by Danni Roan
Kade’s lips quirked into a wry grin. “You might not like my answer.”
“Try me.”
“The Bible says that a husband it to love his wife and sacrifice himself for her even as Christ did for the Church. When we said our vows, you became my wife. If I hadn’t been willing to give everything, I wouldn’t have said ‘I do’.”
Tears were streaming down Michelle’s face now. “I don’t understand,” she offered, trying to smile. “I want all of this.” She lifted her arms with a jerk, sniffing. “I want to build a life with you. I’ll even go to church and listen.”
Kade chuckled. “It’s all I can ask.” he said, leaning in and kissing her, “but we need to get better at communicating. Alright?” His hands cradled the back of her head as he gazed into her eyes.
“Yes, I think we can do that.” Michelle smiled, leaning in, and kissed him again.
Chapter 16
“Any more calls?” Kade asked, kissing Michelle as they settled into bed.
“No, no more unwelcome calls,” Michelle said. The night was chilly and she pressed her cold feet into his leg, making him gasp.
“That’s starting to be a bad habit,” Kade teased.
“But my toes are warm,” Michelle giggled. “The past couple of weeks have been good,” she continued. “You’re easy to talk to.”
“You’re easy to listen to,” Kade said, grinning.
Michelle tickled him and laughed when he squirmed. “Kade, I didn’t know it could be like this.” She grew serious again. “I liked you almost from the beginning, but getting to know you, finding the strength to be honest and share who I really am.”
“That’s all I want,” Kade offered, running a hand along her arm. “We’re in this together.”
“Are you going to say that when my folks get here next week?”
“They can’t be that bad.”
“No, but Mom thinks she’s always right, and dad thinks I’m a kid.”
Kade chuckled. “I’m here if you need me.”
***
Michelle sat at her computer, cutting and pasting, updating documents. She still had nights when she couldn’t sleep and rose to work on projects.
Kade had offered her the small office downstairs, but she preferred to work at the kitchen table.
She was working on an online ad for the Thanksgiving celebration at the Broken J. She’d looked at so many pumpkins, turkeys, and cornucopias that she was sure she’d see them every time she closed her eyes for days.
Clicking through her photos, Michelle stopped at an elegant image of a basket overflowing with fruits, vegetables and grains. The colors were compelling, appealing in a soft, natural way, but what caught her eye was the verse scrawled across the bounty.
“Give thanks to the Lord for he is good.”
She’d thought more about God since moving to Wyoming than she had in her whole life.
At first, she thought that Kade would be pushy, trying to make her believe as he did, but he hadn’t. Instead, he’d answered her questions and shown her love.
Phil had been another story. Michelle couldn’t believe the changes she’d seen in her friend, the joy, the contentment.
Michelle shook her head. “Church wasn’t so bad,” she spoke to her screen, “I can see why people go.” She studied the verse again. There was something about the singing, standing there next to Kade as he sang in his deep bass voice.
The building had filled with the sound of joy, a soothing tone raised toward the heavens that settled into your heart like a bird perching on a tree.
“Give thanks to the Lord for he is good.”
It was a nice thought and life was good. She and Kade were getting along, her business was moving into its new space soon, and her best friend lived next door, so why did she feel like something was missing?
As if, even with her life full, some space inside could never be filled.
Shutting down her computer she headed back up the stairs.
“Kade, Kade,” she called, climbing into bed and sitting cross-legged next to him.
“What?” Kade sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Tell me about how it all changed you.”
“What?” Kade echoed again.
“You said some truth set you free.”
Kade reached for her hand, “I’ve always been an awkward kid. I grew fast, always taller, broader, and stronger than all the other kids. Sometimes it was confusing. Everyone thought I was older, they treated me like I should know things I didn’t. Teachers were always telling me to act my age, but I was.”
Michelle studied Kade in the dim light, wondering what he would say next.
“I got frustrated but learned early that I had to control my temper, control my strength, so I wouldn’t hurt anyone. Mostly I just tried to hide.”
Michelle smiled, trying to imagine Kade crammed into a corner, trying to stay out of sight.
“Then Pa bought the mules. They were a mess.” Affection tinged Kade’s words. “They were both rescues, half starved, mangy, and completely petrified of people.”
“They were abused.” Michelle laid her hand on Kade’s in sympathy.
“Yes, the folk that had them were ignorant about horses or mules. They were intimidated by their size and thought if they didn’t feed ‘me up, they’d stay weak and pliable. When the mules didn’t understand something, what they were meant to do, they’d hit them.”
“That’s terrible.”
“Sometimes folks don’t intend to be mean, they just don’t know better.” Kade’s words were kind, but firm.
“Pa picked the mules up at auction. I was big, like him by then, and a regular riding horse wasn’t a good fit for me. He decided having the pair would be a project that would help me deal with my awkwardness.”
“I can’t imagine those two mules being mistreated, they’re so gentle.”
“It took me a long time to get them to that point. I had to work slow, gain their trust, learn to read them and they had to learn to read me. Every day I’d come home and work with them, always letting them know they had a way to escape if they got scared and that I wouldn’t hurt them.”
Michelle scowled, wondering what this had to do with Kade’s faith.
“As I worked with Jack and Scott, I started to understand a few things. God is like a trainer with a gentle hand. He never pushes us, but offers us care and solace when we’re hurting. He asks our heart, then turns our life into something good and useful.”
Kade reached out and pulled Michelle close. “God doesn’t need us to give him anything. He only wants our love and to love us in return.”
“That sounds too easy.”
“That’s why it’s so hard,” Kade said, kissing her brow.
Michelle lay awake for hours after Kade’s deep, even breathing filled the room.
Could it really be that easy? It seemed that her whole life someone had wanted something from her. She always had to do something to earn love, work to keep people happy.
Why would a being who was able to do anything want her love?
Climbing out of bed for the second time that night, Michelle padded to the office by the stairs and lifted Kade’s Bible. She wasn’t sure it would have any meaning, but something in her wanted that unconditional love.
As happy as she was becoming Kade’s wife, she longed for that complete acceptance he spoke of. Flipping through the pages, wondering where to begin, when her eyes found a verse.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you;”
A tiny shiver raced down Michelle’s spine, like raindrops on wire, and she turned the pages again.
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
The words seemed to sink deep inside her. Weakness as strength called to her, drew her in.
; “God, I don’t know about these things,” Michelle finally spoke, “but I want to believe, I want to be accepted for who I am. I want to accept myself. I’ve learned so much here, now let me learn who you are.”
For long moments, she sat at the desk expecting angles to descend, or a feeling of warm caramel trickling through her to happen. Instead a silent peace filled her up a little at a time, as if something in her heart were growing and pushing out everything else.
Michelle wanted to run up the stairs and tell Kade, or stand on the stairs and shout, but something quiet and still had her stepping out onto the front porch.
The air was sharp and clean, crisp. Michelle wrapped her arms around herself and turned her eyes toward the sky and the majesty of the stars.
The quiet echoed like the last strains of a guitar in the night. Michelle filled her lungs with the icy breath of heaven and closed her eyes as the first snowflakes of winter drifted on to her eyelashes like an angel’s kiss.
Peace, it was what she’d been looking for over the years. Peace.
“Darlin’ you alright?” Kade stepped out onto the porch, his bare skin prickling into gooseflesh with the first brush of winter’s glow.
Michelle reached for Kade, pulling his arms around her. Common sense said go back into the warm house, but she wanted a few minutes more to drink in the new revelation of her life.
“It’s peaceful,” she said.
“It’s cold,” Kade said, tucking and pulling her further into him for shared warmth.
“I’ve never known peace like this,” Michelle spoke again.
For a few moments Kade was confused, then his heart jumped. “Honey?” he queried.
Michelle turned to face him, her eyes bright. “It all makes sense now,” she said, “I can’t believe it and yet I do.”
Chapter 17
The Broken J was covered in a pristine blanket of snow that dazzled as guests arrived for the feast.
Michelle had pulled out all the stops in helping Phil promote the event, and the long weekend was booked solid.
Kade was busy running sleigh rides through the fields, with whole families scrambling for the experience.
Michelle’s parents had arrived a few days earlier and were already starting to drive her crazy. For the most part, Kade found the whole thing hilarious.
“You gonna be alright?” he asked as she pulled the ingredients for baked corn out of the cupboard.
“I will, but I can’t promise that I can keep quiet.”
Kade kissed her on the cheek.
Michelle smiled, starting on the recipe.
“How ‘bout I get everyone out of your way for a bit?” Kade offered. “I bet they’d enjoy a sleigh ride.”
“Really?” Michelle’s eyes were full of hope.
“Really.”
“Kade do we have to go out, it’s so cold,” Mrs. Brighton said. “I’ll just stay and help Michelle; she’s not much of a cook.”
“I insist Mrs. Brighton,” Kade said, lifting the woman’s heavy coat and slipping it on. “I like Michelle’s cooking, you did a good job with her. But now it’s your turn to have a break and enjoy your holiday.”
Mrs. Brighton smiled. “You’re too kind,” she said. “Michelle is lucky to have you.”
Moments later, Kade was ushering the family onto the wagon set with runners and headed out toward the hills.
Michelle hummed happily, whisking together the eggs and milk. It was nice having her family around, but was also a little stressful. She was trying to be patient, but everything was very new.
The door opening surprised her. She’d only had enough time to put the covered dish in the oven and they were already back.
“Kade, is something wrong?” she asked, leaving the kitchen, a dish towel in hand.
“Yes, something is very wrong,” a snide voice drawled.
Michelle’s heart went from trot to gallop in a second as she stared up into the face of her ex-boyfriend.
“Charles, what are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to get what’s mine,” Charles said, swaggering into the house.
“I’m not yours Charles. We’re over.” Michelle fought to keep the quiver out of her voice. “I’m married now.”
Charles huffed, his dark hair falling over his eyes, his handsome face distorted by petulance. “Enough of this playing house,” he said, reaching for her and grabbing her arm in a vice-like grip.
“Ouch! Charles, let go!” Michelle cried, trying to wrench away.
“Just come along quietly,” the lean man said, pulling her toward the door. “The car’s right outside.”
“No.” Michelle’s words were strong, but quiet.
“What did you say?” Charles turned, anger flashing in his eyes.
“I said no.” Michelle met his glare. “I told you I was done, but you wouldn’t listen, so I left. I left you everything that was legally yours. Now go.”
Charles snarled, “You’re coming back with me. I’m not living on my own. You owe me.”
“I don’t owe you anything, Charles.” Michelle ignored the pain in her arm, feeling surprisingly calm. “What I have is mine. You’ve never lifted a finger to help me build my business, but you certainly enjoyed the benefits.”
Charles dropped his hand, his tone becoming wheedling, “Come home sweetheart, we’ll move in together like we had planned.”
“I never agreed to live with you Charles, that was your idea. Or have you forgotten our last fight?”
“You know I didn’t mean it.” Charles raised his hands as if in surrender. “I said I’m sorry.”
Michelle crossed her arms and raised her eyes. “Leave, Charles, and never come back. I don’t ever want to see you. I’ve married a good man, a man I truly love. Now leave.”
Kade noticed the strange car sitting by his house and something made his heart skip a beat.
“I’ll be right back,” he called, jumping down from the seat and hurrying to the house. Quietly, he opened the back door and stepped inside, his blood running cold at the sight of Michelle’s old boyfriend standing in his front hall.
Starting to move forward, he heard her words and smiled. His wife had found her stride and was standing her ground.
She’d just told Charles to leave in no uncertain terms, and was waiting for him to go.
“But…” Charles tried again.
“Go,” Michelle repeated, pointing at the door, “and don’t come back, ever.”
Charles snarled, the corner of his lip lifting, but out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Kade and blanched.
Michelle smiled, realizing that Kade must be there, quietly offering his support but letting her find her own way. Her heart swelled with love.
“Perhaps you’d like to meet Kade before you go.” She smiled, her wicked sense of humor twitching her lips.
“I have no desire to meet some country hick,” Charles spat, straightening his coat and opening the door. “You two deserve each other,” he finished, storming out the door.
Michelle threw herself at Kade, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Marrying you was the best decision I ever made,”she said.“I love you.”
“I love you too, Michelle.” Kade lifted her off her toes, leaning his head against hers. “I thank God every day for you.”
***
The dining room was full to overflowing as guests poured from their rooms into the big house. Outdoor heaters lined the wrap-around porch and diners huddled together over plates full of steaming turkey, potatoes, corn, and yams.
At the long island in the large open kitchen, the members of the Broken J family joined hands over their meal.
“Before we eat…” Philomena Allen-Haven began.
“Or we get interrupted,” Chase teased, drawing a giggle from those assembled.
“As I was saying,” Phil continued, rolling her eyes, “I’d like us all to say something we’re thankful for this year.”
“Can I start?” Chase volunteer rising
to his feet. “I’m thankful for my mahogany-headed wife.” He grinned.
“Hey, I don’t have a hard head,” Phil protested with mock anger.
Pulling her close, Chase twirled a lock of her rose-tinged hair around his finger. “Not that hard anyway, but smart, beautiful, and my very heart.” he finished, looking into her violet eyes.
“And I’m thankful for you, and all of you.” Phil seemed to remember where she was and turned towards her friends, her family. “This crazy idea would never have worked without you.”
“Well I’m thankful to be out of the house and busy again.” Mrs. Wade said, slipping from her stool.
Standing, she didn’t look much taller than she had sitting, but her eyes were bright and cheerful. “After Bill passed, I was getting mighty lonely, but now I have all you kids to keep me busy.” As single tear slipped from her eye and she sat down with a sad smile.
The others gathered round, hugging the older woman and assuring her they were thankful for her, too.
“Well I’m glad I don’t have to worry about my daughter anymore.” Mrs. Brighton spoke, looking at Michelle. “You take good care of her, Kade.”
Her husband patted the big man on the back, relief bright in his eyes.
“I’d like to say something,” Michelle said, pushing herself up on the rungs of her stool. All eyes turned to her, some soft, some serious.
“Recently I stepped out of my old world and took a chance.” She swallowed nervously, reach for Kade’s hand. “I never really thought about being thankful before, mostly I just wanted some place quiet to work.”
Michelle smiled at each of the people she loved sitting around that island. “Now I’m thankful, and I know who to thank. I didn’t understand that God only wanted to love me, to bring good to me, but now I do and I’m thankful.”
Michelle caught the odd glances her parents gave each other, but was glad they didn’t say anything.
“I’m also thankful for the man I married.” A bright smile lit her face. “He’s the perfect man for me.”
Kade wrapped an arm around his wife, his heart full to overflowing. “Today is a new day,” he said, “let us rejoice and be glad.” Leaning forward, he kissed his wife boldly in front of everyone, then looked up at Chase expectantly.