“No?”
“You cared about your employees, for one. You made a lot of good changes when you took over, Cole.”
“I had to fight the board the entire way. Fuck. All I thought about was making him proud. He never would have been proud. He’d always have found fault.”
“That was on him. Not you.”
Maybe.
“I think I can help.” He turned back to his brother with a grin. “And even if I can’t, those two nephews of mine need their Uncle Cole around to spoil them.”
“What? Like you didn’t already buy out every toy store in Freestown?”
“Got lost time to make up for.” With a number of people.
Joel just nodded. “All right. You’re staying. You want to help. First, you have to get them to talk to you.”
“Yeah. That’s the hardest part. Oh, and also? I’m going to need a membership to your club.”
Joel stiffened. “Sure, that’s the best idea?”
“I have people you can call for references. I know you’ll want to check. But I’ve learned over these past few years that denying who I really am is only punishing me and everyone around me. This is who I am, Joel. This is the real me.”
“I certainly hope so, brother. Because this Cole, he’s someone I could care about. Maybe even love.”
He turned away before his brother could see the tears in his eyes. He sure as hell hoped so.
Julian stood at the side of the pool, his eyes roaming the surroundings as Keira swam slow lengths up and down the pool. He was glad she’d decided to take up swimming again. His girl loved the water. However, it also made him nervous. He’d never learned to swim. His dad hadn’t wanted to pay for lessons for what he’d called a girly sport.
Still, it wouldn’t stop him from jumping in to get her if she got into trouble. Only the very deep end of the pool was over his head.
He stood sentry while she glided from one end to the other. She tired pretty easily, so she was never in there for long. If they ever managed to get a place of their own, he’d put in a pool for her.
Yeah, to do any of that you actually need some money, which involved getting a job. He knew he was letting her down. He had to somehow get past this obsessive need to always have her in his sight. Molly had told them both they had PTSD. She’d given them exercises to do, but he struggled with them. And he knew Keira did too.
But he needed to start doing them, if only to set a good example. More than ever, Keira looked to him, and he had to be better. Things weren’t working out that well with Jardin. The other man wanted to help, but Julian just couldn’t seem to let him in. And Keira followed his lead.
“Nice night, isn’t it? Surprised you’re not taking a dip as well.”
He turned. His hands curled into fists. Fuck. He’d let his guard down and now the monster was back, he was coming for them and Keira was vulnerable.
“Hey, Julian. Hey, it’s me. It’s Cole. It’s all right, you’re safe. You’re safe.”
The words slowly penetrated his haze of fear, and he blinked as Cole’s face filled his vision.
“What are you doing here?” he snarled at the other man, letting anger overtake his fear. Fuck. Shit. What the hell? Of course, it wasn’t Vincento. The other man had no idea where they were, and he wasn’t going to just turn up at Joel’s place and make a comment about the weather.
Get yourself together, man.
He had to do a better job than he was at acting like he was getting better.
“I just had dinner with Joel, Aspen, and the boys. I thought I’d walk out here and take in the view.”
It could be plausible, but he doubted it. Cole just wasn’t a guy who stopped to smell the roses. It wasn’t in his makeup.
“You’ve seen it, you can go.” He knew he was acting like a toddler who wasn’t getting his way, but he couldn’t help it.
Cole’s attention dropped to Keira, who was still swimming.
“Don’t look at her. You have no right to look at her.”
Cole’s gaze returned to him. And instead of anger or frustration, which he might have expected, he just saw understanding.
“I know I don’t, Julian. I don’t really have the right to ask anything from the two of you. I’m going to, though.”
“Why? Why are you here, now?”
Why couldn’t he have just left them alone? Why couldn’t he have come after them earlier? Found them before Vincento got his hands on them.
He took in a calming breath.
“I’ve made so many mistakes, Julian. I have so many regrets. I don’t want to add to them.”
“So, as usual, this is all about you. About what you want.”
“No.” Cole shook his head. “I won’t deny there’s a bit of selfishness in my being here. I wanted to make things right with my brother. And now that I’ve met his family, I want to be a part of their lives.”
And he had every right to be. He was blood. Keira and Julian weren’t. Fuck, maybe he needed to find them somewhere to live sooner than he’d thought.
“But I also need to make things right with the two of you.”
“Never gonna happen,” Julian snapped. Did he think words would make up for what happened to them?
It wasn’t Cole’s fault.
Yeah. Except part of him couldn’t help but feel it was. Part of him needed someone else to blame. Because otherwise the only other target was himself. And the guilt was eating him from the inside out.
Wasn’t really fair to Cole. Since the person who was to blame wasn’t there. Would never, pray to God, be within a thousand miles of him or Keira again. But he wasn’t there, and Cole was. And, for so long, he’d been angry at Cole. But, more than that, he’d been hurt by Cole.
Vincento had hurt him. Broken him. Torn him down. But he still hadn’t hurt him the way Cole had.
Is it Cole’s fault you fell hard and fast? That he was the first person you ever submitted to?
No.
If it had been just him who he’d hurt, he might feel differently. He might forgive more easily. But there was always going to be one thing that would be a struggle to forgive Cole for. And that was breaking Keira’s heart.
Hurt him. Break him. Hate him. But nobody harmed his wife. Never again.
“Bad choice of words,” Cole muttered. “I seem to be doing that a lot.”
“Really? The great Cole Saxon has something he’s not good at?”
Cole gave him a dark look and, for a moment, he thought he would snap back. But then he looked towards Keira, still swimming, oblivious to everything going on up here.
Thank God.
Last thing she needed was to witness this. To see how badly Julian was handling it. He needed to be strong for her.
“There are plenty of things I’m not good at, but I’m trying to improve. I’m trying to be a better person, Julian. I might mess things up along the way, but I’m not here to hurt anyone. And if that’s what I’m doing, I’ll go. All I asking is that you let me explain about why I did what I did. Not for me, well, a little for me.” He let out a self-deprecating laugh. “This being honest shit is hard. I got so used to just doing what I thought was best and damn what anyone else thought. That way was fucked up and I know that now. But I’m hoping if the two of you know what happened, it might help you.”
Help them? How could that help them? But then, Cole knew nothing about what had happened to them. Joel had promised he wouldn’t say a word to him. That he’d leave it to Julian and Keira if they wanted to tell him anything.
“I know there might be nothing I can do to make things right. To earn your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve that.”
“You don’t,” Julian muttered then he closed his eyes briefly. Fuck, he hated that he was being like that. Sullen. Surly. Cole might have fucked up, but he was there and he was trying to explain things.
“Cole, I—” He opened his eyes and turned towards the man just as he took a step towards the pool.
Fear fille
d Cole’s face and Julian turned, fists formed to fight whatever enemy was coming their way. This time, he wouldn’t be taken by surprise. This time, he’d fight to the death to protect what belonged to him.
Keira.
Cole.
Before that thought could penetrate, before he realized there was no enemy raging towards them, bent on hurting those Julian loved, Cole was tugging off his shoes then diving into the pool.
“Keira!”
15
It was so peaceful.
This was what she loved about swimming. She could just forget everything else and float around like she had no cares in the world. She was weightless. No noise. No one to be disappointed in her or worry over her or push her for more than she could give.
Floating freely at the end of a swim was her favorite part.
Suddenly, something rocked her peaceful world. Hands grabbed at her, tugging her to the surface. Panic filled her.
No! No, he wouldn’t take her! Wouldn’t hurt her!
She hit out at him, fighting as hard as she could in her weakened state. She couldn’t see, panic blinded her, the water blurred her vision. Her lungs burned. She’d already been down there too long. She needed to breathe.
Oh, God. He was going to kill her. He was finally going to kill her.
Suddenly he grabbed her around the waist and thrust her up, her head burst to the surface and she took a huge gulp, prepared to scream.
“Keira! Keira, are you all right?” She cleared her eyes, looking into Julian’s pale, concerned face. Why wasn’t he jumping into the pool to defend her?
Except . . . it wasn’t Vincento who had her. Of course not.
Her heart still thudding, her body shaking, feeling chilled and ill, she turned to look into the concerned face of the man who’d haunted her dreams for the past few years.
“C-cole?”
He stared back at her, still holding her tightly. “Are you okay? Can you breathe all right? Julian, call an ambulance,” he bossed, carrying her towards the shallow end. As he got close, he swung her up into his arms, striding over to where Julian stood, a towel in his hands.
“Give her to me,” Julian demanded.
“Why aren’t you calling an ambulance?” Cole snapped. “She just about drowned. Never mind, it will be quicker if I drive. Wrap the towel around her and come on.”
“I wasn’t drowning,” Keira stated just as Julian reached for her, snatching her from Cole’s arms.
“What?” Cole looked between them both. She winced as she saw that he’d jumped in fully clothed, his dark blue shirt and expensive-looking slacks were saturated. Crap. He’d obviously thought she was in trouble and had dived in to save her.
Unnecessary, but sweet all the same.
Um, sweet? Yeah, probably not the word most people would use to describe Cole Saxon. Driven. Smart. Deadly. Gorgeous. Those words, yes. Sweet, no.
“Julian, put me down,” she requested in a soft voice. He was holding onto her firmly, but she got the feeling he’d forgotten he was even holding her. He blinked, helped her stand, and she grabbed the towel he held, wrapping it around herself. Adrenaline still flooded her, and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself as she shook.
“You need to get checked by a doctor, at least. You were under the water a long time.”
She looked from Cole to Julian, who wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to his side. “She’s fine. She does that all the time.”
“Does what all the time?” Cole asked suspiciously.
She glanced around for a towel to offer him, but they’d only brought one with them. Not that Cole seemed to notice he was dripping wet.
“She likes to float. She’s fine. She wasn’t drowning, you didn’t need to play hero.” There was a derisive note to Julian’s voice that made her wince. She didn’t think that was fair. She thought it was kind of nice that Cole had been worried about her. That he’d jumped in without a care because he thought she was in trouble.
“Keira? You were just floating?”
She nodded.
Cole put his hands on his hips, giving them both an exasperated look. “All right. So maybe I overreacted, however you were down there a long time and you weren’t moving and that worries me if you’re doing it a lot. What if you got into trouble while you’re alone?”
“She’s never alone.”
Cole’s eyebrows came together, his look thoughtful. “Yeah, I can see that. Keira, I want to hear from you that you’re all right.”
She stiffened. Then she forced a smile. “Of course, I am. Like Julian said, I like to float.”
“When I grabbed you, you panicked. You were fighting me like you thought I’d hurt you.”
“You frightened me. I didn’t know who you were.”
Cole’s frown deepened, and Julian stiffened. Shoot.
“You should really get a towel and dry off before you catch a cold,” she told him. “I’ll go get you one.”
Julian held her back. “He can get his own towel.”
“But we have plenty in the guest house. Julian . . .” she gave him a look.
He shook his head but sighed. “Fine. You can come get a towel.”
“Thank you.” Cole watched them both carefully. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking. At one time, she knew him almost as well as she did Julian. As his PA they’d spent a lot of time together. But now, he was almost a stranger. He looked the same. But she didn’t think he was the man she’d known before. That Cole would already be firing out demands and making assumptions. Not quietly watching and waiting.
She didn’t know what to make of this Cole. And she suspected Julian felt the same. When they reached the guest house, Cole stopped at the doorway. She turned back to look at him.
“Don’t want to drip water all through the house,” he explained.
“Oh, it’s okay,” she told him. “I can mop it up.”
Julian was stiff and silent beside her, but he didn’t protest Cole coming in. She quickly moved to grab him a towel. She didn’t want to leave the two of them alone for long.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he told her in a low voice. Their hands brushed as she passed him the towel and a little shock ran across her skin.
Holy shit.
She’d forgotten about that. The way her body reacted to him.
He hurt you. He turned his back on you. He never wanted you.
“You should take a shower and get dressed, Keira,” Cole said in a gentle voice as he dried his hair. “Don’t stand around freezing because of me. I don’t want you getting a cold.”
“She’s mine to take care of,” Julian stated.
“Sorry,” Cole told him quickly. “I didn’t mean to overstep. I’ll just get out of here. Thanks for the towel, Keira.”
He reached out, holding the towel to her. She looked from the towel up to Julian. But he was glaring off into the distance. With a sigh, she reached out and took it.
“I’m sorry I scared you.”
She gave him a small smile. “That’s okay. You didn’t know I was all right.”
“I guess that’s what worries me. I’m not certain that either of you are all right.” He looked from Julian to her.
Julian finally turned to look at him. “That’s not your problem, though, is it? You threw us away. Humiliated us, made us think you wanted more then immediately dumped us. So, you no longer get to ask if we’re all right.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know.” He turned and walked away, leaving Keira standing there, holding his towel and wishing she had the courage to call him back.
She quickly showered and got into her pajamas before walking into the tiny kitchen area where Julian was rummaging in the fridge. “What do you want to eat, Keira?”
“I’m not hungry.”
He turned with a sigh, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “Don’t let him ruin your appetite.”
Appetite? What appetite? She hadn’t had one in months. But she didn’t say that b
ecause then he’d feel terrible for not noticing how little she ate.
“He isn’t,” she said gently. “Do you think we’re being too hard on him? He just wants to talk to us.”
Julian frowned and her stomach dropped. She knew she shouldn’t have said anything. She didn’t want to cause Julian stress. It’s just that she hated watching Cole walk away. He’d looked lost. Alone.
It’s Cole Saxon. He could walk up the street and have any woman he wants. Of course, he’s not going to be alone.
“He just wants to talk to make himself feel better. He feels guilty.”
She wasn’t sure that was entirely it. She could see he did feel guilty, but he seemed so worried about them.
“I think it’s more than that,” she suggested. “And don’t you want to know what happened?”
Julian’s jaw clenched. “I wish I didn’t.”
“I know,” she agreed. “It’s hard seeing him. I thought that if I ever saw him again, I wouldn’t feel anything. No anger or sadness.” Or attraction.
Julian started pacing up and down the kitchen. “Why’d he turn up now? Why couldn’t he have come six months from now.”
At the pace they were going, she wasn’t sure six months was going to change much.
“Or a year ago,” she said quietly. Because maybe then some of their pain would have healed and they wouldn’t have gone off with Vincento.
“He’s not here for us, Keira,” Julian told her gently. “He came here for his brother. They’re blood. We’re not. I think we need to move.”
She blinked at the abrupt change of topic. “You think Joel doesn’t want us here anymore?” Her voice sounded little and lost. Fear flooded her. She couldn’t leave. This place was safe. Where else would she feel safe?
Her airways grew tight, it became hard to fill her lungs. Black dots danced across her vision. Nausea bubbled. She was going to be sick.
“Keira! Kitten! Listen to me, kitten. Open your eyes and look at me. Right. Now.”
That firm tone of voice snapped her eyes open. She stared at Julian blurrily. “You’re having a panic attack, kitten. Take a deep, slow breath. It’s all right. I’m here. I’m going to keep you safe. Nice, deep breaths. You’re all right. You’re safe. I’m going to keep you safe.”
Cole's Mistake (Haven, Texas Book 8) Page 16