by Seven Steps
I was now standing on a table with every eye in the lunchroom was on me. It was silent. Deathly silent. No one coughed or even whispered.
I had everyone’s attention on me. It was the ultimate nightmare. Suddenly, I really had to pee.
I reached down deep, forcing myself to speak up, even though I wanted nothing more but to run and hide.
“My name is Lily McAlister, and I’m organizing the Fall Carnival this year, along with my sister, Rose, my best friend Calla, and...” Crap. What was Becks? A friend? A former best friend? The guy who made me feel everything all at once. “Beckett Hayes. Becks.” Well, it was better than nothing. “This year, we’re using the carnival to raise money for Kat Levy. She’s in a coma, and her medical bills are insanely high. So high that her mom probably won’t be able to pay for them.” There were a few murmurs then, but I continued. “To make this carnival successful, we’re going to need your help. We need volunteers, people to run booths, to help with the food tables and setup. We need as many people as we can get. The signup sheets to volunteer and to run booths are on the information board, or you can come talk to one of us and we can put you on the list. Remember, we’re doing this for Kat.” I shoved my hands in my pocket, unsure how to end my speech. Eventually, I simply said, “Thanks,” stepped off the table, and sat back down in my seat.
Calla, Rose, and Becks looked at me wide-eyed.
“That was incredible,” Rose said. “I didn’t think you’d ever do something like that in your life.”
I put my head down on the table, loving its warmth against my sweaty forehead.
I didn’t know what I had to do worse. Pee or throw up.
I somehow managed to croak out a thank you.
“You think it will help?” Calla asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But we tried. It’s all we can do.”
My legs were wobbly, and my bladder was screaming. I needed some air. Bad.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I said, standing up.
“Hey.”
A deep voice came from behind me.
I turned to it.
It was Jason Atwood. I’d crushed on him hard in freshman year. There was something about his strong body and blue eyes that was just so hot.
I cleared my throat.
“Hey.”
“So, what do I have to do to run a booth?” he asked.
He wanted to run a booth? In the carnival that I was running? This must’ve been a dream.
“You just have to sign up,” I said. “I can put your name on the list right now.”
“Great. Put me and my sister, Cara, down. We make these killer brownies. Super chocolaty.”
Cute and a baker. I could live with that.
Ignoring my bladder, I smiled at him, then reached over and grabbed my notebook.
“Great. I’ll put you two down for a booth.”
“Cool.”
He flashed a final smile at me before he walked away.
I wanted to turn to Calla and share this insane moment, but there wasn’t any time. Wynn Phillips walked up to me next. Wynn was president of the math club and the smartest boy in school. He looked at me like I was a kindergartner trying to figure out calculus, but I squared my shoulders and stood tall.
“I’d like to volunteer my time to help Kat Levy,” he said.
“I’ll add you to the volunteer sign up list,” I said.
“No. I want to run a booth.”
“Um… okay. What kind of booth?”
“For one dollar, I will do one page of math equations.”
I nodded slowly. I wasn’t sure who would ever want that, but I put his name down anyway.
“Great. We look forward to it.”
He regarded me, then walked away.
But then, Demi Johnson stepped up and wanted to volunteer. Then Sonny Smith. Then Jordan Ramsey.
The line got so long that Rose, Calla, and Becks had to step in and split the line into four.
It seemed like everyone was asking how they could help. What kind of booth they could run, or how they could volunteer. It felt surreal. Could this have been all because of my little speech? Had I finally done something right?
As I worked through half of the senior class, the knots in my stomach began to untie. I didn’t wither beneath the gazes of my fellow classmates. I stood a little taller, allowing more confidence into my voice.
I suggested that Calla and I handle all of the booth signups and that Rose and Becks handle all the volunteers. The plan worked, and the end result was much more organized.
By the end of lunch, we’d gathered fifteen booths and fifty volunteers.
Not bad for an off the cuff speech.
For the first time, this carnival felt real. Kat was going to get the money she desperately needed. For once in my life, I’d done something that didn’t blow up in my face. It was a heady feeling.
“That was awesome!” Calla said as we walked out the door. “We are going to have such good booths this year. And so many volunteers. Setup is going to be a piece of cake.”
“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I said, even though I was trying to contain my own excitement. “After all, we still have a long road ahead.”
“Yes, but we have the best team leader,” Rose said, giving me a side hug.
“Yes. The best,” Calla said.
Out of the corner of my eye came a figure I was all too familiar with.
Donte Alvarez.
Donte was the definition of beautiful. Smokey green eyes, olive skin, full lips, tall. He was like one of the Latin lovers in my romance novels. And he was walking in my direction and looking at me.
Me!
But that was impossible. How could Donte know I even existed at this school?
“Lily McAlister.”
My knees turned to jelly at the sound of his buttery voice. I wondered how many other girls had melted in front of him.
“Don... Don... Don... Hello, Donte.”
“I hear you’re in charge of the Fall Carnival this year.”
I nodded, mostly because my mouth felt like it couldn’t do anything but smile.
“Can you put me down for a booth?”
“Sure. What kind of booth?”
“Helping girls with their golf form,” he said. “It’ll be a real hands-on exhibition.”
I started to write that down, then paused.
Did I hear him right?
“Um... golf, you said?”
He nodded. “Maybe you’d like a private demonstration?”
“You’re a golfer?” Becks’ voice was at my side, then he was standing between Donte and me.
When did he get so fast?
“Yeah,” Donte replied.
“Me too. Since I was ten.”
“I was six,” Donte replied shortly.
“Ever been to Green Drivers?”
“You mean the largest golf course in the country? Yea. I’ve been there.”
“Me too. Caddied there for a little while. I met Wayne Knight. Remember, he won the Masters Tournament last year? Cool guy.”
“I know who Wayne Knight is. Now, are you done blocking me or what?”
“Oh, I’m not a blocker,” Becks said. “Consider me more like a wall.”
Donte eyed Becks, then me. Then, he raised his hands in defeat.
“Then consider my booth request canceled,” he said.
Donte walked away after that, leaving me breathless and confused.
What. Just. Happened?
Becks turned to look at me, then he ran his hand through his brown hair.
“I’ll catch up with you girls later,” he said.
Then, he was gone, heading to what I assumed was his next class.
“Girl, Donte Alvarez was just flirting with you,” Calla said, her voice nearly a screech.
“Ugh,” Rose said. “No, he was being gross and saw what he thought was an easy target.” Rose put her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t fall for that crap. Gu
ys like that only have their looks going for them.”
I nodded, though deep inside I knew I was buying whatever Donte was selling.
Guys like Donte didn’t talk to girls like me. Ever. And, when he did, I was reduced to putty. If Becks hadn’t stepped in, I don’t know what I would have done. Would I have accepted that “private golf lesson” he had planned for me? As my mind cleared, I realized that was just code for something way more insidious. His pretty eyes and beautiful smile had made me stupid.
I’d have to remember not to let that happen again.
After school, we canvassed another block of businesses, asking for donations. We figured that if we did a block a day, we’d be done by the time the carnival came around.
We got a few more donation promises and lots of things to auction before we packed it up and started home.
By the time Becks pulled up outside our house, my eyes were already beginning to droop. Interacting with so many people all day had taken a lot out of me. I needed some alone time to recharge. And maybe a cup of my mom’s honey tea.
Calla and Rose jumped out the car ahead of me, leaving me with tons of folders and papers to carry out alone.
I’d have to convince Calla to digitize all this stuff. I couldn’t keep lugging it around like it was the 1980s.
My hand was on the car door handle when Becks spoke up.
“So, Lil, Calla says we are one booth short from our goal?”
My hand stilled, and I leaned back into my seat. “Yup. Twenty-nine booths. Just one more left.”
“I’d like to throw my hat into the ring and run a booth.”
I started to laugh, but when I looked into his face, I saw he was serious.
“You want to run a booth?”
“Yeah.”
“Doing what?”
“I’m not sure. I’m a man of many talents.”
I nodded. “Okay. Consider yourself lucky number thirty.”
“Great.”
He would be the second member of my team running a booth. Calla had her mind set on running a kissing booth. I tried to talk her out of it, but, when Calla sets her mind to things, there’s no dissuading her.
“Well, good night, Becks.”
“Night, Lil.”
I climbed out of the car, papers and bookbag in hand. Or, almost in hand.
I nearly tripped from the weight of it all before Becks came to my rescue and took all the papers, leaving me with just my bookbag.
When Mom saw the two of us walking in the door, her face split in a huge smile.
“Oh, look at my two darlings,” Mom said, running to pull us both into a tight hug. “I miss you two together.”
“How’s the carnival coming?” Dad asked. He was sitting at the table, grating cheese for what smelled like cheeseburger pasta. Mom made it with tofu instead of ground meat. It was one of the few non meat dishes Dad and Rose would eat.
“We got all our booths filled,” I said. “And nearly seventy volunteers have signed up already.”
“Well, put your mother and me down as chaperones,” Dad said. “We can help supervise the hundreds of free-range teenagers running around. And, from time to time, sneak some free food.”
“Don’t listen to your father,” Mom said. “We will pay for all our food. Just like everyone else.”
Dad grinned. “How you holding up, Becks? Happy to be back in Bloom?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. We just wanted to say we’re proud of you for sticking this out. It’s a sign of good character.”
Becks shifted behind me. “Thanks.”
“Do you want to stay for dinner, Becks?” Mom asked. “We have plenty.”
“Oh, no, thanks, Mrs. McAlister. My mom wants to see me eat my body weight in dinner every night.”
“She’s just happy to have you back.”
“Yes, she is. Well, I’ll be taking off now. I’ll be back tomorrow. Night, Lil.”
“Night, Becks.”
He plopped all the folders on the kitchen table, gave me a small wave, and walked out.
I watched him go, though I wasn’t exactly sure why.
“Just as handsome as ever,” Mom said, squeezing my shoulders.
Dad sighed. “Rainbow, please.”
“What?” Mom asked. “Just making an observation.”
“Lily can make her own observations.” Dad stood up and walked to the oven, sprinkling some more red pepper flakes into the pasta.
“George. You’re ruining it.”
Dad winked at me, then took the tasting spoon, dipped it in the pan, and took a small bite.
That was my cue.
I grabbed my bookbag and my papers and headed upstairs.
Away from Mom’s insinuations and these strange feelings that foamed in my gut.
Well, for now, at least I could get away from one of those things.
13
“Johnathan Breyers.”
Calla exhaled the name on a long sigh on the way to school the next morning.
“Honestly?” Rose said. “He smells like cigarettes.”
This did not dissuade Calla. “We can provide a complimentary toothbrush.”
She had stayed up last night making a list of all the boys she wanted to line up at her kissing booth. It was typed in a spreadsheet and alphabetized, because my best friend was the most extra person I’d ever met in my life. Her motto was always ‘Go Big or Go Home.’
“Neil Crier.”
Rose thought for a minute. “He’s not terrible, I guess.”
“Not terrible? He is the furthest thing from terrible. Lily, be a tiebreaker. Neil Crier. Greek god or not terrible.”
I tried not to peek at Becks. I could feel the cringe coming off of him as he drove us to school. No guy wanted to be in a car while girls gossiped about other guys.
“I don’t know. And even if I did it wouldn’t matter. I’m not running Calla’s Kissing Booth.”
“What? I thought we would split responsibilities. That’s why I made a list. We can go half and half on the hotties.”
I scoffed. “Come on, Calla. If the boys see me there, they’d probably run away screaming.”
“Dante didn’t run away screaming,” Rose argued.
“Dante was being disgusting,” I countered. “Nope. I’ll just stick to administrative work. Maybe Rose can help you run it, though. Guys would line up to kiss her.”
“Uh, newsflash,” Calla said. “You’re identical twins. If they want to kiss her, then they want to kiss you.”
“We’re not completely identical,” I said. “Believe me, there are major differences.”
“I’m your best friend and if you dressed the same and wore your hair the same, I wouldn’t be able to tell you apart. Guys can’t either.”
I smiled at Calla but didn’t quite believe her. Rose and I may have been twins, but we were completely different. Her Saturday nights were always full of friends and dates, while guys barely knew I was alive. But I appreciated her trying to make me feel better.
We pulled up to school, and Calla and Rose climbed out. Why were they always in a rush to get out of Becks’ car? It was air-conditioned and smelled nice, yet the second we pulled up somewhere they were always running out like rabbits with their tails on fire.
I opened my car door and grabbed my bookbag.
“Hey,” Beck said.
“What’s up?”
“I thought that maybe you could come with me to park?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You need a parking assistant now?”
“Well, I don’t want anyone to steal me. You can be my bodyguard.”
Then he did a little dance and I suddenly remembered him standing in my living room, dancing to Paul Simon’s, “You Can Call Me Al” with my mom. Becks always did like to dance.
I held back a smile.
“Fine. But don’t park too far. It’s hot. I don’t want to be a sweaty mess before I even walk through the doors.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I closed the car doors, and we sped off to the student parking lot.
“So, are you all right, Lily? Like really all right?”
I frowned. “That’s a weird question.”
“I know. But I needed to ask it.”
“Any particular reason?”
He shrugged. “It’s just that sometimes you say things, and it makes me wonder if you’re okay.”
“Say things like what?”
“Like about the kissing booth. You made it seem like no guy would want to kiss you.”
“Uh, because it’s true. Guys like my sister. Not me.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.” He pulled into a spot and threw the car in park. “I think you should stop being so hard on yourself all the time. Telling yourself you can’t do things and that you’re not this or not that. You should ease up a little, or else you may start believing that stuff.”
He turned to face me in his seat. “You don’t believe that stuff, do you?”
I paused before I answered. “Becks, you’ve been gone a long time. You don’t know what it’s like now. I’m not the happy-go-lucky girl I used to be. I’ve changed. And that change doesn’t exactly attract a lot of boys. They like Rose better, and I’m okay with that.”
“But how is that possible? I’ve seen plenty of guys checking you out, but you’re never paying attention. You’re always talking to Calla or looking down at the floor, and it freaks me out, Lily. You are so much better than that. You’re beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful.”
My gut tightened.
Beautiful? No one called me beautiful. Ever.
“You must be looking at the wrong sister.”
“No. Lily.” He gazed deep in my eyes. “I’m looking at you.”
I swallowed, my emotions rising within me like a tide. My eyes burned with tears, but I blinked them back.
“You are, and have always been, one hundred percent worthy. You just have to believe that.”
I took in a deep breath and let it out again, unsure how to feel.
Becks broke eye contact with me and climbed out of the car. Then, he circled around and opened my car door.
Everything felt slower. Half speed. I somehow managed to climb out of the car and to grab my bookbag. I remember Becks closing the car door, and me standing next to it, feeling so many emotions swelling within me that I thought I’d explode.