Sweetest Risk

by MEGAN MATTHEWS

  How did I find myself here again? Fully clothed and lying on top of the tightly made duvet of Graham’s bed in his hotel room?

  Not that I’m complaining. When he asked if I wanted to watch an episode of TV in his bedroom, I gladly accepted. I mean who in their right mind would turn down time to lie in bed with a ridiculously hot guy and watch TV? Even a nun would be tempted.

  Graham flips the channels, our hands precariously close to one another as they set on top of the bedspread, but yet we haven’t touched.

  “Want to watch Jurassic Park again?” he asks with a laugh.

  “Can we make it through?”

  He grabs my hand, holding it in the space between us. “I’d be okay if we missed it again.” The big smile catches me off guard when I look. The way his eyes twinkle and happiness, the dark stubble on his cheek rough, I know that he’s been absolutely serious.

  Nerves take up in my stomach. We’ve been here before, but there’s still a newness to it all. So much of our future is up for grabs. Do we even have a future? After today in the bakery, all signs point to no. But when was the last time I’ve fallen into bed, held hands, and watched TV with a guy?

  Never.

  I didn’t know what I was missing, but now it feels like years of my life should have been spent this way. Easy Sunday mornings and late Friday nights. When have I just spent time with a man? Time that wasn’t a date or sex? I’ve never even invited by a guy to a family Christmas. My love life is severely lacking.

  “Okay, Tara, what’s wrong?” he asks as the movie begins.

  “What? Nothing.” Surely, I can’t be that obvious to read.

  My promise is nothing by the look on his face. What have I done that would make Graham think there’s something wrong? Did he learn how to read people in spy school?

  “You’ve been weird since we left the bakery,” he presses.

  He is reading my mind! How can he possibly know when all I’ve done is replay the conversation over and over in my head? Why won’t Graham move to Pelican Bay? It’s a beautiful little city. What’s wrong with this town? Okay sometimes in the summer it smells a little fishy if it gets too warm and the wind hits just right off the water. And the people are nosy, but this time of year when the lights twinkle from all the trees and the snow falls every afternoon it’s beautiful. We’re living in our own little snow globe.

  “Tabitha and Anessa seemed to like having you there. Did you not get along?”

  “Yes, uh-huh. They were nice.” They were wonderful, if overly truthful.

  He jerks on my hand a fraction. “Just tell me.”

  Refusing to make eye contact, I stare at the stubble on his chin instead, wondering the last time he shaved. Has it been a day or a few hours? How quickly does chin hair grow back?

  “Tara,” he pleads.

  Ugh. Fine if he really wants to know how crazy I am, then so be it. “Why did you tell Ridge you won’t stay here? Pelican Bay is a great town.” Has he not heard about all the cute festivals and parades they do in the summer? And the ice cream shop?

  I don’t need to be looking at his eyes to see his expression fall with my question. It’s written all over the curve of his jaw. I’ve asked a question he doesn’t want to answer.

  “Ridge has offered me a permanent contract, but I would have to have my base here or his other location in San Francisco. I’ve toyed with the idea, but I’ve always been a wanderer.”

  I nod trying to accept his answer. Now is not the time to turn into a blubbering mess. That would make me a psycho.

  “I’m from the West and I can’t see myself living as far away from family,” like you he says without saying it outright. “I’ve considered taking a quick job in San Francisco to check the place out. The new branch is getting started, but I don’t know the head there. We’ve never had the chance to work together. I won’t sign up to work with someone I don’t respect.”

  I hear all his objections, but my heart only focuses on one thing. San Francisco is close to my family. Well. As close as you can get and still be in California. As much as I was ready to run away from all the drama my siblings and mother presented in my lifetime goes on, I’ve missed them and I’ve yearned to go home and visit. But vacation time isn’t on the menu a lot in this industry.

  No! What am I thinking? Graham isn’t moving to San Francisco and I’m not moving with him. That’s crazy. We’re two helpless souls who will have our meeting now and hope that maybe we can reconnect in another lifetime.

  “That makes sense,” I say snuggling closer and letting him stick his arm underneath my shoulders when the movie starts. The chopper delivering the doctors to be dinosaur snacks on the island.

  Graham places a soft kiss on my forehead. “If there ever was a woman to make me reconsider my life philosophy, you’d be it.”

  I sigh and the way he draws me in tightly, I assume he sees it as a good thing. But the problem is I’ve never wanted to be a woman who made a man change his life philosophy. I want to fit in with someone else’s life. Carve out a new one for the both of us. My sister was always looking for a man she could tame, but I’ve never had that same desire. Changing someone sounds like a lot of work.

  I relax into his warm embrace, a bit worried I won’t be able to stay awake for the whole movie when he cradles me in his arms. Protective and safe.

  BOOM!

  Graham’s body stiffens, freezing for an instant until he jumps off the bed.

  “What the fuck was that?” he asks, sliding off the covers and frantically skipping to the door.

  I’m not worried at all. “Don’t freak. Without many tourists, Dwight is cleaning out the root cellar. If he’s not dropping something, it’s the old mechanicals.” These old buildings are noisy.

  I’ve asked him more than once because we definitely didn’t have these noises in the summer. With these heaters in the old buildings, when the pilot lights turn on and the pipes come to life, it can freak a lady out.

  “In the root cellar?” Graham asks. “Is that what we were looking at the other night?”

  “No, it’s not attached to the basement. It was done differently and you can only access it from outside.”

  “Where? It’s not on any signs.”

  “By the parking lot.” I point out the window. The door is hidden so guests don’t wander around it and get hurt.

  Although I will have to talk to Dwight because he’s promised me that no guest would complain about the noise, but it’s obviously something they can hear on this side of the bed-and-breakfast as well. I was under the belief it only happened on my side of the building.

  The room goes still, the only sounds those of the movie as the main characters receive their quick lesson on DNA in a contraption that reminds me of the best ride at Disney World. Carousel of Progress. No lines, air-conditioning, and comfy seats. It’s exactly the thing you want to do in the unbearable Florida heat.

  “Are you sure?” he asks his eyes searching my face for more of an explanation.

  I shrug, balancing on an elbow. “Dwight promised he’d have it all done by the spring when things pick up again.” As long as no one complains on Yelp, I don’t care what he does down there.

  He might be weird and he definitely wants to take me out for coffee, but Dwight knows the ins and outs of the bed-and-breakfast. He’s been working here since he was sixteen.

  The bed dips as Graham gets closer. Minutes ago his body was coiled and ready to be released, but now he hangs out almost playfully on his side of the bed. His hand moves against the comforter like a snake headed toward my body, and he runs fingers up my side and across my breast and then cups my chin ever so lightly.

  “Do you really want to watch Jurassic Park?” he asks.

  I shake my head, already breathing heavier.

  Fireworks sparkle across his eyes. “Are you sure? Because we can.”

  “No, let them all be dinosaur kibble.” Serves them right.

  He smiles, and the room brightens as he clim
bs up on the bed, straddling me between his thick thighs. Our foreheads connect and his breath tickles against my face a second before we kiss.

  It’s slow and sweet but promises so much more. More than I’m willing to look for right now. More that I’m willing to hope. Something sad in the back of my brain reminds me that it’s also more than he’s willing to give.

  But for right now, that’s okay and I’m willing to let things play out as they will, even if this turns out to be a quick dalliance between two consenting adults. If my heart breaks never to heal the day after he leaves, it’ll be worth it for the passion-filled moments of right now.

  At least that’s what I tell myself.

  10

  Staring into his eyes hoping and wishing for more to happen makes me feel like a wanton hussy, but I don’t even care.

  “You’re never gonna watch this movie if you keep looking at me like that,” Graham says against a smile as his body slips closer to mine.

  My skin prickles. Sometimes he looks at me as if he can see right through to my core. It’s intense and more than anything I’ve felt with another person at any point in my life. It’s one of those soul-filling looks when I worry about letting this chance pass me by.

  How can it have happened so quickly? How can I feel it so deeply?

  “I said I wanted to watch the movie?” My fingers squeeze in between his pants and skin until he pops the button giving me more space.

  Graham’s eyes narrow. “I distinctly remember you telling me you enjoyed this movie and couldn’t wait to see it tonight.”

  “You must have me confused with somebody else because given the option it’s never the movie.” Not that I plan to admit it, but when I said I wanted the movie, I didn’t realize what else we had on the table. There will always be another night for Jurassic Park but there might not always be more time to spend with Graham.

  My heart aches at the thought.

  I lick my lips, my eyes searching out permission for a question I haven’t asked. He doesn’t object, so while cupping his quickly hardening shaft, I move my body lower.

  His velvety smooth skin lingers against my lips until I open, taking him into my mouth. My tongue searches out his tip and laps away as if he’s my own personal lollipop until I take him deeper. Graham moans, fisting the sheets to his side as his legs flex. He’s holding back from jamming himself deeper down my throat.

  “Shit, Tara, unless you want more of me than you probably bargained for, we need to stop.”

  I don’t. My lips fall on him deeper, taking as much as I can without choking, and Graham caresses the back of my head with his fingers twisted in my hair. The next groan is louder than the first, the sound causing my ears and blood to perk up. There’s nothing as exciting as making a man lose control of himself — especially one like Graham.

  He pulls on my hair, trying to draw my head up, but I refuse. The quick bite on my scalp when he pulls my hair is not enough either. It only spurs me on more.

  “No, I want to be inside you.” He tugs a final time and I relent, letting him pull himself away from the heat of my mouth.

  I pout as he fumbles for something beside the bed and then turns back in my direction. A foil wrapper tears and he quickly covers himself with the condom.

  “You’re going to need a lot fewer clothes on for what comes next,” he rasps taking off his own shirt.

  But I’m not done pouting. “I thought you would take them off me,” I say trying to be a serious but probably coming off as an annoyed teenager. I’ll take it.

  He laughs, shaking his head and letting me know the outcome I wanted wasn’t reached. “I’ll watch you take them off.”

  Something in my stomach squeezes and sends a jolt to my core. “Me?”

  Graham leans back stretching his arms behind his head as he lounges on the pillow against the headboard of the king-sized bed.

  A dinosaur roars in the background as I fumble with the hem of my shirt, slowly pulling it up to expose my black lace bra. Graham coughs, something almost like a choke, which I take as a good sign. His hand traces a line underneath my bra cup.

  “You’re so delicate.”

  “I’m not delicate,” I return a little annoyed.

  He smirks leaning further against the headboard. “You are and I can’t decide if that makes me want to cherish you and keep you safe or risk breaking you by dirtying you up.”

  I only get the innuendos of what his words mean, but it’s enough. After removing my pants, I unclasp my bra, freeing my breasts to the room. Graham sucks in a breath and then pulls me on top of him.

  Callous fingertips settle on my thighs as I rest with his hard cock between my legs. I lean forward, my palms on his chest, and share a kiss making us both moan when our bodies jerk against one another. There’s only the two of us in the world and nothing else matters.

  I want to rush, but at the same time I ache to take things slowly. To get to know his body more. In the past I’ve been shy around new people, but the way his eyes search out mine and swim against my skin as he looks at me like I’m the best gift he’s ever received helps me to lose my apprehensions.

  Why does it feel like our ever-impending deadline is here knocking on the door? He hasn’t said when he’s leaving, but he’s made it known he’s not staying in Pelican Bay. And even though I worry when I’m sixty and I look back at this moment of my life, I’ll regret not jumping into the side of his truck and following him to the West Coast, I know deep down inside there’s no way I can. I’m not ready to leave this place. Something in Pelican Bay continues to tell me that it’s not time for me to go yet.

  Even though I’m not ready to leave, it doesn’t mean I’m happy about knowing he’s not ready to stay. I worry my heart will be the one to feel the consequences of my actions when the day comes and we part.

  “I love when you stare at me like that, but your pussy is so hot I’m liable to fill up this condom right here pretty damn soon.”

  Right.

  Sex.

  Sex with the incredibly hot man.

  Sex with the incredibly hot man I’m straddling.

  Get on it, Tara.

  I adjust, pushing myself up on my knees and aligning our two bodies. My skin stretches as his tip enters and then slowly I take him deeper and deeper until he’s covered in me completely.

  A moment passes, allowing me to adjust as Graham holds my thighs tightly. “Ride me, babe.”

  His words spur me into action and he sits up, settling us chest to chest. My nipples harden against his naked skin. I use his shoulders for leverage as the pace picks up and becomes more of a jerk than a bob.

  The tingle in my insides grows deeper as a big ball settles into my nerves waiting to explode. I clench, holding him tightly and never wanting to let him go. A finger tweaks my clit, rubbing circles where our bodies come together, and my fingers bite into his shoulders as I arch back. My mouth opens into a silent scream when the release washes over me.

  My body struggles to stay upright and to keep going until Graham picks up my slack. His strong hands guide me on top of him. His eyes close, his head falls back, and he jerks in my body filling the condom with his seed.

  When he stills, our breathing is deep and heavy, and my head connects with his shoulder. Rather than roll me to the side, he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me tighter while still inside my body. He holds me for countless minutes. The movie plays in the room and outside the window birds chirp in the early evening, but the two of us don’t move. We’re lost in each other. His lips linger against my skin placing small kisses on my shoulder and up my neck.

  This will hurt oh so much when it’s time for him to leave and for me to stay.

  11

  I swear I can smell him. My body tingles as he gets close and the air around the check-in desk thickens. There’s an excitement that wasn’t there seconds before and then, as expected, Graham turns the corner of the long hallway from his room and smiles in my direction.

  Somethin
g about his happy look brings it out for me as well. I swear, I try to contain my expression. I tell my body to lock it down. That hussy doesn’t care. I’m smiling like a crazy person by the time he stops in front of me.

  “Tara,” he says before leaning over and kissing me slowly smack dab on the lips right in front of the lobby.

  I laugh and pull back, overwhelmed with emotion. Has a man ever kissed me in public like that? It’s a little sinful. And I love every minute of it.

  He’s the same he’s been in our most recent nights together—tight-fitted jeans and a long sleeve thermal shirt—but tonight he has a thick jacket unzipped. There’s only twenty minutes until my shift ends, and if we’re following the same routine as we have, it means I’ll hand my paperwork to Dwight and then check out for the evening before making my way to his room where we pretend we’re going to watch a movie but don’t get past the opening credits.

  “The same time, same place?” I ask, hopeful this small jacket-wearing departure from his normal evening isn’t going to derail my plans of getting some.

  Graham’s face falls and so does my stomach. “I have to work a little late tonight.” He jiggles the edge of his jacket, thinking I didn’t notice even though I notice everything about him. “But I want you to use my key and let yourself into my room.”

  My hand cradles the plastic room key he places in it without hesitation. Technically, I don’t need a key to get into his space, but I don’t mention that, choosing not to remind him about that fateful night he caught Cammie and me breaking and entering.

  “What time do you think you’ll be back?” I’ve grown so used to spending my nights with Graham that I really don’t know what I’ll do with myself. What did I do before I started getting it regularly? And why does it all of a sudden feel like a break-up? Obviously, I’m crazy. I’ve haven’t gone insane. I’ll survive one night alone. Probably.

  I’m sure I’ll find something to do. Like eat three or four ice cream cones from the kitchen.

  “I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but I promise to come right back here. It could be late so dress comfy,” he whispers leaning across the desk. His eyes stop at the cleavage of my dress and I push my boobs together solely for his benefit.