If I tell him the truth now, the spell will be broken. This won’t be about the strange surprise and pleasure of seeing each other again after believing we’d said goodbye forever. We won’t be able to hover in this place we are right now, pretending the future doesn’t exist, just enjoying the moment.
“I should have given you a phone number,” Alex says. “I don’t know what I was thinking, forcing a clean break on us like that. Well, no, that isn’t true. I was thinking that it would be easier. That we’d be able to put each other out of mind. But that didn’t work, did it?”
“No,” I agree. “That didn’t work out.”
“I wish I’d been the one to come to you,” he says. “I should have. I shouldn’t have pulled away from you like I did. And when I realized I couldn’t just forget you, the way I had planned, I should have been the one to seek you out again.”
That surprises me. “Why should you have been the one to do it?”
“Because you’re easier to find than I am,” he says. “And besides, I already knew where you lived.”
“It’s not exactly hard to find a palace,” I point out. “I didn’t have any trouble tracking you down.”
He laughs. “I suppose not.
“Alex,” I say.
“Erica?”
I take a deep breath. I know this is the moment. I need to do it before I lose my nerve and decide it’s better to just stay in this safe, easy place where he’s happy to see me.
“Alex, I’m pregnant.”
He doesn’t respond.
I dart a look up to his face. He’s staring at me, eyes wide, mouth just slightly open and working as if he’s trying to say something but not finding words. Is he angry? Afraid? My breath is coming faster, and my heart is pounding, and I’m suddenly very, very nervous.
“Alex?” I whisper, hardly daring to speak.
When he moves, it’s so sudden I can’t process it, can’t keep up. His arm is thick and heavy around my shoulders, wrapping me in toward his chest, and I can feel the massive rise and fall as he breathes deeply and unevenly.
“Oh my God,” he whispers.
He’s startled. He’s overwhelmed. He’s all the things I felt when I first found out. But he’s holding me.
I wrap my arms around his broad torso and hold onto him too, hanging on as if I’m gripping a sturdy tree in a storm. His hand finds the back of my head and strokes my hair.
He’s not angry.
And it doesn’t feel like he’s about to send me away.
And I’m still thinking he’s probably alarmed, probably at a loss for what to do, probably downright scared, when he finally speaks again. His voice is thick. If I didn’t know better, I would say he was crying.
“That’s wonderful, Erica,” he says. “That’s such amazing news.”
I pull back so I can look him in the eye. I search his expression, wonderingly, expecting to see some shadow of worry or disappointment there, at least something that complicates this moment, but there’s nothing. There’s nothing written on his face but pure joy.
“You’re happy?” I say, unable to keep the shock out of my voice.
“It’s mine, isn’t it?” he asks, suddenly uncertain. “That’s why you came? You wanted to tell me?”
“That’s why,” I confirm. “It’s definitely yours. There aren’t even any other contenders.”
He closes his eyes and doesn’t say anything for a moment. I wonder what he’s thinking. Was he worried, perhaps, that I’d found someone else? That I was telling him about this pregnancy out of obligation while my heart belonged to another? Is it possible he’s been as worried about losing my affections as I have been about losing his?
Then, without warning, he takes me in his arms and kisses me.
And all my thoughts are lost.
I forgot about his kiss, I realize. I forgot about the strength and the passion and the power behind it, the way he makes me feel like he’s the only thing in the world. I’ve been dreaming about this kiss for six weeks straight, and yet the real thing makes my dreams seem washed out and pale by comparison.
How could I have convinced myself that what existed between us wasn’t real? How could I have let myself believe that I’d exaggerated it in my mind? Something this intense, this wonderful—there’s no way he doesn’t feel it just as much as I do.
“Alex,” I murmur, my lips moving against his.
“Mmm?”
He doesn’t want to stop kissing me, I can feel it. He wants to let me talk, to hear what I have to say, and yet he doesn’t want to disengage. I’m so in tune with him that I can feel that conflict taking place. Or maybe it’s just that I’m struggling with the same thing myself. It’s not like I want to stop, either.
But I need to know. I need answers.
“You said we weren’t going to pursue anything long-distance,” I point out. “When you were leaving California. Remember? You said it would be impossible for us, since you live here and have to rule, and I live there and have to be on set. You said we’d drive ourselves crazy trying to make it work.”
He nods. “I did.”
“Well,” I bite my lip, not wanting to continue, knowing that I have to. “I’m glad you’re happy about this. I really am. And I’m very relieved. So please don’t get me wrong here. But it doesn’t make sense to me. A child…that’s a huge commitment. And all the problems you mentioned…all the problems that were going to keep us apart…those all still exist. You’re a prince, and I’m the star of a TV show in Hollywood. Our lives are still going to come between us.”
“I know,” he says quietly, his hands sliding down my arms to catch mine. He grips them, and it feels like the two of us are our own world, like the only problems in the universe are the problems the two of us are facing right now, like the only solutions are the ones we come up with together. “I know that’s all still true.”
“And what about your uncle?” I ask fretfully. “I’m sorry, I know that might be sensitive, and I didn’t really plan to just blurt it out like that. Truly. But it’s all I’ve been able to think about for days now.”
“Hold on,” he says, a frown crossing his face, brow furrowed in confusion. “My uncle? Which uncle?”
“Your uncle Enzo,” I say. “I read all about him online. How he used to be king, before your father, but when his girlfriend became pregnant, he was forced to abdicate the throne. According to the articles I read, he was disgraced, and he lost all his power.”
“You read all that?” Alex asks, sounding impressed. “You really did your research.”
“Well, I had to, didn’t I?” I ask. “You left me no way of getting in touch with you. My only recourse was to go online and turn up everything I could find about the Avaranian royal family. I found out plenty about the history of your country, and what happened with your uncle.”
“I see,” he says.
“And I’m afraid, Alex,” I continue. “Aren’t you worried about it? If your uncle was forced to abdicate because of what happened to him, what are they going to do to you? His girlfriend was royal, at least. She was a countess. Me, I’m a commoner. I’m not even Avaranian. I’m not even your girlfriend, for God’s sake. Isn’t that going to be ten times more shameful than what happened with your uncle? He was judged incredibly harshly, and I’m sure many of the same people who were in power then are still in power today. What are they going to do to you if you stand by me and the baby now?”
Chapter 12
Alex takes me by the hand and leads me down the beach a little bit. I can see right away where we’re heading. There’s a series of large rocks that jut outward into the ocean, a natural draw for anyone exploring the beach.
If I was here on my own with nothing but time, I’m sure I would choose to head this way too. But in the moment, it’s frustrating.
I don’t want to look at rocks. I didn’t come all this way for that. I want to talk about the future. I’m glad Alex is happy to hear about my pregnancy, but I can’t help but not
ice that he hasn’t actually made any suggestions regarding what we’re going to do yet.
But as we walk along, hand in hand, my frustration begins to shift.
Here I am, in a country I’d never thought to visit, walking along a beautiful beach that’s so different from the beaches I know back home, the sexiest man I’ve ever met beside me. And for a moment, I allow myself to forget everything I’ve been worrying about since I discovered my pregnancy.
I just focus on the moment. His hand in mine. The sound of the waves lapping the shore. The electricity crackling between us, giving me the sure feeling that even now, even after all that’s been revealed and even with all that has to be solved, anything could happen between the two of us.
I must be out of my mind to think something’s still possible. And yet, something within me takes flight every time he touches me. I can’t give up on the idea.
“I used to come here when I was a child,” he says as he leads me out onto the rocks.
I step carefully so as not to slip, paying attention to where he places his feet and following behind him. When we’ve reached the farthest rock, Alex sits down and dangles his feet over the side. We’re just barely high enough up that the water doesn’t splash our toes as it crashes against the rock face.
“Sometimes it was the only way I could be alone,” he goes on. “There have always been a lot of expectations on my time. But everyone needs to be alone to think once in a while.”
“I can relate to that,” I say, thinking of the many Royal Blue parties I’ve ducked out of early.
“So,” he says. “You know about Uncle Enzo.”
“I know what the internet says about him,” I clarify. “I’ve been in Hollywood long enough to know that the internet doesn’t always get it right.”
“True enough,” Alex agrees, “but in Enzo’s case, the public story is the true one, at least in broad brushstrokes. He and Aunt Giovanna—”
“Countess Mancini?” I ask.
Alex smiles. “That’s right. Well, they’d been together forever. Everyone knew they were getting married. When she got pregnant, she didn’t even consider trying to hide it. They were happy. They were celebrating. They even announced the news publicly. And that was probably their big mistake.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Parliament got involved,” he says. “I wasn’t even born when all this took place, of course, but I’ve heard the story often enough from my father. Our country’s stability depends on a good relationship between the ruling monarch and Parliament, and when there’s conflict, it leads to trouble. When some of the old traditionalists in the House found out about Enzo’s child, they were outraged. They insisted that a king producing a child out of wedlock was a scandal that couldn’t be borne.”
“And so they forced him out of power,” I say.
He nods. “But the tragic thing is that it didn’t have to be a scandal at all,” Alex says, sounding frustrated. “It was two people in love who had always planned to marry and have children. And since marrying, they’ve had three more children together. My cousin Lauro, the eldest, is the only one who’s looked at differently by the people of Avaran. Because of what happened to his father, he’ll carry that so-called ‘scandal’ with him for the rest of his life.”
I’m touched by Alex’s compassion for his cousin.
“If it hadn’t happened, though,” I point out, “you wouldn’t be next in line for the throne. Your father wouldn’t have become king.”
Alex shakes his head. “It’s a dirty way to come to power. I would rather give up my rule than see my family harmed.”
Instinctively, my hand goes to my stomach, where I still haven’t felt any change. He would rather give up his title than see harm come to his family. I wonder if that includes this baby. I wonder if he’d really choose us over ruling his country, if it came to that.
God, I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Alex seems to sense what’s on my mind. As he gazes out at the horizon, he wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.
I lean into him willingly. It feels so natural to be close to him. It’s hard to believe we’ve only ever spent one night together.
“Don’t worry,” he says. “It won’t be like that for us.”
“You don’t know that,” I protest. “Your country still has a parliament in place, doesn’t it? That hasn’t gone away.”
“No,” he admits. “But we’ve held elections many times over the last thirty-five years, and most of the old men who banded together against my uncle are no longer in office. Their antiquated ideas left with them. It’s a different parliament now, a younger body with fresh ideas and an attitude of acceptance.”
“Really?” I frown. I find it a little difficult to take at face value. “Acceptance? But thirty-five years isn’t that long a time. Do you really think things can change that fast?”
“Of course I do,” he says. “It’s a new group of legislators now. Young people. People our age. The mood of the country is different now. We’re no longer subject to a bunch of old men who are more interested in protecting traditional attitudes than in showing respect to a family.”
He shakes his head. “My father said once that if Enzo had denied Aunt Giovanna’s baby was his and turned her away, he might have kept his throne. Can you believe that? Who could think that kind of behavior was less disgraceful than standing by his partner and unborn child?”
I can’t believe it. “Would that really have happened? That’s horrible.”
“I don’t know it for sure,” Alex says. “It’s what my father believes. As far as I know, it’s not an offer Parliament actually extended, but maybe it was unspoken. Maybe it was understood in some way. I’m sure Father and Enzo discussed it at the time. After all, they would both have known that Father would assume the throne if Enzo abdicated.”
“Your uncle must be a good man,” I say. “If he believed he had that choice and did the right thing anyway, it speaks well of him.”
“Yes,” Alex agrees. “He’s honorable. He was a great king, and it’s Avaran’s loss that they forced him out. Even Father says so. Father is a good king too, but Enzo was groomed for it his whole life.” He gazes out at the ocean again. “When you’re in line for the throne, much of your life is spent preparing.”
“Your life has been spent that way, hasn’t it?” I ask him.
“Yes,” he says. “I’ve been taught the history of my country and the nature of its politics. I’ve learned how to work with our allies, and how to keep the peace with our enemies. Most of all, I’ve learned how best to serve the people. It’s important to me to do that well.” He hesitates. “I’m sorry for what happened to my uncle and to his family, and I’ll never think it’s fair, but I am glad to have the opportunity to serve as king someday.”
“You’ll be a good one,” I say.
It’s a strange thing to say since I haven’t known him that long, but I feel the truth of it. Alex cares for his people, and I know he’ll serve them well. Provided he has the chance, that is.
“Alex,” I say softly. “I don’t want you to lose your opportunity. I know you’re confident Parliament won’t put you in the same position your uncle was in, but I’d feel terrible if you had to give your crown up because of me. I can’t let you do that.”
He turns and places a soft kiss on my temple.
“It won’t come to that,” he says gently. “We’re going to learn from Enzo’s mistakes. We’re going to do it differently. We won’t release a birth announcement like he did, forcing Parliament’s hand. I’ll go to them directly. I’ll summon the members to a session and explain our situation.”
“And you think that will work?” I ask. “They’ll accept that?”
“If I’m honest and straightforward, I don’t see why not,” he says.
I wish I had his confidence.
I plant my palms on the rock behind me and lean back, letting the wind off the sea blow my hair back from my shoulde
rs. I breathe in deeply, trying to believe, trying to absorb some of Alex’s surety that everything will be fine.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “You’re troubled.”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “It seems like so many things can still go so wrong. It’s hard to believe that everything’s just…going to be fine.”
“It will be,” he says firmly. “I’ll see to it, Erica, I promise. That’s my child. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to either of you. I couldn’t.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to risk yourself for me just because…just because of this baby,” I say.
It’s hard to force the words out. Of course I want him to do it. I want him to be in this with me—with us. I want us to be a family. But I don’t want him to do it out of obligation or duty. I want him to be sure.
“We’ll be all right on our own,” I say. “It’s not as if I don’t have money. And I have a supportive family, and friends who can help me. If I have to do this on my own, I can.”
“No,” Alex says. “Erica, no.”
“I don’t want you to stick with me because you feel like you have to.” My voice falters. Suddenly, I’m feeling tearful. “You don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t have to. Erica—”
“When you left LA,” I say, cutting him off, “you said we shouldn’t try to be together.”
I hate that I keep bringing this up. He hasn’t latched onto it yet, and God, I just want to let it go, but it stays there in my mind, like a splinter I can’t stop picking at.
“I’m sorry,” I say, the first few tears spilling over at last. “I know it sounds like I’m angry with you for that, or…I don’t know. Maybe it just sounds bitter. I don’t have bad feelings toward you, I promise. It’s just that I don’t understand how all that could have changed. I don’t understand what’s different now.”
He shakes his head. “Nothing’s different now.”
My heart drops.
His hands grip my shoulders. “Understand me, Erica, please. I never wanted to leave you. I’ve thought of you every day since we’ve been apart. The night we spent together was the most amazing night of my life. I’ve never experienced anything like it. I don’t just mean the sex was great—although—”
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