Gradually, his words penetrated, and she managed to take some deeper breaths. She discovered they were sitting on the floor of the kitchen, she was curled up in his lap, and he was leaning back against the cupboards.
She leaned into him with a sob. “S-sorry. S-sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry, baby girl.” He kissed the top of her head. Then he rocked her back and forth. “My sweet little kitten. It’s all right. I’m going to keep you safe.”
“I-I’m not r-ready to leave here.”
“Then we won’t. I was wrong to say that. I was being selfish.”
“W-what do you mean?”
He sighed. “If we stay here, there’s more chances we’ll run into Cole. And every time I see him it becomes harder to keep him at arm’s length. To hold onto all that anger and hate.”
“You w-want to h-hold onto it?”
“I don’t want to let him close. I don’t want him to hurt us again. I want to keep you safe.”
“He won’t h-hurt us physically. He’s n-not like V-vincento.”
“Physically, no.”
But emotionally, he could tear them apart all over again.
“You’re r-right,” she said. “We need to s-stay away from him.” It hurt her to say the words. Cole pulled at her. Even after all this time apart. But she had to be smart about this. She’d wanted him once before and it had ended in disaster. She’d been attracted to Vincento and look how that ended. They’d barely survived.
“I just want to keep you safe, kitten. I know I haven’t done a very good job up until now—”
She reached up and placed her hand over his mouth. She knew he was no longer talking about Cole. “None of that was your fault. None of it.”
“I should have done better. Vincento hurt you and I couldn’t do a thing.” A tear dripped down his face and she hugged him tightly. He buried his face in her shoulder.
“Sh. He hurt you as well. You protected me as much as you could. You always protect me.”
It was her fault they’d gone with Vincento in the first place. She hated that he felt that way. She knew he hated feeling helpless and that’s what Vincento had done. Broken them both down until they were shells of themselves.
“I love you, Julian,” she whispered to him.
“I love you too, Keira. Now and always.”
They’d get through this, like they did everything else. The two of them. They didn’t need anyone else. And if they needed to move out of the guest house, then that’s what they’d do. She’d do anything to take care of Julian. Even if that meant never seeing Cole Saxon again.
Anyway, it wasn’t like he was going to stick around. Soon, he’d be back at work. She was surprised he’d still been in town this last week. No, he’d go, and they could get back on with their lives.
Such as they were.
16
He sat in the restaurant and watched them.
Two weeks he’d been in Haven. Two weeks and other than that time at the pool, he hadn’t been able to get the two of them alone. Joel had said it would take a lot to get them to open up and listen to him. He hadn’t been joking. But how could he even try if he couldn’t even get them in the same room with him?
Keira was working tonight, though, and he was determined to at least talk to her. Julian sat across the room in a corner. Cole’s gaze rested on him briefly. For a moment the other night at the pool, he thought he was going to break through the barrier the other man had erected around himself, but if anything, he’d shored them up tighter.
And any hint of warmth he’d seen in Keira had disappeared. She stared at him like she didn’t know him.
Like you don’t deserve it.
Maybe he did. But it didn’t mean he liked it. That he didn’t want to pull the two of them close to his chest and keep them safe and, at the same time, turn them over his knee until they damn well listened to him.
Okay, that wasn’t a viable plan. He was just frustrated. He had to remain calm. He couldn’t do what he would have done in the past, which was demand and intimidate and manipulate until he got his own way.
He had to be sneakier. And for once in his life, he had to be gentle. Both of them were fragile in their own way, and he had to make sure he didn’t shatter them.
“Well, can’t ever say you’re not tenacious.” Joel slipped into the chair across from him. “Something wrong with the beef wellington?”
“Huh. No, I’m sure it’s delicious.”
“Staring at them isn’t going to help. You need to actually talk to them.”
“You think I don’t know that,” Cole bit out, frustrated.
Joel raised an eyebrow.
He let out a deep breath and rolled his neck from side to side. “Sorry. Just feeling a bit helpless.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to the club.” Joel watched Keira for a moment.
“She looks tired. And thinner, if that’s possible,” Cole commented, worried. “I thought that Malone guy was supposed to help them.” It still pissed him off they had someone else. It should be him taking care of them both. But he understood why. He’d lost their trust. He may never have it again. Never have them back.
Joel tapped his fingers against the table. “Maybe I was wrong.”
“Wait. Is that a pig flying across the sky?” Cole looked out the window mockingly.
“You’re such an asshole. Guess nothing will ever change that, huh?” Joel replied, but there was no bite to his voice. “They’re not letting Jardin in and there’s only so much he can do without them giving him anything. But they want to go to the club this Saturday night.”
“What? Do you think that’s a good idea?” They were barely holding themselves together.
“No, I don’t think it’s a good fucking idea; I think it’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
“Then tell them no.” Easy.
Joel sighed. “I may think it’s a disaster, but nothing else is working. Maybe this will help them knock down some barriers and let Jardin in.”
Cole’s hands clenched into fists.
Calm. Calm.
Joel stood and tapped something against the table. “Eat the damn food. Renard will have a fit if a full plate goes back to the kitchen. Oh, and I expect I’ll see you Saturday night?” He didn’t wait around for a reply, but, when Cole glanced, he saw a shiny black card with a discreet logo in the top right corner.
A membership card for Saxon’s.
A feeling of hope filled him. All right then.
“Is there something wrong with your meal?”
He glanced up at the soft voice and quickly placed the card in his pocket. He didn’t want to scare Keira off. He thought the two of them going to the club was pretty much the worst idea he’d ever heard. However, he knew he’d never talk them out of it. And, obviously, Joel wasn’t going to. So, the next best thing was him being there to watch over them.
“No, I’m just not very hungry tonight. Thank you.” He kept his voice soft, gentle, even though he wanted to demand she sit down so he could feed her the beef. Even as he wanted to tuck her onto his lap and wrap her up in his protection and tell her everything would be all right because he would make sure it was.
But he couldn’t do any of that. So, he just gave her a small smile as she picked up the full plate, noting the way her hand shook slightly. Because she was near him or because she wasn’t feeling well?
Either way, he didn’t like it.
He placed his hand over hers as she went to leave. “Keira, you’re not afraid of me, are you? You know me. You know I’d never hurt you.”
“Not physically, you wouldn’t.”
He winced but nodded. “That was the wrong thing to say.” He let out a bitter laugh. “All I seem to be good at lately is saying the wrong thing.”
He saw a flash of sympathy in her eyes. “I know what that’s like.”
“You always know what to say to make someone feel better.”
“Not anymore,” she whispered, looking over her shoulder
at Julian, who was watching them but hadn’t approached. He glared at where Cole touched Keira though, and Cole slid his hand away.
“Keira,” he started.
“I have to go, I’m working,” she told him, pulling away.
“All right, baby,” he replied. The last thing he wanted to do was push her and have her fear him.
She strode into the kitchen, and he turned to look at Julian, expecting to see the other man glaring at him, or storming his way to tell him off. Instead, he was staring at Cole with a look of such intense sadness and pain that Cole’s stomach rolled over.
Fuck. Is this what I did to them?
He closed his eyes briefly then, to his surprise, he felt someone walk up to him. He glanced up to see Keira looking down at him worriedly. “Renard wants to see you.”
Why did she sound so scared? He stood, looking down at her. “What’s wrong? Who is this Renard? Are you scared of him?”
She shook her head but turned away and walked quickly into the kitchen. He followed after her, aware of Julian watching them.
He strode into the kitchen just as a tall, broad man walked out from what he assumed was a pantry. It was the same man who’d brought him the frozen peas the other day. Cole froze as he saw the large knife in his hand.
“You again. See the eye healed up. Back to your pretty boy looks.”
Keira winced at the chef’s words and Cole stepped up, pushing her gently behind him. “Keira, get out of here. Do we have a problem?”
“You’re damn right we have a problem,” the chef whisper-yelled.
Cole frowned in confusion. Why was he so angry? And why was he whispering like that?
“You returned my beef wellington.”
Cole was aware of the door behind him opening, and he briefly glanced over to see who it was. As he suspected, Julian had walked in. He moved closer to them. “Everything okay? Keira you all right?”
“I’m fine.” She tried to move out from behind Cole, but he swung his arm back.
“Stay there,” he demanded.
She froze, and Julian made a low noise of displeasure. Right now, he didn’t care. He just wanted to keep them safe from the clearly livid man in the kitchen.
“Cole, it’s fine.”
“He has a knife,” Cole said to her incredulously.
The big man looked down at the knife in his hand as though just noticing it was there. He snorted and placed it down on the counter. “That better?”
“Julian, take her out of here,” he ordered. “I want her away from him. Something is wrong with him.”
The other man raised his arms, his eyes flashing. “Of course, there is something the fuck wrong with me. You returned the beef fucking wellington and I want to know fucking why.” He never once raised his voice past that soft whisper.
“I wasn’t hungry,” Cole explained. “And why are you whispering?”
“So, I don’t scare the girl, of course.” Renard looked at him like he was an idiot.
The girl? He glanced down as Keira moved in closer to him. He was talking quietly so as not to scare her? That was actually kind of thoughtful. Not something he’d thought this big bear of a man could be.
“Why would you order food if you weren’t hungry, huh? Nobody ever returns the beef wellington. Nobody returns plates with any food on them. They eat every bite!”
Keira jumped as that last word was said in a louder voice. Immediately, a concerned look crossed the man’s face. “Sorry, darling, why don’t you go out and serve some deserving customers?
Julian had moved closer to them until he was standing next to Keira. She slipped up beside Cole once more. He frowned down at her. She needed to stay where he put her in situations like this.
Even though it seemed like this guy wasn’t a threat to her, he still didn’t want her in harm’s way.
“Julian?”
“Yes?” Julian asked carefully.
“Take Keira out please, while I speak to Mr. Renard.”
The chef sneered at him. “It’s just Renard and this conversation is over. Leave and never return.”
“I wasn’t aware you were the owner of this establishment.” He knew he wasn’t, unless Joel had a business partner.
“I’m the heart and soul of this place. There would be no Fet without me.” The man thumped his chest.
“Julian.” Cole didn’t bother to look at him.
“Come on, Keira,” Julian said in a low voice. “You’ve got other customers waiting.”
“I don’t think we should leave Cole with Renard. You know what he’s like.”
Who was like? Him or Renard?
“Go! Go!” Renard made shooing gestures with his hands at him. “I will not fucking kill him. I do not like a fucking mess in my kitchen. But you are not fucking welcome back here. I don’t care who your fucking brother is.”
Cole took a step forward. “You will refrain from swearing in front of Keira.”
Renard’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll swear all I fucking like. Keira doesn’t care, do you?”
“N-no, of course not.”
Why had Julian not taken her out of there? He half-turned to give the other man a look and saw he had her most of the way across the room, but she was giving him resistance. Okay, enough of that.
“Keira, you were told to return to the dining room.”
Her eyes narrowed. Some of the old Keira shone out at him. Hmm, maybe he was going about this wrong. Maybe slow and sweet wasn’t the way. He’d still need to treat them gently, but maybe they also needed more of a push.
At least there was more life in her eyes as she glared at him. Hey, if she needed him to be the bad guy then it was a role he was at least good at.
“I’m just trying to help you,” Keira told him.
Help him? Was she crazy? “I don’t need help. What I need is you a safe distance away.”
“Renard won’t hurt me. You, on the other hand . . .” she bit her lip.
She was worried about him. His insides softened. “Baby, thank you for worrying over me, but I can take care of myself. I’m perfectly capable of talking to Mr. Renard about his poor manners on my own.”
The door swung open, nearly catching Julian in the back, and Joel walked in. He stood there for a moment then sighed, putting his hands on his hips as he glared at Cole. “Didn’t I tell you to eat the damn beef wellington?”
“Keira! Julian!”
Jesus, did the man never give up? Julian tightened his hold on Keira as she slowed her steps. He knew she still felt something for Cole. Hell, if he were honest, he did as well. Anger. Disappointment. Lust. He wished the last one wasn’t present, but it was.
Cole Saxon was a fine-looking man. But it wasn’t his looks that attracted Julian. It was so much more than that. It was his power. His fire. The fact he could be so cold and calm on the outside, but on the inside he burned bright. He didn’t let many people see that fire. But Julian had. He’d experienced what it was like to be wrapped up in Cole’s warmth. It was everything. And then when you were cast aside, when you no longer had that fire warming you from the inside out— you felt like nothing.
He had to remember that feeling. He couldn’t let Cole sneak his way back into their lives. Hell, sneaking wasn’t his style. He’d try to storm his way past their barriers. That couldn’t happen.
So why didn’t you grab Keira tonight and storm out of that kitchen? Why didn’t you tell him off for ordering them both around? Instead, he’d let Cole take charge. Why? What the fuck was it about him that Julian was happy to let him take control? Sure, he might like to submit in the bedroom sometimes, but outside of that he wasn’t willing to take anyone’s orders.
“Can I please speak to the two of you a minute?”
Keira looked up at Julian. He grumbled to himself but turned them both towards Cole.
Cole gave him a grateful look, and he felt like an ass. He clenched his free hand into a fist. Perhaps he should just give Cole what he wanted, a chance to explain. Then may
be he’d leave and not return, and life could go back to normal.
Right. Like your life is normal.
Besides, the idea of Cole leaving made Julian’s gut tighten into a knot. Fuck, he was messed up.
“Just wanted to check you were all right, Keira,” Cole said with concern.
“I’m fine.”
Cole grew pensive. “That guy always like that?”
“A giant dick, you mean?” Keira asked, surprising them both.
Julian snorted. “That’s a bit kind.”
Even Cole’s lips twitched. “Yes, I guess that’s what I mean.”
Julian and Keira shared a look. “Pretty much.”
A ghost of a real smile crossed Keira’s face, and Julian found himself relaxing. Christ, if Cole could do that then maybe he was making a mistake keeping him at arm’s length.
“He really hates when people send plates back with food on them,” Keira explained. “Often, I can clean off the plate before he sees it, but I couldn’t manage it with yours. Sorry.”
“Hey, not your fault, sweetheart,” Cole said gently. “Joel did warn me to eat the damn food. He just spent a half an hour chewing me out for upsetting his overly sensitive chef. Who knew he could be so long-winded?”
“We have to get going; Keira needs to rest,” Julian said.
Cole looked them both over. “All right. I just wanted to check on you and to warn you that you might see me at Saxons at some point.”
Julian stiffened. “You have a membership?”
“Yes. I finally passed all of Joel’s tests.” He rolled his eyes. “I swear, you’d think there’d be some perks to being his brother, but I think he’s harder on me than everyone else.”
“That’s because you were a complete dick to him,” Julian told him bluntly.
“Julian,” Keira protested, ever the peacemaker.
Cole’s grin faded. “Yes, I was. And it’s quite right he wants to put me through my paces. I just didn’t want the two of you to be taken by surprise.”
That seemed nice of him. But when had Cole Saxon ever been nice?
Cole's Mistake (Haven, Texas Book 8) Page 17