by Tabatha Kiss
Just relax.
Enjoy yourself.
I like this guy. I really, really like this guy. Drew is sweet and amazing and the best possible candidate to do this with.
Just take a breath.
Don’t over-think it.
Go get some.
I unzip his pants. His body quivers as I slide my hand beneath the elastic of his briefs.
I give him a good squeeze.
“Ow—!”
Drew hisses as he recoils away from me, his face contorted in great physical pain.
I release him, realizing that I might have... gone a bit too far south.
“Oh, god! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I gasp. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, no...” he says, lying as he laughs it off. “It’s okay, just... maybe try it again with a little less enthusiasm.”
I cover my face, mortified. “Oh, god. I can’t do this.”
“It’s okay,” he says, still wincing.
“No.”
I roll out from under him onto the floor.
“Heidi...”
I crawl a few feet away before shuffling to my feet. “It’s cool if you never want to see me again,” I say, not looking back as I bolt into the hallway.
“Heidi, wait!”
I don’t stop. I escape into my room and close the door, promptly collapsing against it as my insides wither and die.
This will haunt me forever.
I have to change schools.
I have to move out of Illinois and change my name.
I slide down to the floor.
This is the end.
“Heidi?” Drew asks from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”
“No,” I say, my entire skin on fire.
He waits a moment. “Please?”
“Just go home, Drew.”
“Are you on the floor?”
I cringe. “No.”
“Yes, you are,” he says, his voice now level with mine.
“Don’t...” I bite down to stop myself from bawling. “We don’t have to talk about this. Just leave, Drew. Please...”
He taps on the door. “Heidi, please open up.”
I sigh, utterly defeated. Not sure why I’m surprised to find that Drew is the good kind of guy who breaks up with someone face-to-face.
Might as well get it over with.
I shift to the side as I reach for the doorknob. I open the door, but I stop it from opening more than an inch or two.
Drew peeks inside from his spot on the carpet and smiles. “Hey,” he says.
“Hi,” I reply.
“Are you okay?”
“Just do it, Drew,” I say.
“Do what?”
“Tell me you never want to see me again.”
“Why would I tell you that?”
I don’t answer.
“Heidi, what’s up?” he asks. “Talk to me. You’ve been acting weird since we got here.”
“I know, I just…” I open the door the rest of the way and lean against it with a sigh. No matter how I think to say it, it just sounds stupid. “I thought this was what you wanted.”
He squints. “What I wanted?”
“Jenna said…” I pause. “She said that you’re Delta Xi and that if you didn’t get it from me tonight, then you’d get it from one of the other girls lined up on your front porch right now.”
Drew doesn’t react, his face stoic and calm in the moment. “You believed her?” he asks.
“Is she wrong?”
“No,” he answers, crushing my soul. “No, I suppose if I went home right now, I could easily find some willing girl to drag upstairs with me.” He smiles. “But I wouldn’t.”
“You wouldn’t?”
Drew shifts to sit next to me on the door. “I’m not getting it from anyone right now. It hasn’t even crossed my mind.”
“It hasn’t?” I ask.
“Of course not.”
“Then you don’t want to do it… with me?”
He grins. “Oh, I would very much like to do it with you. In fact, a significant portion of my days lately has been reserved to imagining that in very vivid detail. What I meant was that I haven’t thought about doing it with anyone… but you.”
My lips twitch. “Really?”
He takes my hand. “Am I used to a certain type of girl living in the Delta Xi house? Sure. But don’t think that’s who I want you to be. If I wanted to date girls like that, I’d be dating girls like that. There’s nothing about you so far that I don’t like, so you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. She wouldn’t be nearly as interesting as you are.”
“I’m not that special,” I say.
“You’re sweet,” he says. “And talented. And adorably silly and awkward, but that just makes me like you more.”
I deflate. “I’m a virgin, too.”
Drew nods. “Yeah, I sort of figured as much when you dug your nails into my scrotum.”
I cover my cringing face. “Oh, god…”
He laughs as he guides my hands back down. “Heidi, I don’t care that you’re still a virgin.”
“You don’t?”
“No. Can I tell you a secret?”
“What?” I ask.
He leans in close. “I was a freshman virgin, too.”
My mouth sags. “No, you weren’t.”
“Yup.”
“You?”
“I didn’t really date much in high school,” he says. “There were people who were interested, I guess, but they never seemed interested in me. I was always Glenn’s kid or Melanie’s little brother. That’s one reason why I didn’t want to keep living at home for college, even though my parents literally live like ten miles from campus. I moved out and into the dorms and I was just… Drew.” He looks at me and smiles. “It was nice, you know? No bias. No expectations. I could just… be me.”
“That sounds nice,” I say, thinking of me and Jenna. “So, when did you…?”
“About two weeks into the fall semester,” he answers. “Some girl at a Delta Xi party, actually. Rush week.”
“That’s… nice.”
“Eh.” He shrugs. “If I could go back… I’d probably do it all again. Who am I kidding?”
We chuckle.
“But it wasn’t anything special,” he says. “I don’t even think I was ready for it. I just did it to do it.”
I exhale hard as I glance at my still prominent cleavage. “Well, after tonight, I can definitely say that I am not ready for it, either.”
“That’s okay with me,” he says. “Honestly, I’m a little relieved. I’m not ready, either.”
I furrow my brow. “You’re not?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t realize it until we got on that couch,” he muses. “It’s not a race to the finish line with you. I don’t want to rush this. Do you?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Then, we won’t. We can just... let it happen when it happens. It’ll just make that night even more special when we get there. Okay?”
I smile. “Okay.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Are your balls all right?” I ask.
He laughs. “My balls are fine. A little discouraged, but they’ll pull through.”
“Good,” I say with relief.
“Now, are we okay?” he asks.
“Yes. We are okay,” I say. “More than okay.”
“Then, would you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
He smirks. “The next time you have a concern about us, come talk to me. Don’t go to Jenna.”
I laugh. “Deal.”
“Don’t get me wrong, she’s great, but... I think she might be giving out some bad advice.”
“I think you might be right.”
Drew leans in and kisses my forehead. “You want to go back in and talk over that movie?” he asks.
“Sure. I’m just going to put on some panties first.”
He tilts h
is head. I wave a hand.
“It’s a long story,” I say.
He stands up and offers me his hand to help me off the floor.
“Then, later...” I say, making him pause, “maybe we can come back in here, and...” I twitch. “Not rush things, obviously, but we could talk some more?”
“Sure,” he says, his eyes as soft and warm as his touch. “I’ll stick around.”
He stares at me for longer than I expect. I shift slightly, feeling a little self-conscious as the feeling curls around my gut.
“What?” I ask.
Drew steps toward me again. He leans in and places a strong finger beneath my chin, playfully forcing my head up. He hovers an inch away, his eyes roaming my face.
“When we get there, you and me...” His lips graze mine. “Fireworks.”
He kisses me one more time, deep and powerful enough to make my ankles sway.
“I’ll be right out,” I say, breathless.
Drew smiles. “I’ll be waiting,” he says.
Chapter 22
Drew
The sky drifts from black to blue. The sun will come up soon.
Have we really been here all night?
Heidi shifts on the bed beside me. Eyes closed. Fully clothed in her black skirt and blue blouse. Our feet rest entwined at the foot of the bed while we share the same over-sized pillow.
She opens her eyes and exhales with a smile. “Sorry,” she says. “Did I drift off again?”
I chuckle as I touch her arm. “Yeah, you did.”
“I’m really not used to the whole staying up all night thing.”
“You’re young. You’ll learn.”
“How long was I out?”
“A few minutes, maybe.”
She grins. “What were we talking about?”
“I don’t remember,” I say honestly.
I slide my hand up her arm. She twists her wrist and our hands fit together with dancing fingers.
The front door opens and closes across the house.
“That’s Jenna,” Heidi whispers at her closed door. “She’ll be so disappointed in me.”
“We could always make some noise,” I joke. “Give her something to be envious about.”
“No, that’s okay. Thanks for offering to help me look cool, though.”
I nudge her chin and she tilts up, happy to oblige. I want to tell her something witty, something that will boost her spirits but there’s nothing I could say that a simple kiss wouldn’t say better.
I kiss her. Her little lips purse against mine, so deliciously sweet. I shift closer to her until our bodies lie flushed together. I move my hand down her back. She trembles, gently mewling as her hand slowly inches beneath my shirt. Her touch is warm, sending goosebumps up and down my arms.
I reach further down, absently cupping her rear, and Heidi gasps.
“Sorry,” I whisper, moving my hand away.
“No, it’s okay,” she says.
I grope her again, tasting her second gasp as I kiss her even harder. Her entire body melts in my hands as her touch crawls even further up my shirt. Blood pounds through my veins, igniting an urgent need for her. But I meant what I said before.
A pretty little virgin like her is too sweet not to savor for as long as possible.
She rolls her body against mine, her hip grinding against my hidden erection. I groan with pleasure, closing my eyes to take in every second. I move my hand from her ass to her thigh, pulling our bodies even closer together as she rests her leg on my side.
“Too much?” I ask.
“No,” she says, breaking our kiss for one tender moment just to smile at me, a simple act that makes my heart skip twice.
This girl...
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t be on her bed. She shouldn’t be in my arms. And yet... here we are.
I’ll live to regret this, I bet.
But not today.
She rolls her hips again, teasing herself as much as me.
“Christ,” I whisper, swallowing hard. “You feel so good.”
Heidi chuckles as she touches up my arm. “I’m not sure whether to thank you or apologize.”
“Apologize,” I tease, aiming for her lips. “You should definitely apologize.”
Heidi chuckles against my kiss as her hand curls around my back, touching even more of my skin before quickly stopping and resting on my hip.
I picture her drawings of me. Shirtless in various poses, sketched only from her imagination.
How about I give her something real to pull from?
I grip Heidi’s hips as I roll her around onto her back. She gasps softly, but not enough to say I’ve done anything wrong.
I balance on my knees and begin plucking the buttons of my shirt.
“What are you doing?” she asks, smiling.
“Nothing you haven’t seen already before,” I say.
I pull my shirt off. She swallows hard and barely breathes as her eyes fall to my chest. It’s like a shot of the good stuff. It feels too nice to stop, but I know if I don’t, I’ll take it too far.
Heidi sits forward and starts unbuttoning her blouse.
“Wait,” I say, stopping her. “What are you doing?”
She bites her bottom lip and smiles. “You showed me yours,” she simply says.
I watch, completely frozen, as she pushes her blouse back over her shoulders. Her chest rises and falls, breasts held tightly behind a white bra. She leans back on her elbows and looks up at me, waiting for my reaction.
But what other reaction could I possibly have?
What else can I do except take her in my arms all over again?
I kiss her, cupping her beautiful face in my hands. She touches my wrists, urging me to lie down with her again as she kisses me back.
I hop up the stairs of the Delta Xi house. If I’m lucky, most of the guys are still sleeping off the night before and I won’t have to endure the usual walk of shame tease.
I open the door, and the crowded common room erupts in applause.
“Yeah, buddy!”
“Atta boy!”
“You have a good night?”
“I bet he did!”
No such luck.
I raise my hands in surrender, giving them my best shameful grin. “Oops!” I say. “Ya caught me, guys.”
They whoop and holler at me as I bolt up the stairs to the third floor.
Our door is closed, but there’s no sock on the knob this time, so I walk on in.
Seth looks at me from the closet, his hair damp from a shower. “Holy shit,” he says. “You’re alive.”
“Barely,” I say. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I texted you like ten times.”
“Oh, sorry.” I retrieve my phone from my pocket. “Battery died.”
He smirks as he throws on a shirt. “So, where were you?” he asks. “I didn’t see you at the party.”
“I was there,” I say, a well-rehearsed lie. “For about five minutes before some Beta Kappa beauty hooked me and that was it. Next thing I knew it was six in the morning and she wasn’t done with me yet, so…”
I face my desk as the lie slowly curls around my stomach.
“Sounds about right.” Seth laughs, impressed. “Well, Tammy was looking for you.”
My brow piques. “Really?”
“I admire the hard to get game as much as the next guy, but someone else will scoop that hottie up if you don’t stop dicking around. Guaranteed.”
I laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You up for post-party pancakes? We’ll give a toast to our latest conquests.”
“Always.” I clear my throat. “Just going to freshen up a bit. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
“Excellent.” He steps out into the hallway and leans over the railing. “Delta Xi!”
The battle cry echoes from the depths of the house.
I lick my lips, Heidi’s sweet flavor turning bitter in my mouth. “Delta Xi,”
I say to myself.
Chapter 23
Heidi
October
I march up the stairs of the Delta Xi house toward the third floor with a 9x11 frame pinched beneath my arm. As I reach the second landing, two guys suddenly rush out of the room in the corner and I hop to the side to avoid them.
“Sorry, Stampy!” one of them shouts as they pass me.
I chuckle. Honestly, I’m starting to like it.
“It’s okay,” I say as I continue up to the third floor.
Seth and Drew’s door is ajar, but I knock twice just to be sure.
“What?!” Seth shouts from inside.
I push it open the rest of the way. “What?” I mock with a raised brow.
He grins at me from his desk chair. “Oh, hey, little sister,” he says. “Thought you were someone else.”
I step inside, catching a full view of the empty room. No Drew.
“Who?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Literally anyone,” he jokes. “Any of the assholes who live on this floor.”
I laugh. “Fair enough.”
I swallow the last of my nerves and present him with the picture frame face down.
“What’s this?” he asks.
“A gift.”
Seth takes it with curiosity. He flips it over and grins as he recognizes himself in the portrait. “It’s me!” he says.
“It’s you.”
He tilts his head. He tilts the portrait. He squints. “I’m passed out, aren’t I?” he asks.
“Yes, you are,” I say, smiling.
“What a beautiful memory.”
“I’ll certainly never forget it. And if I have to remember it forever, then you have to, too.”
He laughs. “You really drew this?”
“Yeah. I started it on the beach, brought it back, tweaked it a little...”
“Damn.” He nods. “I didn’t know you were this good.”
I blush as my pulse leaps at his approval. “It’s not that great…”
“No, really, you could, like… Etsy this shit or something.”
I chuckle. “Perhaps.”
“Thanks, little sister,” he says. “I love it.”
“You’re very welcome.”
As he sets it up by his computer monitor, he taps my initials on bottom left corner. “Cool sig,” he says.