Love's Indecision

by Flynn Eire

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at his first reaction. Having seen hundreds of first reactions after someone's transition, Nate's was a new one. "It's all that milk you've been drinking over the years."

  "Does a body good," he replied smiling at me, but then his face turned slowly into a frown. "You let me mate you."

  "I did," I answered quietly, swallowing loudly. "You wouldn't drink any blood if it wasn't mine."

  "I remember, but I was out of my mind at the time," he growled. "How could you let this happen?"

  "It's what you said you wanted," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears.

  "You should have known I wasn't in a position to know what I wanted right then," Nate yelled at me. His words echoed through the room, drawing all eyes on us.

  "I didn't mate with you, you can still find your mate when you want to," I said, backing away from him.

  He reached out and grabbed my arm before I could flee. "But I still have to bite you every few days," he replied. "I've been out for a few days, and that means you need my bite right now."

  After a vampire mates they have to mate and be bitten by their mate on a regular basis. I don't know the science of it, something about our genetic makeup. Once you are bitten and mated you need your mate's fangs, the compound they give off, to stay alive. It's the same compound in our saliva that helps wounds heal, but when mated our bodies start craving it. Now that he'd mated me, Nate's bite was as important to my health as food and blood.

  "Yes," I said, looking anywhere but in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

  "Whatever," he grumbled as he pulled me down towards him. He grabbed my hair roughly and tilted my head to the side. When his fangs sank into the side of my neck, my cock responded as it did a few days ago; instantly swelling and then exploding in my shorts. While I knew I needed his bite and it gave me relief, I felt humiliated that he did it here, like this. He drank deeply for a few moments before he released me and pushed me away.

  "Did you have to do it like that?" I asked not even bothering to ask him to lick the bite closed. "In front of people like this? It's supposed to be something intimate between mates."

  "You're lucky I care enough to bite you at all," he snapped, causing me to take a few steps back. I'd never seen this side of Nate before.

  I closed my eyes, praying he was just upset and the transition hadn't turned him into a dickhead.

  "I'm sorry, Matteo. I don't know what's going on with me, but it's like I can't hold onto one emotion. They're all swarming me."

  "That's normal," I replied, falling back into instructor mode. It was easier for me to be his teacher and help him than deal with our personal crap. "You'll feel this on and off for the next month or so. Your body grew so quickly, and your hormones and organs are adjusting the new levels of chemicals your body needs to produce to keep up."

  "One minute I'm so angry with you and the next I'm grateful that you willingly sacrificed yourself to mate with me so I got the blood I needed."

  "We'll figure it out, Nate," I said as I took his hand. "Just don't think about it right now, okay? You're going to have enough issues, put this one on the back-burner."

  "Okay, it's just…" he whispered, tears running down his cheeks.

  I leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, then let go of his hand. "What is it, Nate? You can tell me."

  "You won't like it," Nate replied, trying to turn away from me.

  "I don't like it now, so just tell me," I replied, raising an eyebrow as I searched his face for answers. "We can't have secrets between us. No matter what we decide or what happens, no secrets."

  "Fine," he mumbled as he started playing with the infirmary blanket covering his lower body. "It's just that, if we're mated, it's for eternity. One man, the only man I've ever been with, for all the rest of my days."

  "So this is about you being upset that someone better might come along?" I asked, more shocked than pissed right then.

  "No!" He yelled, reaching for my hand, "it's not about finding someone better. It's just I've never played around with sex. What if it turns out I like something you don't? Hell, I don't even know what I like."

  "Did you like what we did so far?" I replied, starting to get confused. "I mean we can try different things if you want."

  "Even if we dabble in different stuff, there's only so much you can try with one person."

  It hit me then like a ton of sharp, pointed bricks. "You want to play the field. This is about you wanting to fuck other people!"

  "Well, no, maybe, yes?" He answered, looking lost and confused. "Fuck, I don't know! I'm just trying to deal with that door being closed to me for good."

  "Don't worry, Nate," I said sarcastically, dropping his hand. "I'm not closing that particular door for you. Go ahead, sleep with whomever you want, just don't come knocking on my door."

  "Matteo, wait!" Nate called out as I started to walk away.

  I spun on my heel, completely pissed off, growling. "I knew something like this would happen. But you wouldn't listen to me, would you? Last night it was all, 'I love you' and 'I choose you'. Today it's you 'want to be with other people'. That's not love Nate. And now I'm stuck being mated to a man who wants to play the field. Thanks a fucking lot!"

  This time I did leave, ignoring his calling after me to stop. Fuck him! I felt the tears burning in my eyes as I left the infirmary. I was so lost in my own world that I barely heard the whizzing sound. But I felt the blinding pain on the right side of my forehead. I had only seconds to realize I was falling to the ground before my world went black.

  * * * * I woke up in a bed, surrounded by people. At first I couldn't make out anything any of them were saying to me. I stared at them, trying to figure out the words as my hearing started to come back to me.

  "Matteo, are you okay?" one man asked me. He was leaning over me, touching the side of my face. And while he was gorgeous, I didn't like that the stranger was touching me, even if part of me felt it was right.

  "Who are you?" I asked, brushing his hand away. "What?" he asked, his eyes going wide.

  "Who are you? For that matter, where am I?" "Matteo, you're in the infirmary," another man said

  from the other side of me. He looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "You were shot, brother." "Dimitri?" I asked, his name suddenly coming to me. "You're my brother, Dimitri."

  "Yeah, I'm Dimitri, but we're not really brothers," Dimitri explained gently. "We're best friends. We've been best friends for decades."

  "You keep saying Matteo, is that my name?" I asked, still confused. It was then I realized the right side of my head felt like it was blown open. "My head, fuck it hurts. I was shot in the head?"

  "Yeah, buddy. You were walking out of the infirmary when a sniper bullet clipped the right side of your forehead," he answered as he sat on my bed. "You're going to have some memory loss. We don't know how much yet, but it's good you remember me, at least. It means you don't have complete amnesia."

  "Okay, but who's the guy that was touching me?" I asked Dimitri before turning back to look at the man on the other side of my bed.

  "That's Nate, he's your mate," Dimitri told me. I reached out and grabbed my friend's hand as my thoughts seemed to spin out of control.

  "I'm Matteo and I'm mated to Nate," I said, more for myself than anyone. It seemed I needed to say it all out loud to try and get a handle on it. "And I was shot. Why was I shot?"

  "That's my fault," a third man said, moving to the foot of my bed. "I'm Lance, one of your students. You challenged me and I lost. My father found out and was enraged; it seems he put a hit out on you. The sniper sat outside the camp walls and took a shot at you when you left the infirmary. People saw and rushed to you, blocking his shot I guess. That's why he only took one shot and didn't kill you."

  "Okay, I'm on like info overload here," I said holding up my hand to stop him. "You're Lance. Why did I challenge you? What is a challenge?"

  "All right everyone, I need you to leave," a fourth man said, steppi
ng up to the bed. I guessed he had to be a doctor, with the white lab coat and stethoscope around his neck. "Give my patient some room, he just woke up. I need to examine him. You can all come back after the exam."

  "Can Dimitri stay?" I asked the doctor. "I remember him."

  "Fine," the doctor sighed, shooing away the others. When they left he started his barrage of tests and questions. It felt never-ending, and completely exhausting. The entire time, Dimitri held my hand when the doctor allowed him. It had to be at least a couple of hours before the doctor pulled up a little stool on wheels and sat by my bed.

  "Your brain looks to be fully functioning, Matteo," he said smiling. "It's a miracle, really, given how the bullet entered and exited your head. But your brain seems to have healed and regenerated. You're lucky you're a vampire, a human would have been killed instantly."

  "Yeah, lucky," I snorted. "What about my memories?"

  "Some may come back," he answered, tiredly rubbing his hands over his face. "Best case scenario is that they all do. We just don't know what memories were stored in that part of your brain. So far your language, motor, and finite skills don't seem to have been affected, just your memory. When dealing with the brain, nothing is exact. There's still too much about it we don't know."

  "Thanks, doc," Dimitri said as he took my hand again. The doctor nodded and stood before patting my arm. I thought it was an odd thing to do, but understood it was his way of trying to comfort me. He turned and left us alone then.

  "So, what now?" I asked, turning back to my friend. "I mean, I get that I'm a warrior and we're at a training facility. And I'm some type of instructor, but what do I do?"

  "For now you need rest, my friend," Dimitri replied with a gentle smile.

  "Wait. Please tell me why I got shot?"

  "The man you met, Lance," Dimitri started to say as he sat back down. He walked me through what happened with Lance's transition, his attempted rape of Nate, and my subsequent challenge. "Lance's father is a council member and saw his son's challenge and loss as something not deserving of his high and mighty family."

  "Killing me won't erase what happened," I said, still confused.

  "No, but it appears he thought it was a just punishment for you after humiliating Lance," Dimitri explained, shaking his head. "It seems he didn't know Lance actually enjoyed most of it and has feelings for you. Either way, he's sitting at council headquarters in LA awaiting trial. Lance told the council he would testify against his father."

  "Wow," I whistled. "That's going to be awkward."

  "Probably, but whatever you said to Lance seems to have helped, along with his transition," Dimitri said as he shrugged his shoulders. "He's not the same pain in the ass we all knew and hated. It really seems he might become a good, honorable warrior."

  "Great," I replied nodding. "I just wish it didn't take me getting shot and losing my memories for Lance to see the kind of monster his family is."

  "True, that," Dimitri chuckled. We both turned when we heard someone clearing their throat to announce their arrival. I wasn't shocked to see it was Nate, more uncomfortable with the conversation to come. Dimitri turned back to me, "Don't stress yourself out, Matteo. You need to rest right now."

  "I'll be okay," I assured my friend and patted his hand. "I got this."

  He sat there a few moments longer, searching my face for something. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he seemed to find it. Dimitri stood, gave me a nod, then turned and walked to Nate. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but they whispered something to each other. Nate nodded a few times, then Dimitri patted him on the back and left.

  I watched the six-seven, gorgeous man walk towards me. My mouth watered at the sight of him; his short, wavy blond hair and beautiful forest green eyes. I just about swallowed my tongue when he leaned over and kissed me. Melting into that kiss, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down closer to me.

  "Wow," I whispered as we broke the kiss. It seemed like those eyes were burning into my soul as he stared down at me. "So you're my mate."

  "In a way," he answered with a sigh, and then sat down where Dimitri had just left. The next ten minutes or so, Nate explained about our mating and how we got where we were currently. "So yeah, that was our last conversation before you got shot."

  I watched the man in front of me, not having said a word the entire time he had been talking. "So, you do want to be mated to me?"

  "Yes, very much so," he answered as he raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. "It's just been a lot, with my transition. I'm confused. Does that make any sense?"

  "I guess," I replied before pulling him back down for a kiss. "Until I remember, if I ever remember, I'll be in the same boat. Only having ever made love to you."

  "And you're okay with that?" Nate asked, searching my face.

  "I'm not sure, I just woke up after being shot and the only thing I remember is that Dimitri and I are friends. I guess sex isn't at the front of my mind right now."

  "Fair enough."

  "I know I don't like the idea of us playing separately if we're mated…" An idea popped into my head. "But what would you think if we maybe invited someone else to play with us?"

  "You'd do that?"

  "I'd try it," I answered, rubbing his hand in mine. "I'm not sure what I was into before, and I might not ever know. But if this is something you want to do, I'm willing to try it."

  "Oh fuck, I'm totally picturing fucking someone while watching them suck you off," he groaned as I saw his cock grow hard under his shorts.

  "I take it you like that idea, Nate," I said, then decided to be bold. I reached out and rubbed his hard-on through his shorts. He spread his legs a bit to accommodate my wandering hand. "I don't remember you, Nate, and I only know what you've told me. But I feel as if this is right, that I do know you."

  "We love each other," he replied as he leaned down and kissed me again. This time I slid my tongue into his open mouth. Groaning at the taste of my mate, I wrapped my free hand behind his head and pulled him closer. When he reached under the sheet and started stroking my naked cock I just about melted into the bed.

  "Prove it," I hissed. "Suck my cock."

  He looked at me with wide eyes for a moment before smiling widely. Nate looked around to make sure we were alone before pulling the sheet down and lifting up my hospital gown. Without a word, he moved closer to my dick and licked off the drop of pre-cum that formed at the head of my cock. I groaned at the feeling of his tongue. Then he took the head of my dick into his mouth and started to suck on it.

  "Fuck! That's it, baby," I said, wrapping my hand in his hair and guiding him down further onto my cock. He moaned around my dick and I felt the vibrations shoot through me. Without even meaning to, my hips started to pump up, gently fucking his mouth. "Take me all the way in your throat."

  Nate smiled around my cock, looking straight into my eyes as he swallowed my entire length. What little control I had left snapped. I grabbed both sides of his head as I moved my hips in time with his mouth. He moved his other hand to cup and massage my balls.

  "Squeeze them," I hissed out as I kept pumping my cock into his mouth. Nate did as I asked and I felt them start to draw up. "So fucking good."

  He sucked harder, moving his tongue around my dick as I fucked his face. One last squeeze to my nuts and I cried out my release as Nate swallowed every drop of my cum. My whole body shook and my vision started to swim. It hit me then that the doc probably wouldn't have wanted me to be doing any physical activity just then.

  "I'm going to throw up," I said as the nausea hit me. Nate moved quickly and helped me lean over the side of the bed. We made it just as my stomach decided to empty itself. He kept rubbing my back and saying soothing words to me as I kept vomiting. When I was finally done, Nate helped me lie back down and found a cold washcloth to put on my forehead.

  "Never thought anyone would have that reaction to my sucking them off," Nate mumbled.

  "It wasn't that, baby. It was the gettin
g shot earlier today," I chuckled. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to engage in physical activities this soon after a bullet to the head. The blow job was fantastic. I officially know what heaven is like."

  "I aim to please," he replied, leaning over to kiss my lips.

  "Nate," I said gently as I held onto his head, making sure he was looking right at me. "I don't have a problem with us playing with others, as long as it's together. And no one gets our asses but each other, okay?"

  He seemed to think it over for a few moments, then smiled widely, "I think that's fair. You're right, I don't like the idea of someone else being in your ass."

  "I feel the same way," I said pulling him down for another kiss. "I'm getting sleepy, baby."

  "Okay, you get some rest, my mate," he replied, running his fingers through my hair.

  Someone behind Nate cleared his throat, and when Nate turned around I could see it was Lance. "Can I talk to Matteo for a minute before he goes to sleep?"

  "I'll be fine, Nate," I told him when he looked back down at me. "You go ahead and rest up. I'll need someone to help me with my rehab."

  Nate chuckled and waggled his eyebrows at me before giving me another quick kiss and leaving the room.

  "I'm so sorry, Matteo," Lance said as he came towards my bed. "I never had any idea my father was serious."

  "What are you talking about, Lance?"

  "When my father called and asked me what happened with Nate and the challenge," Lance cried softly, hiccupping as he explained. "He said he would kill you, but I didn't think he was serious. He said he would kill you for doing that to me but I never dreamed in a million years he would really do it. I thought he was just angry and it was his rage talking. I swear if I thought it was a real threat I would have told someone…"

  "It's not your fault, Lance," I replied pulling my student down towards me for a hug. "I know you truly care for me and wouldn't let someone hurt me."

  "I wouldn't," he sobbed, holding onto me tightly. "Even if I hated you, what you did was right and I learned a lot from it. You didn't deserve to be killed or shot for what you did. It was dishonorable of my father to have done this. If he wanted to save face or protect our family name, he should have challenged you."