Payback (Summer Rush #6)

by Cheryl Douglas

“You have a lot of friends like this, Bella?”

  She was going to kill him for embarrassing her this way! What happened to the trust they were supposedly building? His jealousy and insecurity took her back to another time and place, another man, and she did not want to go there.

  “Uh, I should get back to work,” Matt said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  Bella tried to see her friend the way Loran might have. He was good-looking, well-dressed, polished, some might deem him a little too slick, if they were meeting him for the first time, but she knew he was one of the good guys. She just had to convince Loran of that so he wouldn’t worry that Matt was a threat to their relationship.

  “I’m really glad you stopped by.” Her smile was strained when she said, “I’d love to take you out for lunch one day this week to celebrate your promotion.”

  Matt stole a look at Loran, who was daring him to accept without saying a word.

  “Uh, I might be pretty busy this week, getting settled in and all, but I’m sure I’ll see you around.” He offered Loran his hand. “It was nice meeting you.”

  He relaxed his clenched hand before offering it to Matt. “You too.”

  Bella waited until Matt left before she instructed her assistant to hold her calls before slamming the door. “What the hell was that?”

  “You tell me. Who was that guy? And don’t tell me he was just a friend.” He glared at her. “You dated him, didn’t you?”

  “What does that have to do with anything? I dated a lot of guys.”

  She immediately wished she could retract her foot from her mouth. She’d dated Matt, she hadn’t slept with him. As far as she was concerned, that put their relationship in safe territory.

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”

  He crossed his bulging arms over his chest and Bella immediately felt sorry for Matt. He must have been intimidated as hell by her larger-than-life and obviously territorial boyfriend.

  “I thought we were supposed to trust each other, Loran.” She felt the sadness sweep through her as she began to wonder whether it was a hopeless proposition for two people who’d lived the lives they had to ever learn to trust each other. “This can’t work if we don’t.”

  “And it can’t work if you keep seeing guys you slept with under the guise of friendship,” he snapped, making her jaw drop.

  “We never slept together! Not that it’s any of your business who I slept with before we met.” She’d never asked him about his conquests and she was sure his tripled hers in numbers.

  “I’m an open book,” he said, spreading his arms. “I don’t have any secrets. And I can assure that I’m not friends with any of my ex’s.”

  “Maybe that says something about you then.” There was no way she was going to back down. She had a right to have male friends, even if they had dated a few times in another life. “I’m not going to justify my friendships to you, Loran. You either trust me or you don’t.”

  “Then you’re still going to see this guy… as friends? Knowing that it pisses me off?”

  She couldn’t believe he was being so unreasonable about this. Why would she cut Matt out of her life, just because Loran couldn’t handle the thought of her having an innocent lunch with someone she’d known since they were pre-pubescent teens?

  She started pacing the floor, trying to work off some of her anger and frustration so she didn’t blow up at him the way she wanted to. Relationships were about compromise. She knew they’d have their share of fights, like every other couple, but she wanted them to be able to talk it out, not walk out.

  “Why are you so intimidated by Matt?”

  He chuckled, though his lingering anger was obvious in his rigid stance. “You think I’d be intimidated by a guy like that? Think again, babe.”

  “Is it because he’s… different than you?” She knew she was treading in dangerous territory, but she was trying to understand him better, so they wouldn’t have to continue having the same arguments.

  “He sure as hell is.” He sneered. “And if you were into that guy, it makes me wonder…”

  Her heart broke as she heard the words he wasn’t willing to say. “What I see in you?”

  “No!”

  He had his pride, she could respect that, but they had to be honest with each other, so she continued pushing. “Are you sure?”

  Loran scrubbed his hands over his face. “You’ve got to be kidding me. He held his right hand up, revealing his diamond championship ring. “You see this? That makes me a winner, Bella. No ex-boyfriend of yours could ever compete with that. I’ve got it all, remember?”

  “Then why are you so afraid of losing me?” she asked, gently. “To someone like Matt?”

  He sucked in a breath and the pain she saw in his eyes slayed her.

  After a beat of silence he said, “Because I won’t always be this guy. One day I’ll be just another retired ball player with some good memories and a few bucks in the bank. Will you still want me then? Or will a guy like that be more your speed?”

  It hurt that he had to ask her that, but if they couldn’t ask each other the tough questions there was no hope for them. “What do you think?” She tipped her head back and looked him in the eye.

  He closed his eyes briefly while curling his hands into fists. “Bella, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with you. I’m so afraid to say or do the wrong thing and drive you away. I can’t live like that.”

  “I’m not asking you to.” Her heart rate kicked up a few notches as she imagined him walking out on her.

  “I’m not asking you to change who you are for me. You have a lot of friends, guys and girls, I get that. I thought I was okay with it, but—”

  “You’re not.” She didn’t know where they were supposed to go from here. She couldn’t concede on this point. It would mean he always felt he had the right to dictate who her friends were and that wasn’t right.

  “I don’t know.” He raked a hand over his hair. “This just kind of caught me off guard. I walk in and see you talking to this… good-looking guy. At first I thought he was a client, but when I heard that he’d moved here, knowing you were here…” He threw his hands up in the air. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that? What would you think?”

  Bella tried putting herself in his position. Maybe she wouldn’t like it either. But she knew Matt and she knew his reasons for re-locating had nothing to do with her. They’d been friends, just friends, for years.

  “I’m not saying you don’t have the right to ask questions. You do. And I’m happy to answer them.” Her voice softened, hoping he would relax, and take a breath. “You know the deal with Matt. I’ve been completely honest with you about everything. And let’s assume, just for a minute, that he had moved here to be closer to me, would that really matter?”

  He scowled at her. “How can you ask me that? Some other guy is after my girlfriend? Hell yeah, it matters.”

  “Why?” She took a step closer, reaching for his hand. “Why would it matter? You know how I feel about you. Matt is just a friend. That’s all he’ll ever be. It doesn’t matter if he wants more. I don’t.” It seemed so simple to her, if only Loran could see it that way. “I want you. No one else. Just you.”

  He hauled her against his chest. “I just love you so much, baby. I don’t know what the hell to do with these feelings.”

  “Go with them.” She looked up at him, feeling the undeniable urge to tell him the truth. “Just like I intend to do.” She curled her hands around the back of his neck. “I love you too, Loran. And that… is all that matters.”

  He closed his eyes before lifting her up as he buried his face in her neck. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words.”

  “I’m just sorry it had to be like this.” She hadn’t said it to reassure him, though she knew that’s the effect it would have. “I would have preferred a more intimate setting.” She licked her lips, inviting him to kiss her.

  Taking the hi
nt, his mouth claimed hers in a deep kiss that made her wish she didn’t have a meeting in fifteen minutes.

  “I have to get back to work,” she said on a sigh when they broke apart. “Can we pick this up tonight?”

  “I wish.” He looked regretful when he took a step back, still holding her hand. “That’s what I came here to tell you. I have to leave town for a few days. I was kind of hoping I could talk you into coming with me.”

  She shook her head, wishing there was some way she could take a few days off to be with him. “I’m sorry, including yours I’ve got five projects on the go. There’s just no way I can get away right now.”

  “I figured as much,” he said, leaning against the door at his back.

  “What’s going on? Why do you have to leave town so suddenly? You didn’t mention anything about it last night or this morning.”

  “My mother called this morning. She’s been hospitalized with pneumonia.”

  “Oh no.” Bella covered her mouth with her free hand. She knew how much Loran’s mother meant to him. If anything happened to her it would destroy him. “Is she going to be okay?”

  “She said she would.” But his pinched expression told her he wasn’t so sure. “The antibiotics they put her on hadn’t worked as well as they’d hoped, so they’re hospitalizing her to try another course of treatment and monitor her condition.”

  “Damn it, I wish I could go with you.” But she had a dozen meetings scheduled over the next couple of days.

  “It’s okay. You’ve got your work. I get that.” Yet he still sounded disappointed.

  “Promise you’ll call and give me an update on her condition as soon as you can?” She didn’t want to tell him she’d be on the next flight if his mother took a turn for the worse because that would only make him more anxious.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  She led him to her drafting table, hoping he would feel better after seeing her revisions to his drawings. “The games room,” she said, pointing to it on the floorplan. “I added the closet to store your toys and—”

  “They’re not toys!”

  She laughed, slapping his chest. “Call them what you want. I also bumped this out a couple more feet,” she said, pointing to one of the bedrooms.

  “To make room for a play area.”

  They hadn’t talked about his intentions for the three extra bedrooms, but hearing him talk about his future children, possibly their future children, made her stomach flutter.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, brushing a hand across her cheek. “You look a little pale.”

  “Um, nothing.” She bit her lip as imagined a room finished with a pink area rug and bedding, shelves lined with stuffed animals, and a mural on the wall, depicting a scene from a fairy tale. “Just thinking.”

  “About?” He tipped her chin up when she didn’t answer him. “Tell me, Bella.”

  “I’m imagining a bedroom fit for a princess,” she whispered. “The kind of bedroom every little girl dreams of.”

  “Oh yeah?” He tipped his head as he waited for her to continue. “And how about this one?” he asked, pointing to the bedroom that would be across the hall from the first, mirroring its dimensions. “What do you see in here?”

  She narrowed her eyes as she considered the possibilities. “Maybe light blue walls, denim bedding.” Her finger ran across the width line. “Built in shelving here and here. He’d have to have somewhere to put his books and baseball cards—”

  “Don’t forget his ball and glove.”

  They shared a smile and she couldn’t miss the hope in his eyes. He was waiting for her to confirm that he wasn’t the only one thinking about their future, the children they would one day have.

  “You’ve going to be a great father, Loran.” She took a step back, needing room to breathe. “I have no doubt about that.”

  “There’s still a but in there.” He sighed, tipping his head back. “When will you be able to say that without thinking ‘I’m not there yet’?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  She didn’t want him to leave with lingering frustration, but she wasn’t going to pretend she was all in unless she was. Was it so terrible to need more than a few weeks to be sure? Even if this was someone she’d been thinking about for over a year?

  She turned to face him, praying she could make him see things from her perspective. “I just told you I love you. Can’t that be enough… for now?”

  He hesitated before nodding. “It is enough. It’s more than enough.” He pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t mean to pressure you. It’s just hard sometimes. I want you to feel the way I feel, but sometimes I forget I’ve had the past year to work out my feelings for you. You spent that time trying to get over me.”

  She couldn’t have said it better herself. At least he seemed to get it now. “Then we’re okay?”

  He smiled. “We’re better than okay. How can we not be? You said you loved me, right? That’s a hell of lot more than I expected when I walked in here today.”

  “I do love you,” she whispered. “So much it kind of scares me.”

  “Whenever you take a risk, like falling in love, it’s supposed to be scary. Moving here was scary, right? But that didn’t stop you from doing it.”

  “No, it didn’t.” She linked her arms around his neck as her lips met his. “And being scared won’t prevent me from giving you everything I have to give. I’m all in. Don’t doubt that just because I can’t quite think about marriage and babies just yet.”

  “I like hearing you say that.” His grin spread. “Babies.”

  She loved making him happy. “Babies, babies, babies,” she whispered, brushing his lips with hers.

  He growled as he cupped her bottom. “Keep that up and I’m gonna miss my flight.”

  She hated to think of him being alone if his mother’s condition worsened. “If you need me, just call, okay? Promise?”

  “I will. But she assures me she’ll be fine. I just need to see for myself.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Loran walked into his mother’s hospital room and breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t look weak or frail, as he’d feared. She looked strong and healthy, though a bit tired.

  “Hey, beautiful,”

  Her green eyes sparkled and her hands covered her mouth. “What are you doing here? I told you I was going to be fine.”

  He pulled up a chair beside her bed and took her hand. “I wanted to make sure. Besides, I was planning to come home during the off-season to see you anyhow.” He brushed a kiss across her cheek, inhaling the familiar floral scent she’d been wearing since he was a little boy.

  “You look good.” She patted his hand. “Being in love agrees with you.”

  He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face when he thought about Bella. “She’s something special alright. I can’t wait for you to meet her, Mom.”

  “She couldn’t come with you?”

  “She’s slammed at work. But she told me to give you her love.” That was the last thing she’d said to him before he stepped out the door and it made Loran fall even harder, if that was possible.

  “Isn’t that sweet? Tell me more about her.” She squeezed his hand. “I know she’s your teammate’s sister and an architect, and that you live in the same city now, but other than that you’ve been pretty tight-lipped.”

  “I guess I don’t want to jinx it.” He broke eye-contact because he was sure his mother would be able to read the fear in his eyes. “She’s the one, Mom. No doubt in my mind about that.”

  Her gasp was barely audible when she squeezed his shoulder. “Really? You think you’re going to marry her?”

  “I want to.” If he didn’t think she’d have a panic attack in the middle of his proposal he wouldn’t wait.

  “Then what are you waiting for? You’re not getting any younger, you know. In fact, neither am I. And I want grandbabies to spoil. What else am I going to do with
my retirement?”

  It pained him to think his mother would be living so far away and wouldn’t be able to see his kids grow up. She’d been an incredible mother and he knew she’d make the same kind of impact on his kids that she’d made on him, given the chance.

  “Speaking of your retirement, you still planning that for March?”

  She nodded. “I’ve already told them. They tried to talk me into staying, but I explained it was time for me to start pursuing some interests outside of work. I’ve been blessed to do what I do, but I’m ready for a new chapter in my life.”

  “You think that new chapter might include new scenery?”

  She shrugged. “Who knows? I’ve always wanted to travel. And that tiny house thing has always intrigued me. You know I don’t need much space, so if I sold the house I’d have enough money to travel.”

  It pissed Loran off that his mother still considered money. He’d paid off his childhood home with his first big-league contract, bought his mother a car every other year for her birthday. He knew she didn’t like it, but he didn’t give her a choice. There was no point making big bucks if he couldn’t spoil the woman who’d sacrificed everything to help make his dream come true.

  “Sell the house, pocket all the money. I can buy a piece of land down the road from where I’m building. There are a few for sale. You pick the size of house you want to build. I’m sure Bella would love to help you with the design and I can get my contractor to build it for you.”

  Her jaw dropped. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I am.” He looked her in the eye. “Mom, I know you have friends here, but you could make friends anywhere you go. It would be amazing to have you just down the road. Especially if things turn out the way I hope they will with Bella.”

  “You mean if you two get married and make beautiful babies?”

  He chuckled at her enthusiasm. There was no doubt she wanted that for him, and she hadn’t even met Bella yet. Maybe his mother could just see how happy she’d made him.

  “Yeah. I know you. You’d want to be a hands-on nana, right?”

  “You know I would,” she said, smacking his arm lightly. “Maybe I could even babysit sometimes.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, that would be so wonderful. I’ve waited so long to see you happy and settled with someone special.”