Memories of the past surfaced. Emma arguing with him about continuing his education. The Amish went to eighth grade, so Emma didn’t understand his desire to go to college. He’d almost given up his dream of being a doctor to be with her. And then…
Kyle jerked his thoughts away from those dark days. The only thing he’d salvaged from the wreckage of his life had been his career. That kept him going through the long, lonely nights. Perhaps if he saved lives, he could atone for his guilt.
A soft voice drew him back to the kitchen table. “Kyle?”
“Sorry. I—”
“It’s all right, but you looked so sad, so far away,” Leah said.
The compassion in her eyes invited him to confide his troubles. The offer was tempting, but he kept his lips sealed. Only his brother and Emma’s family knew this secret. Kyle could never tell anyone else.
When he didn’t respond, Leah stood and headed for the oven. She took out the round casserole dish and carried it to the table. “Would you like blueberry cobbler? We have a small patch of blueberries at our house, so they’re organic.” Steam rose from the dish in her hand.
Kyle inhaled the sugary, fruity aroma. “Yes, please. It smells delicious.” He had no idea when she found the time to can fruits and vegetables while running the store and studying to be a midwife.
“So you’re content to be a noncertified midwife?” She could do so much more with her life.
Leah set a small plate of bubbling blueberries with crumb topping in front of him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You could do so much more with your life. If you went on for further education—”
“That would be hochmut. We shouldn’t put ourselves above anyone else.”
Kyle winced. He’d heard the word hochmut many times. Emma had complained about her older sister’s attitude of self-righteousness and pride. “But if you weren’t Amish, would you consider it?”
Settling into her chair at the table, Leah pinned him with a serious look. “No sense in speculating about things you’ll never do.”
Kyle tried to imagine his reaction to restrictions like that. Would he have railed against them and broken with his faith or taken on her attitude of calm acceptance? He had a feeling he might have rebelled. “So you have no regrets?”
She didn’t answer his question directly. Instead she said, “I’m grateful I can work with Sharon. At least for now.”
“For now? What does that mean? It sounds as if being a midwife is only temporary.”
“It is.” Leah didn’t meet his eyes. “I’ll have to give it up when I marry.”
Had he detected a deep sadness in her eyes before she said that? “Why would you do that?”
“Well, Ben—” Leah lowered her head and appeared to be intensely interested in rocking her fork back and forth to cut a small piece of cobbler.
Kyle winced. He’d been so elated to hear Joel was her brother he’d forgotten about Ben. What did it matter? Leah remained off-limits to him. For more reasons than one. “Surely Ben”—the name rolled uneasily off his tongue—“wouldn’t expect you to give up your profession after you’d studied so long and hard, would he?”
While he waited for her answer, Kyle slid his fork into his dessert. The scent of the juice wafting from his plate proved irresistible, but he waited. He didn’t want to have his mouth full, in case he needed to rebut Ben’s arguments.
“Well…” Leah toyed with her fork. “He doesn’t want his wife to work.”
Kyle’s anger burned hot toward this Ben. And not only because of jealousy. And the thought of them being married. Ben clearly didn’t deserve a wonderful person like Leah, and he had no right to force her to give up a career she loved.
Kyle struggled to tamp down his fury, but some of it leaked into his question. “Why on earth would you have to give up midwifing when you marry? Plenty of women combine families and careers.”
“In the Englisch world, maybe.”
The resignation in her tone doused his fighting spirit. His disagreement wasn’t with her. It was with Ben, with her culture. It might be a battle he couldn’t win, but he wanted to try. Maybe Dr. Hess could help him convince her. But right now, he didn’t want to ruin his time with her by starting an argument.
The heady aroma of the dessert on his plate beckoned to Kyle. He lifted a bite to his mouth, and flavor burst on his tongue. The slight tartness of blueberries mingled with the sugary sweetness of the crunchy topping. He closed his eyes to let his taste buds savor the full experience. Mmm. If only he could eat like this every day.
When he opened his eyes again, Leah was staring at him. “It sounds as if you like it.”
Had he made that mmm sound aloud? So what if he had? She deserved credit for the delicious meal. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier, but the chicken was awesome. Everything was. And this”—he pointed his fork at the dessert—“is scrumptious.”
Leah beamed. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
Kyle finished his last few bites and set his fork down on his empty plate. “It’s going to be hard to go back to cafeteria and take-out food after this.” He flashed her a smile to convey his gratitude. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated these meals.” And the company.
Kyle pushed back his chair and stood. “I’ll take care of the dishes later.”
“I can do them now.” Leah picked up their plates and carried them to the sink. “No one should have to face dirty dishes when they’re tired.”
She sounded as if she had firsthand experience with that. Kyle hurried to intercept her before she reached the sink. “Exactly, so I’ll handle it. Why don’t you sit at the table and relax?”
While Kyle squirted dish detergent into the sink and ran the hot water, Leah carried the pots and pans to the counter. Then she picked up a towel.
“I can’t stand by idly and let you do all the work.”
As he scrubbed the plates and handed them to her, they chattered and laughed. Kyle let his imagination soar. In his dreams, he and Leah worked together in the office all day and spent their evenings sharing meals, doing the dishes, and cuddling together on the couch afterward.
The click of a key in the front lock brought him back to reality. Esther opened the door and walked in. When she spied them in the kitchen together, the small overnight case in her hand hit the floor with a thud.
Her eyebrows arched so high they almost touched her hairline. “Leah? What are you doing here?” Disapproval flowed from her in thick waves. “I never expected…I don’t think…”
The buoyant mood in the kitchen popped faster than the soap bubbles in the sink.
Esther stopped speaking, obviously flustered and visibly upset at finding the two of them in her kitchen together. Perhaps the fact they were engaged in sharing the dish washing—an activity of love that she and Martin bonded over—made the scene appear more intimate than it was in reality. Or had it been innocent?
If Esther could read Kyle’s mind the past ten minutes, she’d be convinced she had something to worry about. His face burned, although outwardly they’d done nothing wrong. Leah’s fiery-red cheeks, though, made her appear guilty. Kyle longed to defend her, to protest that she’d only been drying dishes.
Esther sank into the nearest chair and fanned herself with her hand. Kyle hoped they hadn’t caused her to have a heart attack or stroke.
“Are you all right?” The doctor part of him kicked in, and he evaluated her rapid breathing and flushed face.
“I’ll be fine.” She set her clasped hands on the table and closed her eyes. Her lips moved soundlessly.
Kyle almost rushed over to her before it dawned on him she was praying.
When she opened her eyes, the serene expression on her face didn’t match her clipped tone. “It didn’t occur to me we needed to set ground rules for the use of our house.” She muttered something under her breath about history repeating itself.
The change in Esther’s demeanor, when Kyle had only ever seen her s
oftness and kindness, shocked him. The sternness of her jaw and worry in her eyes didn’t fit with her usual personality.
“I know you may consider me old-fashioned, but I don’t believe men and women, especially young unmarried ones, should ever be left alone together. I know Leah was brought up that way, so it never occurred to me something like this might be a problem.”
“We weren’t doing anything wrong.” Kyle had to defend Leah. “We ate a meal and were cleaning up.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything.” Esther’s gentle tone had returned, but a note of resolve indicated she intended to have her say. Turning toward Leah, she asked, “What would your parents think if they knew you were alone here with a man? And what of Ben?”
Leah hung her head, and her lips trembled. Kyle wanted to gather her into his arms, to shelter her from Esther’s criticism. She didn’t deserve any reproach. She’d set the table with only one plate; he’d been the one who’d convinced her to stay.
“It’s my fault.” Kyle couldn’t bear seeing Leah shoulder the blame. “I asked her to stay. I took advantage of her kind heart after she made me a meal. I told her how lonely I’ve been.”
“Loneliness can lead to temptation. I’ve seen it happen before.”
So had Kyle, but that wasn’t true in Leah’s case. “I don’t mean to be rude,” Kyle said, “but it isn’t fair to judge us, especially Leah, by someone else’s behavior when we’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I’m sure I can trust you two. It’s just that after what happened with your mother and father…” She snapped her mouth shut, lowered her head into her hands, and rubbed her forehead. “Forgive me. I’m so exhausted after all I’ve been through with Martin I’m speaking out of turn. I never should have said that.”
Esther had been looking at him when she said mother and father. “What did you mean about my parents?”
Esther shook her head. “I flashed back to a scene many years ago. It has no bearing on this situation. I’m sorry I even brought it up.”
Now that she had, though, curiosity got the better of Kyle. He wanted to hear the end of that sentence. “Tell me, please.”
“It’s not my story to tell. Besides, this has little to do with my present-day concerns.”
Kyle wanted to beg her to tell him the story, or at least tell him whose story it was to tell. Not Caleb’s, he hoped. Facing his estranged brother was the last thing Kyle wanted to do while he was here. And how did Esther know about his parents? Maybe they had to get married before they had Caleb? But Esther wouldn’t have known them then. His parents had only moved to this area after Caleb was born.
Mom often told the story of the first time she’d taken Caleb to Dr. Hess. Caleb had been two, and he’d taken the doctor’s stethoscope and insisted on checking Dr. Hess’s heart. The doctor had assured Mom that Caleb would make a good doctor someday. Instead, Caleb had to give up his medical training when their parents died. At the time, Kyle hadn’t realized what a sacrifice his brother had made to raise him. Now Caleb had become Amish, so he’d never be a doctor. Kyle had taken his place in the profession, which meant he had an obligation to do an outstanding job for both of them.
Kyle tuned back in to the conversation swirling around him. The worry lines around Esther’s mouth had softened back into pleasant lines, but her eyes still held a hint of concern.
She turned to Leah with a genuine smile. “I’m so grateful you were able to take my place in the office. Martin should be coming home in two days. I hope you’ll be able to stay until then.”
“I’d be happy to,” Leah assured her. “How is the doctor doing?”
Kyle had been planning to ask that question. He hoped Dr. Hess was recovering well.
“He’s doing well. We were both taken by surprise because he’s always been so healthy. It made us realize we need to give up the practice as soon as possible. Martin needs to lower his stress levels.” Her gaze moved to Kyle. “I can’t tell you how thrilled we are to have you here.”
He really should make it clear his time here was temporary, but he couldn’t add to her burdens when she was already under so much stress. He should give Dr. Hess some time to recover and then explain, although the longer he stayed, the harder it would be to leave.
She rose. “I need to get some fresh clothes and a few things for Martin. I don’t want to leave him alone too long.” She started up the stairs, then leaned over the railing to look at Leah. “Perhaps Kyle could finish the dishes alone, and you could keep me company upstairs.”
With an apologetic look, Leah handed him the towel and hurried toward the landing. Kyle hoped she wouldn’t have to endure a lecture while Esther packed.
By the time they descended, Kyle had finished the dishes, put them away in, and set the pots and baking dishes on the counter.
“I didn’t know who these pans and dishes belonged to,” he said, as they descended the stairs.
Leah hurried into the kitchen and picked up the casserole dishes. “These are Mamm’s.” She stowed them in the bag on the counter. “I hope you don’t mind that I used your pans, Esther.” She bent and slid the cookie sheet into the drawer under the oven. Then she hung the pots and pans on a round wrought iron holder over the kitchen island.
“That’s what they’re for.” Esther waved a hand toward the cabinets and swept it toward the living room and stairs. “Feel free to use anything you need in the kitchen or the rest of the house, Kyle.”
Then Esther pinned Leah with a stern gaze. “It was thoughtful of you to make meals for Kyle, but I’d rather you give him the casseroles to heat. I’m sure he can handle turning on the oven.”
At her questioning glance, Kyle nodded.
“Good.” She turned her attention back to Leah. “I don’t want the two of you in the house at the same time. I also want you to avoid being alone together in the office without patients around. Until I return, I’d like you to leave as soon as the last patient goes out the door. Will you promise me that?”
“Yes, of course.” Leah’s answer was barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“I know, dear. I only want to protect you and your reputation. I’m sure your parents would agree.”
Leah nodded. “They would.”
Esther made it sound as if being alone with him was dangerous. Before Kyle could express his indignation, Esther looked him in the eye.
“I know I can trust you, Kyle. I only want to ensure no gossip starts. I know you understand how important Leah’s reputation is. And so is yours. Once your reputation is tarnished, it’s extremely hard to recover it.”
Kyle had firsthand knowledge of that. In the past few days, he’d mainly seen Englisch patients. Most of them had no idea about his past, although he’d encountered several raised eyebrows and some hesitancy from a few people after he introduced himself. But everyone in the Amish community would remember his name, and they’d know he’d left years ago with his reputation in tatters.
Chapter Sixteen
After Esther tucked a few snacks into her purse, she picked up her suitcase and insisted on driving Leah home. Although she should be grateful for Esther’s concern, Leah struggled to mask her disappointment. Kyle mouthed an apology before they walked out the door. He must blame himself for inviting her to stay, but she could have said no. She’d been as eager to spend time with him as he’d been to assuage his loneliness.
While she drove, Esther returned to her usual cheerful self, and they chatted about Leah’s midwife training, Joel taking over the store, and Martin’s recovery. Yet Leah sensed her underlying disapproval. Her stomach in knots, she worried Esther might insist on talking to Mamm and Daed when they arrived at the house. If she did, they’d forbid her to assist at the doctor’s office.
When they pulled into the parking lot, she released a silent sigh for two reasons. One, she could drink some of her special herbal tea for the cramps. But even better, all the upstairs windows were dark. Her parents had gone to bed already. Pe
rhaps by the time Esther saw her parents again, she’d forget her concerns from this evening. Leah determined not to spend any time alone with Kyle for the next few days to avoid giving Esther anything to worry about.
Several times during the ride, Leah had gritted her teeth to keep from groaning and pressed her feet hard against the floorboards of the car to stave off the shooting pains in her abdomen. She had an even worse attack as she opened the car door. Gripping the old-fashioned car handle so tightly her palm hurt, Leah kept her back to Esther and squeezed her eyes shut until the assault on her insides ended.
“Are you all right, dear?”
Glancing over her shoulder, Leah managed a wan smile. “Just some twinges, but they’ve passed.”
“Take care of yourself,” Esther said as Leah reached over to close the car door. Her tone implied more than physical health.
“I will,” Leah promised. Eating dinner with Kyle tonight had been foolish. She was grateful Esther had interrupted them. Leah had needed someone to bring her back to her senses. They’d been having too much fun doing the dishes. She almost let herself fall for Kyle’s charm. From now on, she’d guard her heart.
But she couldn’t keep Kyle from her dreams. In her early prewaking haze, she clung to him, begging him not to leave. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes to the icy, gray dawn, but remnants of the images wrapped around her like the frosty haze that clung to the ground when she gathered the eggs. Wisps floated with her as she cooked breakfast, drank her herbal tea, and carried eggs and toast up to Mamm.
“Are you all right, dochder?” Mamm’s brow crinkled as she studied Leah. “Is working at the doctor’s office going well?”
“Yes, it is.” Very well. In fact, Leah enjoyed it so much she wished she could be a nurse so she could do it every day. She loved the opportunity to heal people with herbs, but what if she could do both? So far, she’d resisted the urge to suggest alternative medicine for the prescriptions Kyle gave out. Often herbal remedies worked equally as well and were less expensive.
“You enjoy helping people, don’t you? You’d make a good nurse.”
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