Paying the Price

by C Davis

  Tommy stiffened and forced a smile, “I’m just next door if you need me.”

  I stepped into my house and sighed. I could hear Tommy’s car pull away as I closed the door. I turned around and screamed. Benjamin and Chloe was already sitting on my couch waiting for me.

  “Dammit, you scared me!”

  “Was that Tommy?”

  “Yeah, he took me and got me something to eat. Why?”

  Benjamin shook his head, pulling out an envelope. I already knew what it was. Colton had written me another letter. “This is for you. Are you going to come with us to visit Colton next time?”

  “I—I don’t know. A part of me wants to, but another part of me—”

  “I get it. You need time.” Benjamin said.

  “Just think about it. Benjamin, we better go before we’re late. Amber and Jeff are probably already waiting for us.”

  Chloe gave me a side hug and Benjamin gave me a sad smile. They stepped out the front door, leaving me alone. It was just me and Colton’s letter. I trembled as I opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

  Dear Jenna,

  Benjamin and Chloe came to see me today. You weren’t there. I wanted to see your beautiful face, baby. I hoped and prayed you would come. I miss how we used to lay under the stars and hold each other. The way your fingers traced my chest. How your breath fanned my neck as we confessed our love to each other. I know you still love me. I still love you. I’ll always love you. Till my last breath, baby. Benjamin and Chloe are getting married. My sister asked me to walk her down the aisle to give her away. She’s pregnant.

  I dreamed of you last night. We laid under the stars, baring our souls. Our breaths against each other as I made sweet love to you. I told you how much love you. You told me you love me back as we got lost in the moment. How I wished I was there with you—to watch our child grow inside you. Do you miss me? Do you think of me as you rub your swollen belly? Yes, darling. They told me the news. That you’re carrying my child. All I’m asking is to give me a chance—to prove to you I can be a good man. Let me show you I can be the man you fell in love with. Benjamin and Chloe are coming again next Tuesday. It would mean so much to me if you came. I want to see your face staring back to me. I want to know you still care about me. That you still love me as much as I love you. I need you, baby. Hope to see you soon.

  Love,

  Colton

  P.S. Please, forgive me for hurting you. Don’t give up on us.

  I clenched the letter in my fist and broke down completely. Every time he writes me, he makes my heart ache a little more. I let out a choked sob as I cried for him. He knew about the baby. Benjamin and Chloe told him. I’m not upset with them, but I’m also not sure if I was ready to face the father of my child—our child.

  Is there still us after everything that’s happened?

  I placed my hand over my stomach and whispered, “What do I do?”

  ___

  I stopped at the doors of the church and let out a breath.

  “Miss Bradley?” I heard a voice call to me.

  “Are you okay, Miss Bradley?”

  “No.”

  “Do I need to call Tommy for you?”

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.” I turned and ran away from the church. Everything was crashing down. Every emotion. Each time I spent with the sexy bastard. All the times he held me in his arms. I ran to the edge of the church yard and sunk to my knees, “Please—God, what do I do? How do I move forward from this? Please, tell me—just give me a sign.”

  I've cried.

  I've kicked and screamed.

  I've prayed for guidance... wanting to know what to do. The only thing I could do is rant and rave about him. How he left me behind. Lied to me. Used me. Played with my emotions.

  No matter what, he was always there. Everything was a reminder of him in this town. There was only one thing I could do. I had to leave—get out of here and never look back.

  I heard Tommy’s voice before I saw him.

  “Don't go.” He said, reaching for my hand.

  “I have to, because if I don't—I'll keep torturing myself. It's the only way I can forget the past.”

  He blurted out, “Come stay at my cabin. Just... please don't leave. Don't leave me—don't leave us.”

  Us?

  “Why are you helping me? You should all hate me—hate me for being with him.”

  “Nobody hates you. Who could ever hate an angel?”

  “But, you should.”

  He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. Kissed me the way I used to be kissed. By the father of my child.

  “We don't hate you. I don't hate you, Jenna. Stay the week at my cabin. If you still feel the same at the end of the week, I'll take you anywhere you want. Even if it's a million miles away.”

  “Tommy, I’m sorry.” I pulled away, “I can’t.”

  “Jenna, I’m sorry. Let me take you home.”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “I need to be alone right now, Tommy. Please understand—it’s too soon.”

  The truth is—I was still in love with Colton.

  Why the hell would Tommy kiss me when I'm pregnant with another man's child?

   Chapter 4

  __________

  Colton

  I love everything about Jenna. Her voice… the soft whispers against my neck. The way she scrunches up her cute button nose when she gets confused. I could get lost in her eyes for hours. Her blue orbs pulling me in—dragging me down the hole.

  I reached around her waist, pulling her back into my chest. “Jenna, my dear sweet girl.”

  She murmured, “Colton—”

  “I can’t help myself.” I kissed just below her ear, “You’re just too damn beautiful to let go.”

  Being with Jenna was a breath of fresh air. She was mine. I’m going to keep her all to myself. If I could, I’d lock her up—where nobody could see her beauty.

  “Do you want to come over tonight? They just added a new horror flick on Netflix.”

  “You know damn well we won’t be watching t.v., right?”

  “I know.”

  “Come here, babe.”

  “You just want to cop a feel… such a dirty man you are.”

  I raised a brow and cocked my head, “And?”

  “Someone could walk in at any second.”

  “Babe, that’s what makes it more exciting—never knowing what to expect. The thrill. Adrenaline pumping through your veins.”

  “Colton!” She squealed as I backed her against the wall and caged her in.

  “You love it, babe.”

  “I never said I didn’t like it. I love it when you talk dirty to me.”

  My hands cupped her face, feathering my lips over hers and breathed out. “I love you. I love you so damn much it hurts.”

  “And, I love you, Colton Davenport.”

  “Never leave me.”

  “Never, baby—never.”

  I shot straight up in the bed, gasping for air. I was breaking out in a cold sweat. Every night, I have the same dream. No. It wasn’t a dream. It was a distant memory of the first time I told her I loved her. And still do. This had to be God’s way of punishing me. He’s making me pay for what I did. All the past transgressions and all the lies were eating me alive. Killing me on the inside.

  I threw my legs over the side of the bed and held my head in my hands. “Please God, let this be the day she comes to see me. Let this be the day I get on my knees and beg her forgiveness.”

  A few hours later, I sat at the table and hoped I’d see three faces instead of two. Just as I glanced to the door, I saw her. Did God hear my prayers? I smiled, but frowned when I saw another figure. Tommy was following behind her. Just then, I saw Benjamin and Chloe right behind them. I clenched my fists as I watched Tommy wrap his arms around her shoulders. I couldn’t lose it. Not now and not in front of Jenna. I’m trying to show her I’m changing for the better. For her and my chi
ld.

  Why the fuck was Tommy with her, and why is he touching my woman?

  Jenna took a seat across from me and looked into my eyes. Benjamin pulled Tommy by the forearm and said, “Come on, let’s go get something from the vending machine. Chloe wants a Snickers and a Coke.”

  “I’m not—”

  “Now Tommy, or else you can go to the car.”

  Tommy jerked his arm and glared at me. “Fine.”

  I reached across the table, but she placed her hands in her lap. It was too soon.

  Or, was it because of that smug bastard?

  I whispered, “You came. You’re really here with me.”

  “Colton, why? Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth? I thought we told each other everything. No lies or secrets.”

  “Baby, I’m so sorry—so, so sorry. I wanted to, but my father—I couldn’t let him hurt you. Please, forgive me.”

  I raised up and walked around the table, getting on my knees. Begging for her forgiveness. “Forgive me, sweet girl.”

  Jenna widened her eyes and looked around. Everyone’s attention was on us, or more like me. She hissed, “Get up off your knees.”

  “Baby—I need you. Forgive me for all that I’ve done.”

  “You hurt me.”

  “Let me prove it to you. Let me show you I can be the man you fell in love with. I love you, Jenna.”

  I could hear other inmates yelling for her to forgive me. Benjamin, Chloe, and Tommy stepped back into the room exchanging glances at each other. Tommy narrowed his eyes as Benjamin and Chloe gave me a thumbs up.

  Jenna sighed, rubbing her belly. “Colton if I say I forgive you, will you get up off the dirty floor?”

  “I don’t want to hear it if you don’t mean it. I want to earn your forgiveness.”

  “And, how are you going to do that?”

  “I’ll write you every day. Call you whenever I get the chance. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Colton, I’m not going to forgive you until you prove you can be the man I deserve. I need time to heal.”

  “I understand. I’ll wait for you—fight for you. Even if it kills me.”

  She smiled and reached out for my hand. She took me by the wrist and placed my palm flat on her swollen belly. My heart thumped wildly against my chest as I felt my child kick. A stray tear rolled down my cheek as I raised my head and trembled from excitement. Our eyes locked onto one another as squeezed my hand.

  I whispered, “Thank you—thank you, baby.”

  Our moment was interrupted when Tommy cleared his throat, “Time to go.”

  “Back off Tommy.” Benjamin said, pulling him away, “You know what, go to the fucking car and wait. Maybe next time, we’ll leave your ass at home.”

  Tommy glared at Benjamin, then to me, before storming off. I removed my hand, bringing her hand to my mouth. “Remember, I love you and I’ll be home soon. I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

  “I will. You look good, Colton.”

  “As do you, my love. I’ll write you every day. Will I see you next time?”

  “Yes.”

  Benjamin gave me a smile and said, “Next time, we’ll leave the bulldog at home.”

  “Can I give you a kiss?”

  “Yes.”

  I pressed my lips against her soft flesh and kissed her feverishly. It had been so long since I’d tasted her. If only, I could go back in time and take back every bad deed I’d done.

  Chapter 5

  __________

  Jenna

  I could still feel his lips against mine as Benjamin drove back into town. I blinked back the tears, remembering how we met. It was on a Friday night, and I was at a party. I was standing all alone in the hallway, I felt like I was being watched from a distance. Then, I looked across the hall and saw him. Colton Davenport was the son of a preacher, but had this badboy persona. He oozed with dominance and control. He licked his lips and smiled at me. He was dressed in a button up flannel shirt and a pair of black jeans. When our eyes met, something ignited inside me. I wanted to wrap my legs around him and kiss him. He must’ve read my mind, because he did just that.

  “You okay, Jenna?” Tommy whispered, scooting closer to me.

  I nodded, “I’m fine.”

  Ever since Tommy kissed me, it’s been awkward. Well, mostly me. Benjamin glanced in the mirror, watching Tommy closely. He narrowed his eyes when Tommy put his hand on my thigh, giving it a soft squeeze.

  “Tommy, give the woman some space.” Benjamin warned.

  “Please, just give me some room to breathe.”

  Tommy clenched his jaw, but nodded and scooted away.

  We pulled up to Tommy’s house and Benjamin glanced back to Tommy. The air was thick as both men stared each other down. Tommy reached over and took my hand in his, making me jerk my head to the side. Benjamin shook his head, narrowing his eyes. “Go home and cool off.”

  “Come on, Jenna.”

  “Let me clarify something, Tommy. Go home and cool off. Alone.”

  “Jenna?” Tommy asked, a hurtful expression in his eyes.

  “Tommy, I think it’s best if I go with them.”

  “Jenna, what are you saying?”

  I swallowed hard, “I think it’s best if we put some distance between us. I can’t—”

  “Really?” Tommy scoffed, blowing out a harsh breath.

  “Please, I just need some space for a few days.”

  “Unbelievable. One visit and you're already going to forgive that asshole.”

  “Tommy, I’m warning you.” Benjamin growled, clenching the steering wheel.

  “Or what, Ben? You going to kick my ass?” Tommy chuckled as he cracked his neck.

  “Don’t tempt me.” Benjamin warned, “Get out and go home.”

  “Please, Tommy. I can’t deal with you, too. I need time to—”

  Tommy sighed, defeat in his eyes, “You’re still in love with him?”

  “I’m sorry, but I am. And, seeing him today reminded me of something. My child needs their father—their real father. Please, just go.”

  Tommy exited the car and walked into his house. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I was suffocating—couldn’t breathe. I opened my eyes, looking out the window.

  Chloe turned and asked, “Jenna, did something happen between you and Tommy?”

  I nodded, letting the tears fall. “He kissed me, but I couldn’t move. I panicked and ran from him. I don’t even know why he did that. Not when I’m still in love with Colton.”

  “Shit, that’s why he came with us to see Colton. He was marking his territory.”

  “I’m going to fucking kill him.” Benjamin turned off the car, but Chloe grabbed his arm.

  “Not here and not now. Jenna is upset.”

  Benjamin sighed, “You’re right. I’ll just deal with him later.”

  ___

  Dear Colton,

  It was good to see you. I’m staying with Benjamin and Chloe for a few days—to clear my head. I want to apologize for Tommy’s behavior. It was childish and juvenile of him to act that way. Next time I come to visit, I’ll leave him out of the loop. I miss you so much, but at the same time I’m still upset with you. I will forgive you in time, but it’s going to take some time. One day at a time, right? The baby is perfectly healthy and kicking up a storm. He’s definitely got your genes. I’m due to give birth in early April of next year.

  The next time I come visit, I want it to be you and me. I want to talk to you. Alone. Benjamin and Chloe have been great friends in my time of need. I don’t know if they told you, but I went to see your father once. I wanted to confront him for ruining you… ruining us. Don’t worry, he didn’t hurt me. At first, we had a heated conversation, but then I started to feel dizzy. I was shocked when he caught me before I hit the floor. He called for a guard. I just don’t understand him. He’s a murderer, but he also still has a soft side. To me, I think he’s got a personality disorder. It’s just a theory. Anyways, enoug
h about him. I need to tell you something, but I’m afraid you’ll get angry. Please, don’t be angry with me. Tommy has been hanging out with me quite often. He’s only a friend. I promise. I think I might have given him the wrong impression. I haven’t led him on, but I think he thinks I have. One day, I went to the church and became angry with you. With myself and how everyone is always walking on eggshells around me. I was upset and he showed up. He kissed me, but I pushed him away. My heart only beats for one, darling. It only beats for you, Colton. I’ve always loved you more than a friend. Even when I laid eyes on you. Please, don’t be mad.