The Midden
Page 26
*
Presently, with the smoke drifting across the sky behind her, Miss Midden drove Phoebe over to Carryclogs and picked up Major MacPhee. She was rid of the Middenhall with all its pretendings and she needn’t think about it any more.
She wouldn’t have to think about money either. On top of her wardrobe in a cardboard box there was a brown paper parcel containing thousands and thousands of pounds from the man with the razor who had so terrified Timothy Bright. It was never going anywhere now. The Brights had their money back and Phoebe had a fiancé in waiting. Miss Midden herself would go on living at the Midden while Lennox exacted every penny from the authorities for the destruction of the Middenhall. But she would never go to Phoebe’s wedding, though Phoebe would undoubtedly want her to. As a bridesmaid.
Miss Midden shuddered at the thought. It would be a hideously noisy wedding and in any case she was not a maid and never intended to be a bride. She would stay the way she was and always would be, an independent woman. She had no intention of marrying for the sheer hell of it. There were enough Middens in the world already without creating any more. And the Major could stay if he wanted to. She didn’t much care one way or another. He was a pathetic little creature and she could do with help in the house. But she doubted if he would. The Major’s taste for the life of the gutter, she had once heard it called nostalgie de la boue, though in his case it was less boue than ordure, would call to him. As the old Humber drove past Six Lanes End she saw, limping towards them, a tattered and besmirched figure. Miss Midden stopped and asked if she could be of any assistance.
‘Very kind of you, I’m sure. I’m trying to find the way to Piccadilly Circus, but no one round here seems to know.’ It was Buffalo Midden and the boue in his case was entirely genuine.
‘Get in,’ said Miss Midden, ‘I’m going that way myself.’
Beside her Major MacPhee began to gibber a protest. ‘Shut up,’ said Miss Midden. ‘Shut up or get out and walk.’ The Major shut up. He had walked far enough that day.
As they drove into the farmyard Miss Midden knew she would never be rid of stupid old men and their mad fantasies. Being a kindly, sensible woman, she didn’t mind. In a way, it was her calling.
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Epub ISBN: 9781446493120
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Published by Arrow Books in 2004
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Copyright © Tom Sharpe, 1996
Tom Sharpe has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents
Act, 1988 to be identified as the author of this work
This novel is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental
First published in the United Kingdom in 1996
by André Deutsch Ltd & Secker & Warburg
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ISBN 9780099466536