Tripping on a Halo: A Romantic Comedy

by Alessandra Torre

  “Mom says to tell you no cardinal activities are allowed in our house.”

  “An excellent rule.” I reached down and tickled her stomach, moving aside to let Declan sweep her off her feet and into the air, her shoes narrowly missing the hall lamp as he swung her around and onto his shoulders. “Should we see any cardinals, I’ll shoo them out.”

  Caleb ran in, holding his hands up to Declan and begging for the same. I watched as he scooped up the boy with his other hand and carried them both through the back door, their shrieks of laughter increasing in volume when he launched them onto the trampoline.

  I struggled to silence my inner thoughts on trampoline injuries, and the likelihood of broken necks, and enjoyed a moment where I watched them. Declan curled into a ball in the center of the circle, holding his knees as they bounced all around him, their arms swinging through the air, determined to break his popcorn.

  He cracked, dramatically bursting out of his ball, his arms and legs springing open, and they piled on him, pulling at his limbs, their grins as big as my own. I recalled Ansley’s conversations with me when I was in the coma, telling me how Declan had become part of the family. It was true, he had. How had I found such an amazing man to love?

  I felt my sister’s arms wrap around me and she squeezed me tightly, following my gaze.

  “Damn, I love him,” I whispered.

  “You should.” She smiled at me, and gave me a squeeze. “He’s a keeper. But you already know that. Hence the no-penis cake engagement party.”

  I looked at my hand and stared at the diamond, surrounded by baby blue stones, the ring more precious to me than anything I had ever owned. “Yeah,” I said, smiling. “He is.”

  “I think there’s a weight limit on this thing.” I listened carefully to the soft squeak of the rope and imagined the three of us plummeting to our death when it broke.

  Well, maybe not death. But plummeting at least three feet. Bruises and sore backs were a definite risk factor.

  “Are you trying to say that we’re overweight?”

  I could feel the curve of Declan’s grin against the side of my forehead and I laughed, turning into him and rubbing the giant belly between us. “Well, not all of us.” Mr. Oinks lay flat on his back in the double hammock, his legs open in a most immodest way, his junk on full display to every star in the sky. I ran my palm over his warm tummy, and he let out a sigh of gratitude.

  “This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I built this.” Declan leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead, then dropped his head lower and found my mouth.

  “So you thought you’d build a big comfortable bed out in the middle of his yard and he wouldn’t want to get on it with us?” I gave him a knowing glance. “Sure.”

  There was the faint hiss of pig flatulence, and Mr. Oinks jerked, as if surprised by the action. Declan laughed, then struggled to sit up, the hammock almost dumping us out before he got his feet on the ground and stabilized us. “Out you go, buddy.” He hoisted Mr. Oinks onto the ground and settled back down next to me, watching as the pig waddled over to the flower bed and collapsed on top of my fresh plantings.

  I groaned and rolled into the crook of his arm, hooking one leg over his. “I’m going to have to replant that bed.”

  He pressed a kiss to my lips. “I’ll help.”

  We lay there for a long moment, swaying under the moon, a chorus of crickets humming from the bushes.

  “You know what I had envisioned when I built this?”

  “What?” I played with my ring, the feel of it still foreign on my finger.

  “This. You and me. Planning our future. Discussing our dreams. Making sweet love to the faint smell of Mr. Oinks’ farts.”

  I laughed, and wrapped my arm around his side, pulling him tighter to me. “There’s no way that you and I are coordinated enough to have sex on this hammock.”

  He scoffed and I grinned, watching as Mr. Oinks rolled onto his back and thrashed around, destroying hundreds of innocent tulips.

  “Then let’s talk about our future. Your dreams.” He ran his hand gently across the top of my head. “I want to make all of them come true.”

  My heart swelled and I blinked rapidly, trying to contain the emotion that threatened to spill out in tears. “It’s a big list,” I said, aiming for a light-hearted tone and almost nailing it. “It’s going to take you a long time.”

  “That’s okay,” he said quietly, and damn if he wasn’t intent on trying to make me cry. “I’ve got the rest of my life.”

  “I want a wedding in the woods,” I started, imagining our wedding party in camo, with a bonfire and steak reception.

  “Done.” He nipped at my neck.

  “And maybe we could go to Daytona Beach for our honeymoon? To that surfing competition?” I looked at him hopefully.

  He made a face. “Sure. Not exactly shooting for the stars, but whatever makes you happy.”

  “And build that house you designed.” He’d shown me the plans in the hospital, the sprawling one-story being exactly like every fantasy I never knew I had.

  “And babies,” I pressed. “Lots of fat and happy babies.”

  “Human babies?” he asked, concerned. “Because I love Mr. Oinks, but I can’t take—”

  “Human babies,” I assured him. “But only if they have my sense of humor and your good looks.”

  “Lots of babies…” he mused, grinding his hips into me, his readiness hard and apparent. “That seems like something we could start on now.”

  “Right now?” I lost a breath when he rolled on top of me, my sleep shirt bunching up as he settled in between my legs. “Because I have a lot of other items on my list.”

  “Right now,” he muttered, one hand pushing down the drawstring waist of his pajama pants. I got a brief glimpse of his dick, stiff and thick and beautiful, before his knees slipped on the hammock and he fell forward. His elbow hit my side, and I jerked right, the combination of factors causing the hammock to swing upside down and unceremoniously dump us out onto the grass.

  I started to laugh and Declan wheezed out a cry.

  “Not my finest moment,” he said.

  “Right now,” I mimicked his deep drawl, and another laugh bubbled out of me. “I told you we weren’t talented enough for that.”

  “I blame the failure on the hammock and not our bedroom skills.” He rolled onto his knees and crawled across the grass and above me.

  “Yeah?” I said, smiling up at him.

  “Yeah,” he said, his gaze focusing on my lips before coming back to my eyes.

  And there it was. Another look. Another flame lit. A crackling of need that flamed between us and lit every pore in my body on fire.

  “Declan?” I said, my voice husky.

  “Yeah?”

  “Let’s make some babies.”

  And there on the damp grass, under the cover of a faulty hammock, we did just that.

  < < < < < > > > > >

  Want more? Get a better peek at Benta Aldrete in Love Chloe - a fun and sexy romance about trying to find love in the big city. Continue reading or click here for more!

  Someone was trying to break in. I sat up with a start, pushing up my sleep mask, the sunlight coming in through the windows too bright, my drunk stumble into bed last night neglecting the blackout curtains. I found my phone and peered at it. 9:48 AM—an odd time for a robbery. There was more pounding, the sound coming from the living room, then the splintering of wood. I yanked at the cord of my cell and unplugged it, gripping it tightly, pushing the covers aside, my bare feet hitting the floor just as my bedroom door swung open, a stranger in the opening.

  My search for a weapon stopped as I stared at the man, clad head-to-toe in tactical gear, a walkie-talkie at his mouth.

  “Chloe Madison?” he asked.

  “Yes?” I said weakly, praying my grandma underwear didn’t show underneath my baggy tee, a Versace number that barely hit mid-thigh.

  “I’m from the FBI. As of now, th
is apartment is the property of the US Government. We’re going to have to ask you to leave, or you will be arrested.”

  “But … I own this apartment,” I said weakly, my gaze darting around the bedroom, a Monistat box open on my dresser. I closed my eyes in embarrassment, two more men appearing in the doorway.

  “Your parents did,” he corrected me. “Not anymore.” He glanced at his watch. “I’m going to need you to get dressed.”

  There was a time in my life when I found FBI agents sexy. Let me assure you, they aren’t.

  ONE MONTH LATER

  I stood in the afternoon sun, my eyes stretching up the Central Park brownstone, counting the stories out of habit. Five. Double-checking the address on my phone, I rang the bell, my toes tapping a nervous beat, my eyes tracing over the decorative B that was carved into the heavy door before me. I wasn’t used to being nervous. Or anxious. Or desperate. And that’s what I had become. Desperate. It didn’t wear well; it itched along my skin like a T.J. Maxx clearance sweater.

  I should have been in South Beach, with Cammie and Benta, lying on a beach and celebrating our NYU graduation. They’d flown out yesterday and hadn’t stopped Instagramming since. If I could have reached through the Internet and throttled them, I would have. Instead, I gave them the ultimate passive-aggressive snub: no likes.

  A pathetic move on my part, but the best I could manage from my reduced social state. Anyone who’d seen a television in the last month knew about my family’s downfall. The Madisons—a filthy rich financial advisor couple who pocketed a hundred million bucks from insider trading—were front-page news. My mom had befriended all of the Fortune 500 wives, prying business tidbits from their martini-stained lips and passing them on to Dad. Daddy Dearest had used the information wisely illegally, steering his clients (and our portfolio) through a hundred highly profitable deals. I’d gotten a new Range Rover for my sixteenth birthday and didn’t think twice about it. My parents got arrested in the midst of their Christmas party and laughed it off. Told me it was a ‘minor mis-understanding.’

  They weren’t laughing now. Not since last week, when the easy wealth I’d enjoyed my whole, pampered life ended faster than a Taylor Swift relationship. Our accounts were frozen, cars taken, assets seized. Including my NYC apartment. Thank God they had let me keep the clothes. I might be homeless, but I was rocking it in Marc Jacobs.

  The biggest issue was my tuition. Half of my last semester was due, NYU being absolutely uncool about it, holding back my degree until it was paid. A month ago, I’d have swiped my AmEx and not thought another moment about it. Now, the huge bill seemed impossible. What good was four years of undergrad without a degree? Worthless when it came to the cutthroat job market that was NYC. So while Cammie and Benta were toasting their futures with mojitos in the sunshine, I was alone in New York, praying that this interview would go well. I’d had three interviews so far, submitted my résumé to twenty-two jobs, and had gotten zero callbacks. I was getting desperate.

  The door swung open, and Nicole Brantley stood there.

  Nicole Brantley. Sole heir to the inventor of the latex condom. Every time a foil package got pulled out of a pocket, Nicole Brantley got paid. At sixteen, she played a blonde bimbo on a Party of Five knock-off and had humped the Lifetime movie circuit ever since. My mother met her at a charity golf luncheon last year, and they’d stayed in touch. Mother promised that “Nicole was a doll” and “would be a pleasure to work for.” This all coming from a woman who hadn’t worked a day in her life. Regardless, I couldn’t be picky. I needed money, and Nicole Brantley had piles of that.

  “Yes?” she asked, her bright blue eyes skipping over me, darting from my heels to my handbag, a critical appraisal that ended in approval. “Can I help you?”

  “I’m Chloe Madison. My mother said you were looking for an assistant? I have an interview scheduled for one.” A pathetic opening. My mother? But, remarkably, the woman’s face curved into a smile, the Madison name still having some pull in the lowly area of hired help.

  “Thank God,” she drawled, dragging me through the front doors. “This week has been a disaster. Come inside and let me track down Clarke.” She turned on her heel—a hot blue Louboutin—and clicked a rapid path through the foyer.

  I’d been in New York for four years. Enough time to realize the mansions of my Florida youth didn’t exist on Manhattan’s streets. Pools and guest homes, tennis courts, and country clubs—those niceties were in the Hamptons or New Jersey. In the city, wealth was spoken through garages, Central Park views, and square footage. The Brantleys had all three. I spied a housekeeper, uniformed in the white and black attire that a sliver of the upper-class demanded. Saw the Picasso and Kandinsky in the hall. Noticed the views of the park that dominated the room we moved into, and the man who stepped away from the window, a phone to his ear.

  He nodded to me, a curt smile passed over before he refocused on his conversation, his voice sharp as he spoke into the phone. I watched his hand come up to the window and press, the lean of his body against the glass stretching his suit tight across broad shoulders and a tight ass, the drop of his head a masculine, sexual gesture. I watched him and felt a pull of longing, the Chloe romance channel devoid of excitement for a very long time.

  “That’s Clarke.” Mrs. Brantley’s voice rang out loudly, no concern given about his call. “Sorry about his lack of greeting,” she said airily, snapping at me and gesturing for me to follow, her ability to move in five-inch stilettos admirable. “His hand is permanently attached to that phone.” She rounded a staircase and headed up and glanced down at me. “Chanel is up here.” She took the steps two at a time, her calves ridiculous, my follow more laborious in execution. I tried to respond and managed a wheeze, glancing around for the elevator that surely existed. Chanel. Mom hadn’t mentioned any children, and I prayed this girl would be old enough to be potty-trained.

  Nicole glanced back. “As far as pay, it’s a thousand a week. I’ll need you from nine in the morning until four, Monday through Friday. Chanel will be a large part of your job. Does that work for you?”

  My breath was short as we finally hit the top of the stairs, my mind working overtime. A thousand a week? That should be enough for food and rent, with a little extra to pay down my tuition until NYU coughed up my diploma and allowed me to get a real job, one that would make use of my real estate development degree. I frowned. My original plan, after graduation, had been to work in commercial and residential real estate, a non-salaried, straight-commission job. A job that—in the wake of my newfound poverty—was now unfeasible. I refocused on the conversation, my mind stuttering a little at the second mention of the child. I’d never been around a baby, my knowledge of infants restricted to sporadic episodes of Teen Mom. “Yes, great. That sounds perfect.”

  She stopped on the landing, holding up a red-tipped finger and pressing it to her lips before turning the handle, pushing open the door to a nursery. I silently groaned at the crib, set in the back of the pale pink room, CHANEL on the wall in block letters. I followed slowly, reluctant to meet the baby. A smile fixed into place, I leaned over, glancing into the crib, and—helpless to stop myself—gasped at the body that lay there.

  A dog’s body.

  I stood at the side of the crib and fought to keep my expression normal as I took in the pink outfit that encased a body not weighing more than five pounds. It lay on its side, brown poufs of hair spilling out of each opening in the ensemble, a fur-lined hoodie loose across its back, and snored, little purrs as it stretched out across a duvet.

  “She’s sleeping,” Mrs. Brantley whispered loudly.

  Duh. I attempted a polite smile and looked back at the pup. This was a large part of my job? To dog sit? Everything turned more appealing, diapers and runny noses no longer part of the equation.

  “When can I start?” I whispered, careful to give the proper respect to sleeping Chanel.

  She glanced at her watch, a diamond-studded timepiece. “Can you work today
’til four?”

  “Absolutely.” I smiled brightly.

  Mrs. Brantley patted my arm in what seemed to be approval. “Tomorrow, I’ll go over my needs. Today, I’d rather you focus on getting to know Chanel and introducing yourself. I’ve got to hop on a call. If you have any questions, hunt down one of the help.”

  The Help. A group I was now part of. I nodded politely, watched her exit, and performed a cursory sweep of the room. Decorated in three different shades of pink, the en suite included a miniature treadmill, a puppy closet that rivaled my own, and dressers stocked with supplies and toys. Unsure of what exactly Getting to Know Chanel meant, I settled into a leather chair and waited for her to wake up, the gentle snores from the crib creating a soothing lullaby.

  I may or may not have fallen asleep. But we could pretend that I diligently watched over Chanel’s sleeping form without a single head droop. That was me. Best New Assistant EVER.

  At 4:05 PM, I nodded a goodbye to the maid, pulled on my coat and stepped onto the street, the afternoon sun minimizing the chill as I pulled the door tightly shut behind me. Success. I wanted to dance—right there on the street, strangers brushing by—in celebration. I wanted to wave my arms and revel in the fact that I, Chloe Madison, was officially independent. I had my own job. Would not become homeless. Would not fail. It was liberating, exciting in a way that my privileged upbringing could never afford. Yes, a thousand a week would barely make a dent in my mountain of debt. Yes, I’d be eating Ramen noodles and taking the subway. But still! I was on my own and, for the first time, it didn’t feel scary; it felt manageable.

  I moved down the street, swinging my purse from my shoulder and dug for my cell, the phone to my ear by the time I hit Park Avenue.

  “Hey beautiful!” Cammie’s voice rang through the phone, her greeting seconded by Benta, and I could imagine the two girls, faces together over a pitcher of margaritas, the phone held between them.