Human

by T S Alexander

  “And you chose to become human in spirit as well as in body.”

  “I chose to survive and fight back. And if in doing this I had to accept the human side of my soul, so be it. I’m not ashamed, Reith, as it was this or accepting defeat and we never accepted defeat, not once in thousands of lifetimes.”

  “This is not the same as taking an alien avatar, sister of mine. For good or for bad, your spirit has changed, and this is not a change you can ever undo.”

  “Don’t you think I know it? Don’t you think I asked myself what would become of me? Have faith, dear sister and trust that whatever part of Liz Hamilton’s spirit lives with me would never let me down, that in time I’ll become more than the sum of my two selves, not less.”

  “What do you know about this species, Ashar? I never doubted your decision to bring them under our shield. They seem to be decent people, an explorer race not a race of warriors. And of course, them joining the Dominion can be such a great opportunity for our House’s fortunes. But now we aren’t talking about political matters anymore, for you shared with this race the very essence of your soul. Can you trust your human side with your eka? Can you trust your human self to stay in control, for we all know what happened when those who had no restrains gained access to limitless power?”

  She was referring to the samun.

  I knew Reith’s fear well, as I shared it not long ago on Aldeea. I remember Christine and Peter trying to describe the concept of religion, the concept of a supreme entity who’s the creator of everything there is, and making it sound suspiciously like eka. ‘A force behind everything that exists’, they said. I remember my excitement and fear of possibly meeting another race who understands the universal power that binds us all. The only ones ever coming close were the samun, and the price was the death of our world followed by ten thousand cycles of war.

  Having full access to Liz’s memories, I better understand the humans now, the myths surrounding the birth of their civilisation, the myths continuing to influence their day to day lives. In all their race’s brief history I see no evidence of them tampering with the powers of the universe, no evidence of eka madness. Oh, they had their share of monsters, of power mad despots and warlords willing to sacrifice millions of lives for their own aggrandisement, but all of them had been of the mundane variety, and none could have posed a threat to my race, not even remotely.

  “Humans are nothing like the samun, Reith. My human side has nothing to do with eka and never will. I’m forever Ashar, your sister, and you can see it in our bond, you can feel it in my eka flow. Whenever I’ll eventually go mad, for we both know it will happen someday, I’ll do it as the Sen’Dorien queen overtaxing herself once too many times, not as an unbalanced alien being unable to cope with the power in her own Core.”

  I look into my sister’s eyes and find them as full of love as always, and I know with utmost certainty that I still hold her confidence, that she sees me for what I am, a woman of two worlds, but fundamentally the same person, the comrade and friend she can forever trust.

  CHAPTER 29 (PETER)

  I woke up to see the face of an angel.

  I remembered the fight at the warehouse in crystal-clear details, the murder of the guard, the horror of Lazurien’s death, the terrifying vision of the Scourge rushing across the catwalk at an impossible speed. I remembered losing my hand, I remembered the pain…

  I was in a large sunny place, no doubt back to Tao Bellona, back to the Dorien estate. A vision of beauty was staring at me, a face I’ve seen on and off for the last fourteen years, and never imagined it can be anything else than fantasy. It was fantasy brought to life, for it was Liz’s figment of imagination carried with her even beyond death.

  “Oh Peter, how could you do this? What possessed you to go… to play James Bond, or maybe Ethan Hunt. Oh, gods, my entire world is upside down!”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. I forgot about my arm and tried to raise, only to unbalance and awkwardly turn sidewise.

  “Liz? How can it be possible? How did you survive and what happened to Ellandra?”

  The woman I’d known as Elizabeth caught my hand in between hers, laughing softly while teardrops were running down her cheeks.

  “I’m still Ellandra, or better said Ashar. But I’m also Liz, don’t ask me how, that part of Liz which survived the shuttle blast. I tried to ignore this human side. I tried to hide it, afraid that it will drive me mad. I was wrong to reject her, for she’s part of me now. Her history, her memories, her feelings too …”

  For the first time since we met, I saw Elizabeth blushing. The Haillar didn’t blush, or maybe they did, and I’d never seen one embarrassed enough to do it. She wasn’t accustomed to having her feelings on display and clearly uncomfortable about it. I tried to think of a diversion, but she beat me to it. And the Chaos Queen diversions were nothing if not deadly serious.

  “Oh, there is an unintended consequence, though. I remember the journey to Aldeea and all the astronomic briefings. Not the jump coordinates of course, but the overall distance and enough details to work back Earth’s location.”

  “Would you do it, Liz? Knowing all that you know, would you go back to Earth, bringing the Haillar with you.”

  “Oh, believe me, Peter. Knowing all that I know as both Ashar and Liz, I would do it without any hesitation.”

  ✽✽✽

  “Hold on! Keep your arm still and please don’t move until we let you know the matrix is complete.”

  The matrix was my hand.

  Elizabeth didn’t waste any time and late afternoon two adepts, a male and a female, introduced themselves as the prosthetic reconstruction team. They didn’t call it like this of course, but this was the gist of their tasks, which apparently required a combination of Matter and Life talents.

  We were in the middle of the physical part of the procedure and the female, a Sen’Diessa, was focussed on recreating my hand. With not much to do, the male felt the need to reassure me.

  “You’ll have full use of your hand, don’t worry. It’s a relatively simple process, and your species is not that different compared to us. A functional desfan tertiary wing may be a challenge, though even that is doable. By comparison, reconstructing your arm is pretty straightforward.”

  I’d been reluctant to talk, thinking it would affect the female’s concentration, but since her colleague had no such qualms, I felt free to ask:

  “Are you actually re-growing my arm?”

  “No, not quite. That would have been a Life wield, but a rather complex one I’m not confident enough to try on an unknown species. Fortunately, there is an easier alternative. My friend, Devora Sen Diessa, is materialising a construct, a perfect genetic copy of your arm seamlessly attached to your body, yet not yet functional. When done, it will be my task to bring it to life, to trigger its awakening.”

  “Can you do this? Can you breathe life into inanimate matter?”

  “No, and not even the Life Queen can do it. What I can do is awaken your nerves, connect your physically perfect artificial arm with the rest of the body. You are the source of life in your new hand, not me.”

  I feel somehow assured by the Life adept’s explanation, for the alternative was too terrifying to consider. The Haillar were powerful and scary enough as they were, the ability to create life with a thought would have brought them too close to God for my comfort.

  ✽✽✽

  Rebuilding my arm took nearly two hours. It was a painstakingly detailed process and according to the Life adept more difficult than reshaping a mountain, for example. Every nerve had to be perfectly connected, every blood vessel perfectly aligned, every muscle fibre perfectly sewn. The final part, the actual awakening, was anticlimactic by contrast, but painful.

  A dead limb coming back to life hurts like thousands of red-hot pins piercing your arm for a never-ending moment, that apparently only lasts a couple of seconds. In an unsuccessful attempt to make me feel better, the unnamed Life adept informed me that a ne
wly awakened queen would experience a similar torture but feel it in her entire body. If anything, imagining Elizabeth … imagining Liz going through this ordeal made me sick.

  Heedless to my sudden empathy, the object of these compassionate thoughts chose that very moment to join us.

  “I hope it’s all well,” said the queen with no trace of worry in her voice, meaning the medical procedure must have been as risk-free as advertised.

  I flexed my hand and tried a few moves, not feeling any discomfort or restraint.

  “It should be done, but we still need to run a series of tests,” responded the Life practitioner.

  For the next ten minutes, I was given a variety of tasks, from writing a page to test my fine motor skills to lifting various weights to test my strength. I did quite well in the last compartment, though my reaction speed was initially a matter of concern. Elizabeth volunteered to act as a control subject for this test, and in the end, I passed, with some unflattering comments concerning the human race’s inherent agility and response times.

  “How was your afternoon,” I asked Elizabeth.

  “Inspiring and sad. On behalf of the missing Sen’Diessa queens, Verdid held a ceremony honouring the victims of the attack on Merdun. Lazurien’s memory was lavishly praised, the others’ contribution was mentioned in passing as understandably the Spymistress was not too keen to advertise her network. For all the pride and heart Randig took in his daughter’s eulogy, he was clearly devastated, for nothing can soften the blow of losing a child.”

  Yet another remembrance service! The fateful day of the Scourge siege has started a succession of deaths and funerals with no end in sight. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m glad I missed Lazurien’s ceremony. I couldn’t have looked in Randig’s eyes and tried to comfort him for the loss of his daughter. Whatever her role in the Sen’Aesir network, we were the adults that day, so we should have protected her, not the other way around. I couldn’t tell her father I tried to stop her, but I failed. It would diminish her death, for without her none of us would have been alive today, alongside millions on Tao Bellona and Merdun.

  “We should go see the others,” said Elizabeth and I knew that by the others she referred to the rest of the humans. Subconsciously she had become part of our group, even more so today, since Liz memories were back with vengeance. I wondered how the queen would be able to reconcile her multiple personalities, and now I fully understand her fear of madness.

  Me worrying for the Chaos Queen might look like the ultimate vanity, yet for me, she’s not the eternal Haillar ruler but my lifelong friend. So yes, it’s my right to be concerned, it’s my right to feel sympathy, it’s my … dream … to love her.

  ***

  Back to the lounge next to the human apartments, our arrival was received with joy and excitement.

  “Pete, give me five, my friend!” asked Hank. “I want to see the miracle, you being as good as new, with a new hand grown overnight.”

  “We’ve been worried sick Peter,” chimed in Christine in a more sedate tone. “Elizabeth told us you’re stable, that you are in good hands, but this couldn’t stop us being concerned, forgive me, my Queen!”

  “Peter Jeffries, as strong and hale as a horse, not in the least due to my timely intervention,” boomed Charles, more like his old self.

  Fiorelli didn’t say anything, he just grabbed my new hand and hugged me in an uncharacteristic show of affection.

  “What now?”, asked Mertens after most of the excitement had passed. “Are we ready to return to Aldeea and argue our case with Captain Holt? If anything, your latest adventure is one more proof these creatures will never stop being a bunch of murderous bastards, not even when they profess otherwise.”

  “Eer! You see, we had yet another development…”

  My slightly awkward response was received with worried looks. A new development always meant another piece of bad news.

  “I’ve full access to Liz Hamilton’s memories,” stated the Chaos Queen without preamble. “It happened on Merdun, and I had no idea something like that was ever possible. While Liz was no astrophysicist, I know you travelled 1,402 light-years core-ward to reach Aldeea, which is enough to narrow down Earth’s candidates to a handful. Yes, I know the location of your world, but still don’t intend to go there against your express wishes.”

  Wow! Compared to Ellandra, the new Elizabeth can be brutally straightforward. Almost Liz-like straightforward.

  “So, in a certain respect nothing had changed,” she continued turning in my direction. “We still need Captain’s Holt’s go-ahead, the only difference is that a major clash with the Scourge is expected rather soon, and given the envoys’ obsession with Earth, it may somehow involve humanity.”

  “How long do you think we have? ‘Soon’ can mean centuries from your people’s perspective.”

  “Oh, one way or another we’ll have our showdown with the Scourge this cycle, no doubt about it. The enemy had issued us a challenge, due in one hundred days. Well, ninety-nine days now. They made it a game, of course, promising to meet us under the Shemesh sun, though I’m not aware of any system with that name within the Dominion borders or outside of them.”

  “Oh, Shit!” said Charles, who lately seemed to become less academic by the day. “This is bad news, really, really bad.”

  “Why? We knew there might be a showdown and furthermore, we were welcoming it. What better way to cut the head of the snake than and all or nothing battle?”

  OK, that was pretty arrogant thinking, but yet it didn’t warrant Charles’ near state of panic.

  “It’s bad because Shemesh, or Shapash, or Shapsh, is the ancient Canaanite goddess of Sun. Not to be confused with the Akkadian sun god, Shamash, an altogether different deity. So, my dear queen, what you believe to be nonsense is actually a clear reference, understandable to any human with a modicum of classical education. ‘Meeting you under the Shemesh sun’ simply means meeting you in battle above Earth, somewhere in the Sol system.”

  While the rest of us were left speechless, Christine found the power to challenge the biologist.

  “Sorry Charles, but this is pure speculation. I studied social systems and barely remember the name of the Phoenician sun goddess, not to mention a rarely used variation of it. Why would the Scourge make such an obscure mythological reference, rather than simply say ‘Earth’? They had done this before, using humanity as a bait.”

  “Think, dear Watson! Think!”, responded the biologist, by now completely worked up. “Why would the Scourge use specifically the term Shemesh, a word most people do not associate with our sun, a word no Haillar had the right to know. Why indeed?”

  We were all looking at Charles as is he had lost his marbles. What the stress hadn’t done, physical danger apparently did. Charles Swanson was raving mad!

  “Elementary dear Watson! By using the term Shemesh,” continued Charles, “the Scourge let us know in no uncertain terms that they’d come across Earth before, or at the very least they’d come across other human explorers, some of them erudite enough to know their history. They let us know without any doubt whatsoever that they have already found a path to Earth and that they most likely are waiting for us there.”

  This can’t possibly be true! Charles can’t be right. The very idea of the Scourge waiting in ambush for Charles Swanson to return to Earth was ridiculous.

  “Charles, this can’t be true.” I had to fight to avoid using the word ‘rubbish’. “The very reason for dropping a reference is for it to be understandable by the other guy. The Scourge couldn’t have possibly known that you’ll be familiar with the Phoenician pantheon.”

  “If they are as devious as the Haillar think they are, and from what I’ve seen I’ve no doubt about it, they would initially drop an obscure reference on purpose. How did you plan to respond to the Scourge challenge, Elizabeth?”

  As a rule, Charles was unfailingly polite with people in power. After the initial blunder, he had always addressed the Chaos Qu
een with the uttermost respect and losing his composure and calling her on the avatar name said volumes about his state of mind.

  The queen didn’t mind though and responded without hesitation:

  “By mobilising the fleets in a centrally placed Wall location and waiting to see where the Scourge attack will come.”

  “And what would you do if, say ten days before the expected attack, your Earth expedition incidentally learns that Sol is Shemesh?”

  “Rush forward.”

  There was no hesitation, no second thoughts. At that moment, I learned one more truth about the queens, something the Scourge probably knew and counted on. When faced with a threat to them and theirs, they’ll instinctively lash, like a swarm of bees defending their hive. They didn’t seem to have a choice in the matter, not more than bees did. Millennia of history had conditioned their response the way racial memory had programmed the insect swarm’s behaviour.

  “Right into the enemy trap,” concluded Charles triumphantly.

  It was still a hypothesis, but a plausible one, one that we didn’t have the luxury to ignore.

  “If this is true, it changes everything,” said Elizabeth. “We can’t afford to go to Earth with a frigate, not even a carrier. We need to bring in a fleet. My friends, I’m afraid your trip to Aldeea is delayed again, for this time I intend to join, with as many Haillar vessels I can muster.”

  CHAPTER 30 (ELIZABETH)

  Ten Haillar queens stand in a circle in the Conclave’s chamber, sober and still like ten marble statues.

  For the first time in Dominion’s history, a Dichotomy is entirely absent. Both Diessa avatars were killed in the final showdown on Merdun, and they are yet to be reborn at the hearth of their house. Months more will pass until they will ascend to become Queens again, most likely after the battle of Earth.