Simon Says Mommy

by Kay Stockham

  “He’ll be happy.” The words were hard to say given the lump in her throat, but Megan managed to utter them. Happy for Jenn. She was so happy for Jenn, truly, but it hurt, too. “He’ll be thrilled. After watching his family over Thanksgiving, it’s obvious they all love kids.” Feeling insanely awkward, Megan bent and hugged Jenn. “Stop worrying. Everything will be fine and you’ll do great.”

  Jenn’s lower lip trembled. “Thanks. And…I’m sorry, too. About the baby you lost.”

  She hadn’t lost a baby. She’d lost two. Both miscarriages the result of Sean’s abuse. But Jenn didn’t know that. No one in her family even knew about the second pregnancy except her and Sean and the doctors and attorneys and judges involved in putting Sean away. Maybe one day she’d tell Jenn, but now wasn’t the time. Now was a new memory. A happy memory between two sisters who hadn’t been sisters for a long time.

  Megan swallowed around that pesky lump as she moved behind Jenn and gathered her sister’s hair into a loose handful. She twisted it then used a clip from Jenn’s collection to fasten it on her head. Finished with that, she sprayed it then went to work repairing the mascara damage. “There. All finished for your wonderful night with Nick.” She moved out of the way so Jenn could get a look in the mirror.

  But Jenn didn’t look at herself. She looked at Megan instead. “There’s something you’re not saying.”

  “It’ll wait. Now say thank-you. I finished two minutes early despite major mascara removal.” Megan started to turn only to have Jenn catch her hand and pull her back.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Come on. Let’s get you dressed and the food ready so you can tell your guy I’m going to be an aunt.”

  SIMON’S EYES WIDENED when he saw Nemo swimming toward the boat. His mouth dropped open, and even though Megan had told Ethan that Simon had watched the movie before, Simon left his pillow and blanket behind and crawled onto Ethan’s lap. He’d never get used to it, that fist-in-his-chest feeling that came every time Simon reached out to him. Thanks to Megan, it happened more and more often. A little hand in his, a nudge to look at something, a laugh when Simon helped Ethan cook breakfast.

  “Nemo get lost.”

  Ethan patted the child’s back. “But Nemo finds his daddy in the end, remember?”

  Simon stared up at Ethan, his gaze searching. “Daddy…Ethan?”

  The air whooshed from his lungs. Damn, but he felt as though he’d been sucker punched. He snuggled Simon close to his chest and hugged, hoping no one heard how husky his voice was. “Yeah. Daddy Ethan…or just Daddy. It’s up to you, son. You can call me whatever yo—”

  Ethan’s pager went off the same time that his cell phone vibrated on his belt. He looked at the face, aware that Simon sighed in disappointment because he knew what it meant. Their perfect father-son moment had to end. “I’m sorry, bud, but we have to leave.”

  Like the trouper he was, Simon grabbed his pillow and blanket, then tucked his hand into Ethan’s to go.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  “WHAT ABOUT MRS. DUNLEY? She requested you.”

  Two days later Ethan pressed the phone to his ear and stared at the surgery board. “The only available O.R. is on Tuesday at ten in the morning.”

  “You’re in meetings from eight until four-thirty,” his assistant, Shirley, reminded him.

  He spied another opening. “What if we switched some things around?”

  “Don’t you touch that board. Last time somebody did that, the nurses went on strike. A balanced board is everything, you should know that.”

  He did know that, but how the hell was he supposed to perform surgery if he was in meetings all day? “Friday?”

  “You’re meeting the hospital board privately. They called to schedule this morning. I blocked off the whole day because Mr. Morrow said he wanted your full attention and it would take a while.”

  The whole day? His hand fisted over the phone. “Regarding?”

  “If I had to guess, your job as chief. I wouldn’t miss that one if I were you.”

  He couldn’t miss any of them, that was the problem. “Schedule Mrs. Dunley with Dr. Woodruff. It’s a simple gallbladder surgery. I’ll be sure to stop by after the meeting and check on her.”

  “She’s not going to be happy. You were the old gal’s one request.”

  And he’d like to honor it. The woman had taught his father in grade school, then every one of his siblings, as well as himself, before retiring. When Mrs. Dunley spoke, you listened. “She can’t wait another week to have this surgery. Her gallbladder isn’t functioning as it is. One more bad attack and she could be in trouble.” He heard Shirley scribbling notes. “That it?”

  “For now. You doin’ okay, honey? You’re soundin’ awfully tired.”

  “I’m fine,” he said, taking a quote from his newest sister-in-law, Shelby, who said those two words repeatedly when she was anything but.

  “It’s not what you’d thought it would be, is it?”

  He stared at the board, at the surgeries and the patients receiving care, noting that his name now rarely appeared in the sectioned-off blocks as the operating doctor. “Nope. I can’t say that it is.”

  MEGAN STARED INTO THE DEPTHS of her take-out coffee cup while the library aid read a book involving a mouse and a cookie. The story was great—but it also sucked. It made her think of Ethan and how good he made chocolate-chip cookies and ice cream taste, and he’d worked so late every night this whole week that even when he got home, neither of them had the energy to do more than spoon. Any time they sat down to play a game with Simon, Ethan’s pager went off, and that talk she still needed to have with Ethan? It hadn’t happened.

  It was just as well. Ever since Marilyn Tulane had invited Megan to join Darcy, Jenn and Rosetta for some marathon Christmas shopping and Megan had turned them down, Ethan had been giving her funny looks. He’d offered to give her money to pick some things up for Simon for Christmas and it would’ve been the perfect opportunity to spend time with Jenn, especially after their talk. But Megan hadn’t gone. All because she couldn’t explain the uneasy feeling she experienced whenever she was in town. Nearly every time she left the house. Thank goodness Ethan had taken her advice and cut back on Simon’s schedule. Other than story hour, they spent most of their days at home.

  It’s nothing. You’re freaking out over not being able to talk to Ethan about Sean and worrying about him spending so much time working. Concentrate on coming up with a cool Christmas present for Ethan, be productive and stop worrying over nothing.

  Disgusted with herself, Megan tossed aside the latest issue of Vanity Fair and winced in apology when the librarian shot her a frown.

  Megan got to her feet to stretch out the kinks in her back. Enough already. Give the kids their juice box and cookies and let’s get the heck out of Dodge.

  Moving to the window, she stared outside at the December landscape. Hard to believe she’d been here since October but Beauty had become home. She now knew Pete, the postmaster, Susie at swim class and twice now she’d taken Simon to visit Rosetta at her condo in The Village.

  Movement across the street drew her attention and her coffee threatened a return appearance. A dark bluejacket, sandy-blond hair.

  Her insides froze, the breath leaking from her lungs like a pinpricked balloon. No. No, it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Could it?

  They were separated by glass and brick and two lanes of traffic, but something about the man was all too familiar. The tilt of his head, the way he walked. Memories slid over her like slime and a nasty curse appeared in her head, her heart pumping as if she’d run a marathon and hit the wall—or Sean’s fist. “Simon, let’s go.”

  Something about her voice had the other moms, grandmothers and babysitters in the room sending her worried glances. Megan forced a strained laugh and waved a hand toward the window. “It’s snowing and I really don’t like driving in the snow. It makes me nervous.”

  One of the grandmothers looked
outside and back to her. “Oh, honey, it’s just spittin’ a little. Look at the sky. Give it five minutes and it’ll peter out. The roads won’t even be wet.”

  Hand to her forehead, she rubbed, grimacing. “No, I think we’d better go. I’m—I’m getting a migraine and need to lie down.” Remembering an earlier trip to the bathroom, she turned to the librarian. “Do you have a back door? I hate to bother you but I parked in back. It would be so much easier if we could go out that way.”

  Seeing them all exchange a look that labeled her a drama queen, the librarian removed the glasses perched on her nose and let them dangle from the beaded lanyard around her neck. “Of course, sweetie. Simon, I hope to see you next time. Don’t forget to reread the book and practice the words, okay?”

  Megan hastily repeated the words in French and clutched Simon’s coat in her hand. “Here we go, let’s go,” she said, prodding Simon along and practically mowing down the librarian as she slowly made her way to the rear of the building. Did the woman only have one speed?

  “Thanks. Simon, hurry.”

  “Hon, are you all right?” Mrs. Bumgarner asked as she unlocked the back door.

  “Peachy.” Remembering her headache, which was now a true headache and not a fake one, she rubbed her temple again. “I just need some quiet. Thanks for letting us go out this way.”

  “Caring for a five-year-old can be difficult if you’re not used to it. Should I call Ethan and tell him you’re not feeling well?”

  Ethan. She frowned at the familiarity. Oh, yeah, Mrs. B. had said she’d known the family for years, and even mentioned to her that Jenn had never talked about having a sister. Yeah, that hadn’t hurt. “I’ll be fine. Truly.” She poked her head out and scanned the alley, thankful she had parked in the back. “We’ll pop in a movie or read the book again once we get home.”

  “Well, be careful, dear.”

  “Thanks, I will.”

  Simon had remained blessedly silent during the exchange, and Megan flashed him a reassuring smile when she realized he stared at her, then glanced around them as though sensing danger.

  He’s a smart, perceptive kid. Of course he senses danger.

  A loud beeping sound broke the mellow quiet and Megan started, belatedly realizing it was simply the warning signal of a truck reversing. She spotted the truck at the end of the alley where a guy was being lifted up to place wreaths on the lampposts. But beyond him on the street—Was that another flash of blue?

  “Simon, hurry.” She herded the boy toward the Buick, wishing for once in her life she liked sensible shoes instead of the heeled boots she wore. She unlocked the car and urged Simon inside where he scrambled into his booster seat. Megan grabbed the belt and fastened him in. She shut the door and opened the driver’s door as quietly as possible, but out of the corner of her eye she saw the man in blue turn toward them.

  “Megan?”

  Oh, Lord. Oh, Please. Megan kept her head averted and scrambled inside. With a twist of the key and Nick’s blessed intervention to repair her car, the old Buick started with a roar.

  MEGAN COULDN’T STOP PACING, peeking out the window and blessing the inventor of blinds. She’d parked her car inside the garage and put the door down. She’d checked to make sure it was down. Twice. Blinds shut, doors locked. Alarm system on.

  Ethan will be home soon. Stop freaking out.

  But how could she tell him now? Saying she was married and that it had been bad was one thing, but to have the ex-husband show up on Ethan’s doorstep? What guy wanted to deal with that when Ethan was already dealing with so much?

  She’d brought Simon home from the library and fed him, bathed him, then put him to bed after a round of television that frayed the last of her nerves because the cartoon noises exploded out of the television like someone bursting into the house.

  Sean was here, in Beauty. And it was all her fault. She’d led a violent man to the people she cared about and loved more than anything in the world.

  And Simon. Poor Simon. Instead of curling up in bed and closing his eyes, he’d given her a steady stare and asked if she’d seen the mean man. Simon had told her not to be scared because he would protect her. How sweet was that? But she knew Sean, and nothing, especially not a little boy, could protect her. In fact, if Sean truly wanted to hurt her, threatening Ethan and Simon or Jenn was the ultimate way to do it.

  The low rumble of a vehicle reached her ears and she peeked out once more. Ethan’s SUV pulled into the driveway and as much as she wanted Ethan home, now…Now she wished she had more time, because once he walked in that door and he realized what she’d done, there was no going back.

  She moved through the darkened house to the interior entry door to turn off the alarm system and unlock the door, hearing the metal garage door rumble up then down. Her heart thumped so hard in her chest it hurt to breathe, but she couldn’t let herself back down. She’d done this, now she had to take responsibility for it.

  A deeply ridged frown marred Ethan’s handsome features as he crossed the threshold and her fingers itched to reach out and smooth it away. Ethan was visibly tired, exhausted from the long hours and responsibilities he held. He needed someone to support him and all he tried to accomplish, not bring him down by dumping more problems on him. She hated herself right now. Thanks to her, they were all in danger.

  “Hey.” Ethan dropped a quick kiss on her lips but kept going.

  Megan blinked. “Ethan?”

  He paused, but now that he was there, words left her. How did she tell the man she loved that she’d allowed another man to beat her, for years? It didn’t matter that Sean was larger and stronger, that she wasn’t responsible for Sean’s actions during their marriage. All that mattered was that it had happened, and she’d stayed with him and endured the abuse for much, much too long because she was too stubborn and embarrassed to seek help. She’d actually convinced herself for a while that Sean would get better, that maybe, just maybe, she’d gotten what she deserved, whatever Sean dished out. She’d stayed because of her pride. With her, it always came back to pride. And now here she was being taken down again.

  “I need to talk to you.” She turned and walked into the utility room so that they weren’t standing in the hall where they might possibly wake Simon. What to do, what to say?

  “Sweetheart, I’ve had a hell of a day and I just want to crash. Can’t it wait?”

  “No.”

  “Did Simon do something wrong?”

  Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them away. She’d lost two babies thanks to Sean. Now a third. “No. No, he was perfect,” she said thickly. Absolutely perfect. A loving child, giving and sweet. Hers. In all the ways that mattered most, Simon was hers.

  “Then whatever it is can wait until morning. It’s been a lousy day.” Ethan turned to exit the utility room.

  “No! Ethan, stop. It can’t wait. I’m leaving.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  ETHAN STOPPED and pivoted back to her, surprise and wariness stamped on his features, like he braced himself for some sick punch line. Jenn was right. She wasn’t good for Simon, wasn’t good for Ethan. And sometimes, the best thing you could do for the people you loved was just to let them be.

  Without a word, Megan closed the distance between them in rapid, panic-driven steps. She plastered herself against him, cradled his face in her palms and kissed him. One last time. Eyes open, she could see the concern and frustration in his expression, but she had to shut him up and have one last taste or she’d never have the courage to say what had to be said. Because when he knew the truth he’d never look at her the same, never think of her the same. Even though people said it doesn’t matter what others think, it did matter. It mattered a lot.

  She kissed him with all the need and want inside her, with all the happiness and exasperation and hope he had instilled in her, however short-lived.

  Ethan’s arms went around her, lifted her, his body hardening against her hips. She wasn’t a wallflower-virgin. But this w
as nothing like anything she’d experienced, and she knew it—knew love—would never come around again. Not like this. This was life, breath. Pain. It was dancing in the rain and laughing in bed and making out like teenagers.

  But what kind of person would she be if she expected a father to overlook the fact that she’d endangered his son? By coming here and selfishly using them to hide out, she’d put a child and her pregnant sister in danger and that wasn’t the person she wanted to be.

  It took all the strength within her, but Megan managed to stomp down the scream inside her trying to break free and ended the kiss, her heart hurting in a way it never had before.

  “Megan? Sweetheart, what’s wrong? What happened? Something with you and Jenn?”

  She squeezed out a smile, determined to keep the people she loved safe. She wasn’t a heroine too stupid to live in some poorly penned adventure novel. She was strong, she was smart and she would fight Sean with everything in her. But first she’d protect her family.

  “Megan, come on, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  “When I came here, all I thought about was myself. I didn’t care that Jenn didn’t want me here. I didn’t care that I was sick or that my presence would inconvenience anyone, or that it might—It might hurt her marriage.” She untangled herself from his embrace and retreated, holding up her hands when he stepped forward, arms outstretched. “And I didn’t…I didn’t come here just to apologize to Jenn, either.”

  The confession came out in a say-it-now-or-choke-on-it rush. She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t stand to see the disappointment and disgust in Ethan’s eyes. Honesty was important to him. Honesty, loyalty. Family and faith. He was a good man, and she didn’t want him knowing what Sean had done to her. It was embarrassing and sad; it made her feel weak and stupid, just as her father had always said she was.