by Bianca Cole
After a moment of resting still inside of her, I roll onto my back. My heart is pounding hard and fast in my ears as I stare up at the ceiling.
What we just did was bad. I didn’t even use a damn condom. The notion of Milana getting pregnant crosses my mind, and for some reason, I relish the idea.
It’s ridiculous. I know it would be an easy way out of this mess, as Andrei couldn’t contest the truth. Milana is mine.
12
Milana
I wake to the sound of running water, frowning. It makes no sense why Lyov would be showering alone. Ever since he kidnapped me a week ago, we’ve showered together every single morning.
Then I remember how he was the evening before. He didn’t seem himself. I glance at the clock, sighing, as it’s a little before eleven in the morning. I feel terrible for oversleeping, but we haven’t had much sleep during the night lately.
There’s been an unspoken tension between us that seems to be increasing. We both know Lyov can’t keep me forever. We both know this can’t continue. My dad wouldn’t allow it, and neither would Lyov’s pakhan.
Although, the thought of returning to Miami and being forced to submit to my dad’s control again makes my stomach churn. The only positive of returning would be seeing my friends again. Kate, Alex, and Harriet probably think the guy I hooked up with murdered me.
I wonder what they are going through and if they’ve approached the police. My dad has enough contacts in the Miami PD to keep it under wraps.
I move to sit on the edge of the bed, wincing slightly.
Ever since we started fucking, I’ve been sore. It doesn’t help that the moment Lyov looks at me, the soreness turns to an aching need for him. I get out of bed, stretching my arms above my head and yawning.
I’m about to head out of the room when the ding of Lyov’s mobile phone catches my attention. I stare at it, wondering whether or not to check it. After a moment of hesitation, I walk past the phone. It’s crazy, but I trust the man who kidnapped me—I don’t need to check his phone.
I enter the kitchen. Lyov got me to write a list of all my favorite food and stocked up the kitchen with it the day after we arrived. My favorite breakfast food is pancakes with maple syrup. I decide to get to work, making us both some.
I search the cupboards, looking for a mixing bowl. Anytime I’m not with Lyov, I have to keep myself occupied. Otherwise, I start to think about the reality of our situation. I know what we have between us can’t continue.
Here in this cabin with him, I’ve been happier than I have been my entire life. University was only a partial escape from my dad and that way of life, but he made sure he was never too far away.
For the first time in my life, I’m free of Pavel’s constant watch, and it feels exhilarating. Ironically, the man who was sent to capture me, freed me. Even though I don’t have a bodyguard, I feel safer than ever. Lyov makes me feel safe.
My life has been full of coldness and detachment from an early age. Ever since I was little, my dad has never cared for me or shown me any love. It hardened me to all emotions.
One week with Lyov, and I can feel him peeling back the layers and slowly melting my ice-cold heart. He makes me believe that I can love and that it’s not too late for me.
I grab the milk, eggs, and butter out of the fridge, placing them down by the side of the mixing bowl. When I moved out to live in student accommodation, I had to learn how to cook quickly. At my dad’s house, there was never any need since he pays a full-time cook.
I learned that I love to bake, and my friends love what I bake too. I even started getting orders for cakes from students in my class. It would be a dream to own a little patisserie someday.
When I told my dad I wanted to bake for a living, he laughed in my face. He said my only job would be to service whatever brotherhood member he forces me to marry—in other words, whichever one will pay the most for me. He said that to my face as if I’m a damn whore.
A bang in the bedroom startles me, and I spin around. My brow furrows as I hear Lyov swearing and then his footsteps stomping out toward the kitchen.
“Is everything—” I stop short when I see Lyov’s face.
He is standing in the entryway to the kitchen with fire in his eyes. A rage so intense it scares me with one —a look that reminds me so much of my father when he snaps.
“Did you read my messages?” He holds up his phone.
My brow furrows, and I shake my head. “No, I came straight out here to make us some breakfast.”
He charges forward. “Don’t lie to me,” he growls.
I stumble backward into the counter, knocking the bowl of batter onto the floor. “Oh, look what you’ve made me do.” I bend down to grab the broken dish. Before I can grab it, Lyov captures my hair and yanks me around to face him.
“Lyov, let go of me,” I shout, trying to writhe away from him. This is ridiculous. “I didn’t read your fucking messages.”
He yanks me even harder, and my heart rate stills as he grabs a knife from the kitchen counter. His eyes mist over, and pure rage etches onto his face. This isn’t the same man I’ve spent the past week getting to know. He is well and truly gone. I haven’t seen this side to him.
“Lyov,” I mutter, trying to soften my voice in an attempt to stop him.
He brings the cold metal of the knife up to my throat, staring at me like a man possessed. “Did you read them?” he asks again.
I shake my head. “No, I told you I didn’t.” A lump forms in my throat as tears cloud my vision. I can’t understand why he’s acting like this.
His eyes are glazed over as he stares at me. I swallow hard, feeling the metal nick my skin as I do. A drop of blood trickles down my throat and onto my chest.
His eyes follow it. It’s as if the blood breaks him from his rage-filled daze. He lets go of me, and I stumble backward. My knees shake from pure terror and give way as I crumple to the floor. I stare in shock at Lyov, who keeps his back turned to me.
His back rises and falls with deep and heavy breaths, keeping his head bowed. He walks toward the door, saying nothing. All I can do is watch as he opens it and leaves the cabin.
I flinch as he slams it hard behind him, making the cabin shake with the force. The turn of the key in the lock makes my stomach sink.
Ever since we started sleeping together, he has left the door unlocked when he goes to get supplies. He’s right not to trust me to stay after the way he just treated me.
He just showed me some of his true colors. He is a brutal man who can’t control his anger. That’s the last thing I want from a man I care for—my dad and brother were bad enough. Perhaps all men are the same because the men I know can’t control their anger.
I let out a shaky breath, remaining on the floor. My head rests on the soft, wool rug beneath me. Lyov’s lash out and uncontrollable rage serves as a painful reminder of the kind of man I’ve got myself involved with.
Tears prickle at my eyes as I recall the look in his eyes. There’s a darkness inside of him—darkness I shouldn’t have got entangled with, but I couldn’t help it. There was such a strong connection between us that neither of us could deny.
I can’t explain why he draws me to him, but this is the proof I need that it was a mistake. I need to get away from him. We are bad for each other, and he’s dangerous. Next time he flips, I might not be so lucky. It would have taken one swipe of his wrist, and he could have killed me.
As the tears fall down my cheeks, I force myself up to my feet. I press my hand to the small cut at my throat, swallowing hard at the thought of how much worse it could have been.
This is enough to break the spell Lyov has had over me. He has blinded me by the way he makes me feel, but his actions prove he doesn’t care for me the way I care for him.
Lyov is too broken. A man lost trying to find his way. I don’t intend to be collateral damage, no matter how much I care for him.
I walk toward the window of the cabin, gazing out at the
man I’ve been sleeping with these past seven days. He sits in the driver’s seat with his head in his hands. A burning ignites in my chest as I wonder if he even regrets the way he just treated me.
He glances up, and our eyes meet. I dodge out of the way, feeling the breath stolen from my lungs from one glimpse of those ice-cold blue eyes. The roar of the van’s engine outside sends a wave of relief through me.
I can’t face him now or ever—not after what happened. He will be gone for a while if his other trips are anything to go by. I turn my attention back to the cabin and know what I have to do. Hopefully, the window in the bedroom is still unlocked and the perfect escape route.
I dash for the bedroom and rush toward the window, trying the catch. The panic clears the moment it flips over. I force the window open, and the cold air gusts through the cabin.
By the time he returns, I intend to be long gone. We may be in the middle of nowhere, but I can’t stay here. I refuse to accept that this is my fate. It will hurt to cut him loose after what we’ve been through, but I won’t be collateral damage. It’s not worth dying next time he snaps.
13
Lyov
What the fuck have I done?
I sit in the bar with a glass of untouched scotch, battling with the demons in my head. Milana’s face is all I can see. She was petrified, and I was the reason.
One glance at the clock tells me I’ve been sitting in this bar for about four hours. The bartender doesn’t seem too happy about it, but I can’t find it in me to care.
Milana is alone in the cabin, waiting for my return. What the hell am I going to say to her?
I fucked up. The way I snapped at her was unwarranted, but the text from Andrei panicked me. It’s part of the reason why I’m sitting in this bar. For the first time in ten years, I’m on the edge of caving.
Andrei wants a photo of Milana. When I saw the text, something inside of me snapped. He detailed how he wanted her to look. I pull my phone out and reread it, clenching my jaw as I do.
Tie her to a chair, naked, and beat her up. I want her bloodied and bruised. You know what to do. I need those photos in the morning.
The mere thought of her seeing that text or believing I’d do that to her made me snap. Instead, I hurt her anyway. When I saw the blood run down her neck, it snapped me out of it. The shame I feel for treating her that way is unbearable. I couldn’t say anything.
Milana deserves better than me. It’s been a week since I kidnapped her from the club. A week since I first punished her over my knee. Andrei will kill me when he finds out I have no intention of sending him those photos. The problem is, I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do.
Milana won’t want me after what I did earlier.
“Buddy, are you going to drink that?” the bartender asks.
I meet his gaze and narrow my eyes, which is enough to scare him.
He steps back and pales slightly, holding his hands up. “I was just asking.”
I glance back at the drink, staring into the liquid I haven’t touched for ten years. The smell is goading me to taste it. I shake my head and push it across the bar. “Nah, I’m out of here.” I throw a ten-dollar bill down on the counter and get down from the bar.
It’s about time I faced my demons. It’s about time I got my life back on track. Pain has been my companion for too long, and I need to make things right with Milana. She’s the first good thing to happen to me in the last decade, and I don’t intend to throw that away.
As the cabin comes into view, my stomach sinks. There’s not one light on in the place. I sigh heavily, wondering if Milana is okay. The way I snapped was wrong, and it scares me. I could have killed her in a fit of rage.
I pull the van up in front of the cabin and turn off the engine, staring at it. The afternoon is drawing to a close, and the temperatures are rapidly dropping. I unlock the front door and step inside.
Milana isn’t sitting in the living room watching television like she usually is when I run errands. The place is eerily quiet.
My brow furrows as I make my way toward the bedroom. Before I even get there, I know something is wrong. An ice-cold breeze gusts through the hallway from the bedroom, making my heart rate spike. I rush into the bedroom, and my stomach dips.
The window is unlocked and open. Milana has escaped me. A mix of so many emotions hit me all at once. I feel rage, sadness, and panic.
I can’t blame her for taking the opportunity—not after what I did.
Fuck.
I punch the cabin wall, cracking the wood and forcing a splinter into my knuckles. The pain grounds me and clears my mind. It is what I need. We’re miles away from any civilization, and she won’t make it to town on foot. Even if she left just after me, she’d be wandering the damn forest alone and cold in the dark.
This is all my fault. I’ve been so distracted by Milana that I didn’t check the locks on the windows.
I’ve let down two people—Milana and Andrei.
I rush for the front door, dashing out into the cold dusk. Darkness is drawing in on us quickly, and the girl I’ve come to care for could die out here.
“Milana,” I shout her name, hoping beyond hope that she will reply.
All that returns to me from the trees is the howling of the wind. I rush to the van and grab out a flashlight, turning it on and walk toward the window. Milana’s footprints are evident in the muddy ground, and there’s a trail leading into the forest.
I glance between the van and the tracks, wondering what option is best. If she’s been walking for almost four hours, she could be too far away for me to find.
I’ve got no option but to follow her trail and hope she didn’t go far. The tracks are clear for a good mile through the forest as I jog alongside them. It’s faster and keeps my body temperature up, despite the plummeting winter temperatures.
I grunt as the trail goes cold. Milana’s footprints are no longer visible as the terrain turns rocky. I grit my teeth, searching the area for any more signs. Milana could be anywhere from here. It will be like searching for a needle in a haystack.
“Milana,” I shout her name again, shivering as the wind picks up through the trees.
A flake of snow drifts down and lands on my nose, making more panic rise inside of me. Milana is going to die out here if I don’t get to her quickly. The temperatures tonight are supposed to drop way below freezing.
The crunch of a tree branch close by draws my attention to it, and I follow the sound. Only to find it’s a fox that scuttles away as I come into view.
A scream rings out over the howling wind, and it makes my heart race. I rush in that direction, praying Milana’s alright. If I lose her, life won’t be worth living.
“Milana, where are you?” I shout.
A muffled yell calls out from my left. “Here.”
I follow her voice, feet pounding hard through the muddy ground. My body tenses as I find her, gripping hold of a branch and half-submerged in water. She’s fallen into an ice-cold river, and the branch is the only thing stopping her from being swept away by the current.
“Fuck, hold on. I’m coming.”
I step down toward the bank of the river, making sure not to slip myself. I anchor myself with my back foot and then lean toward her. “Can you pull your other hand up and grab mine?” I ask.
She tries, but her hand is a couple of inches too short. “I can’t reach.”
“One moment.” I pull my jacket off and fling it out toward her. “Try and grab my jacket.”
She does as I say, gripping hold of my jacket.
“On three, I’m going to try and tug you out.”
She nods and swallows hard. The fear in her emerald eyes is striking.
“One, two, three.” I use all my strength to pull her up onto the bank.
She falls to her knees, gasping for breath. Her lips are blue, and she is shivering. I need to get her warm and quick. I grab her shirt and rip it from her body. “Trousers off, quick.”
S
he’s shivering too much to get them off. I unbutton them and force them down her hips, leaving her naked. I pull off my shirt. “Put this on.”
She does as I say, wrapping the shirt around her.
“And this.” I pass her the jacket.
She doesn’t protest, wrapping the jacket around her too.
My arms go around her waist, and I hoist her over my shoulder. “Come on. We need to get you back and warm.”
A part of me regrets not having the van. She needs to get back quickly, and it’s over a mile walk. I break into a jog, knowing we haven’t got much time. She will die if I’m not quick. The mere thought fires me up and forces me to push on harder. It’s tough. Milana isn’t light, and the cold is getting to me, but the only thing I can think about is getting her warm.
I can’t lose her.
It takes too damn long to get back to the cabin. Once there, every limb in my body aches, and I can hardly catch my breath. I set Milana down inside the cabin, and she stumbles slightly. I pull her into my chest and try to warm her with my body heat. Her lips are blue, and she’s as cold as ice. After a short while, I have an idea. “I need to run you a warm bath.” I grab her hand, pulling her toward the bathroom.
My heart is racing as I turn on the faucets to the tub, cursing the water for not being instantly warm. Once it starts to run warm, I plug it with the stopper. This girl almost scared me half to death with her escape attempt.
Luckily, despite walking over a mile, she hadn’t gone too deep into the forest. Much further and the chance of saving her would have been slim. I can’t bear thinking about it. Milana stands by the sink, shivering with her arms crossed over her chest.
“Come here,” I order.
She walks toward me and barely looks at me. “Strip,” I say.
I help her take off the jacket and then she pulls off the shirt.
“In.”
She says nothing, getting into the warm water and sighing. Her eyes clamp shut, and she rests her head against the end of the bath. A long silence ensues between us, as slowly the color returns to her face. The panic loosens around my heart, seeing her perk up.