“I suppose that makes sense.”
She couldn’t believe Kyle had agreed with her twice in this short conversation.
Dr. Hess shifted baby Aaron in his arms. “Why don’t you feed him the juice, Leah? I’ll wash up and peek in on the new baby. Then I should probably get Kyle back to the house.”
Leah took Aaron from the doctor’s arms and settled on the bed. She expected Kyle to follow Dr. Hess, but instead he remained standing near the doorway. She tried to ignore him, but her hands were unsteady.
As she lifted the cup to Aaron’s lips, deep, thick coughs racked his tiny body. Holding him upright against her, she patted his back until they subsided. Kyle’s frown deepened.
“That child should be in the hospital and so should the newborn.” The words burst from Kyle’s lips. “You’re endangering both of their lives. If you’re as interested in healing as you claim, you’d never suggest keeping them here at home.”
So much for their temporary truce. “What about Hannah? She’d have to travel all that way to the hospital, and if she stayed with the baby, she’d have to leave her other children here, and…”
“You’d put a mother’s convenience over her baby’s life?”
“If the babies truly were in danger, I’d be the first to recommend taking them to the hospital. Plenty of babies get over jaundice and pneumonia without going to the hospital.”
“And some don’t get over it.” His words rang around the room like a death knell.
“I understand you’re a doctor, but hospitals aren’t always the best solution.”
“They’re much safer than treating sick children and having preemies at home.”
“The baby isn’t a preemie. He was only a little early.”
“You didn’t know that before the delivery, though, did you?” Kyle’s voice rose.
That was true. “You’re right. I didn’t, but everything turned out all right.”
“Yes, it did, but there’s an equal chance things could have gone wrong. Very wrong.”
The anguish on Kyle’s face tugged at Leah’s heart. “That’s always a possibility,” she said softly. “It could happen with any birth, whether at home or at the hospital. We can only leave that up to God.”
Kyle’s face darkened. “Leave God out of it.”
“I can’t leave God out of anything. And as for birth, it’s a natural process.” Leah wished she had the textbook Sharon had given her so she could show him the actual statistics from countries around the world, but at least she remembered the overall stats. “Studies have shown that a greater percentage of planned home births use less intervention and have fewer deaths compared to hospital births.”
“That depends on what studies you’re looking at,” Kyle said. “Just remember most people who choose home births have low-risk pregnancies. Almost all high-risk pregnancies use hospitals.”
Leah disliked admitting he did have a point. “That’s true.” Her textbook had pointed that out too. “Still, women have been delivering babies for centuries before hospitals existed.”
“And look at the mortality rates before there were hospitals. Many of those babies died.”
“Perhaps they did in earlier times, but that’s not true now.”
“If home births are so great, why are more and more Amish women in this area having their babies in hospitals? Maybe because it’s safer?”
“Perhaps they’ve been trained to think that way.” Leah didn’t want to concede he was right. “It might also be because there aren’t enough trained midwives or doctors willing to serve as backup for emergencies.”
“Of course there aren’t,” Kyle shot back. “It takes a lot more time to do house calls, and there’s always the chance of a malpractice lawsuit.”
“The Amish don’t believe in suing people.”
As if she’d poked a hole in his pride, all the bluster and fight leaked out, leaving Kyle deflated. “I know,” he mumbled.
Leah cringed inside. She hadn’t meant to hurt him or remind him of his past. She’d only been trying to make her point and defend her profession. No wonder God warned against hochmut. Pride destroyed so many relationships. In this case, Kyle wasn’t the only one to blame.
* * *
Kyle muttered an excuse to get away as quickly as he could. As much as he enjoyed sparring with Leah and seeing her face light up with that fierce fire when she defended a cause she believed in, she’d hit him in a vulnerable spot.
He, of all people, should know the Amish didn’t sue. Anyone else would have taken him to court, not only for medical bills but also for pain and suffering. If they had, he’d be paying off those bills for the rest of his life. Kyle had vowed that once he’d paid off his med school loans, he’d start sending money to Emma’s family and to their church community anonymously, because the members had helped her parents foot the bills. If he took over for Dr. Hess, he’d be able to do that sooner, but being back here had been painful. Every day he’d wonder if he’d be called on to treat someone who knew about his past or, worse yet, someone from his past. Now he had one more reason not to accept Dr. Hess’s offer. His growing attraction for the midwife. The farther he stayed from Leah, the better.
As much as he hated disappointing the Hesses after all they’d done for him and his family, he couldn’t live in this town with all the memories. That brought him right back to the talk he needed to have with them. He’d be flying out of here tomorrow night, and they still believed he’d be taking over the practice. He owed it to them to let them know they needed to find someone else. He couldn’t keep them hanging like this. It wasn’t fair.
He crossed the hall and stood in the doorway of the room where Dr. Hess was talking to the new father.
Enos knelt beside the cradle and laid a gentle hand on his sleeping son’s head. “We’re going to call him Caleb after my onkel.”
A wave of sadness flooded over Kyle. When he was small, that had been his favorite name in the whole world. He’d adored his older brother, Caleb, and followed him everywhere. Now the name only brought sickness and sorrow. If only his brother hadn’t joined the Amish, they’d still be best friends. If Kyle hadn’t dated Emma, Caleb never would have met and fallen for Emma’s older sister, Lydia. His brother had left his Englisch life behind to marry her, something Kyle could never do.
Kyle missed the closeness of their early years, but he wanted nothing to do with his brother’s new lifestyle. Even worse, Kyle could never visit him, because he and Lydia lived next door to Emma and her husband.
Kyle had retreated so deep into thought he jumped when Dr. Hess called his name.
The doctor crossed the room and laid a hand on his arm. “Are you ready to go?”
Kyle pulled himself from the painful past.
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Hess said. “You must be exhausted. Let’s head back.”
Kyle was glad the doctor had mistaken his reverie for tiredness. Yes, he’d had a hectic schedule before he’d flown here, but the main reason for his tiredness had been coming here. This trip had been emotionally battering. Everywhere he turned, he collided with upsetting memories.
When they got to the front door, Kyle reached around Dr. Hess to open it. The wind almost tore the door from his hands. Overcast skies signaled a storm was brewing. Leaves whipped through the air as Kyle, bent against the gale force of the wind, led the way to the car, using his body to shield the elderly doctor from the gusts and pelting leaves. He wrestled the doctor’s door open and held it as Dr. Hess climbed inside. Then he rounded the car, fighting the wind. After a tussle, Kyle managed to open the car door, slide in, and catch his breath. Thankful to be inside, he sank back against the seat, buckled his seat belt, and closed his eyes while Dr. Hess drove the rocking car down the driveway. Kyle’s mind churned even more than the wind.
As they drove home through the gale, Kyle not only worried about the babies, but he had an added concern about Leah’s safety. Despite their disagreements over the best treatments, he couldn�
��t help thinking about how small and slight she was. She barely came up to his shoulder. How would she get home in her buggy in this windstorm? The gusts battering the car felt as if they might be strong enough to overturn a buggy.
“How do buggies withstand a storm like this?” Kyle asked Dr. Hess.
The doctor smiled. “They’re sturdier than they look. You might be surprised.”
“But look at the way the car is shaking.”
“If you’re concerned about Leah, she’ll probably stay at the house for several more hours. Midwives usually help the family for a while after a birth. Let’s hope this windstorm dies down by then.”
Kyle nodded, but thinking about her heading home later made him anxious about accidents on the road after dark. And speaking of his anxieties…
Taking a deep breath, he turned to the doctor. “I’m also worried about the newborn and little Aaron. Even if the natural remedies are helpful, both children would be better off in the hospital. I wish the Fishers would take your advice.”
Dr. Hess smiled. “There are times when I’d agree with you. Sometimes it seems Leah has more influence on the community than I do, but her advice is usually sound. She won’t steer people in the wrong direction.”
“But don’t you think jaundice and pneumonia both need hospitalization?”
“Not necessarily.” Dr. Hess’s tone remained unconcerned. “Although I wish the Fishers would consider it, plenty of children recover from both without going to hospitals.” Dr. Hess took a hand from the steering wheel and laid it on Kyle’s arm. “The Amish believe in trusting God for the outcome. Perhaps rather than worrying, we should follow their example and pray for the children.”
Kyle pinched his lips together to hold back his retort. He had firsthand experience praying for his mom to survive. God hadn’t answered that prayer, so how could he trust God for these little ones?
The rest of the ride, Kyle remained silent. Leah had said the Amish believed any outcome was God’s will too.
Thinking about Leah brought back her smile, her sparkling eyes, the joy shining on her face as she held the baby and little Aaron. He jerked his thoughts from those images. The last thing he needed was to let a fleeting attraction distract him. Coming back here had been a mistake. An even bigger mistake would be to allow himself to fall for another Amish girl.
Chapter Eight
Once Kyle had departed with Dr. Hess, the tension level in the house decreased, at least for Leah. Following a quick check of Hannah and the new baby, Leah looked up when Sharon stuck her head into the room where Leah was helping Aaron with his juice.
“I’m heading out now. You’ll be all right here, won’t you?” she asked. At Leah’s nod, Sharon continued, “You’re going to be a wonderful midwife, Leah. Mark my words.”
“I hope so. Doing it alone was frightening. I don’t know what I’d have done if they hadn’t been so experienced. And if we hadn’t had God’s help.”
“That’s the most important thing. Whatever the outcome, it’s always in God’s hands.”
“Yes, that’s such a comforting thought.” Although she’d sometimes silently railed against God’s will, Leah believed with deep certainty that God had a greater purpose she couldn’t always see.
After Sharon left, Aaron finished most of the juice, and his breathing grew less raspy. Leah took him into the kitchen and, with Maria’s help, fed him a little, but his appetite seemed lackluster. He drifted off to sleep in her arms, so Leah tucked him back in the cradle. She scrubbed up again before she went in to Hannah and the baby. The last thing she wanted to do was to carry germs to the newborn.
Enos stood when she entered. “If you can keep an eye on Hannah, I’ll go out and do the milking.”
A tiny cry erupted into wails as Enos headed out the door. Leah rushed over to pick up the newborn. She rocked him gently in her arms and whispered, “Hush.”
“It’s all right,” Hannah said weakly. “I’m awake. You can bring him over here so I can feed him.”
Leah carried the precious bundle to the bed and lowered the baby into Hannah’s arms. “I hope you got a little rest. Enos said you were up all night in labor.”
“Yes, but this makes it all worthwhile.” She cradled her tiny son. “Besides, with little ones, getting a full night’s sleep is rare.”
“I’m sure it is.” Leah had no idea how mothers managed to function on such a small amount of rest. After losing sleep a few nights a week during busy times with Sharon, Leah struggled to keep her eyes open during the day. All she had to do was wait on customers and count packages and money. How would she handle it if she couldn’t sleep much for months?
As soon as Leah made sure the baby was eating well, she headed to the kitchen to help Maria start dinner. Staying busy kept her mind from her arguments with Kyle. Between the odd sensations he generated—the touch of his fingers still lingered on her arms—and her fear he’d recognize her, Kyle had left her nerves on edge. Although it was evident he cared about babies, he would insist on his own way. They could never work on deliveries together without generating sparks—of two different kinds.
By the time Enos came in and washed up, the meal was ready, and all three girls were seated at the table. Although Enos invited Leah to join them, she shook her head.
“I’ll just get the sheets off the line and check on Hannah once more before I go.” Mamm and Daed would already have had dinner. Leah took care of breakfast and lunch, but her older sisters alternated bringing the evening meals.
The sky had already darkened by the time Leah headed for the door to gather the bedding. She hoped the neighbors—or the bishop—hadn’t seen the laundry hanging on the line after dusk. Perhaps if they realized Hannah had just had her baby, they’d be a little less critical, but the Amish community followed many unwritten rules, and one of those rules included taking down their wash before nightfall. The wind ripped the screen door from her hands, and she could barely close it. The still-damp sheets flapped wildly, slapping her face. As she unpinned them, gusts almost tore them from her hands. Leah wrestled the sweet-smelling bedding into the laundry basket and carried it down to the basement, where she hung up each piece. After a quick check on Hannah, the baby, and Aaron, Leah donned her cape and black bonnet and braved the wind to head out to the barn to hitch up the horse.
Icy gusts penetrated the blankets she wrapped around herself, and the sides of the buggy shook as her horse plodded through the almost deserted back lanes. One advantage of fighting the winds was not thinking about Kyle.
Leah tensed and swerved onto the shoulder when a car roared up behind the buggy, then whipped around her, leaving the buggy shaking even more than the wind had. Leah stayed on the shoulder of the road for the rest of the ride home. Ordinarily, the slow drive and lack of streetlights out here in the country allowed her to enjoy the scenery, but tonight the wind’s freezing fingers made her urge her horse to move faster.
After she pulled into the parking lot of the shop, Leah released a grateful sigh. Without any further direction from her, her horse trotted around behind the store and to the barn. She opened the barn door and unhooked him. Once she’d cared for and fed him and the other horses, she pulled the buggy into place and shut the doors.
Hunching her back against the cold, she struggled to unlock the shop door, her stiff fingers fumbling with the key. Once she succeeded in opening the door, she tussled with the wind until she slammed the door shut behind her. Glad to be out of the cold, she rubbed her hands together to warm them while she bent to pick up the mail that had been shoved through the slot. Several handwritten notes lay on top of the envelopes and catalogs. Leah set the stack of regular mail beside the cash register. She could deal with that tomorrow, but she’d better check to be sure no one had had an emergency while she was gone.
Two notes were from Englischers who had stopped by around noontime to pick up their orders. She should have thought to call them before she left for the Fishers’ so they wouldn’t have had to
waste their lunch breaks venturing out in the cold. The third one was from someone with a sick baby who needed her help as soon as possible. Leah hoped they hadn’t been waiting long. She’d grab a quick bite to eat and run a few herbal remedies over to them right away.
She picked up the last note, and her stomach sank at the familiar bold, black printing. Ben’s writing. After putting off so many dates because she was busy, she’d missed another one today. Even worse, she had no way to reach him now to apologize. His family had no phone shanty nearby. If she left a message on the answering machine at one of his neighbors’ houses, he wouldn’t get it until tomorrow. Most farmers were in bed by now.
With trembling fingers, she unfolded the paper:
Leah, I stopped by to pick you up as planned. I was really looking forward to seeing you, but the shop was closed. I waited in the cold. I’m wondering if you want to reschedule or…
The next part of the note was scribbled out. It appeared Ben had written several different endings to the sentence and changed his mind. He’d finally settled on:
…maybe we need to talk. I’ll try to stop by tomorrow afternoon if I can get away. Ben
Dropping the note onto the counter, Leah sank onto the stool and buried her head in her hands. Ben’s note added a huge weight to the heavy burden of guilt already weighing her down. She’d not only forgotten him, but he’d sat outside in that cold, biting wind, waiting for her. How did you apologize to someone for forgetting a date, not once, but twice? She’d hurt him by doing this when he first started courting her. Could she blame it on an emergency delivery again?
Yes, she’d been solely focused on her fears about delivering a preemie. That was completely understandable. What was her excuse after the baby had been safely delivered? Why had being at the Fishers’ driven everything else from her mind? She hadn’t remembered her date with Ben, not even when she pulled into the driveway a short while ago. Maybe she didn’t belong in a relationship. Not if she couldn’t keep her mind on the man who was one day to be her husband.
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