by T. O. Smith
My breath hitched in my throat at his fierce words. He cared; he really fucking gave a damn. “He tried to protect me, Sam,” I told him. “I promise that he did.” I didn’t want Ink getting in trouble for the shit that happened to me.
Sam shook his head, his jaw clenched. “He didn’t fucking try hard enough, Reina. Almost losing you made me realize a fucking lot. I don’t ever want to lose you, and I’m fucking done playing games – beating around the bush with this shit – trying to ignore it. I hope you’re ready to stick around because I want you. I’m claiming you as mine.”
My heart rate picked up speed again, doing double time in my chest. Sam gently gripped my chin between his thumb and index and slanted his lips across mine, kissing me like I’d wanted him to do from the very moment I laid my eyes on him.
I was lost in him – a complete fucking goner.
TWENTY-SEVEN
ADELAIDE
I held Axel on my hip as I walked into Tristan’s room near the back of the clubhouse. He was having another one of those days I remembered his sister having all too well.
The days where he could barely find the energy to get out of bed.
It had been almost four months since Tristan had informed River and I of his condition. I was getting hopeful. He didn’t seem that sick even though he was in stage five of his cancer. River had him religiously going to cancer treatments. Hell, even River and Joey had managed to talk Tristan into handing over his cut and giving Jesup the reins on what was left of the Sons of Death.
But I was hoping with every fiber of my being that he could beat this.
Tristan slowly opened his eyes as I opened the door to his room. He gave me a small smile, holding his hand out to me. I quickly moved towards him, placing my hand in his. My belly was swollen. I was honestly due any day now. My due date was only a couple of days away, but my doctor had a feeling that I was going to go past it. Jaxon wasn’t settled correctly yet.
Being stubborn just like his damn father.
“You should eat something,” I told him, watching as he only shut his eyes again.
“I’m not hungry, Addy.” He told me gruffly. “I just want to sleep.”
I sighed, taking a seat on the bed beside him as I held Axel on my knee. Without opening his eyes, Tristan settled his hand on my belly. Jaxon nudged his hand. “Tristan, not eating isn’t going to help you keep any energy.” I reminded him. The cancer treatments really fucking drained him.
He groaned. “It’s only feeding the fucking cancer, Addy.” He told me, his tone harsh. I sighed, staying silent. “It’s killing me anyway.” He grumbled after a moment.
I frowned. “Don’t talk like that.” I scolded him. He slowly opened his eyes. “You can’t leave me, Tristan,” I told him, my voice breaking.
“I’m sorry, Addy baby.” He whispered.
A tear slid down my cheek. He reached up and brushed it away. “I wish I had done shit differently, even if you still ended up with River. Joey got it, but I never did – never wanted to. Now, your memory of me will always be tainted with the pain that I caused you.”
“No.” I choked out. “You got me out of that trap house when we were teenagers, Tristan.” I reminded him, more tears sliding down my cheeks. “There were plenty of happy moments between us. This shit between us, it’ll never taint those memories.”
The door opened again, and River’s large frame filled the doorway. He shook his head at me and stepped into the room. Leaning down, he brushed my tears off of my cheeks. “Don’t cry, Darlin’.” He soothed.
I sniffled. He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips with mine. “Easy.” He crooned. I nodded my head at him. He stood up and looked at Tristan. “Come on, Grim. Up off the bed. Reina hasn’t been barking orders at the women about breakfast for half the morning for no damn reason.” River told him as I stood up from the bed.
River pressed a kiss to my temple. “Go eat.” He told me before he looked down at Tristan. “Come on, Tristan. Get the hell up.” River ordered.
Tristan huffed and sat up, coughing as he did so. It was a bad cough, too. His whole body shook with it, his face screwed up in pain. I stopped on my way to the door, worry clenching my chest.
River nodded his head towards the door. “Darlin’, go.” He coaxed. “I’ve got him.”
With a sigh and a clenched jaw, I left the room, worry settled deep in my bones for Tristan.
I hadn’t heard him cough like that before, and now I was worried that he had been leading me to believe he was still mostly okay.
Because a cough that bad? That meant the cancer was worsening.
All of my hope rushed down the drain.
■ ■ ■
RIVER
I watched as Tristan snatched the trash can from beside his bed, spitting out blood into it as soon as Adelaide stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind her. “How much longer do you have?” I asked him as he set the trash can back down and ran his hands down his face.
Tristan shrugged. “Doctor is giving me a month, two if I’m really lucky,” Tristan informed me. “Lung cancer of all fucking things. I don’t even fucking smoke.” He released a bitter laugh. “What a fucking way to go out,” Tristan grumbled as he shook his head.
“How do you plan on telling her?” I asked him, referring to Adelaide.
Tristan sighed. “I don’t fucking want to, River. She doesn’t need to worry about how much longer she has with me while she’s pregnant and trying to take care of Axel. Fuck, man, she can have Jaxon any damn day now.” Tristan looked over at me with tired eyes, and I realized right then how much he had been hiding from all of us. He looked fucking exhausted – like living right now was just too much for him to do anymore. “I know you tell her just about everything, River, but I don’t want her to know this. Don’t breathe a fucking word in her direction.”
I blew out a harsh breath, knowing that what he was requesting was going against everything I believed in. I never kept shit from Adelaide. I told her everything. She and I had one hundred percent honesty with each other.
“River, I mean it. It’s my one fucking death wish.” Tristan told me. “I just want her to relax as much as she can. Can I please just let her have that after all of the shit that I’ve done to her?” He asked me.
Since Tristan finally saw what the fuck his selfishness did to her, he’d been different – gentler with her. He was careful about trying his best to stay calm, though they both always had a way of pressing the other’s buttons.
Honestly, Joey punched Tristan in the face one day when Tristan and Adelaide were arguing about her needing to eat. When Tristan had angrily told her that she was a selfish mother, Joey had snapped and knocked Tristan unconscious. I hadn’t been close enough to do it myself. But I did get my ass over there to hold her as she cried.
Adelaide ate when she was hungry, and Joey and I both knew that.
Tristan was just being a normal, overbearing asshole.
But despite him being an asshole, I would give him his one, dying wish.
I ran my hands down my face and nodded. “Alright, Grim,” I grumbled. “I won’t tell her.”
He nodded in thanks and pushed himself up off of the bed with a groan, his arms shaking. He was getting weaker with each day that passed. It wouldn’t be long before Joey and I stood next to Adelaide as she set up funeral arrangements for him.
“Let’s go before she gets suspicious,” Tristan grumbled as he walked towards the door, forcing his body to stand like he always had, no sign of how sick he actually was showing through his mask. And when he turned to look at me, his eyes gave nothing away except the confidence and dominating attitude he’d always had.
Finally, he was doing something for her.
I stood up from the bed and followed him out into the bar room.
■ ■ ■
ADELAIDE
River wrapped an arm around my waist as soon as he stepped up behind the bar and pulled me into him, pressing his lips to mine. I gr
ipped his cut in my fists, tugging him up harder against me – well, as far as I could with my large belly between us. He pulled back gently and pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose, a smirk on his lips.
“Always so fucking needy.” He whispered, his eyes gleaming with mischief.
I heard a bang from the kitchen, and something fall to the floor. “Fuck! River!” Reina screamed from inside of the kitchen.
We both rushed in, and my heart stopped at the sight of Tristan passed out on the floor. “Tristan!” I screamed, rushing forward. I fell to my knees beside him, shaking his shoulders. Panic clawed at my throat, fear filling my veins. “Fucking wake up, Tristan!” I screamed.
This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t lose him. God, no, not today. Please let him live long enough to meet Jaxon. Please.
“Tristan, don’t leave me!” I screamed, tears pouring down my cheeks.
I heard Sam talking to a 9-1-1 operator. River pressed his fingers to Tristan’s pulse, nodding something to Sam. I gripped Tristan’s pale face in my hands, tears blurring my vision, making it so hard to see him. I sobbed. “Tristan, please.” I wailed, something in my gut telling me that this was bad. Really fucking bad.
My gut was telling me what my heart wanted to deny.
I was losing him. This was it.
Since we weren’t that far from the hospital, paramedics were already rushing into the kitchen. River tried pulling me back from Tristan, but I screamed at him to let me go, to put me the fuck down.
“Darlin’, come on. Let them get to him. They have to help him, Adelaide.” River told me soothingly.
“River, let me go!” I screeched. “Tristan!” I yelled, sobs wracking my chest. “Tristan!”
“Patient is breathing. Pulse strong. Get me a stretcher.” One of the paramedics commanded.
“Darlin’, come on. Stay with me.” River begged me, but I was losing it.
“No!” I wailed when they lifted him onto a stretcher. I tried getting up, but River held me with him on the floor. “Tristan, please, God, no!” I screamed.
River lifted me into his arms and carried me out of the kitchen as the paramedics began to wheel Tristan out of the clubhouse. Reina was holding Axel, trying to quieten his cries. “I’ve got him,” Reina told River over the sound of me crying. “Go on to the hospital.”
River nodded in thanks, but I continued sobbing, begging for Tristan to come back to me.
■ ■ ■
RIVER
Adelaide was a zombie.
I leaned against the wall outside of Tristan’s hospital room, listening to the steady beat of his heart monitor as I watched Adelaide through the glass window. She was holding his hand, staring at his face as silent tears streamed down her cheeks.
She had lost all color to her skin. All she could do was stare at him, and occasionally, she would beg him in a whisper to come back to her.
But she’d lost him. I did my best to save him, but all I could do was extend her time with him.
She’d been like this since the doctor had told her that they would put Tristan on life support, but there was no chance that he would wake up again. The cancer had eaten away at him. There was no way to save him. If they cut the machines off, that was it.
He was dead.
“How is she?” Sam asked as he strode up beside me, holding a cup of coffee.
I shrugged. “She’s fucking shattered,” I grumbled, clenching my jaw. “I don’t know how to help her. She’s lost to me, Sam. She’s dying inside. I knew this would happen, but fuck, nothing could have prepared me for it.”
Sam sighed. “I called Joey for her.” He told me. I looked over at him, nodding once in thanks. I hadn’t even thought to call Joey with everything going on. “He’s on his way now. He was on a run, but he’s got his Sergeant at Arms and a couple of other patches handling the hand-off for him. He and Ink are high-tailing their asses here.”
I nodded once. “Thanks, brother,” I grumbled.
We were silent for a moment. “Is she ever going to come back to you, River?” Sam quietly asked me, worry for my woman in his voice.
I drew in a deep breath. That question scared the fuck out of me.
“I don’t know,” I told him quietly. “I’m praying that Joey can help her. He has a way of breathing life into her that I don’t. He’s her survival mechanism.”
Joey, save her before it’s too late. I silently begged him even though he wasn’t even here yet.
■ ■ ■
A couple of hours later, Adelaide still wouldn’t respond to me. I had tried everything I knew to try, but she only blankly stared back at me.
Joey, how the fuck did you save her last time?
As time dragged on, I got more and more scared that she wasn’t going to come back to me. There was a blank – yet haunted – look in her eyes when she looked at me. It was almost like she was there, but all she could do was relive painful memories.
She was breaking, and I was helpless to stop it from happening.
I knelt in front of her. She drew those empty, brown eyes to me. Sadness settled there as her gaze landed on mine. Her bottom lip trembled, but she held herself together. My heart shattered in my chest. “I can’t lose him, too, River. I don’t think I’ll survive it this time.” She whispered, her voice cracking. “I feel empty – hollow.”
I pressed my lips to hers tenderly. “You will, Adelaide, because I won’t let you spiral down again,” I swore. “You have to live for me, Darlin’. You’ve lived before, remember?”
She sniffled. “I don’t think I can.” She croaked.
Joey walked down the hallway, Ink right behind him. He didn’t even say anything to me. He just strode into the room that Adelaide and Tristan were in, leaving Ink outside of it with me and Sam.
I stood up from the chair I had commandeered, watching as Joey gently lifted Adelaide into his arms. I didn’t give a fuck what he did with her right now as long as he brought her back to us.
Honest to God, he could make love to her right there in that room, but as long as he got her to breathe for us again, to live for me, then I could be okay with it.
Joey, I don’t care what the fuck you have to do. Save her.
■ ■ ■
ADELAIDE
I whimpered as Joey settled down in the chair that I’d been occupying, his arms cradling me on his lap. “Pretty girl, you’re stronger than this.” He soothed.
“It’s over for him, isn’t it?” I asked him, my heart breaking more. “This is it?”
Joey nodded. “Yeah, pretty girl, this is it for him. He fought hard for you for as long as he could, but he got tired of fighting to survive.”
I sobbed. “I don’t want to lose him, Joey.”
He held me tighter. “Pretty girl, I’m sorry to say it, but you already have. He’s gone. There’s no saving him, and you’re just holding his soul here on Earth – torturing him. Let him go, pretty girl. Let him be with his sister. It’s time for them to be reunited again.”
I looked up at Joey, my eyes awash with tears, making his face blurry. Joey slid his arms from beneath me and cradled my face in his hands, leaning down to kiss me. I sobbed against his lips as I kissed him back. My tears mixed with our lips.
“Let him go, pretty girl. It’s okay.” Joey whispered, his lips rubbing against mine.
“I’m not ready.” I whimpered.
He brushed his nose with mine before he stole another kiss. “We never are. No one is ever ready to lose someone they love. But Tristan wouldn’t want you to be like this.” He reminded me. “Let him go, pretty girl. It’s time.”
“No.” I cried.
Joey kissed me again, forcing my lips apart so he could kiss me deeply, his tongue sliding with mine. My chest felt like it was going to cave in, but I clung to him, breathing him in, holding him with me.
“Let him go, pretty girl.”
■ ■ ■
I sat wedged between River and Joey as the doctor handed me the clipboard to take
Tristan off of life support. My tears dripped onto the papers.
“Let him go, pretty girl,” Joey whispered as he brushed his lips to my temple. “He’s always with you, but he’s going to be happy with his sister.” He assured me. “It’s okay to let him go.”
I nodded my head, a sob falling from my lips. My hand shook, keeping me from signing the paperwork. River gripped my face in his hands, turning my head to face him. He took my lips in a soft, slow kiss, his tongue tangling with mine, forcing my heart to beat a little faster. “We’re still here with you, Darlin’.” He reminded me. “Hold on to Joey.” He reminded me.