“Renard, don’t you have a kitchen to run?” Joel asked smoothly, eyeing Julian.
“I was busy doing that until I was fucking interrupted by a freaked-out sub and her overbearing guard dog.”
Julian growled, and she wrapped her hand in his to soothe him.
“Where is he?” Julian snapped at Joel. “What is he doing here?”
“He’s being watched by friends,” Joel replied smoothly. “And I have no idea what he’s doing here. As soon as I made certain he was conscious, I came out here to check on the two of you.”
“Be better for everyone if he stayed unconscious.”
“Julian,” she scolded.
“What?” Julian snapped back. “Wherever that man goes, he leaves destruction in his wake.”
“Sounds like someone I’d like to know,” Renard commented.
Julian snarled and took a step towards the big chef. Renard puffed out his chest, watching Julian with narrowed eyes.
“The two of you would get along well,” Julian commented. “You’re welcome to him. Not sure he’d ever risk damage to his precious reputation by getting involved with someone who wasn’t strictly female and vanilla.”
Renard’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.
“Julian, that’s not fair. We don’t know that’s the reason why—”
“What? You think it was a coincidence I was the first guy whose dick he touched, that he unleashed his Dominant side and then less than twenty-four hours later, he basically fires us and runs us out of town.”
Oh, Julian. His memories were skewed. That wasn’t what had happened. And she didn’t think Cole had turned on them because of what he and Julian did. There were things that didn’t add up there.
Joel sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. It wasn’t often Joel showed something bothered him, but she could see Cole turning up like he had rocked him. Joel had told them he hadn’t spoken to Cole in years, not since they’d had a huge fight the day after Cole stormed into the club to get them. So, yeah, he had to be rocked by all this but, instead of talking to Cole, he was here checking on her. Embarrassment flushed her cheeks. Such a fuckup.
“You gonna do something about this situation?” Renard asked Joel. “Because they can’t keep going on this way, they’re gonna burn out. Or one day, she’ll completely freak out and he’ll kill someone.”
“I’ve got this, Renard,” Joel said in a low, warning voice that made her eyes widen.
“Do you?” Renard challenged. “Because, if anything, they’re getting worse. We’ve talked about this.”
“You’ve talked about what? Us?” Julian asked angrily.
“Yep. We’ve all been walking on fucking eggshells around you both. Everyone’s too scared to tell you the fucking truth. You both need some serious help, and I’m talking about more than just a weekly chat with Molly. You need a Dom.”
Julian stiffened beside her. She leaned into him. If he threw himself at Renard, she didn’t know who would win.
Molly was doing her best to help them, but it didn’t feel like they were getting anywhere. So she couldn’t help but agree with Renard. It wasn’t enough. But bringing another Dom into their relationship? No way, not happening.
“We don’t need a Dom. I’m a Dom,” Julian growled at him.
Renard raised his eyebrows. “Maybe so, but you’re falling apart. Although, at least your issues are on the surface. Hers,” he nodded over at her and she stiffened, “are totally hidden. She smiles and everyone thinks she’s doing okay when that’s anything but true.”
Suddenly, everyone’s gazes were on her, and she automatically plastered her best smile on. Joel’s face showed concern, Julian frowned, and Renard gave her a triumphant look.
Shit.
She turned her face into Julian’s sleeve. She hated that she was so cowardly she always hid behind him.
“Keira?”
“I’m fine.”
“Christ, how many times a day does she say that? ’Cause it’s more than I can fucking count,” Renard snapped.
“That could be more of a reflection on your counting skills,” Julian snapped back.
She turned her face to find Renard grinning at her husband. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant smile, and she shuddered. Renard glanced down at her and his face softened.
“They need help, Saxon. They need someone to take control of them until they stop spiraling further and further into the dark. I should know, yeah?”
He should know? What did that mean? She’d guessed Renard had some dark stuff in his past. She might hide behind a smile, but he hid behind sarcasm and a gruff attitude.
“Keira has a Dom,” Julian insisted. “She doesn’t need another one.”
“Keira has a watchdog who nearly loses his mind when anyone even looks at her,” Renard snapped back.
“Renard, enough,” Joel said firmly.
“Fuck. Fine. Just tell me you’re going to do something.”
Joel just gave the other man a quelling look.
“You’re a switch, right?” Renard asked Julian. “You can submit under the right circumstances?”
How did he know that? Julian made an irritated noise and glanced over at Joel. The other man shook his head. So, he hadn’t told Renard. “I can tell these things. I was once involved with a switch. I’d volunteer myself up as your Dom, but I’m pretty certain I’m the last person the you’ll take orders from.”
“You got that right,” Julian snarled at him.
Renard shook his head. “Just find someone to take them on, Saxon. I can’t put up with Snarly and Smiley much longer without fucking losing it.” Something hot and dark came over Renard’s face before he stormed inside the kitchen.
“That asshole. Who the fuck does he think he is?” Julian snapped. “Like he knows what’s best for us? A Dom? Seriously?”
Joel looked at him thoughtfully. “Renard might not be good at expressing himself. In fact, generally, he’s pretty much an asshole. However, he’s a perceptive asshole, and his idea isn’t a bad one.”
“Keira has a Dom,” Julian reiterated.
“You can’t help her when you’re struggling as much as she is, Julian,” Joel said gently.
“We’re doing fine,” Julian told him.
They weren’t, though. They really weren’t. She was hanging by a thread and she was so worried about Julian it made her feel ill. But she didn’t see how adding a third person to the mess would help.
“Keira’s not, Julian.” Joel sent her a look, almost apologizing for putting her out there. He probably knew Julian would never accept help if it was just for him. But there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for her.
Julian looked down at her. “Keira?”
He never called her kitten anymore. Never used any of those crazy, silly nicknames he used to come up with. It hurt. Badly.
“I . . . I could use some more help,” she admitted. She licked her dry lips. “I’m trying to hold it all together, but I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I’m scared all the time.” A tear trailed down her cheek. Julian turned to face her, this time his grasp on her shoulders was far gentler.
“Keira, I’m going to keep you safe,” he said in a rough, broken voice. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again. Ever.”
She placed her hands on his. “I know you won’t. You’ll protect me.” She didn’t want him to think she didn’t have faith in him. Even if there was always a part of her that thought she’d never feel completely safe again. “But there’s something broken inside me, Julian, and I can’t seem to fix it. And no amount of talking with Molly seems to help.”
“You haven’t said anything,” he accused.
She reached up and wiped away her tears.
“I . . .” she trailed off miserably.
“She’s worried about you as well, Julian. You’ve both been hiding how you’re really doing in order to protect one another. You’re so busy worrying about each other you can’t take the time to help yourselves. A Dom could help
you with the little, everyday decisions so that you can focus on the bigger things. It doesn’t have to be about play or sex, it can just be knowing someone is there to help, to watch over each of you, to make sure Keira eats and that you sleep and relax. Then, maybe, you’ll find a way to focus, to heal. You’re Keira’s Dom, Julian. No one is denying that or taking it away from you. But you’re so focused on her physical safety you’re missing all the other things going on with her.”
She shot Joel a look. She didn’t like him criticizing Julian. He just stared back at her calmly. “Keira, you’re so worried about Julian, you’re doing nothing to help yourself.”
Julian ran his gaze over her once more, taking her in. “He’s right.”
“Julian . . .”
He shook his head. “I’m not helping you by watching you like a hawk. If anything, I’m making things worse. But I can’t . . . I can’t let you be out of my sight. I’m so scared . . . all the time.”
“Oh, Julian.” She slipped her arms around his waist, squeezing tightly.
“You’ve both been traumatized. You need to recognize that. There are so many people wanting to help you. I know it’s hard to trust anyone, Julian. I know you want to be everything for Keira, and you are. But you both need some time to heal. At the moment, you’re just getting through each day. Wouldn’t it feel good to let someone else take some of the stress off your shoulders? To be able to let down your guard a little?”
She looked up at Julian, waiting for his reaction. Relief shuddered through her as he nodded. She felt a surge of gratitude for Renard who had done more by just being his normal blunt self than they’d managed during weeks and weeks of therapy.
“But who?” he rumbled. “Who the hell can I trust with Keira’s safety? With her health?”
She noticed he wasn’t saying anything about himself. But, then, maybe all he needed was to take some of this stress and worry off his shoulders. Maybe he didn’t need a Dom to help him. She felt ashamed that she did. That she couldn’t manage it on her own.
“Keira, it takes a strong person to know they need help and ask for it,” Joel told her gently.
Julian wrapped his arm around her, pulling her tightly against him. “Keira is one of the strongest people I know.”
It was nice of him to say it even if she knew it wasn’t true. Weak. She was so weak. Still, she nodded. “I want to be better. I want Julian not to have to worry so much. But I don’t know who we can trust. My instincts have led us down the wrong path too many times for me to trust in myself.”
The weight of both men’s stares felt too much, and she sunk in on herself.
“Keira, what happened wasn’t your fault,” Julian told her.
She wasn’t sure if he was talking about what happened with Cole or what came later. Either way, it didn’t matter because she was certain it was her fault. But she just looked up at Julian and smiled widely.
He winced and looked away. Pain stabbed her in the gut.
“I have an idea of who would suit you. One option is for me to do it. You both trust me, and you live with me, which makes things easier. However, I don’t think either of you would find that prospect desirable.”
Keira shook her head. “It would feel weird.”
“And you’re busy enough as it is,” Julian replied. “You have a family of your own to concentrate on.”
Could he really do this? There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Keira, but this might be a step too far. After all, look at how things had turned out last time they’d both let someone close.
“All right, I thought you might feel that way. My next suggestion is Jardin.”
She sucked in a breath. Jardin? She didn’t know him that well, and while he seemed kind and a good man, was she really going to let a stranger tell her what to do? To have say over her mental and physical health?
Could he do a worse job than you’re doing?
Julian’s jaw clenched tightly. Did he not like Jardin? Or would he feel this way about any of Joel’s suggestions?
“I know this is difficult. You don’t know him that well. And I need to talk to him about this first, but, if he says yes, will you consider it? You could spend some time with him and see if he’s someone you could both work with. Please, for me?”
Her eyes widened. Joel wasn’t normally one to ask for something. But she could see the deep worry in his eyes. He really was concerned. She glanced up at Julian, saw him watching the other man intently.
“All right. We’ll meet with him. If he agrees.”
She let out a deep breath. Relief and worry mingled in her gut.
“Keira?” Joel asked.
“I agree with Julian.”
Joel frowned slightly but then he nodded. “All right, I’ll discuss it with him and let you know. Now, next pressing topic. Have either of you got any idea of why the fuck my brother is here?”
9
Fuck this.
He’d had enough of standing around in what he assumed was Joel’s office while Deputy Dickhead watched over him with a scowl on his face.
He didn’t have a clue what his name actually was because he refused to talk. He was wearing a deputy sheriff’s uniform and he was built like a fucking linebacker, so Cole knew he wasn’t getting past him without one hell of a fight. And considering his left eye was swollen shut from his run-in with Julian’s fist, he knew it was going to be a struggle not to come out second best.
He paced back and forth in the small room. Then moved over to the table where Joel’s bourbon sat in a decanter. He poured himself a healthy glass. Where had Joel gone? After making certain he was awake, he’d asked this guy to watch him before taking off. While he was still trying to make his vision stop seeing double, Deputy Dickhead had half-picked him up and shoved him in here.
“You have no fucking right to detain me. I’ll be talking to your superior.”
The other man snorted.
“I’m leaving now. You touch me, I’ll sue your department.”
The deputy sneered.
“Don’t think I won’t do it. I have plenty of funds at my disposal and a lot of time on my hands. It would be my pleasure to make your life a misery.”
“Seems that’s what you’re good at, leaving a trail of misery in your wake.”
That hit him hard. Who the fuck was this asshole to judge him?
“You might want to put those frozen peas back on your eye, before you ruin your pretty boy looks.”
What the fuck? He glared down at the icy bag of peas sitting on the desk. A big bear of a man had dropped them off, glared at Cole, then left without a word. Seemed he was making friends all over the place.
Dad would be so proud.
“I don’t know what you think you know—”
“I know that you’re Saxon’s fuckwit brother who thinks that anyone who isn’t vanilla is sick and depraved. Have I got that right?” The deputy smirked at him.
Fuck. Shit.
“I might have thought that way, once. I no longer do.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’ve gone through training to become a Dom,” he blurted out. Fuck. He didn’t owe this asshole an explanation. Maybe he needed to ease up on the bourbon. “For the past six months, I’ve trained and studied and done whatever was necessary to learn how to be a good Dominant.”
The other man gave a derisive snort.
He breathed in then let it out slowly. While he was in there, trading insults with this thick-as-shit asshole, his subs were out there on their own. Doing fuck knew what.
Okay, take it back a step or two.
They’re not yours anymore.
They probably hate your guts.
Deputy Dickhead can’t keep you in here forever. At least you know where they are and that they’re safe. He’d had his investigator searching for them for months. He’d been unable to figure out where they had gone after they’d left their jobs in San Antonio.
And they’d been right there the whole time? Or had they? Why d
id the two of them look so terrible?
“Is Joel with them?” he asked, voicing the worry that had been in his head since he’d walked through the door and seen Keira, his Keira, waiting tables. What was she doing waitressing? She was an amazing personal assistant, why would she work at Joel’s restaurant?
Unless she and Julian were with Joel?
He’d used an investigation firm to give him the basics about Joel’s life. Fuck. Why hadn’t he sent someone out here? If he’d actually sent an investigator out to Haven, they would have found Keira and Julian and he wouldn’t have wasted months . . . He sighed and poured some more bourbon.
No point in what ifs now.
“With them? With whom?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Deputy Dickhead tilted his head to the side. “You mean, Julian and Keira? Why do you care?”
There was a note of derision in the other man’s voice, as though just the thought was ridiculous. And it was. Why would they want him back? But that hadn’t stopped him from trying to find them. Because even if they’d found someone else, he still wanted to tell them why he’d done what he had. He’d wanted to find some closure.
The door behind the deputy opened and his brother stepped in. He gave Cole a once-over, then turned to the big man. “Thanks, Duncan. I owe you.”
“You certainly fucking do. Got better things to do with my evening than spend my time babysitting your asshole of a brother.”
Joel narrowed his gaze. “What did he do?”
“Well, I lost track of the times he threatened to sue me, or speak to my superior,” Duncan mocked.
Joel sighed. “He won’t do either of those things.”
“I wasn’t really worried. I know his type.”
What the fuck did that mean? Cole snarled. “Keep pushing me and you’ll see where it gets you.”
“What do I owe you, Duncan?” Joel asked the other man without taking his gaze from Cole’s.
“I want a table booking for Saturday night and the harem room reserved at the club.”
“Done.” Joel shook the deputy’s hand and he walked out without looking back.
“Fucking asshole had no right to keep me in here,” Cole snapped.
Cole's Mistake (Haven, Texas Book 8) Page 10