved to establish the life I led before Zander and especially before meeting Jude. I yearned for the time I was sheltered from the horrible injustices of my existence. I desperately wanted to return to when I was happy and pleased to be a drudge. When I was satisfied slaving for people who were no different than me. But they were called “firstlings” and therefore free. Unfortunately, the crumbling commitment slipped from my grasp incessantly. It was impossible to not be miserable and I was constantly clouded in darkness.
After a full month of wretchedness, I woke with an unwavering resolution to improve my attitude and zest for life. I left my drudge house and the cool morning breeze flickered my face. I was determined to have a good day. I compelled a weak smile on my lips. The sign of a new dawn.
My newfound glimmer of hope was shattered at the hated sound of Chief Meadows’s voice roaring from Main Circle.
He thunderously bellowed, “Good morning residents of Starosa, especially to my elite tens and firstlings. Good morning, please gather around. I have an announcement to make.”
His speech carried throughout the main part of town perfectly. He repeated himself three or four times until his people were gathered and quieting their curious whispers.
I planned to ignore his announcements. The assembly was more specifically for elite tens and firstlings and snubbing his hateful features would be my pleasure. Chief Meadows was an abhorrent man. He represented all of the cruelty and unfairness in my life. I would hurry past the stage and disregard his statement in an act of defiance, even if it was insignificant.
However, the person standing next to Chief Meadows halted my steady step.
My movements staggered after seeing Jude standing on the stage next to his father. Until this moment, I avoided Jude at all costs. If we happened to cross paths, I refused to look at him. I could sense his gaze pleading with me to meet his eyes, but I would not. I could not. It left a quiver in my throat and chest to slight him so profusely, but I did so with avid purpose.
I had not beheld Jude so openly and fully in weeks. He was perfect and handsome, but appeared dejected. He was much thinner and dark circles dimmed his once bright and gleaming eyes. The characteristically happy twinkle of his features had vanished. The miserable expression was well-known. A sunken and sullen face with dark circles, under gloomy eyes, had recently glanced back at me in the mirror.
Chief Meadows’s vociferous boom ravaged my introspection. He glinted his notoriously wicked sneer. I was hesitant to stay for the proclamation, but it evidently involved Jude. This awareness made it impossible to leave Main Circle.
Chief Meadows declared, “My people, I have the most amazing news to announce this morning.”
He gestured toward his son and bellowed, “It involves my son Jude and we could not be more thrilled.”
I thoroughly scrutinized Jude’s appearance and mannerisms. He was wistfully staring into the distance and it was obvious he was far from joyful.
Chief Meadows exclaimed, “May I please have the firstling Alexis Fairgood join Jude and I on the stage.”
I searched the crowd and observed the firstling make her way through the gathering of people. She was near her eighteenth year of life. I recognized her as being in Jude’s class at the School for the Firstlings. She was beautiful, with ringlets of blonde hair cascading across her back and shoulders. Her skin was tan and smooth and her face was painted with
improve-up. The improve-up enhanced her already attractive and striking features. She was beaming and practically skipped toward the spotlight. When Chief Meadows spotted her approaching, he grinned and helped her onto the stage. He positioned her next to Jude, who stood appearing reserved. Alexis was giddy and delighted. She waved at the expectant gathering.
Chief Meadows resumed his declaration, “Ladies and Gentlemen of Starosa, this amazing and stunning lady has agreed to marry my son Jude. The wedding will occur when summertide season has arrived. Jude and Alexis will be finished with their schooling and will make an outstanding couple. The Meadows and Fairgood families are genuinely pleased about this wedded arrangement.”
Alexis interlocked her fingers with Jude’s. She held his hand and excitedly bounced. The crowd cheered and hollered in congratulations.
The wind was knocked from my lungs. My physical motions were impaired. It was an awful moment of anguish. Jude began searching the audience. When his soft brown eyes met mine, he fervently stared with sorrow and apologies.
The entire episode was more than I could handle. I instantly turned away. I could not thwart the tears springing from my eyes. I bolted with an overwhelming urgency to escape the sickening situation.
Chief Meadows’s despicable, thundering speech blared after me. I could not escape it.
“Jude, why don’t you give your sweet, future bride a kiss for the people.”
I refused a backward glance as the crowd cheered boisterously. Jude Meadows evidently obeyed his father. I blocked the noise with my hands. Hoping to inhibit the sounds of happiness when my life was a raging storm of murky clouds.
Once it was eveningtide, I laid on my uncomfortable issued cot. I strived to find warmth beneath my thin allotted blanket. I experienced the worst day of my life. My cot was stained with salty tears. They were evidence of the many nights I spent crying. Sensibly, I should not care about Jude Meadows’s future with his perfect bride. I severely wished the pain would vanish.
After another horrible day, I decided to officially cry my last tear over Jude Meadows. He never was and could never be mine. I needed to accept this circumstance and move on. I would forever be a cleaning drudge. There was not a plausible, miraculous event capable of changing this particularity.
Imbued with renewed determination, I closed my eyes and slept fitfully throughout the night. Images of Jude tormented my dreams along with the yellow glowing eyes of flesheaters. The next morning, I woke in a cold sweat. I summoned fierce willpower to move forward. I did not want to think for another second about Jude and his future wife, Alexis Fairgood. As I ate my supplied breakfast, Brenna approached me cautiously. She had grown weary of my state of depression and ceased trying to raise my spirits. With a singe of jealousy, it did not go unnoticed. Her features still sparkled with cheerfulness.
She carefully spoke, “Good morning, Ana. How are you today?”
I was sure she expected me to answer arduously and with no emotion. But I resolved to get my old self back, so I enforced optimism.
“You know what, Green Eyes…I am doing great.”
It was not truthful and it was hard to mutter, but I managed. Brenna became barely able to contain herself. A tiny glimpse of the old Analysse sparked immense happiness. She beamed brighter than the sun at midday.
“Seriously? Well that is amazing to hear!"
She commenced talking nonstop and I chuckled. I missed our one-sided conversations.
“So, Ana...did you hear what’s been going on?”
I instantly supposed she was referring to the announcement of Jude and Alexis.
I fought any unwanted emotions and responded, “You mean the news of Chief Meadows’s son and the firstling?”
I could not bring myself to say his name. I strained to appear indifferent to the situation.
Brenna did not miss a beat and chattered, “Oh yes, the wedding announcement was interesting too. Did you see how unhappy Jude Meadows appeared? He looks like he has not eaten or slept in weeks.”
Brenna flung her speckled blonde hair back and stated, “He is miserable to be forced into that marriage.”
She giggled and resumed, “But of course Alexis is happy. She is marrying the successor of the most powerful man in Starosa.”
She rolled her eyes and added with more gust, “No, I was referring to a different development.”
I was stunned and eager to learn some unexpected gossip. Brenna leaned in to tell me a secret and grabbed my full attention. Having been wrapped in my own life and anguish, I was interested to hear any news I obviously missed.
She whispered, “What I was referring to was…did you hear about the disappearances?”
Her inquiry heightened my curiosity.
With puzzlement I asked, “Disappearances?”
I spoke too loudly and we both peeked around to make sure nobody was listening.
I hushed my tone and recommenced, “Disappearances…no? What are you implying?”
Brenna smirked with complete satisfaction at my prying. She loved delivering the news of Starosa to cleaning drudges, especially to those who were clueless of the community’s happenings. I fit the oblivious portrait often in our lives.
She spoke softly, “Drudges have been disappearing on their remembrance duties.”
I answered disappointedly, “Oh.”
Sadly, it was not an abnormal occurrence. Drudges often disappeared while on Remembrance Duty. Either they froze to death and were disposed of by the elite tens or they were killed by flesheaters and other beasts.
I muttered, “Well that is not something new, Brenna.”
Brenna shook her head in disagreement and insisted, “Oh, but it is not the usual disappearances, Ana. The big strong drudges, they are the ones not returning from duty. It is not the weak who usually go missing. It is our robust. There have been around five disappearances of sturdy male drudges in the past few months. A few women have gone missing too. The stronger and healthier ones.”
I eagerly asked, “What do you think it means?”
She was quick to answer, “I have no idea! But I have my guesses…”
She was about to expound when the bell rang throughout Starosa, indicating we needed to report to Cornelia Fadflair.
Brenna conveyed, “We can’t talk now, but we’ll discuss it in more detail later.”
Her features moved excitedly as we rose to leave. I caught a glimpse of Old Jake. I strode to him as we clustered to our main floor and awaited orders. He was barely able to stay upright. I slipped my arm around his narrow waist, allowing him to lean on me for support. I was blatantly uncaring of an elite ten observing my gesture.
“Hey there, Ana,” his respected, old voice creaked.
His face was gaunt. He looked tired and fragile, hardly able to stand. I attempted to stifle the insistent tears his appearance brought to my eyes.
I gently said, “Hey.”
I placed my head against his shoulder and silently stayed with him until we were given our assignments. Cornelia Fadflair did not say one word against my actions and I bolstered him to his place of duty. It tore my heart to leave him so weak and tired. I promptly decided to toil without pause and skip my midday meal break so I could help him finish his work.
A normal day of cleaning, scrubbing, and tidying a portion of Starosa ensued. My fierce determination to move on from Jude Meadows was a success. Jude and his future bride only ensnared my brain a few times. Tears only surfaced in one brief moment of weakness. It was a giant step in the right direction.
My concerns were overcome with the intriguing news of disappearing drudges. What could it mean? There were strong healthy drudges vanishing from remembrance duties. A sizable amount of them too. It was a rare occurrence for robust and capable drudges to not return. I anxiously anticipated further discussion with Brenna. The eagerness replaced my normal state of misery and it was refreshing.
As soon as I completed my day of labor, I hurriedly went to Old Jake and helped him finish. He
barely made it home. He required help with eating, and I and another drudge practically carried him to his room and onto his hard cot. My throat constricted with contained sadness. I affectionately touched his faded, crease filled cheek. His eyes immediately closed and I’m positive he fell asleep before I even left the room.
When I entered Brenna’s chamber, she immediately stated, “Old Jake doesn’t look good.”
“No, he does not. He will have Remembrance Duty soon. I’m worried about his body not being strong enough to survive.”
I strove to keep my emotions from spilling over, but faltered in my response.
Brenna attempted to comfort me.
“It is sad. But maybe when he passes on, it will be for the better. He is so weak, ill, and tired, Ana.”
Her words initially stung my raw, emotional state. No, it would not be better for him to die! I calmed the hasty reaction to be upset. She did not mean to hurt me and she was probably right. He was miserable and sick.
I inhaled anxiously, painfully wanting to change the subject.
“So, about these disappearances...what are your theories?”
Brenna’s demeanor swiftly changed and she did not miss a beat. She communicated without interruption. The slander spewed from her mouth at an alarming rate.
“I think Chief Meadows has something to do with it. I think he is weeding out the able drudges because he only wants the weak left in Starosa. Those who pose no threat. The strong are intimidating and he’s taking care of them. These are my suspicions. If I am right, it sure is bothersome for drudges to be disposed of so easily.”
Brenna resumed rambling about Chief Meadows and how effortlessly he was getting rid of drudges. She compared the ease of his actions to the mundane task of ridding Starosa of its weekly waste. It was a disturbing analysis. If her assumptions were true, where would he stop? Brenna? Zander? Me? Who would be next?
Chapter 19
I was assigned cleaning duty at the firstlings’ houses for a week’s duration. We were required to tidy their roads and yards. We also helped the servant drudges wash and scrub each room of their houses. It was the worst of duties and regularly resulted in missing the eveningtide meal. Retiring from work right before the ten o’clock bell rang was not uncommon.
The Forbidden Plan Page 13