He’d walked away from the accident with minor injuries, but Emma…
He still couldn’t bear to think of that night. Of her bleeding on the snow. Of his inability to help. She survived, but they’d both lost something precious that night.
Emma’s recovery took years. And her father blamed himself for everything.
Kyle had seen Emma one final time a few days before her wedding to another man. He’d begged her to forgive him. She said she had, but then she’d walked off into someone else’s arms. His insides twisted as fresh pain welled up.
Friends kept telling him to let go, but for Kyle, reliving the anguish was a penance. A reminder never to lose his temper. Never to do anything to damage someone else’s life. Never to give in to love.
“Are you all right?” Dr. Hess reached over and laid a comforting hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I took you to the Eshes’. I wish I’d thought about…” His voice trailed off, and Kyle felt sorry for him.
“It’s not your fault.” The visit had taken him back. Back to a painful past. “I’m mainly just tired.” But that wasn’t the whole truth. The last thing he wanted to do, though, was to make this kindly old doctor feel worse.
“I apologize for your tiredness too,” Dr. Hess said. “Listen, if you’d rather rest while I help Leah, just tilt your seat back and wrap up in that afghan back there.” He gestured toward a knitted blanket of multicolored squares that matched the fall colors outside the window. “Esther has made a few of those over the past few years for me to keep in the car, but I often end up giving them away or using them to cover patients.” His lips curved into a fond smile. “She doesn’t mind. She keeps knitting replacements.”
“She’s a good woman.” Kyle knew that firsthand. Esther had offered continual support in those dark days before and after his mother’s death.
Smile lines creasing his eyes, Dr. Hess turned down the Fishers’ gravel driveway. “Yes, she’s a giving person. I’m so grateful God provided such a wonderful helpmeet.” After putting the car in park and turning off the engine, he turned to Kyle and fixed him with a serious stare. “If you wait for the special person God has for you, you’ll be as blessed as I am. A loving heart is the most wonderful attribute you could ask for in a wife.”
Kyle tried not to wince. He wasn’t in the market for a wife and never would be. Falling in love was too painful. Besides, he’d given up on God, so God definitely didn’t have a special person for him.
Dr. Hess hopped out of the car and grabbed his bag from the trunk. Kyle unwound himself from the car the way he wished he could unwind the tight cords surrounding his heart.
He followed the doctor, who walked into the house without knocking. Dr. Hess called out a hello as he charged down a back hall. No one answered, but he kept going past several bedrooms. Before they reached the last one, a thin, reedy wail stopped Kyle dead. A baby in distress.
Dr. Hess hurried toward the sound, but Kyle froze. Too many memories rushed over him—another baby whose cries had been silenced the night his world had been ripped apart.
The doctor’s booming voice jolted him back to reality. He needed to get in there to help. They’d come to save a preemie. A child whose life might be hanging in the balance. Kyle forced himself to head toward the room.
Leah settled a small, still-damp infant upright against his mother’s chest.
Although he still worried about her home remedies, Kyle’s estimate of Leah’s competence rose. Had that been instinctive, or did she know about kangaroo care for preemies?
The Amish man who sat on the bed beside his wife set a large, calloused hand on the baby’s back before Leah swiftly covered the baby with a pile of blankets. After she rubbed the baby’s head dry, she tucked a tiny knitted cap over a headful of black hair.
Leah turned to Dr. Hess, and her wide, generous smile took Kyle’s breath away. He jerked his gaze from her face. Never again would he make that mistake. She had an appealing, fresh-faced sweetness that called to something deep within him, but falling for another Amish woman would only lead to heartache.
What was wrong with him? Lack of sleep and nostalgia over Emma must have overtaken his groggy brain. Why else would he be thinking such thoughts about a woman he’d just met?
When she glanced at him, her gaze quickly skittered away. Yet her eyes stirred a long-forgotten memory deep within his soul. He shook his head to clear away the mist fogging his brain.
“His one-minute Apgar was seven,” Leah said, drawing Kyle’s attention to the tears sparkling in her eyes. She ran down the list of stats quietly so the parents couldn’t hear, but Kyle barely registered her words. “Appearance: slightly blue—one; Pulse rate: greater than one hundred beats per minute—two; Grimace: cry on stimulation—two; Activity: some flexion—one; and Respiration: weak cry—one.”
He was impressed with her assessment. For a midwife-in-training, she sounded very knowledgeable.
“Kyle can do the five-minute Apgar,” Dr. Hess said, and elbowed Kyle when he didn’t respond. “What do you say? Would you like to do the Apgar?”
Kyle tore his gaze from Leah. “Of course.” He tried to sound businesslike and avoid looking into her eyes again. “Is it almost time?”
Leah glanced at her watch. “Ten more seconds.”
Kyle moved to the bed and awaited the signal from Leah. He completed the five quick assessments and covered the baby again to keep him warm. “Still a seven.”
Leah pursed her lips. “I hoped it would be higher.”
“It’s a bit low,” Dr. Hess said, “but it falls in the normal range. And with him coming several weeks early, it’s a major blessing.”
Kyle broke in. “Yes, and that’s likely why he has jaundice. We should get him to the hospital and under UV lights immediately.”
“I’d already noticed his skin is slightly yellowish,” Leah said. “I planned to move the cradle to that window”—she gestured to her left—“where he’ll get the most sunlight.”
Dr. Hess nodded, and Kyle glanced at him as if he were crazy. “You’re going to call an ambulance or something and take this preemie to a hospital, aren’t you? He should also be tested for—”
Holding up a hand, the doctor stopped Kyle’s frantic rush of words. “I don’t see the need. He seems to be breathing on his own quite well.” The doctor took Kyle’s place by the bed and began his examination. “His lungs sound normal, so perhaps the due date was a bit off.”
“What about the jaundice?” Kyle struggled to regain normality in this alternate universe, where all the usual procedures and cures had been upended.
Leah dragged the cradle from the parents’ bedside to the window. Sunshine streamed through onto the cradle. She stood and faced Kyle. “Is that better?”
To tamp down the strange magnetism that overtook him whenever he glanced in her direction today, Kyle turned to Dr. Hess, waiting for him to say the baby should be hospitalized. Instead, the doctor’s lips curved into a half smile. “That should work.”
What? Kyle wanted to shout at them both that they shouldn’t take chances with an infant’s life.
“Don’t worry.” Dr. Hess stepped closer and laid a hand on Kyle’s arm. “I’ll keep an eye on the baby. If he appears to need medical intervention, I’ll recommend it.” He leaned closer and added in a low voice, “Remember what I said yesterday?”
Yes, Kyle remembered the Amish often preferred home remedies to prescriptions, but there must be a way to encourage them to consider other options. This young midwife-in-training could be the key. People listened to her. If he could convince her of the importance of hospitals and medicine, he might be able to help this community.
Wait a minute. Surely he wasn’t considering taking this job. No way could he come back to this area to live. Too many memories. Too much heartache. But the thought of working with Leah was definitely tempting.
Chapter Seven
Leah tried not to let Kyle’s reactions influence her. The frown wrinkling his for
ehead when she put the cradle in the sunlight made it clear he’d disagreed with her decision. Now he was gazing at her thoughtfully. She had to admit he was quite handsome when he wasn’t glowering.
Leah shook her head to dislodge the wayward thought. She had no business thinking like that. Besides, if he spent time around her, sooner or later he’d glance into her eyes and realize…
“He’s trying to eat,” Hannah said, raising Leah’s spirits and driving thoughts of Kyle from her mind.
“Thank the Lord!” Leah had been so nervous about her first solo delivery, especially one she’d been expecting to go wrong. Joy bubbled up inside. She beamed as Enos wrapped an arm around Hannah and held her close while she fed the baby.
“Yoo-hoo.” A loud voice echoing down the hall was soon followed by Sharon’s bouncing steps. “Sorry I didn’t answer your call. I was delivering the Heises’ baby.” She stopped in the doorway to take in the scene. “Well, well, well, Miss Leah, it looks like you did a fine job on your own here.”
Although she was grateful for her mentor’s approval, Leah couldn’t take credit for a successful delivery. “God was gracious. And Enos and Hannah have had plenty of experience.”
“So everything went well?” Sharon gazed from one to the other.
“Very well,” Leah assured her, “although the baby does have jaundice. Dr. Hess thinks the due date might have been off, because his lungs are functioning properly.”
“Highly possible,” Sharon agreed. “We’ve had that trouble before, haven’t we, Hannah?”
Her eyes brimming with tears, Hannah nodded. Leah’s heart went out to her. It must be painful to remember the babies she’d lost, even while holding her precious newborn.
Sharon examined the room. “Looks like you’ve already prepared for the jaundice, Leah. I’m so proud of you for handling everything so well.”
A muscle in Kyle’s cheek quivered, and Leah suspected he was holding back a retort. She returned her attention to the happy couple but said to Sharon, “I’m not done yet. I still have a lot of cleanup to do. I’ll wait until Hannah’s done feeding the baby, though.”
Once the baby had eaten, Enos rose, tucked the covers around his wife, and kissed her forehead. “You rest now, Hannie,” he said. “I’m heading to Sarah’s to get the children. I won’t be long. I know you’re in good hands with Leah and Sharon.”
After Enos left, Dr. Hess stepped into the hallway to call his wife and tell her about the baby. Esther loved each new baby that arrived. Leah could only imagine how heartbroken she must be to have none of her own.
Sharon assisted Hannah down the hallway to get cleaned up, but Kyle remained where he was as Leah diapered and dressed the baby. Her usual smooth movements became jerky under his watchful eyes. If only Dr. Hess would finish his call and take Kyle back to the office with him. Taking deep breaths to calm her nerves, she cocooned the newborn in blankets and laid him in the cradle before changing the sheets.
She had to walk past Kyle with the bundled-up bed linens. He stepped aside, but her arms, filled with linens, brushed against his sleeve. He jolted back as if she’d burned him, and he draped the coat he’d taken off earlier over his arm as if to protect it from any more unwelcome contact.
Leah shriveled up inside. He disliked her so much he’d been repulsed by an accidental touch? She wouldn’t let him see how much that hurt. She lifted her chin and strode through the doorway, acting as if she didn’t care. Yet her arm still registered the warmth of his skin and the hardness of his muscles under the tan wool sweater that stretched tightly across his broad chest. If he were Amish and she weren’t dating Ben, Leah might have sneaked another look, but she had no interest in anyone who wasn’t with the church.
After soaking and rinsing the sheets in lukewarm water, Leah ran them through the wringer washer and hung them out on the line. She hoped they’d dry before nightfall in this chilly weather, because all laundry needed to be off the line by then. She hurried back to the bedroom with the fresh sheets Enos had left on the kitchen table and stopped short.
His back to the door, Kyle had gone down on one knee beside the cradle to pick up the whimpering baby. He cradled the newborn in his arms, cuddling it close and crooning, “There, there. Mommy will be back soon. It’s not easy coming into this cold world after being so snug and warm, is it?”
He stood and rocked gently from foot to foot until the baby quieted. “I wish they’d take you to the hospital, little one. You should be sleeping under UV lights, and your brother needs to be staying there too.”
His heartfelt sigh touched Leah, and she blinked back a tear. He genuinely cared about both babies, and he seemed to have a magic touch with them. The newborn in his arms had quieted quickly.
Kyle knelt by the cradle, lowered the baby in, and tucked the blankets securely around the now-sleeping child. Instead of getting to his feet, he stayed where he was, one hand resting on the baby’s rising and falling chest, and Leah’s heart fluttered. What a wonderful father he’d make. And a great doctor.
If only she could persuade him of the benefits of natural remedies, they could work together as a team…
What was she thinking? All along, she’d been hoping he wouldn’t take Dr. Hess’s place, but now she wasn’t sure. But if he stayed, she’d need to confess her part in the horrific accident that had injured Emma. Years ago, she’d asked Emma for forgiveness, which Emma graciously gave, but it had never erased her guilt. Leah had never had a chance to apologize to Kyle because he’d left town right after the accident. Now, though, she had to do it. As soon as the right opening presented itself.
So far, he hadn’t recognized her, but many people blocked out traumatic memories. Even if he had, she couldn’t be dishonest or live with the uncertainty that he might remember.
Kyle rose, and Leah backed into the hallway so he wouldn’t know she’d been watching. She waited a minute before carrying in the sheets. Kyle still stood by the cradle, but he turned as she entered.
“Need help with those?” he offered.
Too choked up to speak, Leah only nodded. She’d misjudged him. Not only did he care about children, he wasn’t haughty like some of the doctors she’d encountered at the hospital when she’d taken Mamm.
Kyle helped her spread the sheets on the bed and tuck them in. Leah had just finished straightening the quilt when Sharon helped Hannah back into the room. Kyle stepped aside as Sharon tucked Hannah into bed and Leah made sure Hannah had everything she needed on the bedside table.
Once Hannah drifted off to sleep, Leah carried her equipment to the kitchen to sterilize it and pack it back in her bag. Dr. Hess and Kyle stayed in the room, huddled over the sleeping baby, and Leah wondered if he was trying to convince the doctor to take the baby to the hospital. She had faith in Dr. Hess’s powers of persuasion.
When everything was properly sterilized and packed, she and Sharon sat at the kitchen table to fill out the required paperwork. Leah wished she’d brought her notebook in from the carriage to record details of the birth. She’d try to remember to fill it out later tonight. She and Sharon had completed the record keeping and started on the birth certificate when Enos returned with the three older children. He led them down the hall to see the new baby.
A spate of coughing came from the other back bedroom, and Leah jumped up from the table. In all the excitement of the delivery and the new baby, she’d forgotten about Aaron. She raced down the hall and skidded to a stop when she spotted Kyle, but her foot slipped on the polished wooden floorboards, and she crashed into his rock-solid chest. He gripped her arms to steady her, and her skin tingled under the touch of his fingers. This time she was the one who jerked away, and she kept whispering Ben’s name under her breath until the strange sensations ended.
“I, um, was going to check on the baby,” she said once she’d caught her breath and her rapid heartbeat had slowed slightly.
“So was I.” Kyle looked as flustered as she felt. He stepped back and motioned for her to prece
de him.
Leah’s eyebrows shot up. He didn’t intend to block her from the room? She’d been expecting censure rather than politeness, so his response threw her off balance. Smoothing down her black work apron to calm herself, Leah walked past him into the room.
Dr. Hess stood by the cradle, his stethoscope pressed against baby Aaron’s chest. He looked up when they entered. “Not much change since yesterday.”
“I’ll cut up fresh onion.” Leah hurried from the room, her perverse emotions wishing for a few more moments in Kyle’s arms. She returned with another stocking filled with onion and cayenne, ingredients that made her eyes water, and a small sippy cup of fresh pineapple juice, which she held out to Dr. Hess.
“What’s in that?” Kyle asked.
“This has onion and cayenne pepper and—”
“I know that. I meant in the cup.”
While Dr. Hess held Aaron, Leah removed the old poultice and replaced it with the new one. “The cup is filled with pineapple juice.”
“Pineapple juice?” His surprise was evident.
“Fresh pineapple juice is great for coughs.” Leah had recommended it to Enos and Hannah yesterday. She waited for Kyle to dispute that.
“I suppose,” Kyle said. “I’ve not seen studies proving it’s effective for coughs. It does contain bromelain, though, which reduces swelling of the nose and sinuses, so it might reduce some symptoms.”
Leah was so surprised to have him partially agree with her she almost dropped the cup. She longed to retort, I know. I also recommend it for hay fever, but she managed to bite her tongue. He’d attempted to be nice, and she should reciprocate. “I like finding natural cures that can be used instead of conventional medicine.”
Slight frown lines appeared between his brows. Perhaps her comment hadn’t been conciliatory. Leah sighed inwardly. If she’d already offended him, she might as well continue. Maybe, though, she could offer an explanation he might accept. “Because many medicines are derived from plants, I prefer to go back to the original sources and use those plants so they aren’t combined with chemicals.”
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