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The Midden

Page 26

by Tom Sharpe


  *

  Presently, with the smoke drifting across the sky behind her, Miss Midden drove Phoebe over to Carryclogs and picked up Major MacPhee. She was rid of the Middenhall with all its pretendings and she needn’t think about it any more.

  She wouldn’t have to think about money either. On top of her wardrobe in a cardboard box there was a brown paper parcel containing thousands and thousands of pounds from the man with the razor who had so terrified Timothy Bright. It was never going anywhere now. The Brights had their money back and Phoebe had a fiancé in waiting. Miss Midden herself would go on living at the Midden while Lennox exacted every penny from the authorities for the destruction of the Middenhall. But she would never go to Phoebe’s wedding, though Phoebe would undoubtedly want her to. As a bridesmaid.

  Miss Midden shuddered at the thought. It would be a hideously noisy wedding and in any case she was not a maid and never intended to be a bride. She would stay the way she was and always would be, an independent woman. She had no intention of marrying for the sheer hell of it. There were enough Middens in the world already without creating any more. And the Major could stay if he wanted to. She didn’t much care one way or another. He was a pathetic little creature and she could do with help in the house. But she doubted if he would. The Major’s taste for the life of the gutter, she had once heard it called nostalgie de la boue, though in his case it was less boue than ordure, would call to him. As the old Humber drove past Six Lanes End she saw, limping towards them, a tattered and besmirched figure. Miss Midden stopped and asked if she could be of any assistance.

  ‘Very kind of you, I’m sure. I’m trying to find the way to Piccadilly Circus, but no one round here seems to know.’ It was Buffalo Midden and the boue in his case was entirely genuine.

  ‘Get in,’ said Miss Midden, ‘I’m going that way myself.’

  Beside her Major MacPhee began to gibber a protest. ‘Shut up,’ said Miss Midden. ‘Shut up or get out and walk.’ The Major shut up. He had walked far enough that day.

  As they drove into the farmyard Miss Midden knew she would never be rid of stupid old men and their mad fantasies. Being a kindly, sensible woman, she didn’t mind. In a way, it was her calling.

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  Epub ISBN: 9781446493120

  Version 1.0

  www.randomhouse.co.uk

  Published by Arrow Books in 2004

  9 10

  Copyright © Tom Sharpe, 1996

  Tom Sharpe has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents

  Act, 1988 to be identified as the author of this work

  This novel is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental

  First published in the United Kingdom in 1996

  by André Deutsch Ltd & Secker & Warburg

  Arrow Books

  The Random House Group Limited

  20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London, SW1V 2SA

  www.rbooks.co.uk

  Addresses for companies within The Random House Group Limited can be found at:

  www.randomhouse.co.uk/offices.htm

  The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009

  A CIP catalogue record for this book

  is available from the British Library

  ISBN 9780099466536

 

 

 


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