“I do.”
“Eight… seven…”
“Six… Five…”
“Four…”
“Three… Two…”
“One… Happy New Year, Raven.”
“Happy New Year, Trav.” We share an intimate moment of silence, listening to the cries of the crowd on the TV. When it dies down a little, or moves to a commercial, I whisper, “Why don’t you like me saying your name like that?”
“Like what?”
“When I say Trav instead of Travis.”
I can hear him breathing softly, as though deliberating how to answer.
“Travis? Are you there?”
“Goodnight, Raven. Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year, Trav,” I respond sadly but get dead air. He hung up on me.
“Dad,” I say, my tone one of chastisement. “Do you want to explain to me why I’ve had three calls from California state hospitals offering me jobs?”
“Seeing as that’s a question, can I decline to answer?”
“No, you may not.”
“I just put the feelers out,” he defends, his tone light and full of humor.
“More like you put my entire being out there. Did I mention I’ve had three calls offering me work?”
He chuckles. “You did.”
“Dad, this isn’t funny. I haven’t decided yet.”
“We all want you here, you should come home, you could meet a nice man, settle down and have kids here with Shonda and me ready and waiting to be your consistent babysitters while you work on your career.”
I blink twice, fighting a laugh because I know he’s just messing around. “That’s very nineteen-fifties of you.”
“If I was being nineteen-fifties I’d have told you to quit your job and make me a sandwich.”
This time I do laugh, and it lasts a while. It feels good. “I miss you.”
“Then come home, please.”
“What about Travis? You know I’m a sore subject for him.”
He huffs. “Travis will get over it.”
So he does still have a problem with me? I was hoping by our texting back and forth and occasional phone conversation he’d started to move on. I guess not. “I doubt it.”
“Give him time.”
“It’s February, he’s had plenty of time by now to decide if he wants me in his life or not.”
Dad falls silent. I know he’s as frustrated as I am with all of this. “I’ll speak with him.”
“You’ll do no such thing!”
“Then keep trying.”
“I am trying. He hardly replies and when he does he’s really distant.”
“That’s better than nothing.”
I make a squelching noise with my mouth and huff dramatically. “Stop pimping me out in the meantime. I can look for my own job.”
“Ah, but, these three are offering a better salary than the one you’re on, and better benefits.”
I roll my eyes and giggle. “Daaaaad. Stop. It’s way too early anyway.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll back off. So long as you promise me you’re coming home.”
I look across the hall and catch Seamus’ eyes, he winks at me and my cheeks heat. He comes my way and squeezes my wrist as he passes, “Doctor Riddle.”
“Seamus,” I reply, deepening my voice in the same comical manner he just deepened his.
“Who was that?” Dad asks, his tone carefully calm.
“Just another doctor.”
“Are you dating him?” His tone is still carefully calm, like one would have when backing away from a bear.
“Dad.”
“It’s just a question.”
I hesitate, turning away from prying eyes. “Kind of, I guess.”
“Does he know you’re leaving in a few months?”
“Of course, it’s nothing serious. We’re just hanging out.”
He goes silent for a long time and when he speaks again he sounds so sad. “If you fall for him, you won’t come home, will you?”
“Dad… it’s early days yet. We’re just hanging out.” That sounds so juvenile, hanging out. But it is exactly what we’re doing. We aren’t romantically involved but it would be so easy to become just that. We get along so well and there’s definitely chemistry there.
How could I not have chemistry with a guy like him?
He goes quiet again and then whispers, “Please come home, Raven. Please.”
“I have to go back to work. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
I hang up and head to Harlow’s room. She’s in bed, alone, watching a movie on her portable DVD player. “How’s my princess feeling today?”
She looks up, her bald head shining under the warm, orange light. “Better. I haven’t been sick for three hours.”
We bump knuckles. “Right on, kid. Think you can stomach some chocolate cake?”
“Really?”
“It’s my birthday tomorrow, so the nurses got me a cake and I couldn’t possibly eat it all by myself.”
Her swollen eyes light up, the blue in them so vivid. “Yes, please!”
She manages three bites, but that’s three more bites than she’s had all day.
I head home feeling elated at that small feat.
My phone ringing wakes me up. It’s four in the afternoon on my only day off in ten days, my birthday. Normally I’d go out to celebrate but I’m so tired all I want to do is sleep.
Still, I roll over and hit the answer button with eyes still closed.
“Hello?” I grumble, yawning as quietly as my body will physically allow.
“Have I woken you?”
My eyes ping open. “Travis?”
“The one and only.”
I smile and stretch. “I’m awake.”
“Good, because I’ve been knocking on your door for the past five minutes.”
I let out a laugh. “Good one.”
“Should I let you go back to sleep?”
“No, I’ve been comatose for about…” I try to work out the math but my brain isn’t switched on yet. “A while… maybe sixteen hours? I really should wake up now.”
He whistles long and high. “You must have been tired.”
“You have no idea.” I yawn again. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”
“It’s your birthday.”
“Oh yeah, I’m officially one year off thirty. Man, that sucks.”
He chuckles and it sounds so nice to the ear he’s pressed against. “Got plans with your boyfriend?”
“No plans today.”
“So you do have a boyfriend?”
I roll my eyes, secretly loving that he’s asked. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Dad said you’re dating somebody?”
“You and Dad sit around discussing my love life?”
He clears his throat. “No, he just mentioned that you might be staying behind for a certain male doctor.”
“He’s so funny.”
“The male doctor?”
“No.” I laugh lightly. “Dad is. He literally heard my coworker say my name and started freaking out.”
Travis’ tone is deep and cautious. Could he be jealous or curious? “He really wants you to come home.”
“I know, but…”
“If the main reason you’re staying away is because of me—”
I cut him off swiftly, “I’m the catalyst remember?”
“I know, trust me, it’s not easy. But I’ll try, for Mom and Dad, for me, for you. I’ll try.”
My hand squeezes the phone and my lips thin to a white line as I press them into my teeth while trying not to snap at him. “I don’t want you to try, Travis. I want you to do. You either want to be my friend or you don’t.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Maybe not, but it feels like it should be.”
“And what you feel and how I feel are entirely different things.”
I want to feel like he’s being diff
icult but he’s not. I hurt him, the things I did led to his pain and I didn’t go back to check on him when I should have.
“So what do you propose I do? I can’t keep begging you to give me another chance. There’s only so many times I can say sorry before it becomes just a word.”
“I know, this isn’t your issue, it’s mine.”
“You know I feel awful and I know it’s not punishment enough, but if you want to be friends, we have to be friends without this. Let me prove to you that I’m sorry and that I appreciate you and this chance you’ve given me without constantly reminding me what a bitch I was. Let my actions speak for me.”
He mutters a curse under his breath, and I wonder if he’s wringing his hands in his lap or pinching the material of his trousers as a way to anchor himself and stop him from lashing out. “You’re right, but sometimes I just wake up and feel like I want to get mad at you for what happened, even though it won’t change anything.”
I release a sigh but it relieves none of my tension. “Happy birthday to me then, I guess.”
“I shouldn’t have started today. I feel like a jerk.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I mutter, “I’m going back to sleep.”
“Wait… let me fix this.”
“Travis, forget it. My birthday was shit anyway, this isn’t on you.” I hang up before he can say anything else and bury my face in my pillow. He tries to call me back but I reject it and put my phone back on charge.
Unfortunately, I am now well and truly awake, so I climb out of bed and pad into the living area wrapped in my blanket from shoulder to ankle. The green paisley fabric trails on the ground behind me.
I leave my phone for a while before grabbing it again but I pay it no mind if it alerts me to a notification. I just want one day that’s for me. One day where I’m not thinking about my past and the shit I did, or the shit that others did to me.
Though my pager stays on, I can’t risk missing an emergency at the hospital. Luckily for me, one doesn’t come and I spend the next twelve hours relaxing.
And then there’s a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone and I don’t have a clue who it could be. It might be Seamus, but I doubt it, he’s a gentleman. He wouldn’t just turn up, would he?
I jump out of bed and race to the door, forgetting about my lack of attire.
My heart stops when I look through the peephole and recognize his dark hair and rectangular glasses.
I try to tame my wild hair with my fingers, give the apartment a once-over to ensure I haven’t left a bra lying around or something, and then open it with a yank.
Sure enough, there he is in the flesh. His hair is trimmed and neat, his brows thick, his hazel eyes glowing with humor, his lips tilted up at the edges with a smile. He’s so handsome in a way no man I’ve ever met is handsome. Travis is his own league, or maybe I’m biased.
“Dude,” I mutter as his eyes creep down my nightgown which is little more than a black, satin dress that cuts deep at the chest and ends at my thighs. “I look like death. A bit of a warning would have been nice.”
“You look…” He gulps and then clears his throat, his eyes still on my body and I hope it’s because he likes what he sees. “Fine. You look fine.”
“Come in.” I step to the side and wait for him to pass. Sure enough he has a cane, it clicks on the wooden floor delicately, leaving no marks in its wake. It is long, glossy, and black. It matches his pants and white button-up. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
He shifts his rucksack off his shoulder, and it drops on the floor. “Nice apartment.”
“I’ll give you a tour if you like?”
“Just point me to the nearest bathroom so I can freshen up.”
I do so and quickly race into my bedroom to comb my hair and grab a gown. I need to shower before I get dressed. I just hope he doesn’t mind. It’s his fault for coming unannounced. All this way.
When I exit, I hear him washing his hands and quickly bring his bag into the room.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I say again when he exits. I pinch myself just to be sure I’m not dreaming. “You came all this way?”
He grins and sits on my sofa before rummaging through his bag. “You’ve got today and tomorrow off right?”
“How’d you know?”
“Dad told me.”
My smile stretches. “Of course he did. Does he know you’ve come?”
“No.”
So Dad didn’t send him to convince me to go home. This is good. This means Travis wanted to come, he wanted to see me.
“Am I imposing?”
“If you were,” I jest, “it’s too late to do anything about it now.”
He laughs under his breath, his eyes twinkling with humor and happiness, something that was absent the last time I saw him. “Is your doctor boyfriend coming soon to take you out or any of your friends?”
“No, everybody is working.”
“So you do have a boyfriend?” Why does he keep asking me this?
I roll my eyes, and sigh with playful exasperation. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
His grin becomes a smile. “So, maybe you’ll give me a city tour?”
“Of course! You came to the right apartment.”
“Thank goodness for that, for a moment there I thought you might not be Raven.” His sarcasm isn’t lost on me.
I sit beside him and just stare at him for a moment, I notice his cheeks pink above his stubble which looks so good on him. Then I remember my manners. “Do you want a drink? Coffee? Iced Tea? Water?”
“Are those the only options?” he muses, pulling on my hair gently. His arm is draped along the back of the sofa. He looks so relaxed which is a nice surprise considering I wasn’t expecting him at all.
“Pick one or nothing.”
“Just water.”
I nod, stand, and grab him a bottle from a cupboard in the kitchen. He catches it when I toss it his way.
“Mind if I have a shower? I must look a mess.”
His eyes look me up and down again. It makes me feel self-conscious, something I don’t often feel. “Go, shower. I’ll be here when you get back.”
I smile at him and bite my lip as my hand grips the handle of the bathroom door. “I’m really glad you’re here, Trav.” The door is open and closing behind me before he can reply and I jump into the shower for the quickest, most thorough wash of my life.
The hot water spills down my body as I smile to myself. I can’t believe he came, what does this mean? People don’t just travel nearly three-thousand miles for somebody they hate. Especially not off their own backs and dime. If the parentals had nothing to do with this then he’s here for a reason. He’s here to see me.
When I exit wrapped in a towel, I tiptoe to my bedroom door, calling over my shoulder that I won’t take long. I’m already mentally preparing my outfit, wondering if he’s thinking of my naked body as he plays on his phone on my sofa.
I felt his eyes on me but I couldn’t look at him. I’m terrified I’ll see something in his eyes that will burst this bubble. I know he said he didn’t want anything romantic, but could he still want me? Might he eventually want that? Is it selfish of me to consider it?
We’re both single, we’re both good-looking people with our careers in motion, would it be so bad if we did?
What am I doing?
I hold up a tight, bodycon dress to my body in the mirror, it’s a collage of striking colors and one of my favorite dresses to wear. It also looks like I’m trying too hard so I hang it back up in my closet and grab some torn jeans and an off-the-shoulder top. I braid my hair from the top of my head and hang it over my shoulder before applying mascara, eyeliner, and a reddish-brown matte lipstick.
I look good. I’m happy with how I look and my head is in a better place.
The aim is to be Travis’ friend now, not his lover. How would that work anyway? We’re stepsiblings. It’s a bit weird. Although it was weirder when we lived tog
ether. Except now we’re adults and we know what we want.
Fuck… my head hurts.
I exit the bedroom and smile at the man still on my sofa.
He looks up slowly, starting at my gray socks, ending on my eyes after dragging them up my form. His tongue moistens his lips and I suddenly remember kissing them for the first time.
I need to get him out of my apartment before I do something stupid like jump his bones and dry-hump him.
“I’m ready,” I announce, smiling brightly. “Do you want to go now or later?”
“Let’s go,” he replies, winking at me after standing.
We head out into the cold, jackets zipped up to our chins, and I’m happy to see that even though he has a cane and a limp, his speed with walking isn’t terribly slow. Not because it would inconvenience me at all, but because I was terrified it would inconvenience him.
Our arms brush each other’s as we walk and talk, our eyes meet, and for the rest of the day, as I take him around the city, showing him the sites as best I can, we have the most amazing time. It’s easy, it’s not uncomfortable, and for a moment I forget about the ten years that separated us and I hope he does too.
We stopped for lunch at my favorite café, we hit the subway to get to the Museum of Natural History, and then hopped onto a bus. We took pictures of each other, we took pictures together, we helped take pictures of other people.
It has been the most amazing day and now, after arriving back at my apartment, I wish we had hours more to spend exploring.
It’s been so long since I had this much fun with anybody before and Travis, like he was a decade ago, is attentive and sweet, and funny, and still a massive dork.
“You can have the bed,” I insist after we eat Chinese food from the boxes and drink white wine that he brought with him.
“Not a chance,” he replies, watching me set the sofa up with bedsheets and a spare quilt. “The couch will do me fine.”
I give him a pointed look. “You’re a guest. You’re having the bed.”
“Nope,” he sits on the quilt on the sofa and pats the space beside him. “The night is still young. Why don’t you put on a movie?”
“You choose, I’m gonna get changed and brush my teeth before you commandeer my bedroom for the evening.”
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