by Rona Halsall
The sound of footsteps trudging up the stairs made her push the phone under the bed, snatch up her toiletries bag and dash into the bathroom, just as she heard the bedroom door handle turn.
Quickly, she turned on the tap, fumbled her toothbrush and toothpaste out of the bag and started brushing her teeth, waiting to see what Dan would do. Her heart thundered in her chest. She was so confused, had no idea what to make of his confession or the fact that he genuinely believed they were in danger. It didn’t seem real. She stopped brushing for a moment. Maybe it isn’t real? Even though he’d denied it, Dan could be suffering from mental health issues brought on by the trauma. Isn’t that possible?
She felt his presence behind her, heat radiating from his body. ‘Are you feeling okay?’ he said. ‘I mean, do I need to get you anything special? For the baby? You know, vitamins or special foods you should be eating?’
She spat out the toothpaste, wiped her mouth on a towel and turned to him, giving him a quick smile. ‘Oh, yes. Actually, I have a real craving for something sweet. Those pastries from the village shop. I don’t suppose you could go and get me one, could you?’
He grimaced and shook his head. ‘I’d love to, but I don’t really want to leave you on your own. Maybe we could both go when you’ve had a sleep?’
A surge of heat flowed through her body and there was an edge to her voice. ‘So, you’re saying we have to go everywhere together? Is that it?’
I was right, then. I am a prisoner.
He must have seen the horror in her eyes, and after they’d stared at each other in a simmering silence for a few moments, he relented. ‘Well, I don’t suppose it’ll take me long to jog down there and back again. Is there anything you fancy for dinner?’
‘Lots of calories. And folic acid. Green vegetables.’ She shrugged. ‘Whatever you want to cook will be wonderful. I’m sorry, I’m so wiped out, I’m not going to be up to much today.’
‘Hey, it’s fine. You’ve had a long journey and I know well, it’s all a bit of a shock, isn’t it?’ He walked towards her, folded her in his arms, and after a moment she sank into his embrace. She could feel his heart thumping steadily in his chest, the solid mass of his muscles beneath his skin. She felt safe here with him, didn’t she? But then, she’d felt safe before she’d met him. Now she was worried, and as her mind went over their conversation, his confession, a little chill of fear settled at the back of her neck.
Am I always going to be afraid now I’m with Dan? Does he bring danger with him?
She closed her eyes and willed her uncertainties to go away. She wanted to be back where they had been just over a week ago, all the excitement of their love, the whirlwind romance, the wedding. She’d never imagined she could feel so happy, so filled with joy.
And now? How do I feel now?
She needed to consider that. Work out what was fact and what was fiction. And once Dan was out of the house, she’d have time to do some research, see if she could find anything online. Once she knew the truth, she could make some decisions about what to do.
‘I’m going to lock the door. And don’t answer it for anyone, okay?’
She nodded and got into bed, then he bent down and kissed her, a kiss so gentle and tender that it sent a glow around her body. After he’d left the room, she had to remind herself that whatever she was feeling, it was a primitive response to his pheromones and had nothing to do with common sense.
Ironically, it was his gentleness that had attracted her to him. The way he was with his mum, so caring and considerate. And he loved babies. Genuinely loved them. A quality which had a strong magnetic force as far as she was concerned, given her experience in past relationships.
She stroked her belly and wondered if she regretted anything. How can I regret a child? And how could she regret the love she still felt for Dan? Despite everything she now knew about him, her heart refused to waver, and for the sake of their child, she wanted to try and make this relationship work. With that thought in her mind, she fell asleep, only waking when Dan brought her a tray of tea and pastries, and she realised that her opportunity to check out his story had gone.
* * *
The rest of the day was spent quietly, watching films snuggled on the settee, while the weather turned bad again outside. Neither of them said much, both lost in their own thoughts, his story seeming more melodramatic and unlikely by the hour.
Her mind took her on a twisted journey, meandering through possibilities until she’d lost any thread of logic. She stared at him while he watched the film, trying to work out how comfortable she was going to feel living with a deluded man and a baby. That couldn’t be safe, could it?
You have no evidence that he’s lying, she told herself. But he might be, another voice said. Her head ached with the turmoil of conflicting thoughts and she knew she wouldn’t sleep until she’d found out the truth.
* * *
Later, when they’d gone to bed and Dan had dropped off to sleep, she slithered her hand under the bed, where she’d stashed her phone earlier, thinking she’d slip downstairs and do some research.
But it wasn’t there.
She got out of bed and lay on the floor, her arm sweeping the area where she knew she’d left it. But now there was nothing. She lay her cheek against the cold tiles while she stifled a scream of frustration. He’s taken it!
‘Chloe?’ She heard the bedclothes rustle. ‘Chloe?’
She wasn’t quick enough, and Dan’s head appeared over the side of the bed. The silvery moonlight crept through a chink in the shutters, casting an eerie shadow over his features, only one eye visible. An eye that was narrowed and definitely angry.
‘For God’s sake!’ She flinched at the sudden volume of his voice. ‘What are you doing?’
She still had one arm under the bed. It was very obvious what she was doing. Heat flared through her body, but words would not come, her imagination devoid of any excuse. She rested her forehead on the tiles, not wanting to look at him, her heart jumping up her throat with each beat.
A sudden burst of light flooded the room and her vulnerability was even more apparent as she lay on the floor in just a T-shirt. The heat of embarrassment was replaced by a tremble of fear. Don’t be stupid, she told herself. He’s not going to hurt you. And for a few seconds she hugged that thought as she pulled her arm out from under the bed, not daring to look at him. He was close. She could feel the smouldering presence of him behind her. Then his arms hooked underneath her, and she found herself being lifted and put back on the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut against the brightness of the light.
‘Look at me,’ he said, sounding like he had his teeth clenched, clearly furious. She felt his breath on her face, but still she couldn’t open her eyes. He lashes out when he’s angry. Her body shook and the bedclothes rustled as he carefully tucked the duvet around her. His hand stroked her hair.
She felt his sigh on her cheek. ‘What’s going on, babe? Look at me.’ His fingers caressed her face. ‘Please.’
It was the tone of his voice, the softness of his touch that persuaded her she wasn’t in danger. But the idea that she had been, that he might have hurt her, refused to go away. She swallowed, and her eyes flickered open. A mistake, she realised, when she saw the accusation in his gaze.
‘What were you doing?’
She took a deep breath while her mind sorted out an excuse. ‘I couldn’t sleep. So, I thought I’d read my book. It’s on the Kindle app on my phone, which I thought was on my bedside table. But it wasn’t there. So, I thought it must have fallen off and’ She stuttered to a halt, cheeks burning, the derision in his expression telling her that her story wasn’t convincing. She desperately wanted to close her eyes, block out the sight of his anger, which bloomed in red splotches on his cheeks, but she couldn’t look away. He had her trapped and she was going to have to face the consequences whether she liked it or not.
His hand scrunched the duvet, lips pressed together as if they’d been sewn shut. It was a long moment before
he spoke and then it was with forced patience, a tone that told her not to argue. ‘I don’t know why you won’t listen to me. I’ve told you. We can’t take any risks. I can’t have you using any technology, going anywhere that leaves a footprint in cyberspace, because I have no idea what this person is capable of, have no idea what spyware he’s got access to, how clever he is at IT. Why can’t you understand that?’ His face was inches away from hers and she held her breath, a whimper stuck in her throat. ‘All your accounts, your devices, are being monitored, along with mine. That’s what’s been happening. I’m sure of it.’
‘But how?’ It was obvious from the tone of her voice that she didn’t believe him. She cursed the words as soon as they were out of her mouth, but she honestly didn’t see how it was possible.
He grunted in frustration and she heard the ripping of cloth; the duvet cover, she presumed. Don’t wind him up, she cautioned herself, hands pulling the duvet under her chin as if it could offer protection. Just go along with it. For God’s sake, don’t make him angry. The opportunity to do some research had gone for the moment, but that didn’t mean it was gone forever. Just deal with this for now. Get past this moment.
They stared at each other, his face looming over hers, and she started to shake again. His expression changed then, and he sat back, rubbing his hands over his face. ‘I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.’
He closed his eyes and tipped his head back. ‘I’ve made such a hash of it all. You’ve got to believe me, everything has been about protecting you. But if this thing is going to go away, we have to stay off the grid.’ He opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘Completely off the grid. And that’s both of us, okay?’
She nodded. ‘Okay. Okay, I’ll do it. Whatever you want.’
He carried on staring at her and she wondered if he could tell that she had no intention of doing what he asked. She had to know for sure if this was real or some weird delusion that only existed in his head.
‘You’ll have to trust me, babe. Know that I would never do anything to cause you harm.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘You do know that, don’t you?’
She nodded again, too scared to speak, and swallowed her fear that he could see through her lie.
Thirty-Six
Chloe slept fitfully. Dan had a protective arm around her – it felt possessive and hot, and every time she moved, he would shift closer, hold her tighter. By the time the soft grey of dawn had started to filter through the shutters, she was wide awake and too tense to even contemplate going back to sleep.
She had a plan.
Her bladder drove her out of bed and she managed to slide out from under his arm without waking him, sitting in the bathroom for a while, relieved to be somewhere cool. What she needed above everything else was clarity. None of this second-guessing. Doing the research had to be her mission, her focus.
‘Chloe? You okay?’
His voice at the door startled her and she jumped up, flushed the loo.
‘I’m fine,’ she called as she washed her hands, worried that he was going to be monitoring her movements from now on. Would she even have a chance to get away on her own? It was something she had to engineer, somehow.
She turned out the bathroom light and climbed back in bed, thinking she might settle now she had an idea of what she needed to do, but her stomach had other ideas, nausea bringing acid up her throat, a precursor to the inevitable morning sickness. She leapt out of bed and ran into the bathroom, just in time.
She didn’t hear him come in the room, but felt him crouch beside her. ‘Oh, babe, can I get you anything? Some water? Or do you need something to eat?’
She shook her head, wishing he’d just leave, not wanting him to see her like this, so vulnerable and weak. After a few minutes, he left her to it while she retched again, spitting and cursing at how helpless she felt.
When she’d finally emptied her stomach and gone back into the bedroom, he was up and dressed and she could hear him downstairs in the kitchen. Completely awake now, her only thought was food, and she dressed quickly, hurrying down the stairs to join him.
He was beating eggs when she entered the room and gave her a warm smile. ‘I thought you’d be hungry.’ His smile widened. ‘Given that you’re eating for two now.’ He poured the mixture into a pan, still grinning. ‘I can’t tell you how excited I am that we’re having a baby! I don’t think it quite sunk in yesterday, but this morning’ He did a little happy dance. ‘I’m going to be a dad!’
‘You’re already a dad,’ she said, quietly, a tinge of bitterness in her voice.
The smile fell from his face. ‘Oh, babe. I’ve told you. I was a sperm donor. That’s it. Nothing more, no emotional attachment.’
Her stomach churned and she grimaced, annoyed with herself for ruining his good mood, which could have been a help to her plans.
He stopped what he was doing and gazed at her for a long moment. ‘Life would be a lot easier if you could just bring yourself to believe that I’m not a liar.’ He turned back to the pan and flipped the omelette, letting it cook for a minute before lifting it onto a plate and taking it to the table. ‘That one’s yours,’ he said without looking at her, pouring the rest of the mixture into the pan for himself.
She stood behind him as he fiddled with the pan, wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his back. ‘I’m sorry, Dan. Let’s forget I said that. It was stupid. And’ she hesitated for a second, ‘I do believe you. Now you’ve explained everything to me, it makes a lot of sense.’ She sighed. ‘I’m glad you’re happy about the baby. And I understand that you’re just trying to protect me.’
He turned and stooped to kiss her, then gave her a gentle push towards the dining table. ‘Eat, Mrs Marsden, before it goes cold.’
She checked the clock on the wall. Seven o’clock. Perfect. Now was the time to get the day moving in the right direction.
‘That was lovely,’ she said, when they’d finished. ‘But I have an overwhelming urge for bread. You know those crusty loaves.’ She closed her eyes. ‘Hmm. Dipped in olive oil with a few sundried tomatoes. I can practically smell it.’ She rubbed her stomach. ‘I think we have a baby with Mediterranean taste buds.’
‘Okay,’ Dan said as he cleared the table. ‘I’ll go and pick up some bread and a few groceries. Got to keep my family happy.’
His smile was infectious, a reminder of how he put her at the centre of his world, something that had never happened before in Chloe’s life. Even her mother hadn’t been able to do that, not with Lucy and Mark to look after as well. She smiled back, hoping that whatever she found out today would help her to shelve her reservations and be completely committed to their future together.
She stood at the window and watched him walk away from the house, down the track that led to the village, then she scuttled around, making her preparations. She didn’t have long. Her plan was to go to Mahón and find an internet café, where she could research to her heart’s content without anyone knowing, Dan’s warning about cyberspying still fresh in her mind.
For this plan to work, though, she needed money. Where’s he hidden my purse? She scoured the house, getting more frantic by the minute as her time started to run out, but there was no sign of any of her valuables. Then she remembered the rucksack that he’d slung over a shoulder when he’d left. A weight landed in the pit of her stomach, making her stop still. He’s taken everything with him. Dammit! It looked like he trusted her about the same extent she trusted him.
Pockets, she thought. There’s always change in pockets.
She dashed back upstairs, searched the pockets of her jeans and gasped when she felt a folded note. Twenty euros! Yes! It was some of the money that her gran had lent her that she’d changed at the airport and forgotten to put in her purse. Her heart did a relieved flip while she ran back downstairs, slipped her feet into her trainers and pulled a waterproof jacket off the coat hook because it looked like it was going to rain. She tied it round her waist for now an
d pulled on the door handle. But the front door wouldn’t budge. Locked!
She leant her head against the glass. If he’d locked the front door, were the patio doors locked too? As well as the windows? She screamed, her hands thumping on the door as she let her frustration out. Use your brain, she told herself firmly. She pushed herself upright and made a quick tour of the downstairs doors and windows to check that they were all locked. They were, except for a small window in the downstairs utility room at the back of the hall, under the stairs. Yes! Without waiting to wonder if she could get through a space that small, she heaved herself up on top of the washing machine and opened the window wide, poking her head out to check out the landing. Fortunately, the garden outside was at a higher level here, and with a bit of heaving and grunting, she wriggled her way through and hauled herself up onto the path that ran round the house.
Her watch told her she had to be quick. It was twenty minutes since Dan had left, and if he’d jogged down to the village, he’d be halfway back by now. She couldn’t risk meeting him on the track, so she made her way through the scrubby trees and shrubs to a higher level. If she kept the sea to her right, she knew she would meet up with the road a little way out of the village. And, as an added bonus, she’d be above the treeline instead of having to navigate the forested track.
She knew that Mahón was not that far away, only six miles if she remembered rightly. An easy walk along the road, and if she jogged, she could be there in an hour or so. She was confident she could do it, given her regular keep-fit routines, and it would mean she’d have all her money for the internet café. Initially, even when the road came into sight, she kept to the scrubland, worried that Dan might find her somehow, but after she’d rounded a couple of bends, and was confident that she was well out of sight, she slipped down onto the road where her pace picked up as she headed off to find the truth.
* * *