They asked me if this was good, that they’d been wanting to watch it all week and I told them how cool I was with that because I’m not scared. Not at all.
I fucking lied so hard.
I pass the popcorn to Travis and hug a pillow to my chest after bringing my knees up high. My eyes peek over the top of them, wide and frightened, yet alert and ready to close when needed.
“Oh man, look at that spine bend,” Duncan announces quietly as a young girl’s back arches off the bed.
We’re only five minutes in. What the fuck is this movie?
“Lame,” Preston calls, throwing a kernel at Duncan’s head.
“No food play, guys, come on,” Travis grumbles and my eyes flicker to him.
This is good, right? This is normal? Both of us sitting in his bedroom, inches apart, watching movies with friends?
This is what siblings do?
I wish there was a guide book to this family shit.
“These graphics are shocking, I hate low-budget movies.”
“You liked Saw,” Duncan points out and Travis sighs with frustration.
“Can we get through one movie without you both bickering like a married couple?”
I’m kind of glad they’re talking over the movie, it’s making it less scary.
“My bad.” Duncan doesn’t sound apologetic at all.
“I could have filmed this better on my Samsung,” Preston grumbles after a minute of near silence.
“Dude,” Travis whispers making me laugh.
My phone, which I switched back on an hour ago vibrates in my pocket. I’ve been resisting looking at it because Travis gets annoyed when I do that during movies, but it’s insistent vibrating has me intrigued.
Cella: Can I come 2moro then? Cause I rly gotta tlk 2 u.
Raven: Tomorrow is family day. :-(
Lake: You mad at me?
Lake: Come on, bae. You know she’s got nothing on you.
Lake: Stop ignoring me.
Lake: I’m coming over, you stubborn wench.
I sigh heavily and notice Travis reading over my shoulder. My phone screen is reflected in his glasses.
“Sorry,” I mumble and put my phone away.
He doesn’t acknowledge my apology and instead asks quietly, “Are you going to take him back?”
“Maybe.”
His brows pull together and his lower lip glistens in the light of the movie when he wets it with his tongue. “Why?”
I smile at him in the dark. “You really want to know?”
He nods and then gulps when I lean closer.
“None of your business,” I breathe into his ear and wet willy him so good I can see his ear outshining his lip.
“Ugh!” He wipes his ear with his sleeve as I laugh as silently as possible and brush my finger on his bed.
“What’s going on?” Preston asks, sitting forward to look at us both.
“I took his ear virginity,” I jest and look at my phone again.
“Huh?” Duncan looks adorably confused.
“Nothing. I’m gonna bail. It was fun hanging with you guys.” I notice their disappointment as I shuffle off the bed and climb to my feet. My body aches so I stretch tall and pad out of the room and back toward my own.
“Wait,” Travis calls, chasing after me so fast his socks skid on the wooden hall floor.
“What is it?” I look behind him, to see if I left something behind.
His teeth worry his lip and then he blows out a breath which puffs out his cheeks. “You’re better than this.”
My spine stiffens. “Sorry?”
“Lake, him, this. What you’re about to do.” His fingers push back his hair and he looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to get in your business. But… he’s an ass. And you’re not an ass.”
His concern is touching. “What suddenly made you my brother? You hate me, remember?”
“I’m not your brother,” he snaps, back to his old demeanor.
“So you’ve said.” I flip him off and enter my room before he can stop me.
“Smooth,” I hear Duncan’s muffled voice through the wall followed by Travis’, “Shut up.”
Minutes later my dad is yelling up the stairs. Lake is here.
It’s not often Lake comes around, so I’ve never introduced him as anything other than a friend. Dad sends him up and the second Lake’s eyes meet mine he races to me and buries his face in my neck.
“I’m so sorry,” he says against my skin and pulls back to kiss my lips. For a moment I’m motionless, a doll in his arms. “It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth losing you.”
My back hits the wall and my reservations vanish.
Not because I want him, or because I forgive him. But because I just need to be touched. Just for a little while.
I really am fucked up.
“I want to make it official, you and me, exclusive. Just us.”
Fifteen minutes after that, Lake is leaving in a serious mood and I’m climbing back onto the bed between Travis and Preston.
Travis looks at me curiously.
“What?” I snap and grab a handful of his popcorn. “I’m not an idiot. I’ll have a new him by tomorrow.”
“Mm-hmm,” he hums and a slow smile appears on his face.
“Watch the movie, Stepdork.”
The smile remains and it makes me feel warm inside. As though I’ve succeeded in something.
Saturday ends on a good note, but Sunday starts on a sour one. For once it’s Shonda and my dad and not me and Travis.
They’re bitter with each other at breakfast, both of them stomping around like children and I wonder if it has anything to do with me. I’m still not sure what I did wrong yesterday. Sure I had a bit of a tantrum but I feel it was warranted.
Travis and I don’t really speak. Our yesterday comradery seemingly forgotten.
“I’m going to work out,” I mutter when Shonda and Dad start arguing upstairs for the second time. I hear Shonda say my name and it kills me to not know exactly what they’re saying.
Travis, who was sitting at the breakfast bar opposite me, spooning a bowl of Cheerios, doesn’t look up.
I head straight to the small gym, plug in my earphones and block out the world for a while.
Fuck family day.
Everybody else seems to fuck it off too as Shonda goes to get groceries and my dad bangs about in the garage, so I invite Cella round and we lounge by the pool.
Shonda doesn’t say anything when she gets back, she just smiles and asks us if we want lunch. I guess this means I’m off the hook.
“He was so good at oral,” Cella says, lying on her back with her sunglasses over her eyes. Oil shimmers over the surface of her smooth, creamy cocoa skin. “Like really good. I came about four times.”
“That’s not something Lake excelled at,” I admit, recalling our times in the bedroom. “He could work his dick but not his lick.”
“Well at least you got orgasms that way.” She adjusts her position and I untie my white sun dress and let it pool at my feet. I start working lotion into my legs and feet after sitting on my lounger. It smells so nice, fruity, yet creamy. “How are things with Stepdork now?”
“Better than they were. He had my back at Brett’s. Made sure I got home safe.”
“He’s still a loser, don’t forget it. So not good for your image.”
I used to think the same thing, it’s why I got so upset with Dad when I found out we were moving in with Shonda and Travis. I was devastated. My tantrum was a million times worse than yesterday.
But after yesterday, how nice his friends were despite the fact I’ve been a bitch to them in school for years, has me questioning everything I am.
“And those glasses he wears, has he ever heard of contact lenses?”
“They’re kind of like an armor for him, I think. He gets nervous when he looks in your eyes without them.”
She snorts. “What a weirdo. I bet he sniffs your panties when you’re not look
ing.”
She bursts into a fit of laughter and I kind of join in even though I don’t find that funny, just gross.
There’s no way in hell I’m telling her about what I did with them all yesterday and I seriously hope they don’t say anything either.
“I broke up with Lake for good.” I change the subject.
“Shit, really?”
I nod, now rubbing lotion into my arms. “He came around last night to apologize but I told him I was done. I’m not being humiliated like that, you know? I deserve better.” That’s basically what Travis said. That I am worth more than what Lake can give me.
Cella and everyone says it all the time but for some reason it meant more to me when he said it. It felt sincere. Like he genuinely meant it and he desperately needed me to believe it.
“He totally fucked up and he knows it.” Cella sits up and stretches. “Plenty more fish in the sea.”
Shonda brings out a plate of sandwiches for us. I thank her quietly and notice her eyes slash to Cella who doesn’t seem to notice. I wonder as she’s walking away, why her demeanor has suddenly cooled toward my friend but I don’t ask.
We finish our sandwiches in peace and a few hours later, Cella leaves and Shonda corners me in the kitchen on my way in.
I tense, ready for her to have it out with me about the other day but instead she looks at the back of my shoulders and frowns.
“Stop missing your shoulders when you’re sunbathing.” Her tone is stern but motherly. She moves to the cabinet and pulls out a blue basket full of medications, then after rummaging through she returns to me with a tube of aloe-gel after-sun care stuff. “You’ll get skin cancer before you’re twenty at this rate.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, feeling well and truly told as she gently rubs the lotion into my back and shoulders. When the lid clips back in place and she moves to the sink I mutter my thanks, enjoying the feel of the cool sticky gel on my roasting shoulders.
“Wait.” Her tone is still stern. “If I could have a word, please?”
“Aren’t you already?”
Her eyes say she doesn’t appreciate my clapback so I pretend to zip my lips with my fingers.
“It’s about Cella.”
Oh fuck.
“I don’t want her in my house anymore while she’s acting like a little bitch. I’ve heard the things she says about Travis and I know he probably has too.”
My lips part and my arms automatically fold defensively over my chest. “But… she’s my shawty. She’s my ride or die!”
She raises a perfectly tamed brow. “Your ride or die wouldn’t insult your family in your family home.”
She’s got me on that one. “I didn’t say anything bad, not this time anyway.”
“I know you didn’t and that’s the only reason I’m not having it out with you.” She steps closer, her eyes blazing with the kind of momma fury I’ve got to respect her for. “I know you can’t control what your friends say and do, but you can control who you want to be and who you want to be friends with. Just remember that the people you associate with shape how people see you.”
I let out a heavy breath, feeling frustrated and angry, but mostly because she’s right. It’s my fault for talking smack about Travis to begin with so now my friends think they have free rein. Really, they’re just having my back in their own way.
She doesn’t stop there. “You could make his year or break it. I really hope you choose the former because the latter would break me.”
Shit. Way to make me feel things, Shonda.
“All right, I won’t bring her round anymore until I’ve had words,” I reply, shuffling uncomfortably. “Can I go now?”
“No. I umm… I need another favor.”
I keep my face flat when, really, I want to groan and huff.
“Don’t give up trying to be friends with Travis.” I’m about to argue but she holds up her hand to make me wait. “I don’t know what kind of beef you have.”
“Ha, you said beef.”
Her lips twitch. “But I’d really love it if you could both get along. He’s shy, he won’t walk the distance. You’re not shy. You’re not sensitive like he is. And I’ve seen you trying, and I know he’s difficult to get through to, but I promise you, once you peel back those layers the rewards are next-level shit, as you’d say.”
I throw my head back and laugh loudly, my earlier anger gone. “Shonda, stop trying to be cool. It’s not happening that way. Your killer food is enough.” I tuck a strand of hair that’s come loose from my bun behind my ear. “Travis is alright. I’ll smooth things out with him if I can. But no promises, Shonda. He doesn’t like me and if he doesn’t want to start liking me I can’t force him and I’m not about to pretend to be something I’m not.”
Her eyes glisten with respect and love and she pulls me in for a hug before I can stop her. “I’m sorry about what I said. I wasn’t thinking. You’re a good girl.” We sway as she holds me tight, her cheek against my ear and my eyes start to water. It’s been so long since my mother held me, and this is how she used to do it. Except she always smelled like violets and ylang-ylang. Shonda smells like peaches and vanilla and fresh linen. “I’m proud of you. You’re so strong and brave and loved.”
“Okay.” I pull back and inhale. “Soppy moment done, I’m gonna cry. Can I bail?”
She nods and doesn’t look offended as I race up the stairs and to my room. I need to gather myself.
We continue with our family day at around four when Shonda and my dad make up and decide that we’re to watch another movie together like the previous Sunday. It’s as shit as that crappy exorcism movie last night, which even though it was crappy, made me sleep with the light on.
“Turn it up, Stepdork,” I whisper when Shonda and Dad start kissing. I hate it when they do that.
So gross.
Travis turns it up for me but I notice that he’s looking at his phone and there’s a slight smile on his lips. For once he’s the one texting and not me.
“Who is it?” I ask, invading his personal space to look at the screen.
I catch a glimpse of the name Sierra before he turns his phone away and glares at me. I’m acutely aware of how close I am to him and the fact my arm is pressing into his. It’s warm and feels quite nice.
“Who’s Sierra?”
He pushes his glasses up his nose. “A girl I met at the party while you were dancing on table tops.”
My face which is reflected in his large glasses lights up. “No kidding? Stepdork got game!” He shifts uncomfortably but there’s a shadow of amusement in his eyes. “Is she pretty?”
“She is.”
My smile broadens and my excitement increases. “You kissed her yet?”
His answering glare says it all.
I lower my voice even more. “Have you kissed anyone yet?”
“Will you stop?” He tries to move away but I follow, still beaming from ear to ear.
“Omg, you’re a total lip virgin!”
With his palm across my nose and mouth and his fingers and thumb across my forehead and temple, he pushes me so hard I fall flat on my back.
“Dude,” I say, sitting back upright and blowing that loose strand of hair out of my face. “Did you just face-palm me?”
When I move back into his bubble purely to irritate him, he does the same thing but this time I’m ready. I grab his wrist and lick his palm. He tastes like soap, thankfully.
“Urgh.” He pulls away and wipes his hand on his pants. “You’re so gross.”
I wobble my head at him with a maniacal smile on my face and sit back in my own space.
Shonda and my dad are watching us both but when we look at them they quickly look back at the TV, sharing a happy glance between themselves moments later.
When we’re permitted to leave them, we head to our bedrooms and I seek refuge on the roof with a badly rolled joint.
After a sharp knock on Travis’ bedroom door, he answers, and I’m surprised to see him we
aring a checkered shirt and dark jeans. He normally wears T-shirts with a witty and clever slogan on them, not including on the weekends when he makes an effort per Shonda’s request.
His hair has been combed to the side so it’s not in his eyes. I can smell mint so strong, which means he’s spent a lot of time brushing his teeth this morning.
“Can you give me a ride to school?” I ask.
Cella has an appointment this morning so she’s not coming. This is good as it means I can postpone our chat that I might never have with her. I figure she’ll stop saying mean shit if I do. Or that’s what I’m hoping.
“Sure,” he replies and grabs his bag from the inside of his bedroom door.
Mine is waiting for me at the top of the stairs where I dumped it moments ago.
I’m surprised when he grabs it as he passes.
Stepdork is chivalrous, who’d have thought it?
We enter the kitchen and I grab a banana on the way out. I’ve eaten way too much junk recently so I’m balancing it out a little.
He puts our bags in the trunk as I climb into the passenger side, and then folds his body behind the steering wheel.
This reminds me of last Friday before the party.
“Isn’t it your birthday soon?” I ask him to break the silence as he reverses out of the long driveway. “I heard Shonda and Dad talking about it a couple of days ago.”
“Yeah, Sunday.”
“Shit, that soon?”
“I was supposed to be going on vacation with my dad that weekend, so we weren’t making a big deal of it.”
I wince. “Supposed to be? Did he cancel?”
“He always does.” He turns the music up, likely to stop the conversation.
“What are you doing instead?” I’m tenacious and I’m not done yet.
“Unsure.”
“Dude, we should like have a killer pool party.”
He rolls his eyes. “For who? You or me?”
“Fair,” I reply, giggling. “Well, what do you want to do?”
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