Dreams of the Fae: Transcendence

by Anna Patrick Paige

  Ambrosia would expect me back at the palace by now. Perhaps she had realized returning was never my intention. Luken’s homecoming would have brought devastating news about my engagement to Prince Marcus—its irrevocability.

  My days at the Hovel were numbered. I would travel to Burge with the brothers and stay behind. Follow the road to another town. Find another life. With my skills in archery, I could defend myself. I longed to show Luken my ability with a bow. I imagined he would exude a mix of horror and pride.

  Deep within me, a suppressed desire to remain at the Hovel grew stronger. I’d grown attached to the valley’s unparalleled beauty, and despite their flaws, I adored my companions—even Darric, who seemed less agitated by my presence these days.

  A single set of footsteps entered the cavern, and I smashed my face deeper into the huddle of my arms. Something heavy thudded to the ground: the first of the bear parts to be delivered to the Hovel.

  I waited patiently for the footsteps to leave, but a somber, brooding demeanor lingered in front of my log. Flint must have volunteered to check on me. I felt more comforted by his presence than ever before, safe somehow.

  He crouched down and smoothed a loose strand of hair into my braid, his calloused fingers grazing my neck. Flint doesn’t have calloused hands. The smell of crushed petals and grass permeated my nose. I didn’t want him to see me crying. I curled farther into myself, and the flute was plucked from my grasp. Please, no more flowers.

  “Go away, Flint,” I sniffled.

  He scoffed and gave a small chuckle. “Look at me,” Darric said, sounding mildly insulted.

  My eyes shot open. I sprung up to find steel blue staring back at me. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting you.” I quickly smeared tears from my cheeks.

  “Clearly.” He balanced the flute at the far end of the log. For the first time, the cat had not hissed at him when he approached me. That was unsettling.

  I stared at him, dumbfounded. The increased heart rate and frozen lungs his presence always elicited had not clogged my brain when I thought he was Flint. I felt consoled and relaxed, loving his heady floral scent.

  “Listen, about today,” he began, “I want you to know, you didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing that happened was your fault.”

  “I didn’t envision it being so violent,” I confessed.

  He nodded wearily. “Normally it’s a much cleaner kill, but I can’t imagine it was any worse than a bandit attack. So why the tears?”

  “It’s you and Flint. You didn’t have to hurt him the way you did. I’m beginning to wonder how you’ve lived together for so long and not killed each other.”

  His pleasant mouth formed a coy smile. “We’ve come close. Bromly is a proficient mediator. But you’re right. I shouldn’t have gone after my brother like that. Taking down a bear with a sword is never supposed to happen. We could have died. I lost my temper, and I’ve apologized to him. However, Flint does tend to hold a grudge, especially towards me.”

  Another chorus of howls came from the forest as the old male continued vocalizing. “You say it’s not my fault, yet none of this would have happened if it hadn’t been for me.” My eyes welled up. I groaned, frustrated with myself, and rubbed my palms into my face.

  “Aya.” He leaned forwards and cupped the back of my head. “Stop blaming yourself. I did not have to lower my bow and allow you the kill shot.” He glanced out of the cavern, searching the horizon, then turned back to me. “You have a centered strength about you, the kind that can’t be broken. It’s extremely rare to find someone so willing to expose themselves to vulnerability. Bravery doesn’t always manifest in the form of wielding a weapon, and often the internal form is stronger. Don’t hide it or be ashamed of it. Your ability to not fear your emotions, to wear them openly, is one of your greatest assets. Very few people are capable of that sort of transcendence.”

  Darric’s touch was distracting, secure and warm. Unconsciously, I turned my head so his hand encompassed my cheek and his thumb traced my bottom lip. “There are a tremendous number of people who would disagree with you,” I managed to say.

  “Then it’s convenient I don’t care if I’m being disagreeable.” His eyes blazed into me, and his fingertips thumped with the heavy beats of his heart as they grazed the healed cut on my neck he had inflicted with his sword. Not a person alive had ever praised the things about me that I feared, not even Luken. My emotions were shunned as a Divine Princess. Too headstrong. Too free-spirited.

  “I have to go back and help Bromly and Flint,” he said, standing, but seemed to be telling himself more than me.

  Before leaving, he slid a blade from his bracer and knelt by a humongous portion of raw bear with the back leg still attached. He cut a bite-sized morsel and held it in his open palm. The cat meowed and jumped from her perch to pluck the delicacy from his hand, then allowed him to scratch between her ears. My jaw fell open. You traitor, he hates you!

  “Beautiful pelt or not, I can’t skin an animal who helped me win a fight against a bear.” He wiped his hands on his leather pants and slid the knife back into his bracer.

  Darric acted different when alone with me. The tension in his shoulders lessened, and an ease came over him. He hadn’t threatened to kill me in weeks, and unlike Flint, who had fled from the bear in a manner that suggested he didn’t care who died as long as it wasn’t himself, Darric had never left my side.

  “Darric”—I shifted onto the log—“when did you realize I was a Fae? Is it an automatic thing for people like you? You said you knew it when you saw me and couldn’t let me die alone. So was it when you were breaking me out of the prison cell, or when you handed me the water and told me where to find the road?”

  “Neither.” He shifted uncomfortably at the question. “It was on top of the mountains, when we stopped by the willow tree.”

  I wrinkled my nose, confused by his answer. “But I thought . . .” By the time we had climbed into the Daraban mountains, I’d been following him for hours. He had prevented a hazardous fall and allowed me to stay at his heels. It didn’t make sense.

  “He brought ya here, remember? He changed all the rules we live by an’ tried to pass it off as ya trailin’ after him like an abandoned dog. You’ve seen him fight. If Darric didn’t want someone followin’ him, they wouldn’t’ve survived long enough to take one step in his direction. He knew exactly what he was doin’ the second ya started trailin’ him. He wanted ya to follow him. He wanted ya here, an’ I’ve been wreckin’ my brain tryin’ to figure out why.”

  “You thought I let you follow me because you’re a Fae.” He crossed his arms over his chest, reading me before I could fully respond.

  I nodded. “Nothing you do makes sense. You are a walking contradiction.”

  He groaned, running his hand down his face. “Damn this stupid promise, Flint,” he grumbled to himself and left the cavern.

  “Darric?” I called after him, but he didn’t turn around, and he didn’t look back.

  As the afternoon wore on, the brothers came and went individually with different pieces of the bear. They divided her body into sections and cut the pelt into separate furs. The massive parts seemed incredibly heavy, but as I’d learned over the last month, none of the Hovel brothers were fragile.

  Bromly dropped a section next to the drying racks. The entire front of his tan tunic was sopping with blood, globs of fat, and caramel-colored fur tufts. “I was wondering”—he took a knife from his belt and cut away a large chunk—“if you could start a stew? Normally we don’t eat on the days we have a bear kill. This animal must be processed on the first day or it spoils, so I can’t break to cook. But with you here—”

  “Yes!” I stood enthusiastically, tripped on my dress, and almost fell into the fire.

  He laughed, handing me a huge fillet of bear. “Spectacular. I’ll leave you to handle it then. Flint is getting hungry.”

  I found Bromly’s cauldron under the workbench. Unsure what to do with the giant slab of maroon
meat, I temporarily stored the slippery chunk inside the pot so I could drag the iron cooking vessel to the outside fire.

  Once it was over the coals, I filled the cauldron with water and hacked the fillet into a series of deformed bite-sized bits. Adding potatoes and carrots seemed like an innovative idea, so I plopped a few into the pot.

  I kept busy, watching heat bubbles rise and burst across the cauldron rim, wondering where Bromly hid all his spoons. Eventually I found them tucked safely inside a basket hanging over the workbench

  Flint arrived carrying a rolled pelt tied together with rope. The bears lovely head bounced over the top of his shoulder. He dropped the heap of fur on the cavern floor with a splat and disappeared again.

  As early evening descended over the mountains, the three appeared walking side by side through the valley. Bromly and Darric each carried the last portions of bear slung over their backs, and Flint trotted beside them with a bounce in his step, leftover rope hanging on his shoulder while he clutched the axe in one hand and the shovel in the other. They were laughing. Flint gave a joyful howl and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye with his wrist. The day’s quarrel seemed momentarily mended, either by my absence or Bromly’s mediation.

  My heart shriveled and fell into my stomach. Of course, I wanted the altercation between them to be over, but not once had I seen them so content with each other. I was always with them, a constant reminder of a broken rule. This camaraderie coming towards me was a glimpse into the life they had shared before I arrived and caused a rift.

  As they drew closer, I could make out the gaiety of witty banter, vague inside jokes containing lewd comments and profanity. I tried to block them out. No matter how much I wanted to fit into their lives—learning to cook or using a bow—I would never be part of what they had as a family. They were raised together. They shared a history. But if I didn’t belong here with them, then I didn’t belong anywhere.

  The thought broke my heart. It was odd to feel so forgotten.

  The three quieted before coming into the cavern, but their smiles couldn’t be extinguished so easily. Bromly continued to sporadically chortle as they delivered the remaining traces of bear to the pile.

  “I’m so hungry I could eat the entire kill.” Flint ran to my side and inhaled a lungful of steam. “Smells great!” He grabbed my waist, picked me off the ground, and spun us around, exhibiting a genuine, gleeful smile.

  “You might want to try it before getting too excited,” I warned.

  He set me down when Bromly called his name. They began opening the pelts and hanging them on the drying racks.

  I patiently stirred my simple soup until they joined me by the fire. I fetched bowls and ladled four servings, surprised when Darric accepted one, since I never saw him eat. Darric took a single bite, gave a guarded smirk, and placed the uneaten bowl on the log beside him.

  My cooking tasted bland compared to Bromly’s, but that didn’t stop Flint from holding his bowl to his mouth and ravenously gulping. He wiped his lips on his sleeve and belched. “I knew it would be amazing!” he enthused, helping himself to a second bowl.

  Darric watched Flint with a disgusted scowl and left the fireside. He stood at the opening of the cavern, listening to the bellows that permeated the valley like a thick fog.

  “Are you going tonight or tomorrow?” Bromly asked without turning away from his dinner.

  “Tomorrow,” he replied. “Two bears in one day is too large a burden. If I make the kill tonight, he’ll rot before we can process him. It’ll be a waste.”

  “So he’s going to suffer for the night?” I blurted, crushed with grief. No one answered.

  The stew cauldron was nearing empty when Bromly patted his round belly and declared they best get back to work. Flint moved the cauldron off the fire and replaced it with a wooden tripod and applewood logs. When smoke began to billow towards the ceiling in large clouds, he stripped meat from bone and laced it over the tripod. Bromly took a paring knife and tediously scraped fat and grizzle from the pelts. Darric left us for the evening.

  Night encased the valley. The full moon rose into the sky, and midnight came before Bromly and Flint finished scraping the hides. Witnessing the amount of time involved in tanning made me understand the concern with being overwhelmed during bear season.

  “I’m calling it a night.” Bromly dropped his knife in a bucket of water and washed his hands. “My fingers are cramping.”

  “I can’t feel mine,” Flint added, massaging his knuckles and releasing an overstretched yawn. He held out his hand to help me up, but his arms were covered in greasy bits of fat and sinew.

  I raised an eyebrow. “I’ll go to bed so the two of you can wash.”

  “Goodnight, Aya.” Bromly laughed as Flint examined his tunic and trousers.

  The inside fire had gone out, making the Hovel eerily dark and quiet. Only a faint glow of orange embers burned under the ash, and a thin string of smoke rose to the ceiling. I retrieved a log from the corner to relight the flames.

  “How’s your neck?” Without the crackle of the fire, Bromly’s muffled voice just outside could easily be heard. I froze. It isn’t polite to eavesdrop.

  “Sore,” Flint grumbled. “Aya stopped him. He wouldn’t’ve let go till I passed out.”

  “You had it coming—” Bromly’s reply was drowned by splashing water.

  “Yeah, maybe,” Flint agreed, then scoffed. “I’m givin’ it all I got an’ he’s walkin’ backwards an’ laughin’ at me.”

  Again, their conversation became unintelligible. I gently released the fire log and tiptoed to the fur door, putting my head against the pelt.

  “He’s not helpin’ either,” Flint said acidly.

  “Did you expect him to?” Bromly asked.

  “I expected him to keep his distance.”

  “If Darric keeps any more distance, he’ll move out of the Hovel.”

  I wrung the fabric of my dress in my hands.

  “You’re always tryin’ not to get involved,” Flint accused. “I’ve never seen him look at anyone like he does her. I know you’ve noticed it. All of this is a cover-up or a lie, an’ it’s gonna sting me in the ass. I jus’ know it.”

  “Aya is pretty and Darric is human. He gave you his word,” Bromly defended.

  “Darric’s word is ’bout as useless as Aya’s cookin’.”

  Cringing, I covered my mouth.

  “Aya doesn’t know how to cook,” Bromly reminded his brother. “She does try, and that’s all we can ask. It’s her effort that counts.”

  “She don’t know how to do much of anythin’ ’cept humiliate me with her archery skills,” said Flint.

  I’d heard enough. Serves you right for eavesdropping. I left the fire unattended and hid inside Darric’s room with the cat.

  Bromly and Flint eventually came into the Hovel and settled in their rooms.

  Sitting on the edge of Darric’s bed, I buried my face in my hands as the continuing bear howls vibrated the walls. What an appalling day. No matter how much I tried to be of use, I continued to drastically fail. I knew the meal was far from delicious, but Flint didn’t need to lie about it. It left me wondering what else he fibbed about. Darric perhaps?

  Tomorrow, they would put an end to the male’s suffering. Bromly would have to dress another kill. I’d ruined the hunt. I’d almost cost Darric his life. I truly didn’t know how to do much of anything. Useless.

  The short-faced bear’s cries penetrated me to the core, a constant reminder of everything I had done wrong. I couldn’t stand it. I wouldn’t stand it.

  If I had stayed at the palace, I would have been alive but living in a state of death. If I died in the mountains, at least I would have lived. Time to make more reckless decisions. Damn my Divine existence. What was the purpose of being Divine if not to help Athera? We were not meant to be locked in a palace, given riches, and worshipped. We were created to serve the life around us. That was the true purpose of the Divine, and I was going to s
houlder that responsibility, even if none of the other royals ever did.

  I threw my cloak around my shoulders and yanked the fur off Darric’s bed. Using Luken’s dagger, I sliced through the cotton sheets and ripped away a long strip of the fabric. I’ll apologize for destroying his bedding later, if he ever noticed. Once I’d wrapped the cotton into a bundle, I searched the workbench for any vessel to carry water. Buried in the flatware was a leather pouch like the one Darric had given me outside the bandit cave. I filled it from the bucket and set out into the cavern.

  Smoke clouded the exit, billowing up over the drying pieces of bear meat. The valley glowed a brilliant shade of blue as the full moon lit the landscape, and the night’s chilling breeze swept through the trees, moving the branches in blurry black masses. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

  “Darric said I am transcendent.”

  The cat brushed my leg and gave a hushed meow.

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  The cavern disappeared into the distance, becoming a black hollow within the trees. The fading firelight served as the only hint of its location. If it went out, I would never find it again.

  If I came back alive at all.

  The cat followed my heels as we reached the forest at the far end of the valley. The echoes of agonized cries amplified, and my head spun. It sounded like a dozen bears singing around me. I shut my eyes, trying to pinpoint the origin.

  “Strolling through the woods after dark, Fae Princess?”

  A tingling jolt zipped through my legs, and I dropped my wrapped strip of cotton. I knew that voice. I turned to find the white stallion peering through the trees. He tossed his long mane away from his eyes, and the alabaster strands glistened under the blue rays of moonlight piercing the forest canopy.

  “Or perhaps you seek the boy? He is some ways from here, and you are heading in the wrong direction.” His voice was deep and old, slow and full of memory, containing a beauty that mirrored his regal appearance.