Bev gasped as her hand flew to her chest. “Are you saying you want to marry her?”
Loran glanced at Dan, trying to gauge his reaction, but his expression was unreadable. “If I have your blessing?” When Dan didn’t respond, Loran said, “Look, I know you probably have a lot of reservations, given what you’ve heard about me. But I can tell you I would never, ever, cheat on Bella. She means everything to me and I’d never want to risk losing her.”
“You have to understand,” Dan said. “This is a bit of a surprise. We know you and Bella have a bit of history, but you haven’t been dating all that long.”
“I understand.” But he didn’t need to date Bella for years to know she was the one. “But I’ve known for a long time how I feel about her. It was a bumpy road for us to get where we are…” And it still wasn’t smooth. “But we’ve made it, and I think it’s made us stronger.”
“It usually does,” Bev said.
“I’m not perfect,” Loran said. “Neither is Bella. We accept each other’s flaws, forgive each other’s mistakes.” At least he hoped Bella would forgive his latest mistake. “Neither one of us is an expert when it comes to relationships, but we’re figuring it out together.”
Dan smiled at his wife. “We certainly had a lot to learn when we got married. But we were committed to each other, so we made it work.”
“And I can tell you,” Loran said. “That I’m more committed to Bella than I’ve ever been to anything or anyone.”
Dan shook his head. “That’s saying a lot, given how committed you’ve been to your career.”
“My career is a chapter in my life. It will end eventually.” And the thought of that didn’t scare him as much as it had. He was beginning to process it, to accept it. “And I want Bella to be the person standing beside me when that day comes. I want the rest of my life to be about us, the life we build together.”
“How does Bella feel?” Dan asked. “Have you talked about marriage or will this come as a surprise to her?”
Loran knew she wouldn’t be expecting it, but he hoped it would be a happy shock. “She loves me.” Loran was certain of that. “And I really believe I’m the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with. It may mean a long engagement, while we both work through our issues and figure out how to be a solid couple and have an unshakeable marriage, but I’m good with that. I’d wait forever for that girl if that’s how long it took.”
Dan grinned as he held his hand out to Loran. “That’s what I like to hear.”
“Then I have your blessing?” Loran asked, clasping Dan’s hand as he glanced over his shoulder at Bev.
She was beaming when she said, “We can’t wait to welcome you to the family officially.”
***
Bella was lying on her bed in a non-descript hotel room, mentally rehearsing the speech she’d prepared for the following day. It was impactful. She just hoped she could get through it without breaking down.
A knock on her door made her jump, until she remembered she’d ordered room service.
“Coming,” she called out, grabbing her purse.
She opened the door and gasped. “Loran. What are you doing here?” He was wearing faded jeans and a black t-shirt with the logo of his favorite rock band. Damn. He was a sight for sore, swollen, crying eyes.
“What do you think I’m doing here?” he whispered, pulling her into his arms. “You really think I’d let you go through something like this alone?”
They heard a food cart making its way down the hall and Bella swiped at her tears as she said, “Uh, that’s for me.”
“I got this,” he said. “You go back inside.”
She was sitting on the edge of the bed when he came back in with the tray of food she’d ordered. A burger and fries would sit in her stomach like lead after seeing Loran. She still didn’t know what he was doing here or what it meant.
“Grace told you where to find me?” Bella should have known her best friend was up to something when she insisted on knowing where she was staying.
“Yeah.” Loran hung his head. “I wish I could’ve heard it from you, but I get why you left town without talking to me first… after the way we left things.”
He was standing half way across the room and Bella didn’t know why he was keeping his distance. Why wasn’t he reaching out to her?
“It all happened so fast, to be honest. I got the message when I got home and I felt like I needed a day here to collect myself before I had to speak to the parole board.”
He nodded. “I can understand that.”
“Did you fly?”
“Yeah. You?”
“I drove. Needed the time to think.” They were making small talk and it was killing her. She needed to hear him tell her that he loved her, that everything was going to be fine.
His eyes locked on hers. “What did you think about on that long road trip, Bell?”
“Coming back here.” Her breath stuttered as she wiped her sweaty palms on her yoga pants. “How I would feel about it. Lots of memories here, good and bad.” Her college town was picturesque, but when she drove down the street where the attack took place she could see it in her mind like it was happening. She could still see her blood spilling all over the pavement.
“I can imagine.” He finally sat down beside her on the bed and reached for her hand.
She released the breath she’d been holding as she clasped his hand like a lifeline. She hadn’t realized how much she needed him until she felt his arms around her. She’d always prided herself on being independent and strong, but sometimes having someone to lean on just intensified that strength.
“Did you think about us?”
“Of course I did.” She’d spent every other minute thinking about him.
“And?”
She wanted to hear how he was feeling, but he clearly wanted her to take that leap of faith and go first. “Um, I know where my head’s at, Loran. My feelings for you haven’t changed. But I wasn’t the one having the doubts, you were.”
He shifted so they were facing each other. “Don’t ever doubt how much I love you.”
“I don’t.” Her fear wasn’t that he didn’t love her enough. Her fear was that he didn’t love himself enough to see how incredible he was and would always be, with or without baseball. “But you know what they say… sometimes love isn’t enough, right?”
“Is that the way you feel?” His expression was strained when he asked, “That love wouldn’t be enough to get us through the hard times? Because I know there will be hard times, Bell. Everyone has them. We’re not immune.”
“You mean like this?” She looked around the hotel room, thinking about the challenge ahead. “This feels pretty tough to me.”
He closed his hands around her face. “I would lay down my life to protect you. I hope you know that.”
She leaned in, resting her head on his shoulder.
His hand found the back of her neck, slipping into her hair as he massaged her scalp.
She let his comfort seep in, warming all the cold places. She’d been lonely and scared too long. This man made her feel safe and loved, like she’d never have to face life alone again.
“I love you,” she whispered, hoping he could sense how much. There were no words to let him know her heart had been waiting for him all her life.
“I love you too.” He kissed the top of her head. “We have to face our fears. No more running.”
“I know.”
When she tossed her suitcase in the trunk of her car after her argument with Loran, it felt like she was bailing again, even though her heart was pleading with her to stay and work things out with him.
“I don’t ever want you to question whether you can count on me to stay. I’ll never leave you.”
Leaving was her MO. Always had been. She left before she got left behind. She knew Loran was asking her to promise that wouldn’t happen to him.
She looked up into his eyes, needing him to feel and see what she fe
lt for him. “Life without you…” She shook her head, not wanting to go there. “It’s not what I want. No matter how bad it gets, it’ll never be what I want.”
“I feel the same way.” His kiss was sweet, tender, sealing their deal. “Tell me what you need from me tonight. What do you need me to do for you?”
“I need a distraction. Thinking about tomorrow is making me crazy.” She laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“You want to go out to dinner? Catch a movie?”
She reached for his shirt, pulling him down on top of her. “What I want,” she said, licking her lip, “is for my sexy boyfriend to make love to me.” She kissed him, lingering over his lips until she sighed in contentment. “Make me forget everything except you.”
He grinned. “That I can definitely do, beautiful.” He stood, pulling his t-shirt over his head. “But first I need to grab a shower. Why don’t you eat while I’m in there?” he asked, gesturing to the silver-domed platter from room service. “I grabbed a bite at the airport.”
She stood, feeling bolder, more like herself. “Eating alone is no fun.” Bella reached for his belt buckle while her gaze travelled over his defined abs. “I’d much rather join you in the shower.”
“Oh yeah.” His smile spread when she un-did his jeans. “I can definitely get on board with that.”
When he’d kicked his jeans off, she slowly peeled her clothes away, leaving only her black bra and panties. She reached for his hand and led him into the bathroom. Catching a glimpse of their reflection in the mirror turned her on even more as she reached into the shower to turn it on and warm the water. He was every woman’s fantasy… and all hers.
She had no doubt, she’d finally found the man that would never want to leave her.
She turned into his arms, rolling on her toes as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re never getting rid of me, Loran.” Her lips teased his as she spoke. “I don’t care whether you’re a Cy Young winner or a retired ball player, I want you.” She pressed her lips to his chest, where his heart was beating. “I want you. Your heart, your soul. I don’t want the man who can throw a baseball a hundred miles an hour.” Though she had to admit that was pretty hot. “I want the man who loves his mama, who wants to take care of his kid brother.”
Her heart swelled every time she thought of the things he’d done for others. Her brother warned her when they met that Loran was a self-absorbed womanizer. Maybe he had been at one time. But his father’s death changed him. She’d like to think she changed him.
“I want the man who gives his time at homeless shelters, hospitals, hospices.” Her heart still broke when she thought of their sweet Stella, but it was because of the kind of man Loran was that she got the privilege of meeting her at all.
She continued kissing his chest as his hands explored her body. The shower was getting hot, steaming up the bathroom, wrapping them in an intimate cocoon of steam.
“I want the man whose heart melts when he plays with his friend’s kids.” Her eyes met his. “I want the man who makes love to me like I’m the only woman he’s ever been intimate with.” That’s how he made her feel every time they were together, like she was his first, last, and only lover.
“I want the man who made me believe in forever. Who expressed his image for his dream house so vividly that he made me want to bring it to life… then share it with him.”
He sucked in a breath and unclasped her bra when she reached into his black boxer briefs.
“I want the man who showed me what an incredible husband he could be by loving me with his whole heart.”
She watched him shed his boxers before lifting her up and placing her on the quartz counter behind her, her back to the mirror.
“I want the man who made me want kids because every time he talked about them his face lit up, like being a daddy would make his life complete.”
His kiss was deep, his hands plunging into her hair as he held her head, exploring her mouth.
Her legs were wrapped around his waist, her ankles locked at the base of his spine. “I want that man, Loran. And with or without baseball you’ll always be that man. That’s the man I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.” She’d never been so vulnerable… or felt so secure. She wasn’t afraid to express her feelings to him because he made her feel safe, like there was nothing she couldn’t tell him.
He lowered his head, like he felt humbled by her words. “You make me feel like the guy I’ve always wanted to be.”
She smiled as she wrapped her hands around his face, forcing him to look her in the eye. “Babe, that’s the guy you’ve always been. You just needed me to help you see that. Now that you do I’m never going to let you forget it.” She kissed him, wishing it was possible to pour all of her love for him into that simple act, so he could experience the depth of her feelings for him.
“I’m never going to let you forget that you don’t need baseball to make your life complete. Your life is already complete, with or without baseball. It’s a part of you, for sure. A small part. And when you don’t have that anymore you’ll find something else, something you’re equally as passionate about, because that’s who you are, someone who gives everything he has to life and the people he loves.”
And she felt blessed to be counted among the people he loved.
“You make me believe that.” His caress was reverent, his lips barely skimming the contours of her face as he whispered, “You’re the first person who’s ever made me believe that life after baseball can be incredible.” His lips tipped up in a half-smile. “Never thought I’d say this, but I’m kind of looking forward to retirement now.”
She laughed. “Then my work here is done.”
“Not quite.” His look was sultry. “There’s still the business of letting your man show his appreciation for all you’ve done for him. For helping him get his head right.”
Her eyes trailed down his body and the teasing glint in her eyes spoke volumes about what she thought of his double entendre.
She pushed him back a step and slid off the counter before slipping her panties off. She was the first to step in the shower, leaving the glass door open for him. The water was beating down on her, washing away the stresses of the day, but nothing could have soothed her like the sight of the man joining her.
He was so strong, a looming presence that would have intimidated most people, but made her feel safer than she ever had. Life had never been the same since she’d been victimized. She spent it looking over her shoulder, wondering if someone would jump out of the bushes to finish what her ex started the night he’d left her for dead. But being with Loran washed all those worries away because she knew he would never let anyone hurt her.
He told her he’d lay down his life for her and she believed him. Wholeheartedly.
He reached for the lavender liquid soap she’d set in the shower earlier, along with her shampoo. He poured some into his hands and rubbed them together before letting them trail all over her body.
Bella turned around, giving him her back. She sighed contentedly when he massaged her shoulders, and she felt the day’s fear and tension gradually slipping away under his masterful touch.
When the water washed the soap away he kissed her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone, letting his tongue trail over her slick skin.
She wanted him now, but had to suppress a sigh when he reached for the shampoo bottle. Apparently he was intent on taking care of her first and she couldn’t claim to mind. No man had ever treated her the way Loran did. Like she was his princess.
Her eyes drifted closed as his hands moved over her scalp, rubbing the sweet smelling shampoo into her long dark hair. “My turn,” she whispered, reaching for the body wash. Once she’d poured the soap into her palms her hands glided over his body, relishing every dip and curve. His body was perfection and being able to explore it so thoroughly felt like a decadent treat. One she would have the pleasure of re-discovering for the rest of her life.
Once they had finally tended to every inch of each other’s bodies he claimed her mouth, backing her into the marble wall. The shower floor was slippery, but he stabilized her body with his, pining her with his weight. It felt wonderful, being totally surrounded by him.
He entered her slowly, giving her time to adjust. She was in no hurry tonight. Not after the sleepless night she’d had wondering if she would ever have this experience with him again. She wanted them to take their time, to take what they needed from each other.
“I love you so much,” he whispered in her ear, finding the tempo that made her breathless. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Bella.”
“You will.” She had no doubt about that.
“I know.”
It was knowing they were both finally secure in what they had that allowed her to let go, to surrender in a way she never had before. Sex with Loran had always been the best of her life, but there was something different about it tonight. Something had shifted in both of them.
When she looked into his eyes as he made love to her she could tell he felt it too.
“Forever,” he whispered against her lips. “You’re my forever, Bell.”
And that, she realized, was the change. They’d finally found their forever in each other’s arms.
Chapter Seventeen
Loran had a restless night sleep, holding Bella in his arms, wishing he could protect her from the day ahead. Feeling her curled up next to him, seeking comfort from him, felt incredible, but knowing she’d have to face her attacker again made his blood boil. He didn’t know how he was supposed to sit in the same room with the man who’d tried to kill the woman he loved and not lunge across the barrier and go for his jugular.
But then he thought of Bella and all she’d been through and realized it wasn’t about him seeking revenge. It was about him being there for her. To hold her hand. To reassure her. To lend his strength and support to a woman facing the devil and showing him he hadn’t won.
Payback (Summer Rush #6) Page 17