by Seven Steps
“Can I hug you?” I asked suddenly.
His eyes flared. I didn’t blame him. The question surprised me too. “I mean, I know you aren’t a hugger anymore, but I just feel so much right now and... and I need a hug.”
Conflict darkened his eyes, but only for a moment.
Then, he took my hand and pulled me into his arms, hugging me tight.
He smelled like something clean. Like soap and fresh linen. There was a gentle musk that hung on him. A manly smell. Almost woodsy.
I took in a deep whiff, wondering why I didn’t notice how good he’d smelled before.
I expected him to pull away, but he didn’t. He kept me near him long enough for me to get my emotions under control. Finally, when I could stand on my own two feet again, I let go and wiped my eyes.
“Thank you,” I said. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
He smiled, but it was small and tight.
“You don’t need me to tell you that you’re beautiful,” he said. “You should try telling it to yourself more.”
More? I didn’t tell it to myself at all.
“Well, it’s still nice to hear,” I said.
He smiled. “I’ll make a note of it.”
I shook my head with a grin.
“We should probably head inside before first period,” I said. “We don’t need another tardy.”
He agreed, and we walked side by side into school. I felt a little closer to Becks just then. Clearer.
Still, that familiar anger tinged the corners of my heart.
Why did I feel so angry every time we got close?
And would it ever end?
14
“I am not doing that.”
I crossed and uncrossed my arms in a NO WAY motion so Rose could see I was serious.
“Come on, Lily. You’ll be great.”
I glanced around the hallway, ensuring that no one else was listening to this ridiculous conversation.
“Me? In a fashion show? Newsflash. I know zero about fashion. I wear jeans, shorts, and T-shirts every day.”
“Perhaps if you didn’t shove all your new clothes in the back of your closet, you’d feel differently.”
I grimaced. “I wear them… sometimes.”
“Look, it doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about your clothes or your hair or your makeup. The fashion club will take care of all of it.”
Rose had decided to help the fashion club run their booth. Five-dollar Fashion Consultations. Ten-dollar makeover with hair and makeup included. As part of their gimmick, they would host a fashion show where, apparently, I was supposed to participate.
It was like Rose didn’t know me at all.
“I can’t walk a runway,” I said. “I can’t even walk in heels. You know that.”
“So, we’ll give you flats.”
“I’ll be super busy.”
“It’ll be twenty minutes tops.”
“I don’t have the body for it.”
“You’ve been dieting and working out all summer. You have a hot body.”
“Rose!”
“Lily!”
Rose’s eyebrows pressed upward, giving me the same look Mom gave me when she wanted me to eat my peas. I hated peas.
“I’ll think about it. Is that good enough?”
Rose shook her head. “Nope. I want a commitment. One walk down the runway. One outfit. Then you’re free to go back to your jeans and T-shirts. Deal?”
I sighed. This was one battle I wasn’t going to win. So, I raised the white flag.
“Fine.”
Rose clapped her hands excitedly. “It’ll be perfect. I’ll make sure I take care of your outfit, hair, and makeup personally. You’re going to look like an angel.” And then she ran off, probably to tell the rest of the fashion club of my involvement.
It was only fair that I did this fashion show, since Rose was helping out with so much of the carnival, even with her busy schedule. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what the fashion club would think when she told them I’d be on the runway. Would they laugh? Would they ask her why?
I looked down at my outfit for today. White sneakers, jeans with suspenders, and a cropped band T-shirt. I looked plain. There was nothing fashion-forward about me. I wore no makeup today aside from my favorite strawberry lip gloss, and my hair was controlled in a messy top bun. I didn’t even bother to put in my contacts this morning. I wore my black, plastic-rimmed glasses instead. It was like the New Lily persona I’d worked hard on all summer was slowly fading away.
First went the makeup.
Then the flat-ironed hair.
Then the contacts.
Eventually, there would be nothing left of her. I’d be what I was before. Old Lily, who didn’t even try to make herself look presentable and who ran and hid behind a book at the first sign of difficulty. Old Lily who kept all her feelings bottled up inside. Who was confused and angry and who preferred not to interact with people, well, except Calla. Old Lily was comfortable. Like a favorite pair of house slippers.
New Lily was more like a new baseball glove that needed to be massaged, oiled, and stretched. It was hard to bend myself into her. When I tried, it was like everything just shattered.
I knew I needed to be this New Lily, but holding her up was difficult, and I was afraid I didn’t have the strength.
I hugged my books tight to my chest and ran to my next class, dreading the day that the kids of Bloom Academy would see me, Lily McAlister, walking a runway.
15
The once clear sky faded from blue to gray to black in a matter of an hour. By the time school let out, rain was coming down in buckets, soaking everything and everyone. Lightning cracked through the sky, and thunder boomed overhead so loud that the walls of the school shook.
I’d be riding home with Becks alone today.
Calla left right after lunch with a bad case of cramps, and the weather left the school with no other option but to cancel cheer practice. Which meant Rose would be hanging out with Kim for the rest of the night.
Becks and I stood on the school steps, watching the rain fall in sheets and thick, jagged lightning turn the sky white. Neither of us had an umbrella, or anything else that would keep us from becoming absolutely soaked if we stepped off these steps.
“Wait here,” Becks said. “I’ll bring the car around.”
“But it’s pouring.”
“Well, it’s either me or you, right?”
I started to protest, but he was already gone, sprinting through the parking lot toward his car.
A part of me knew I should’ve gone with him. But another part, a bigger part, was thankful I didn’t have to get soaking wet.
Score one for chivalry.
Traffic in the parking lot was atrocious, between the blinding rain and the poor students driving, but eventually Becks’ black SUV pulled up to the front of the school. There were only about five feet between the bottom step and the curb, but it was leaving the atrium at the top of the steps that I was worried about.
It looked like Becks wasn’t going to be the only one getting soaked today.
I took a deep breath and sprinted out into the warm rain. It would have been soothing, if it didn’t hit my skin like stinging bullets. Why on earth was it raining so hard? I was sure each drop would leave a bruise.
I snatched the door open and flung myself in the wet car, feeling very much like a drenched puppy.
“Well, that sucked,” I said, shaking the water from my arms.
“Tell me about it. I almost got into three accidents bringing the car around. Who thought it was a good idea to give seventeen-year-olds driver’s licenses?”
“Uh, the same person who gave you your license?”
He smiled. “Good point.”
Becks was just as drenched as I was. His brown hair stuck to his head. His white T-shirt appeared drawn onto his skin, revealing a muscled chest, arms, and abs. He ran his hand through his hair, slicking it back.
I had t
o admit, Becks was handsome, and his body was hot. With his hair pushed back like that, he looked kind of like a rock star. Or a bad boy who had escaped from a teen romance novel. I couldn’t decide which.
I pushed down the thoughts and leaned forward, allowing the heat to blow directly onto my wet face. When my cheeks were dry, I turned to him. He was still looking back at me. Smiling.
“What?” I asked.
He cleared his throat and quickly faced front.
“Nothing. We should probably get going before this weather gets worse.”
I nodded and moved my face close to the blower again. At least that would give me a good reason for why my cheeks were flaming. Something about the way Becks looked at me was… nice. Not just nice, but really nice. A warmth settled in my chest. I tried to focus on that warmth instead of my knotting stomach or that familiar anger that always seemed to be waiting in the wings.
But why was that anger there in the first place? Maybe I’d never know.
The car slowly moved forward, inching its way out of the parking lot. The windshield wipers were trying their best, but the rain was coming down like crazy, making it nearly impossible to see anything.
Becks honked his horn and slammed on the brakes, barely missing another car coming from the opposite direction.
My heart rate blasted in my chest at our near collision.
Well, I guess I’d gotten in my cardio for the day.
“It’s a mess out here,” he said. “No one can see and people are driving like idiots. Maybe we should park and wait this one out.”
“Agreed,” I said. I pulled my hair from its destroyed messy bun and ran my fingers through it, allowing it to hang limply on my shoulders to dry, while Becks slowly maneuvered the car down the hill and onto the grassy shoulder of the street. Then, he put the car in park.
“Well, so much for our donation rounds today,” he said.
“Yeah. So much for that.”
“Do you think it will be enough? The money, I mean. Do you think it will be enough to cover Kat’s medical bills?”
I shook my head. “It depends on how long she’s in a coma. How long her hospital stay is. If she’ll need an aide to come to the house when her mom goes back to work. There’s no way to tell how much she’ll need. I just hope this is a start, you know?”
Becks sighed and leaned against the window. “Hospital bills are a joke. My grandfather used to say that sometimes it’s cheaper to die.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say.”
“It is. But it’s true.”
We sat in silence for a moment.
“Do you remember the last time we got caught in the rain?” he asked.
A memory flashed in my mind, vivid and complete. I smiled. “We were in the tree house in your backyard.”
“And the roof was leaking, and we were sitting there like two goofs with flashlights shivering under a blanket.”
“And you kept saying, just pretend we’re in a rainforest.”
“I was trying to keep you calm. I couldn’t tell if you were crying or if your face was just wet from the rain.”
I stuck out my chin. “I was not crying.”
“That’s because you were taking my expert seven-year-old advice and pretending to be in a rainforest.”
“Maybe. But I’d just like to say it was fall and like fifty degrees outside. A rainforest was a terrible analogy. Saying Washington State or London would have been more accurate.”
“We were seven. I’d just learned about rainforests in class. It was all I had.”
I laughed. “I guess you get a pass then.”
“Thanks.”
“Remember when your dad found us out there?” I put on my best Raymond Hayes face, a mix of angry, old man, and someone who’d just sucked on a lemon. “Billy, you get out of that tree house.”
“Billy!” Becks clapped his hands. “I haven’t heard that name in years.”
Becks’ dad thought it would be easier to call us Billy instead of Beckett and Lily. That way, he’d only have to remember one name since we basically always got in trouble together.
“Always so efficient,” Becks said.
“Then we went inside, and your mom made us the best hot chocolate, and I slept over in your bunk bed.”
“Bottom bunk,” Becks said with a grin. “Top was always mine.”
I rolled my eyes. “A gentleman would have given me the top bunk.”
“I was seven. I couldn’t spell gentleman.”
I sighed. “Fun times.” I shook my head. “Then you were gone.”
My laughter died in my throat, and old feelings began to boil up.
The anger. The confusion. Something akin to betrayal. It was the same feeling I’d felt when Becks asked for Rose’s number at the wedding.
I should have been relishing in the good memories that Becks and I shared.
I should have been happy he’d come back and that we’d somehow managed to resurrect our lost friendship.
But I wasn’t happy or grateful or anything else I should’ve been feeling.
I was angry.
So, very angry.
And, right now, there was this urge rising inside of me to let him know how angry I was, even if I couldn’t express exactly why.
I crossed my legs and looked out the window, watching the rain fall in sheets.
What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling these things? Why was I feeling like this?
“Are you okay?” Becks asked.
“I’m fine,” I said shortly.
“Did I say something wrong? You look upset.”
“No. I’m fine. Just tired.”
“All of a sudden? You seemed fine a minute ago.”
“I said I’m fine!” I glared at him, my anger boiling. It felt like steam was coming out of my ears.
I wanted to get out of this car. I needed some air, even if I got drenched to get it.
I pulled at the door, not bothering to grab my bag or anything else.
“Wait. Lily, where are you going?”
The door didn’t open. I yanked at the handle again, knowing that if I stayed in this car one more second, I was going to explode.
“Unlock the door.”
“Why are you trying to leave?”
“Leave?” I whipped around to face him, unable to control my anger any longer. “I’m not the one who left. You left. You were my only friend in the entire world, and you just left. You left me, Beckett. You left me alone. You didn’t even say goodbye!”
His face stretched in surprise, but I didn’t care.
I needed to get out of this car, and I needed to do it now.
I flipped the lock button, then pushed the car door open and stormed out into the rain.
Thunder rolled over my head, and I foolishly wondered if I had caused it.
“Lily.”
“Just leave me alone, Becks!” I screamed over my shoulder. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“But I need to talk to you.” He grabbed my hand and whipped me around to face him. Water ran over my face and into my eyes, but I could still see the pain that infused his features. The hurt in his eyes.
I didn’t care.
I was too angry to care.
“Let me go, Becks.”
“I didn’t want to leave you.”
“Then why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you write? You just left one day to live with your grandfather without a word. One day you were there, and the next day my best friend in the entire world was gone. Gone. And it destroyed me. It took me years to recover. Years. And then you just show back up in my life as quickly as you left and expect everything to be okay. Nothing is okay, Becks. Nothing is okay.”
“Lily, I missed you so much. But I was young. There was nothing I could do.”
“There is always something you can do.”
“Not this time.”
Something in his voice gave me pause. It pushed back my anger long enough for me to wonder.
“Where did you go?” I asked. “Everyone said you went to live with your grandfather, but there had to be more to it than that. What happened to you?”
His hands were still wrapped around my arms, holding me there, but not hurting me.
“Please come back to the car,” he said. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Just please, come back to the car.”
I didn’t want to. I liked the way the rain felt against my skin. The way it stung. The way it hid my tears that fell so freely over the loss of my best friend.
But I wanted answers.
I needed answers.
He took my hand and helped me back to the car. After I’d settled back into my seat, I heard the trunk close, and then he climbed in and handed me a towel. I dried my hair and my face, then I focused on Becks.
“Tell me,” I said.
His lips squeezed together, and he turned the heat up to full blast. The air whipped my hair around my face, and I pushed it back.
“Becks, tell me. Please.”
After a long while, he finally turned to me.
“Remember how Gramps used to pick us up from school sometimes?” he asked, his voice soft and crackly.
“Yeah.”
“Well, one day, when you were home sick, he picked me up and drove me home. I remember giving him a hard time, screaming about how I wanted something or other. I can’t remember. Anyway, after a while he got tired of it, so he turned around and told me to quiet down. When he turned back around...” He swallowed and ran a hand over his face. “A car had turned into our lane coming from the opposite direction and hit us head-on. Gramps wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and went partially through the windshield.”
His voice cracked.
My heart stopped.
Grandpa Hayes, who we affectionately called Gramps. The same Grandpa Hayes who babysat us when we were little and let us eat all the ice cream we wanted.
Was he alive or...
My eyes brimmed with tears at the thought.
“When the ambulance came, they rushed us both to the hospital. There was so much blood. I remember his glasses were broken, but his clothes were still perfect. Not wrinkled or anything, just like always. I was fine, but Gramps went into a coma. No one knew when he would get out of it. After that, I stayed by his side in the hospital for as long as I could. A few weeks later, my parents had Gramps moved to our aunt Millie’s place. She was a retired nurse and said she could take care of him. I asked if I could go too and my parents said yes. The next day, I started my new life in Clermont, Florida.”