by Seven Steps
He shrugged. “It’s okay. I’ve done this thousands of times.”
Thousands of times? When he was away? Exactly where had he gone for all those years?
He walked close and crouched down behind me.
“This is going to hurt,” he said. “Can’t help that. But the good news is that you won’t remember it tomorrow.”
Funny. That’s what my mom always said to us when we scraped our knees and elbows growing up.
Suddenly, pain zipped up my spine. The cold of the alcohol and the pain as it burned away the germs in my wounds made me suck in a breath. Becks blew against the cut, taking away some of the sting.
“You’re doing great,” Becks said. “Just hang in there.”
He moved with expert precision, moving from my calves, to my knees, to my thighs. He carefully tended to each wound, dabbing it with alcohol before blowing on it and applying a Band-Aid. The burning was intense, but there was something else happening within me. My wriggling and squirming wasn’t just from my cuts being treated. Every time Becks touched my legs, it felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin.
What was wrong with me? What was in that donut?
By the time he was done, I ripped my leg from his grip, ready to bolt from the room and dip my body in a vat of ice-cold water.
But I couldn’t.
Calla was standing in the door, smiling like an idiot and blocking my exit.
“I have a cut too, Becks,” she said with a grin.
I glared at her, and she allowed me to pass.
I needed some air, and I needed it now.
When I reemerged from the back room, Mom smiled at me.
“Oh, just seeing you two again brings back so many memories,” she said.
Maria Ortiz smiled over her shoulder, giving us the look of someone who had no idea what was going on but who wanted to be included anyway.
“When Lily was little, she and Becks were best friends,” Mom said, more to Ms. Ortiz than to me. “Now look at them. Almost ready to head off to college. It’s enough to make me feel like an old lady.”
“You’re only as old as you feel,” Ms. Ortiz said.
Mom winked at her. “Tell that to these achy knees.”
I felt someone walk up behind me. I didn’t turn but, somewhere deep within me, I knew it was Becks.
I wished everyone would just clear out so I could get out of this store. My body was tingling, and my heart was pounding. I was desperate to get outside, but Ms. Ortiz and Mom had linked arms and stood like a fence between me and the door.
“You’re only as old as you feel when the sun is shining and you’ve popped your first four painkillers of the day,” Ms. Ortiz said, laughing.
Mom joined in. “Now that’s more like it.”
The two women finished chuckling, then Mom pulled out her phone.
“Mom, what are you doing?” I asked, my body filling with dread.
“What? I just want a picture of you two together again.”
I groaned. “Mom, please. Not now.”
“Don’t worry,” Mom said, fiddling with the camera controls. “I won’t get your legs in the shot.”
It wasn’t about my legs. It was about the fact my body was doing weird things with Becks around and I just couldn’t get far enough away from him to make the weirdness stop.
“Mom, please. We have so much homework to do, and we still have to organize these signup sheets for the carnival.”
“Just one picture, Lily. Jeez, if you’d stop complaining we could’ve taken it already. Now move in.” She waved her arms, directing me closer to Becks.
Great.
“Becks, you step closer. Now put your arm around her shoulder. There’s a picture in the living room of you two standing in this very same spot when you were nine. I’m going to put this one next to it as soon as I can figure out how to get the pictures off my phone.”
“Just email them to yourself,” Ms. Ortiz said. “That’s what I do.”
“You’ll have to show me that. Okay, kids. A little closer.”
Becks inched closer to me. My stomach was in knots. My breathing shallow. When he put his arm around me, I felt the tension in his body, and I couldn’t tell if I felt worse for him or for me. I knew he felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to embarrass him by saying something in front of everyone. At the same time, his touch was making my insides feel like I was stuffed with buzzing bees.
Why did I feel this way? So jumpy and fidgety, like a rabbit who’d taken too many shots of Red Bull?
“Okay, here we go.”
Mom centered the phone a little. “One. Two. Three.”
The bright flash nearly blinded me, but I managed to smile through it.
I stood still, knowing she’d have to take a few more shots before she found the one she liked. Finally, after what felt like a million pictures, she put down her phone.
“You two are so cute together,” Ms. Ortiz said.
I tried my very best not to scowl at her.
Becks dropped his arm from my shoulder and took a step back. It was like the distance opened up my lungs a little. But not by much.
I needed to get out of this flower shop.
I needed to get away from Becks.
“Mom, can I grab your car and head home?” I asked. “I have a ton of homework to do, and we have to finish organizing for the carnival.”
Mom was still fidgeting with her phone. “Sure, dear. Dad will be back soon from the post office anyway.”
“I can drive you home.” The voice came from Becks, and my heart did a little flip, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.
Some mix of anxiousness and anger and something else I couldn’t identify.
“I don’t think—”
“I vote for the air-conditioned vehicle,” Calla said. “Becks it is.”
“I second that,” Rose said. “See you at home, Mom.”
And just like that, I was outnumbered.
Crap. I was starting to think the universe was conspiring against me.
I dragged my feet toward the door, following my sister and Calla out.
Just a few more months and my life would be back to normal.
The question was, could I survive it?
11
The weekend flew by in a blur.
I spent most of it finishing up homework, reading, and hanging out with Calla on the couch while Rose went to two End of Summer pool parties I was not invited to.
Rose and I hung in different circles. She was way more popular, and her friends tended to keep their parties super exclusive. Meaning, only certain people were allowed and, for the most part, those certain people did not include Calla and me. But we didn’t care. We were perfectly fine hanging out at my house, eating my mom’s vegetarian snacks, and fantasizing about life in college.
Calla was planning to go to NYU and major in Healthcare Administration. Which basically meant that while I was the doctor, she’d be running the hospital. We always planned to work together for a little while before I headed off to heal people around the world, and our friendship was reduced to text messages and hurried phone conversations.
On Monday morning, the four of us arrived at school early to put up flyers and to add a signup sheet to the information board.
“We should make a website where people can sign up too,” Becks said. “No one looks at information boards anymore.”
“That’s a good idea,” I said. “Calla, can you do that?”
She shrugged. “I can, but how will we get people to go to the site?” She thought a minute, then snapped her fingers. “Maybe we can take out ads on Google or something.”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Google?”
Calla grimaced. “Too much?”
“Yes. Think more local.”
“What if we get the principal to make an announcement?” Becks suggested. “Everyone hears the morning announcements, right?”
“Good idea, Becks,” Rose said, patting him once on the back. I looked
away, trying not to be bothered by the contact.
“Maybe he can let us do a class tour too,” Calla said.
“A class tour?” I asked, stapling the sign-up sheet to the wall. “Like we go from class to class and ask for stuff?”
“Yes!” Rose said. “That’s an excellent idea. Especially since we have exactly zero booths and zero volunteers. We have to let people know there’s a need.”
“Exactly,” Calla said.
“So, it’s settled,” Becks added. “Lily will ask to do the morning announcements, and she’ll ask to do the class tour.”
I choked on air.
“Wait, what? I didn’t agree to that.”
Becks shrugged, an expression on his face I could only describe as devious.
“You just said it was a good idea.”
“Yes. I liked the idea, but I don’t want to do the class tour by myself. Why can’t Rose or Calla do the talking?”
“Because you’re the team leader on this mission,” Becks said. “If anybody’s going to speak, it should be you.”
Calla and Rose nodded their agreement and I felt like I was going to puke.
“You’ll do great,” Calla said. “You can start with English class and go from there.”
“I… I… I don’t think I can do this.”
“It can’t be worse than going from door to door asking for donations. You did great at that, and I’m sure you’ll do great at this too.”
I scowled at him. “Why are you pushing this?”
He smiled, like it was all some big joke. Anger boiled inside me. I knew he was mocking me with that smile. I’d seen it before when we were kids.
“Just trying to implement Calla’s good idea,” he said. “For Kat.”
I ground my back teeth.
There he was again, making me do something I didn’t want to do in Kat’s name. It was infuriating.
“I don’t even know what to say,” I said. My voice sounded whiney. I hated sounding like this, but I couldn’t help it.
“I’ll write you a script,” Rose said. “It’ll be amazing. I’ll text you before first period’s over.”
The first period bell rang, like the bell toll signaling my impending execution.
Rose pulled out her phone and started typing. “I’ll have it to you in ten minutes,” she said. Then, she walked through the crowd, not even looking up to see if she was going to bump into anyone.
Meanwhile, I was standing next to the information board, hoping this was all some horrible dream I’d wake up from.
I hated speaking in front of people. Everyone knew that. Why did they make me keep doing it?
Calla dragged me through the crowd, with Becks at our heels. When we got to class, Calla skipped ahead and told Mrs. Beato I had an announcement about this year’s carnival I wanted to deliver at the end of class, to which Mrs. Beato whole-heartedly agreed to.
I’d barely had a chance to process the fact I’d have to speak to people, and now Calla was throwing me into the water with both feet. What happened to talking to Mr. Davies first? I felt physically sick. I wasn’t sure what was worse, talking in front of my class or talking to the store owners. Both seemed equally terrible.
True to her word, Rose typed me out a short paragraph and texted it to me halfway through class.
My hands trembled as I waited for the lesson to end.
I saw myself standing in front of the class, my stomach in knots, my mouth trying and failing to form words. They’d laugh at me. No one would come to the carnival. Everything would be a complete failure. And it would all be my—
“And now Lily McAlister has a few words about this year’s carnival. Lily?”
Mrs. Beato sat behind her desk, leaving a gaping hole in the front of the class where she wanted me to stand.
My mouth felt like I’d swallowed sawdust. I looked over at Calla and Becks, but neither of them made any move to stand up.
Great. Not only did I have to speak in front of the entire class, I had to do it on my own.
I cleared my throat and stood, trying to keep down the bile that threatened to project out of me right then and there. My steps were slow and heavy as I walked to the front of the class, my eyes blurring with anxious unshed tears.
Why was I doing this? I couldn’t do this.
I cleared my throat again and pulled my phone from my pocket.
My hands were shaking so badly I had to hold the phone with both hands just to see the words.
“Bloom Academy warmly welcomes you to participate to our annual Fall Carnival. This year’s carnival is extra special as all the proceeds will be donated to the medical care of Kat Levy. Please help us make the carnival a success by donating your time and talents by running a booth or volunteering. The signup sheets are on the information board by the principal’s office. Together we can make this carnival a success.”
Embarrassment drowned me as I ran back to my seat and focused on the top of my desk as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. My heart was hammering, and my body was shaking, but I’d gotten everything out with vomiting.
Small favors.
“Thank you for that announcement, Miss McAlister. I’d love to chaperone the carnival. Please mark down my name.”
My head popped up.
Did I hear that right? Mrs. Beato was volunteering as a chaperone. Our very first volunteer!
A smile threatened to burst onto my face, but I squeezed it into the smallest one possible. No use looking like a teacher’s pet.
“Thank you, Mrs. Beato.”
“And I’ll be sure to include an announcement about the carnival in the school newspaper. Just give the information to your sister and I’ll make sure it’s on the front page.”
Rose wrote the announcements and blind item sections of the newspaper. I wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t volunteered to include the carnival in this month’s edition of the Bloom Academy Gazette. We’d had a lot going on these last few days.
The bell rang, signaling the end of my torture, and I wrote down Mrs. Beato’s name in my notebook before I stood up.
Calla ran over, grinning at me.
“You did great,” she said.
“I felt like I was going to puke,” I replied, still breathless.
“Not bad, Lil,” Becks said. His typical sour look was replaced by a smile. “Not bad at all.”
I raised an eyebrow. “How come you’re always around when I have to do something I don’t want to do?”
He shrugged. “Fate?”
“Or something more sinister,” I replied.
He chuckled. “Nothing’s more sinister then fate, my dear. A wise man once said that ‘Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing’.”
“Did you just quote Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?”
“You remembered?”
“Of course I do. Gramps was supposed to take us to the park that day, but he took us to see Transformers instead. It was nice.”
His green eyes warmed.
“I remember too.”
The memories of children are like a million pearls strung together, each one touching and tainting the next.
Becks and me eating ice cream at his kitchen dinner table.
Becks and me reading Harry Potter on the grass in my backyard.
Becks pushing me on the swing on the playground.
Becks and me catching crabs on the beach while our parents lounged on blankets and drank beer from the cooler.
It was like every happy memory I’d ever had was touched by Becks.
But the warmth I felt about those moments tinted red with anger. I felt so much anger toward him, and I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t want to feel it, but it was there, hot and strong.
Was it because he’d exchanged numbers with my sister last summer? Or was it something else?
I cleared my throat and took a step back.
“Well, I’d better get to class,” I said. “See you at lunch, Becks.”
I
turned before he could reply, but he called to me anyway.
“Hey, Lil?”
“Yeah.”
“I think you should take your message to a bigger audience next time,” he said.
He didn’t say it, but I knew exactly what he meant. Just the thought of it made my stomach painfully knot.
“Maybe,” I said.
Then, I jogged away toward class.
12
Lunchtime came, and, once again, I was a bundle of nerves.
Why did everything make me so afraid? So nervous? What happened to New Lily? I was supposed to be confident, fearless, and daring. But it felt like I hadn’t been New Lily since the first day of school.
And that seemed like a lifetime ago.
How could I get her back? I definitely needed her right now.
“Are you okay?” Calla asked. “Your face is kind of red.”
I let out a breath. Great, now I was going to do this looking like a tomato. But there was no way to help it. Kat needed us.
This had to be done.
Before I ate my lunch, and while I still had a little bit of nerve, I climbed onto the lunch table and stood on shaky legs.
“Lily, what are you doing?” Rose asked, glancing around to see who was looking. “Would you get down from there? You’re embarrassing us!”
She was embarrassed? She had no idea what embarrassment was. I was standing on a table in front of a hundred people, and my brain was seizing up. My gut was in knots, and my hands were sweating.
Why did I think this was a good idea? What could ever qualify this as a good idea?
Think of Kat, I told myself. Just think of Kat and don’t fall off the table.
“Um, hello,” I said.
My voice sounded loud to me, but apparently no one else heard it because barely anyone turned around.
“Um, he-hello?” I repeated.
It was a little louder, but, still, I barely got a response.
Great.
The little bit of confidence I had was floating away. I had to hurry up and do something before I lost my nerve and never got it back.
Though everything within me protested, I took a deep breath and opened my mouth wide.
“Hey!”
That did it. More than half of the lunch room turned to face me. In a span of twenty seconds, the rest of the lunchroom looked at me too.