Love's Indecision

by Flynn Eire

  "So, in reality, it had nothing to do with me but it was all about you."

  "No, that's not what I'm saying," I replied, shaking my head. "I'm not explaining this right. Your birthday is in a couple of weeks. Why start something if we don't know if you'll feel the same after it?"

  "Okay, that I get," he said, taking my hand. "But it's more than that, isn't it?"

  "Yeah, it is. And I didn't realize it until I sat up with Lance during his transition," I replied, taking a few moments to gather myself again. "He asked about my transition and it brought up so many painful memories. I was invisible growing up, unless there was something for someone to yell at me, or blame me for. I could have died during my transition because my family didn't even care enough to tend to me or make sure I had blood at the right time."

  The whole time I was talking, Nate was holding my hand tightly while rubbing his other hand over it. "How did you survive?"

  "A warrior named Renaldo came to the house as I finished my transition," I explained. "My parents sent for him when it started, knowing I was going to be a warrior. Hell, I didn't even know anything about the transition, much less that I was a warrior. He got me out of there fast and made sure I got the blood I needed. Then he explained everything to me as we rode to the warrior camp in Spain."

  "I do love your accent," Nate said as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "It gets me hard every time I hear it."

  "Oh fuck, Nate," I groaned. "Please don't say things like that, you're going to kill me."

  "I want you, Matteo."

  "I can't," I whispered, blinking away the tears starting to burn my eyes. "I care too much about you already, if you change your mind about me after your transition it would be the death of me. I can't be tossed aside again, I wouldn't make it."

  "I wouldn't do that—"

  "You can't know that," I interrupted.

  "What about after my transition? If I still feel the same will you be with me then?"

  I searched his eyes, looking for a way to explain it was more than the transition. "I have a feeling that if we started something, even after your change, it would be serious. Are you sure you could give up playing the field and sowing your wild oats?"

  "I don't care about any of that," he replied, shaking his head. "If I do after my transition, I will tell you. But if I feel the same as I do now, all I want is you, Matteo."

  "Alright, we can talk again after your transition," I answered before letting go of his hands and standing. "I'm sorry I handled all of this so badly, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

  "Now that I understand better, I do forgive you."

  "Thanks, Nate," I said, opening the door. After a moment's hesitation, I turned back to look at him. "You really are a fine man."

  I left then, closing the door behind me before he could say anything. As I headed back to my room I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Granted it had been very hard for me to admit all that to Nate, but it seemed to have been the right thing to do. Not that I ever doubted Nate would understand; he was one of the best men I had met throughout my centuries of life.

  When I reached my room I felt so tired that I was, once again, forever grateful I had the day off. Since I was in charge of overseeing every transition at the camp, Alexander and Dimitri always scheduled me to have a free day after each one. They said it was only fair after going through, and watching, something so emotional and trying. At first I had objected, not wanting to give up my duties training the newly post-transition warriors.

  But after overseeing the first few transitions I realized it was a smart move on their part. Granted, I wasn't the one actually going through the transition, but it was still incredibly taxing on my nerves and emotionally exhausting. Crawling into bed, I felt better about life. As it was, I knew I would get hurt if Nate didn't want me after his transition. But the idea of me hurting him ate at my insides more.

  As I started to drift off I wondered what Nate would look like after his transition. He would still have the same hair and eyes, of course. But would he be taller than me? How would it feel to have sex with him afterwards? Would he even let me top him after his transition? All these questions circled in my head as I fell asleep

  * * * * A few days later I was heading to Nate and Lance's room to check on how Lance was doing now that he was out of the infirmary. We didn't start his post-trans training program until tomorrow but I was praying for him to have changed into a better man with his new body.

  "I said no!" I heard Nate yell from down the hall. Without even thinking, I took off as fast I could. "I figure this is why everyone loves you, they've

  had a taste of this sweet ass," Lance said as I kicked down

  the door. What I saw in front of me is the only excuse I

  have for the way I reacted. Lance, with his new bigger

  build, had Nate pinned down over the desk while holding

  his hands behind his back. Nate's pants were ripped off of

  him and pooled around his ankles.

  His attacker was trying to keep Nate still as he

  struggled, while lining up his cock with Nate's unprepared

  hole. I grabbed Lance around the throat and threw him

  across the room. Without even thinking of the new posttrans I knelt down next to Nate and pulled him into my

  arms.

  "Nate, are you okay?" I asked in a whisper. The

  way his entire body shook, I knew he was far from okay.

  "Did I get here in time?"

  "Yeah, you made it," he cried as he turned to hug me. The force of his lunge was so strong that I landed on my ass. In an instant, Nate straddled my lap and wrapped

  his arms and legs around me.

  "He wanted it," Lance spat out as he wiped the

  blood off his face. It seemed that when I threw him, he

  slammed into the mirror hanging over the dresser. That

  worked for me. I couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried. "Yeah, I can tell exactly how much he wanted it," I

  snarled at Lance as I held Nate tighter. "You just made the

  biggest mistake of your life, Lance. I challenge you.

  Tomorrow before breakfast, meet me at the circle." The circle was preserved from the days of old. It

  was more like a fighting pit where challenges and the

  subsequent aftermath were held. It was only about five feet

  deep, but it allowed spectators the opportunity to get a firsthand view of what was going on while keeping them at a

  safe distance and preventing them from possibly

  interfering.

  "You can't do that," he replied, visibly paling. "Oh yes I can," I sneered. I felt a smile start to come

  over my face, and it wasn't a nice one. "Welcome to your

  post-transition, Lance, where the consequences of your

  actions are more severe."

  "Fuck you, Matteo," he said as he stood and tried to

  gather himself.

  "No, I'll be fucking you tomorrow, unless you're too

  chicken-shit to show," I replied. "Now get the fuck out of

  here before I snap and just kill you for touching him." "What is it about this piece of shit that everyone

  adores?" Lance asked, shaking with rage. "Why the fuck is

  he so perfect to you all?"

  "Get out, Lance. I won't warn you again," I

  growled, holding a still shaking Nate tightly in my arms.

  He must have realized how close I really was to snapping,

  because Lance turned without another word and stormed

  out of the room. "It's okay, Nate. I'm here, he can't hurt you

  anymore."

  "Don't challenge him because of this," he whispered

  into my neck. "Then everyone will know what he tried to

  do to me."

  "Yeah, but he didn't, baby," I soothed as I ran my

  hands up and down his back. "Th
ey need to know what

  kind of person he is. Plus letting this go unpunished is just

  a green light for him to try it again. Next time it might not

  be on you, and his victim will probably not have someone

  there to stop him."

  "Okay," he said reluctantly, nodding. We didn't say

  anything for a while, simply sitting there in silence while I comforted him. When he finally stopped shaking, I stood

  with him in my arms before tucking him into bed. "Will you stay with me?" Nate asked as I turned to

  leave. "Please, Matteo, I don't want to be alone." "Just let me make a quick call out in the hallway,

  and then I'm all yours."

  He looked me over for a minute, then simply

  nodded and closed his eyes. I watched him for a bit before

  stepping into the hallway and calling Dimitri.

  "What's up, Matteo?" He asked before I could even

  say hello.

  "I was coming to check on Lance before his new

  training schedule starts tomorrow," I said, trying

  desperately to control my rage. I knew my words were

  coming out clipped and that Dimitri could tell I was

  seething. "I heard Nate scream from down the hall and

  busted down the door just in time to stop Lance from

  shoving his dick into an unwilling Nate."

  "That little motherfucker," Dimitri snarled. "Is he

  even alive?"

  "Yeah, he's fine," I replied, then started chuckling.

  "I grabbed him and threw him across the room. He'll be

  picking bits of mirror out of his skin. Hopefully it will heal

  before he gets them all, then he'll have to cut himself back

  open and dig them out."

  "That's it? You threw him off Nate? How did you

  control yourself like that?" Dimitri asked, amazement

  apparent in his voice.

  "All that mattered was comforting Nate," I said

  quietly, hoping he couldn't hear me through the door. "I've

  never seen anyone shake like that, Dimitri. It broke my

  heart."

  "Good point. I'm still not sure I wouldn't have killed

  him, but I feel you."

  "I did challenge him tomorrow morning," I

  answered, starting to squirm. It wasn't unheard of for a

  warrior to challenge a post-trans vampire, but it was more

  common between warriors. Lance had months of training

  ahead of him before he could even start to be considered

  for that. I wasn't hopeful for a positive response about it

  from Dimitri.

  "Kick the fucker's ass, dude," Dimitri said, almost

  causing me to drop the phone in surprise. "Maybe it will

  bring him down a few pegs."

  "That so is not the response I was expecting," I

  replied as I burst out laughing. "I thought I'd get some kind

  of lecture."

  "Nope, not from me. I'd have killed the little

  bastard."

  "Okay, good to know," I snickered. "Look, can you

  get someone to cover for me today? I want to be here for

  Nate."

  "You got it, brother. Take care of your boy,"

  Dimitri said, hanging up the phone before I could correct

  him. Shaking my head, I turned and went back into Nate's

  room. He was lying in the bed, just watching me, as tears

  streamed down his face.

  "Oh, don't cry, baby," I said as I toed off my shoes

  before crawling into bed with him. "I talked to Dimitri; he's

  got my training covered. I'm here for you all day." "Thanks, Matteo," he whispered as he pulled my

  arm tighter around him. We didn't say anything else for

  hours. I wasn't going to try and make him talk. What do

  you say to someone who went through what Nate just did?

  I didn't know, but risking saying the wrong thing wasn't

  something I was willing to do.

  * * * * The next morning I stood in the challenge circle, stretching out and waiting for my opponent to arrive. We had a bet going between most of the warriors who worked in training; whether Lance would even show or not. Lance didn't have to accept my challenge. Normally honor drove a warrior to do it, but we all knew the little —or I guess not so little anymore— shit didn't have any of that.

  Dimitri had already contacted the council and brought Lance up on attempted rape charges. While the council always took that kind of thing seriously, the fact Lance tried to rape a pre-trans was a huge deal. A warrior's main job was to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. Going against one of our main mottos, and trying to force himself on Nate, was right up there with slaughtering a council member.

  If Lance weren't from such a well-connected family, he'd already be in our prison waiting for the council's decision. In my mind, this worked out better because I couldn't have challenged him from behind bars.

  "This is going to be fun," Lance said loudly as he jumped down into the circle.

  "I can't believe you had the balls to show," I replied, not reacting to his idea of a grand entrance. "You do realize what happens when I win, right?"

  "You won't win, Matteo," he snickered. I didn't even have a chance to respond before the dozens of warriors gathered started to laugh.

  "Oh yeah, Matteo is fourth in rank because he sucks," Yuri laughed. Yuri was actually third in rank behind Dimitri and Alexander. While I took my position — and being a warrior— seriously, I was cool with those who were ahead of me in rank. That's why I never even tried to challenge them. I liked leading, and being towards the top, I just never felt the drive to be number one; being the best also came with a slew of responsibilities I just didn't want.

  "Is that an option for when he loses?" Lance asked as he turned towards Yuri. "I think I'd prefer him sucking my cock on his knees than being in his ass."

  Lance's bravado faltered slightly when we all started laughing that time. It wasn't just some chuckles; everyone there was gripping their stomachs in full belly laughs. To have this brand new, post-trans vampire acting all badass when he was about to fight a centuries-old warrior was just too funny for words.

  I knew Lance thought he had an ace up his sleeve. While pre-trans weren't trained on how to use swords, some older warrior families taught their children before they came to camp. Lance was one of those children; he'd been working with swords and various weapons since he was in his teens. And to a cocky shit like him, he thought the home training made him all that. Even though the idiot believed it, the rest of us knew it didn't mean shit next to all the years under my belt.

  "Do I get Nate, too, after I win?" Lance asked as we moved into position.

  "The charges you're facing have nothing to do with this challenge," Alexander answered as he crossed his arms over his chest. "And the only one who can give Nate away is Nate."

  "I just liked seeing Matteo's reaction," Lance snickered. I took a deep breath, knowing he was trying to get me to fight while enraged. That was the quickest way to make mistakes in any fight. I was smart enough, and experienced enough, to see that.

  "You'll be seeing all kinds of reactions from me," I answered with a knowing smirk. Lance paled again before recovering his demeanor.

  We moved into position, giving each other the normal salute. We faced each other, the normal ten feet apart, with our swords held at an angle so the top of the weapon hit our left shoulder. We both bowed

  ceremoniously, out of respect to each other and the fight to come. In a flash we were both in fighting stances, swords raised over head, elbows and knees slightly bent.

  Normally I took a more defensive fight position while I learned my opponent's tactics. But fighting someone like Lance, who I'd helped train over the past year, I already knew his weaknesses. I swung overhead ligh
tning quick, making Lance raise his sword to block me. However, since I moved first and startled him, he couldn't stop the full force of my swing. His sword went back far enough to slice a small part of his cheek.

  It was then I realized how scared Lance truly was. Not waiting for him to recover, I spun to my right while striking out to his side. Knowing he was right-handed and would lead his defense that way, attacking his left side kept him at a disadvantage. He swiped at my sword weakly as he turned and tried to get out of my way; instead I was able to nick his left shoulder.

  When I moved towards him, he feebly tried to thrust his sword at my chest, which was exactly what I had hoped he would do. Striking hard at his sword from his right, he had to compensate with his left. He cried out in pain as his now injured left shoulder failed him and he dropped his sword.

  "Kneel and admit defeat," I growled as I stepped closer with the blade of my sword now pointed at his throat. He swallowed loudly and tried to hide his glance at his sword on the ground. "You'll never make it, Lance. Yield and I'll let you live."

  His eyes bulged out of his head then, seemingly shocked at my words. I doubted anyone had ever not let Lance slide before, but after the shit he pulled he was lucky I didn't kill him. Part of it was the glimpse I got into the real Lance during his transition. I really hoped his defeat and humiliation would knock him down a few levels and maybe help make him into the man I knew he could be.

  "I yield," he said quietly as he dropped to his knees with his head hanging down in shame.

  "Maybe I should just fuck your face instead of your ass, like you wanted to do to me?" I whispered in his ear as I tossed my sword off to the side. Moving behind him, I pushed Lance down onto his hands and knees, knowing it would be painful with his injury. As our audience got quiet, I reached over and ripped Lance's shirt and shorts off him. I had to admit, he was stunning. But this wasn't about having sex for fun.

  I pulled my own shirt off and knelt behind Lance. Looking up at Dimitri, I nodded. We'd decided beforehand that this was about Lance realizing he wasn't as powerful and untouchable as he thought he was. But at the same time, I didn't want to cause him unnecessary pain. Dimitri tossed me a bottle of lube which I caught with ease. While Lance had to submit to me, I wasn't looking to tear his ass up.