Lily and the Wedding Date Mistake

by Seven Steps

  My phone buzzed next to my head. It was Calla, asking where I’d gone and if I was okay.

  I flipped onto my side and waited for the buzzing to stop.

  I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to sit in the bed and stew in my anger. In my hurt. In my sadness.

  I wanted to sit and figure out how I was ever going to face Lucas again. After all, I’d tried to kiss him in the hallway, in front of everyone. It might have been hot or romantic if it wasn’t for the completely wrong reasons.

  I didn’t want to kiss Lucas.

  I didn’t even really want to go out with Lucas.

  I’d just done it to hurt Becks. And I didn’t even know if Becks saw the whole thing.

  I was a terrible person. And, worse than that, I was a loser for thinking I could use someone else to hurt Becks. It wasn’t fair to Lucas. Or to Becks. Or to myself.

  I put my pillow over my head and wished this day would end.

  30

  I don’t know how much time passed before I heard the front door slam shut and footsteps ascend the staircase. A few seconds later the door opened, and my pillow was snatched off my head.

  “Seriously?” Rose demanded, my pillow dangling from one hand. I squinted at her. Even through the blur of a sleep hanger, I could see the anger in her eyes. “I’ve been calling you for like two hours. I thought you were in a ditch somewhere.”

  “I wish,” I groaned, turning away from her.

  “What is up with you? You’re miserable.”

  “You think?”

  “No, I know. Did something happen? Did someone say something to you?”

  I pressed my face into the blanket. “Just go away.”

  I wanted to go back to sleep. At least in sleep I wouldn’t feel this horrible ache in my heart.

  “Go away? That’s what we’re saying to each other now?”

  Her weight pressed onto the bed, and my pillow suddenly appeared next to my head.

  “Lily. Lily, look at me.”

  I felt her hand press to my lower back, but I still didn’t move. I wanted to just lie here forever and never move again.

  “Lily, if you don’t talk to me, I’m going to tell Dad that you cut school to come home.”

  I didn’t know what time it was, but, judging by Rose’s comment, school was probably still in session. If Rose ratted me out, she’d have to rat herself out too. I decided to call her bluff and stay put.

  “Fine. I’ll put it on speaker so you can talk to him personally.”

  No. She wouldn’t dare.

  I heard the phone dial, followed by Dad’s deep voice.

  “Hey, Rosy Bear. Everything okay?”

  My head shot up. If Dad knew I’d cut school, he’d kill me. Granted, I wasn’t feeling that lively lately, but I didn’t want my life to end this way.

  “Hey, Dad,” Rose said, raising her eyebrow at me.

  Ugh. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.

  I threw my hands in the air, waving them around in surrender.

  Rose gave me a triumphant smile.

  “I just wanted to let you know that I may be home a little late tonight. We’re stopping for shakes on the way home.”

  “How late?” Dad asked. “It’s a school night.”

  “Just a bit. I have a craving for a peanut butter shake. You know. That time.”

  Dad groaned. “Say no more. Please. I’ll see you at home, hon.”

  “K. Bye, Dad.”

  Rose hung up the phone, her eagle eyes examining me.

  “Spill.”

  I sat up and took a deep breath. The memory of Becks and Kim so close rose into my mind, clear and sharp, sending waves of hot tears fighting their way up my throat. But I didn’t want to cry. Not anymore. I took in a cool breath, trying to beat them back.

  “Lily.” Rose’s hand slid over my shoulder, pulling me closer. “Oh, Lily Bell, don’t cry.”

  But it was too late. The second my head touched her shoulder the tears came hard and fast.

  I was stupid. I was so stupid.

  “What happened to you? You got out of the car, went to talk to Calla, then you just took off. Did someone say something to you? Did anyone…”

  Her voice trailed off, and her grip on me loosened.

  “Did you see Kim… do something?” she asked.

  Crap. She knew. And I didn’t want her to know because if she did then it would be real. And I didn’t want it to be real.

  “You did, didn’t you?” Her hands wound around my arms, and she pulled me away so she could see my face.

  “You saw Kim and Becks together. That’s it, isn’t it?”

  I took in my sister’s features. Her beautiful blond hair, pulled into a low ponytail, her bright blue eyes so full of concern.

  “How long have you been in love with him?” she asked.

  My body shook with tears and my head rolled forward. I closed my eyes and put my hands over my face, trying to hold in what little dignity I had left.

  I was stupid. So, so stupid.

  Rose pulled me closer again.

  “All that stuff in the car about Kim and Becks. And him sitting with us at lunch and us going to the movies together and all this time…” She shook her head. “Why didn’t you say something? I could’ve helped.”

  “I didn’t want anyone to help,” I said. But my voice sounded gravelly and miserable.

  Not that there was anything I could do about it now. Becks was gone, and he never knew how I felt about him. Not really.

  Rose set me away from her and pulled out her phone again.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “What do you think? I’m telling Kim to back off my sister’s man.”

  My body was in motion before I knew it, snatching Rose’s phone from her so quickly that all she could do was recoil in shock.

  “No.”

  “What do you mean no?”

  “If Becks wants her, then I don’t want to stand in their way.”

  “But what about what you want?” Rose said. “If you want him, you should go get him.”

  “I don’t. Really.”

  “Lily, you’re here bawling your eyes out. How can you say you don’t want him?”

  “Because he doesn’t want me.”

  Her eyes opened wide. “He said that?”

  “No. Not exactly.”

  “So why would you think he doesn’t want you?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just a feeling I have, I guess. I don’t know.” I ran my hands through my hair, trying to get a grip on my emotions. “I don’t know.”

  “Lily, why are you giving up on this so easily?”

  “Because I can’t compete!” I blurted out. “I can’t compete with Kim or you. I’m not like you guys. I’m not this bombshell everyone adores. I’m just ordinary, plain, boring me. That’s all I am. That’s all I’ll ever be. If he wants her, how can I possibly measure up?”

  Rose’s mouth dropped open.

  Then her eyes turned to fire.

  “Are you kidding me?” she said, her voice low and lethal. “I thought we got over this over the summer.”

  Then, without warning, she grabbed my hand and dragged me to the mirror. Her hand clamped onto my chin, forcing me to look at myself in the mirror.

  “You’re not ordinary, plain, or boring. Why can’t you see how amazing you are?”

  I shook my head.

  The truth was, I didn’t. I was nothing like Kimberly or Rose. I’d never be like them.

  “Lily Bell, wake up!”

  “I am awake. I’m a realist.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re so concerned about being beautiful, but, to me, you’re the most beautiful person in the world. Remember when Mom and Dad got the flu this summer? Who took care of them when I was too grossed out to? You. When I’m down, you bring me ice cream and make me watch Mean Girls until I feel better. And when I need help with my homework, who do I come to? You.” She turned me to her. “Beauty isn’t just about how m
uch makeup you wear or your hair or your clothes. Beauty is shown in how kind you are. How you care about other people. In being intelligent. Those things make you beautiful. And this carnival you’re throwing for Kat and her mom, that’s beautiful. And I’m not the only one who thinks that.” She slid her arms around my shoulders. “Oh, Lily Bell. You are beautiful and strong. Once you start believing that, you’ll be unstoppable.”

  She hugged me close.

  “There’s someone out there for you. Maybe it’s Becks. Maybe not. But when you find that someone, don’t give up fighting for them. Love is worth fighting for.”

  We stood there for a long time. When we finally broke apart, I felt a little better. A little clearer.

  I realized there were things in my life I needed to fix. And those things started with me.

  31

  Later that night, I found myself standing on Becks’ doorstep.

  My stomach was in knots, but this felt like the right thing to do. If I was going to move forward, then I had to break free of Old Lily and the iron weight she chained me with. I had to do something different. Start fresh. And that included letting my past go. Even if it hurt.

  Becks answered the door, his brows rising at the sight of me.

  “Lily. Hey.” He closed the door behind him, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  “Hey.”

  “I didn’t see you in class today. Or at lunch. Calla didn’t know where you were either. I was worried.”

  “You asked about me?”

  “Of course I asked about you. Lily, just because we got into a fight doesn’t mean we’re not friends.”

  “Friends.” I repeated the word softly, then swallowed it down. It was bitter and burned in my gut. But I used the burning as fuel, driving me forward.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked. “Do you want to come inside?”

  “No. Thanks. There’s just something I want to say.”

  He nodded slowly, then took his hands out of his pocket.

  “This is a coincidence,” he said. “Because there’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you too.”

  To me? What could Becks possibly have to say to me? Maybe he wanted to tell me about him and Kim. Were they official now? If he said she was his new girlfriend, I was going to puke.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he said. “And I realized I miss driving you to school and home every day.”

  That was it? That was his big revelation?

  I inwardly sighed.

  “Look, Becks—”

  “No, just please. Hear me out. I miss hanging out with you. Going from seeing you all the time to barely seeing you at all is… tough. And I want to remedy that.”

  I rolled my eyes. I wanted to go home. I just wanted to go home. I don’t know what I was expecting when I came here, but I wasn’t expecting him to say he missed us being buddies. I didn’t want to be Becks’ buddy or his pal.

  “Ride with me to school tomorrow,” he said.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Why not? We had fun, didn’t we? I mean, it was nice to… be… together.”

  “Yeah, Becks, hanging out was nice, but I just… I want something different now… I guess.”

  “So do I. I mean, I think we want the same thing.”

  I stood frozen. “What do you want, Becks?”

  “For things to go back to the way they were before you got all weird.”

  I sucked in a breath.

  Before I got all weird? Did he honestly just say that to me?

  “I’m not having this conversation.”

  “Come on, Lily. I know you. Regardless of how long we’ve been apart, I know you. And you’re being cold with me and to be honest it’s not fair. I didn’t do anything and it’s like you just dropped out of my life. Is it because of this Lucas guy?”

  Lucas? Lucas had nothing to do with this.

  “No. It’s not about Lucas. Look. I just can’t, Becks. I just… I can’t.”

  He looked so confused that I would’ve felt bad for him if I wasn’t so busy feeling bad for myself.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “Look, I came here to say I think it’s best that you resign from the carnival planning committee.”

  “What?”

  “It’s nothing that you did… particularly. I just… I think it’s best we not be around each other.”

  “Lily, I don’t want to leave the committee and I don’t want to stop being around you. And I don’t want these stupid fights to come between us. You’re my best friend, and I miss being around you. Holding you. Kissing you. Jeez, Lily, I think I’m falling for you.”

  I laughed out loud.

  He was falling for me, and yet he’d kissed Kim today. I fought to keep my rage at bay.

  “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not lying. Lily, I’m in love with you. And I think you love me too. And I want us to be together. Officially.”

  My laughter morphed into some weird mix of laughing and crying and I sniffled. This was the worst day of my life.

  One, because Becks’ had told the biggest lie in the world. And two, because he’d also told the biggest truth.

  He didn’t love me. I don’t know what he felt, but it wasn’t love. But my feelings toward him… that was another story.

  “Look, Becks, I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s over, okay?”

  “Over? What? We haven’t even begun to—”

  “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  “Lily, wait.”

  But I was already gone, running back to my house. When I got inside, I went straight up to my room and threw myself on the bed and covered my head with my pillow.

  I didn’t want anyone to hear my tears.

  32

  The next day, I put my sunglasses on and waited by Lucas’ locker. I really didn’t want to do this, but I didn’t have a choice. Everything inside of me felt broken and raw. If I was going to start to heal, then I’d have to start by telling the truth.

  I bounced on the balls of my feet, my fingers fidgeting. When I saw him, my gut dipped like I was on a roller coaster. But I had to do this. There was no other way.

  “Hey, Lil,” he said, a big smile on this face.

  “Hey, Lucas.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand to stop him. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about yesterday in the hallway. I didn’t mean to embarrass you like that.”

  His smile dropped a little, and he stepped closer.

  “Honestly, I should be the one apologizing to you.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah. Yesterday you caught me off guard. But, if I had been more on guard, then I would have acted a little differently.”

  He swooped down. His lips descended on me, landing on my cheek.

  Surprise and embarrassment froze me in place, but only for a second. Then, I stepped back out of his reach.

  “Lucas, I’m sorry.”

  His brows pressed down, his mouth dropping open.

  “Sorry? I thought—”

  “No. It’s not you. It’s me. I led you on. I actually came here to say that I’m sorry for almost kissing you. And that I’m sorry for breaking our date on Friday.”

  He gasped, which made me feel a hundred times worse.

  “You’re breaking our date?”

  “Yes. I think we were pushed together by my sister under false pretenses. And don’t get me wrong, I was excited about it at first but, after I got a chance to stop and think about it, I realized it wouldn’t be fair for me to go on this date with you when I’m thinking about someone else.”

  “Someone else?”

  I nodded. “I’m so sorry. But I’d love to still be friends. And I hope this doesn’t affect your booth for the carnival.”

  Lucas looked at me as if I’d suddenly started speaking in Latin.

  “Carnival. No. That’s already been arranged with the hospital but… being friends is just… I mean, you have to admit that these last few days ha
ve been a little… weird.”

  “I know. And that’s my fault. I’ve been having conflicting emotions about things lately. But I feel like I’m starting to get things under control.”

  He shook his head. “Uh. Okay. Well, I guess we’re friends then. Great.”

  “Thanks for understanding, Lucas.”

  “Yeah. So, I guess I’ll see you around.”

  He closed his locker and headed somewhere with his bookbag still on his back. I breathed for the first time in what felt like forever.

  That was, literally, one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I didn’t regret it. It wasn’t fair for me to go out with Lucas while I was still thinking about Becks.

  I sighed.

  I had to get him off the carnival committee. There was no other choice. It was too hard being around him when I knew he didn’t feel the same way about me. He’d lied and told me he was falling for me, even when I saw him kiss Kim just hours before. And I’d almost kissed Lucas. Becks and I were on two different paths, and I wasn’t sure those paths could ever converge.

  I pushed off my locker and went in search of Calla. I needed someone to ground me back to this earth, because right now, everything around me felt like it was up in the air and out of reach.

  33

  The next few weeks went by achingly slow.

  Calla and Rose became my left and right hands. We finished gathering the donations and gave them to Principal Davies to put in the school’s account. We sent out emails to all the volunteers and put in a final head count for the caterer. We worked with the shop teacher to build all the booths and Calla’s mom donated all the tables and chairs from the Ivy Castle.

  Rose and I got our car back, so once again I was driving to school, mostly with Calla these days. On the weekends, Calla came by and we watched old movies and cried. Well, mostly I cried.

  And, as the days came and went, Becks followed my wishes and stayed away, not even giving me a wave in the hallway. He’d collected a new set of friends. Six more to be exact. Four boys and two girls. They sat across the lunch room from us. Occasionally, I looked over, but he never looked back. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe me giving Becks his space was what he needed to grow. He wasn’t alone anymore, and that made me happy.