by T. O. Smith
“I’m trying,” I whispered.
“Then I’ll force you to keep me with you,” Joey told me. I looked over at him. “You’re not losing me, pretty girl. I won’t let you. And River will force you to keep me as well, just as I’ll always force you to live for him, no matter how many times I have to remind you how to do that.”
“Don’t make him suffer any longer, Darlin’.” River coaxed. “Sign the papers.”
Tears slid down my cheeks, but I signed my name at the bottom of the papers, ripping that part of my heart that would always belong to Tristan out of my chest.
Then, as I was watching the nurse pull all support from Tristan, both Joey and River held me, sandwiching me between them as I cried, wails and sobs ripping from my lips.
EPILOGUE
I held River’s hand in mine as we walked down the winding path in the graveyard that led to the Groves’s plot where Tristan and Helene were buried next to each other. Axel ran along ahead of us, his childish laughter filling the air as he chased after a butterfly. I smiled as I watched him. He was such a happy child, and according to River, he was outgoing just as Red had been as a child.
Jaxon walked along much slower, still trying to become familiar with walking on uneven terrain. He had been walking for a couple of months now, but ground like this was still hard for him to walk over.
“Axel, don’t go over there.” River commanded, his voice stern but gentle as he spoke to our oldest son.
With a pout, Axel walked back over to us and away from the tree line that he was headed towards. Axel was the adventurous child – he didn’t ever really fear anything.
Jaxon was our quiet, calm child for the most part – much like his dad. Even as an infant, he had never really been a crier.
Both of the boys were daddy’s boys for sure, though.
“I can’t believe it’s been a year,” I whispered as we stepped up to the plot where Tristan was buried next to his twin sister – my best friend.
A year ago, I had signed papers that took Tristan off of life support.
Three days after that, I had watched him get lowered into the ground and his casket covered with dirt. Every man in the Sons of Hell and the Fathers of Mayhem grabbed a shovel and covered his casket while I stood on the sidelines with silent tears running down my face.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I just cried. Joey and River laid beside me with me sandwiched between them, both of them holding me together the best that they could while every part of me tried to fall apart.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as River pressed his lips to the top of my head, my eyes not leaving the plot in front of me. “I’ve got the boys.” He quietly spoke up. “Take all of the time that you need, Darlin’.”
I nodded in thanks, not able to form words yet since there was a huge lump in my throat. River lifted Jaxon onto his hip and took off at a slow jog, making Axel laugh as he ran after them, somehow managing to keep his balance on the uneven path.
Joey had offered to come with me today, to be my support, but I’d told him no.
This was something that I had to do by myself.
And it was going to hurt like hell, but I was hoping it would give me some closure.
I looked back down at the headstones in front of me and sat down on top of their graves, knowing neither one of the twins would have expected anything less from me. In fact, I could picture Tristan reprimanding me right now, but Helene would only laugh and tell him to leave me alone.
“I never thought I would lose either one of you,” I admitted in a whisper. “God, Helene, we were supposed to be best friends forever. We even had plans of being in the same nursing home when we got old, causing ruckus together.” I admitted with a soft laugh. A tear trickled down my cheek. “But you got taken away from me before you could ever really live.”
Another tear slid down my cheek, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest. “I’m so sorry that I never came to visit you after you were buried.” I apologized, more tears raining down my cheeks. “I couldn’t bring myself to. I was so damn angry.” I choked out. “You promised me that you were getting better, and then you left me – you lied to me.” I shook my head. “I wish you had told me how bad it was – maybe I could have prepared myself for your death. Losing you was one of the hardest things that I’ve ever faced.” I admitted. “And because I was so angry, I let myself self-destruct.”
I sniffled. “And when you finally stepped back into my life, Tristan,” I said, beginning to speak to him, “it was already too late. I had ruined myself. You never destroyed me, Tristan. I destroyed myself – destroyed every part of me that made me a decent human being. I was so caught up in my own misery that I never realized that I was the main cause for all of the pain and suffering I had gone through. I was so focused on being miserable that I wouldn’t allow myself to heal – to live.”
I looked up at the sky that was shining blue, the sun warm on my face. “I wish I’d had more time with both of you,” I whispered. “But now, I know you’re both happy, wherever you are now, and I hope that you’re finally together again.” I laughed. “You two really were always inseparable.” I swallowed thickly. “And I hope neither of you are in pain anymore.”
I looked down the graveyard and saw River rolling around in the grass with Jaxon and Axel crawling over him, their laughter ringing out over the otherwise silent area. “He convinced me to come here today, you know?” I informed them. “I didn’t want to come here – I really didn’t. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, honestly, especially after I pulled the plug on you because you were only getting worse, Tristan.” I shook my head with a small smile. “But somehow, he knew what was best for me – what would really help. And if you two can see me, I hope you know that I’m okay. River has taught me to live, and Joey continues to make sure that I breathe. I’m in good hands with them.”
I swiped at my cheeks. “I know that’s what both of you had always wanted for me – to be happy, to be safe and well. I am. For once in so many years, I’m finally okay.” I admitted. “Some days are still extremely hard, not going to lie, but every day gets easier to get through.”
I pressed my fingers to my lips and pressed them to each of their headstones. “I’m just happy that you two are finally together again, and I’m hoping that you both smile when you look down at me,” I whispered. I swallowed past the lump in my throat so that I could speak again. “I love you both. I’ll never stop.” I promised.
I stood to my feet, and as I did so, my eyes met River’s as he stood up from the ground as well. He knelt and whispered something to Axel, and Axel squealed loudly right before he took off running up the path to me. With a laugh, I knelt and swept him up into my arms, pressing a big kiss to his cheek.
“Momma!” He squealed, his smile as wide as the Grand Canyon. God, I loved how happy of a child he was. I prayed life never dimmed the spark in his eyes.
I met River halfway down the path. As soon as he reached me, he reached out and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “You cried.” He murmured as he brushed his fingertips over my cheek.
I reached up with my free hand and covered his larger hand with my smaller one, squeezing gently. “I’m okay,” I assured him.
He gently tipped my chin up and pressed his lips to mine right before our two little boys shoved our faces apart. River grinned and shook his head, his eyes shining with love as he looked between the two of them.
“Let me love your Momma.” River playfully growled.
Axel hugged me tightly, glaring at his dad. “No. Momma is mine.” He said, sticking his tongue out at River.
He laughed softly as he reached up to ruffle Axel’s dark hair. “She’s ours.” River corrected. “Which means you have to help me love Momma.”
Axel nodded his head. “I can do that.”
I reached out and linked my fingers with River’s, and together, we walked back up the path to the SUV.
And somehow, I knew Tristan and Helene were smiling down
at me from wherever they were.
SNEAK PEEK
SAVED: BOOK TWO
Link to Pre-Order: https//mybook.to/savedtosmith
A loud knock sounded on the chapel doors, dragging me from the books that I was working on. Yeah, I had a secretary and a treasurer, and yeah, I trusted them, but I always did a check over the books after they did their work.
I was thorough kind of man – sue me. I didn’t become one of the most feared leaders of organized crime in this country by not being careful about shit.
“Ink, what the fuck is the matter now?” I snarled as I looked up from the paperwork scattered in front of me to where someone was pushing open the meeting room doors. I knew it would be Ink. He was the only fucker in my club brave enough to face me when I was in the middle of doing something important.
I had a rule. If someone wasn’t dying, don’t fucking bother me.
Kyle and Roger held both doors open as Ink strode into the room with a woman hanging limp in his arms. She had blonde hair that was tangled with leaves and sticks, some of it streaked with blood from her face. She was small – tiny really – and young, probably not much older than nineteen or twenty if I had to guess.
I abruptly stood up from my chair, my eyes trained on Ink, waiting for an explanation. “Found her outside behind the clubhouse.” Ink gruffly informed me as he gently set the young woman on the table. “She’s unconscious. Somebody beat her half to death.” He told me, though I could clearly see that for myself. The woman was in horrible condition.
I strode around the table so I was standing beside the unconscious blonde. “Kyle, get me a bucket of warm water and a washcloth. Roger, get me the fucking first aid kit.” I barked as I gently pushed the woman’s hair away from her face.
She was actually beautiful beneath all of the blood, bruising, and swelling – made me wonder who the fuck hated her enough to want to do this to her. You didn’t see women like this getting the fuck beat out of them very often.
She groaned softly, her face scrunching up with pain as my fingers skimmed lightly over a bruised part of her forehead. “It’s alright, sweet girl.” I crooned as Kyle rushed back into the room with a plastic bowl of warm water and a washcloth. “I’m going to take care of you,” I assured her.
Goddamn, what was it with me and the fucking damsels in distress?
Adelaide, my ex, had been the first woman I had taken in – taken under my wing. She’d been so broken. Tristan – her ex – had fucking destroyed the life inside of her. And I couldn’t turn my back on her; I couldn’t let her go.
A pang sliced through my chest at the thought of the woman that would always hold a piece of my heart. I’d go to the ends of the fucking world for her even though she was no longer mine.
And here I was, yet again about to fall into the same fucking trap.
But I couldn’t fucking help myself.
The blonde’s eyes slowly fluttered open, revealing the most beautiful, blue eyes I’d ever seen in my life. They were a startling shade of blue – as blue as the ocean on a bright, sunny, Summer day.
They stole the damn breath from my lungs.
She jerked back from me in alarm, her chest rapidly rising and falling as panic set in. Those blue eyes darkened the slightest bit, terror flashing in her eyes. She quickly scrambled into a sitting position, and I could see her heart thumping wildly against her breastbone.
I quickly reached out and gently grabbed her shoulders, halting her movements before she toppled onto the floor on the other side of the table. “Hey, hey,” I soothed as I gently ran my hands down her bruised arms. “Easy now. I’m not going to hurt you, sweetheart. I just want to help you.”
She swallowed hard as her eyes ran over my face. After a moment, she silently nodded. I looked at the men behind me. “Leave us,” I commanded.
Ink’s eyes met mine with a questioning gaze before he left the room with the other two men, knowing better than to question me. If it was something extremely serious, he would go against me. Something like this, though? He trusted my judgement.
“Can you walk?” I asked her once the chapel doors shut behind Roger, and we were alone in the chapel.
Instead of answering, she slowly slid to the edge of the table, and I stepped back, allowing her to stand. As soon as her feet touched the floor, she cried out in pain, her legs crumpling beneath her. I quickly caught her in my arms, desperately trying to ignore the soft curves pressed against me. Despite her being so small, she had little dips and swells to her body that were already driving me wild.
Fuck, I needed to get laid. I couldn’t remember the last time I had gone balls deep in pussy. It was beginning to fuck with me.
I quickly set her in one of the more comfortable chairs. “I’m going to clean your face up, okay?” I told her. “Just relax.” I coaxed. “Do you know who hurt you?” I asked her as I dipped the cloth into the warm water and rung it out, gently wiping the dirt and blood from her face.
“I was kidnapped.” She told me quietly. I let my dark eyes meet her blue ones, rage pulsing through my veins on her behalf. “My dad – he’s the president of The Outlaws MC.” I barely resisted the urge to scowl, instead keeping my face impassive. The Outlaws MC was nothing but fucking trouble. “I left a few months ago – trying to escape him and his bullshit – but he tracked me down.”
I’d never dealt with The Outlaws, and I made sure none of my men or women got tangled up with them either. But I had always kept my eyes and ears open for them, making sure to keep them as far away as I could. But I knew I couldn’t send this girl away.
Now, it looked like I was going to bring them right to my front door.
“I managed to escape, and I just kind of ran through the woods until I passed out here before I could knock on your door.” She finished.
That explained why she was found behind the clubhouse, and it explained why she knew she could run here for protection. Being as she was the daughter of The Outlaws MC President, she would know who her father had alliances with and who he didn’t.
And we certainly were not on speaking terms with Yeller Giddons.
“My VP found you,” I informed her. “His name is Ink.”
“And yours?” She asked me as I gently began cleaning her cuts with alcohol wipes, making her wince slightly.
I shot her an apologetic smile for hurting her, surprising myself with how gentle I was being with her. The only woman who I’d ever truly been able to be gentle with was Adelaide.
I ignored the pain in my chest at the thought of that beautiful woman.
“Joey,” I informed her. “I’m the President.”
“Joey Dirks?” She asked me as she swallowed hard, nervousness flashing in that pretty, blue-eyed gaze.
I nodded, watching as fear momentarily slid through her gaze. I frowned, wondering what had her afraid of me. Sure, I had a shitty reputation – was known for being cold-blooded and ruthless, but I would never hurt a woman.
“Something on your mind, sweetheart?” I asked.
She swallowed hard. “I met your woman Adelaide a few years ago.”
I snorted, my heart twisting in pain at her words. Adelaide was far from my woman since she was now married to River and carrying their second child together. I held in a fuck ton of feelings around her when I went to visit her and when she came here with River. But she was happy. She was taken care of. That was all that fucking mattered to me.
I had promised Adelaide that I would always force her to keep me with her. I was her reason for still breathing. And I wouldn’t ever break that promise to her, no matter how much it killed me inside.
After everything that I had put her through, she deserved for me to give her the best parts of myself.
“Adelaide hasn’t been my woman for a few years now,” I informed her. “She’s married to another man with two kids and one on the way.” I let my eyes meet hers again. “What’s got you so afraid of her?”
When Adelaide had been here, she’d been a mon
ster – a monster I created. When I took Adelaide in, she had lost all of her fight – all of her purpose.
So, I gave her a purpose. I taught her how to breathe again.
“When I turned sixteen, I was going to see if I could come here for protection, but Adelaide turned me away at your gate – told me that if I knew what was good for me, I’d go back home.” She swallowed thickly. “She’s certainly a force to be reckoned with.”
I released a soft laugh at that. That, Adelaide was – even now. She loved hard, and she loved deeply. And she would destroy the fucking world for those she loved. Now, though, River just did it for her.