Ryan's Suffering

by Lloyd Paulson

  I stepped towards him, fists clenched. "You tell me what you know about my family or I'll leave you here."

  He glanced around himself, taking it in, and then looked back at me with wonder. "I didn’t do anything to them. I think your father has them. I'd heard the legends about things like you, and I thought I might one day meet one, but to actually change planes…Madre de dio."

  I looked at him uncertainly. "Where do you think you are right now?"

  He was looking at me with something akin to rapture. "We're in between. We are in Sheoul. The spirit plane. The underworld. You have me trapped between heaven and hell right now. My god, you have to be the most powerful warlock or psychic I've ever met."

  I walked up and slapped him across the face. The starry look disappeared, and he was finally looking at me. "Focus, numb nuts. I want two things from you. Your name and what you know about my family."

  He blinked, and I sighed and grabbed his wrist. The ground started to dissolve beneath us, becoming transparent. We could see vague, morphing shapes moving in the darkness below.

  He looked at me, and fear was finally starting to register. "What are you doing?"

  "If you don't tell me what I want to know, we're going to go down."

  "Down?"

  "Yes. Down. Into the pit. I've heard things moving around on this plane that you probably wouldn't want to meet, but as you can see, there are things in the darkness below that look eager to make your acquaintance. Let's start simple. What's your name? Is it Justin?"

  We started slipping downwards, as the ground continued to dissolve. Misshapen hands were reaching up from the darkness, straining to grab us, but there were shrieks of pain and the hands yanked backwards when what little light there was struck their skin.

  "Yes, yes! How did you know! Please, stop this, I'll tell you what you want to know!"

  "My family?"

  "They were taken by Tanner and your father!"

  We continued to sink closer to the beasts below. Even I was getting nervous. "Taken to where?"

  "I don't know!"

  I just kept watching, and we continued to sink closer to the shapes below. We could hear slobbering, slurping sounds, eager and wet.

  "I told you, I don't know! What else do you want? We think he took them to your dad."

  "He what?!"

  "Your dad!"

  In shock, I let go of his wrist. Justin started to fall, and he cried out as the slobbering sounds rose in an eager crescendo.

  I grabbed his outstretched hand, and flipped us both back.

  Suddenly, we were now sitting in the limo again. Justin was breathing in large panicked breaths. The driver's door was standing wide open, and the driver was nowhere to be seen.

  As I reached for a drink from the mini bar, I said, "You better go let your driver know you're not missing and that you're going to live. Also, make sure he understands he's never going to put a gun in my face ever again. Ok?"

  ~~~~~~ *LP* ~~~~~~

  "I'm afraid we've gotten off on the wrong foot, Ryan."

  I just looked at him. We were moving again, headed south. I hadn't asked yet, but I was certain that after 11 years, I was heading to the one place I swore I would never return.

  "I think you had seriously underestimated me, Justin."

  "Indeed. There was no prior basis to use as a frame of reference, unfortunately. The Group had made certain… erroneous? Yes, erroneous assumptions based on our prior experiences. Experiences with other people with certain… other talents, shall we say. That was a gross miscalculation by the analysts, I would daresay."

  "The Group. You mean the Harmon Group?"

  "Yes. The Harmon Group. We are a well-endowed foundation, tasked with funding and administering some very specific purposes by the Harmon family. I'm Justin Harmon, the great-great grandchild of James Harmon, who founded this group, and I'm the current chairman."

  I leaned back for a moment. "Well, what purposes does the Group fund and administer?"

  Justin smiled. "That, unfortunately, is a closely guarded family secret, Ryan. I would, however, consider sharing that secret with you if you were to come on board with us, which is why I am here today. I'd like to talk a bit about that possibility with you."

  I felt both insulted and intrigued at the same time. He had come here with the purpose of recruiting me, before I had taken him on a tour of what he called Sheoul, and even after the tour of Shadow Lands, he hadn't been derailed from that purpose. That was quite interesting. "Why in the world would you want me?"

  Justin crossed his legs, and clasped his hands on his knees. "I had started to ask you before about religion, and that wasn't just idle speculation on my part. Despite being cagey on the subject, if you can travel the underworld and you've shown me the entrance to the pit, then you have an opinion on Heaven and Hell, Angels and Demons, God and Satan, right?"

  I nodded.

  "Many modern day Christians have this belief that heaven and hell are concepts, not actual places. That they're really just ideas that help guide our behaviors and that the same concept applies to God and Satan. For example, Satan isn't a fallen Archangel trapped in Hell, sending demons to torment and tempt us. Satan is really just the sum of the bad parts that live inside each and every one of us, and that's what causes us to stray from the path and end up sinning. God doesn't sit up in heaven, watching over us, and sending down Angels to guide us, or to deliver his decrees and judgments; it's our innate goodness that shows mercy and temperance to fellow human beings—God's light is inside each and every one of us. It has a beautiful modern sound to the theory, doesn't it?"

  I nodded. I had heard such talk at contemporary church services before.

  "The problem, Ryan, is that it's complete and utter bullshit. As Elohim, you're living proof of that."

  "Elohim. Elioud. Nephilim. I've been told that Angels…"

  "Egregoroi, the Watchers."

  "Egregoroi, bred the Nephilim, who bred the Elioud, which is what I am. My father is Nephilim. What's Elohim?"

  "Children of God—as meant in this case, heavenly children, acknowledging the angelic bloodlines."

  "That's what damns both my father and I. As Elohim, both he and I are damned by God's decree during the time of Noah, and we only have two fates available to us. We can either be bound over as prisoners of Hell until Judgment day, or we can serve as Demons of Hell."

  Justin uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. "Is that what you've been told?"

  I shifted uncomfortably. "That's what I've been told by Tanner, yes."

  "Redemption is not possible for you?"

  I felt like a bug in a microscope.

  "I didn't make this decree; I'm simply a victim of fate."

  "Where does it state this in the bible?"

  I could feel my cheeks redden. "It's written in both the Dead Sea Scrolls and Enoch, neither of which is included in our official bible. But neither are children of angels, and here I sit before you."

  Justin leaned back and stared out the window. "This certainly explains a lot."

  I leaned forward. "What do you mean?"

  Justin turned to look at me. "We never knew why your father attempted the breach eleven years ago. You're telling me he believes he's damned no matter what he does. That's what I mean."

  I shuddered involuntarily. "Breach? You know what happened eleven years ago? I don't remember."

  Justin's eyes widened as he turned to look at me while he leaned forward. "What do you mean you don't remember? We need you to stop him again."

  "I mean I don't remember what happened. My memory's a fog. What do you mean stop him again? You mean stop my father again? Are we headed back there? Is that where you think my family is?"

  Justin sat back heavily. "You better remember pretty quickly, because that's exactly what I mean."

  "Well, I don't remember. Immediately afterwards, the police and the psychiatrists told me that everything I was telling them was impossible. They drugged me heavily, and it's all
a blur. I really don't remember. It's just a fog at this point. But you said breach. What kind of breach? What was he trying to breach?

  "We think he was trying to breach the gates of Hell."

  Ryan snickered. "Bullshit. Not possible."

  "You'd think it wouldn't be possible, but then you sit there and you're able to walk in Sheoul, and you threatened to drop me off at the gates of Hell. Hold on."

  Justin pulled a bible from a briefcase on the floor, and thumbed through it near the back of the book. "Revelation 9:1-11. Revelations always makes for dense reading. Anyway… here it is. And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit. And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit. And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads. And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man. And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them. And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men. And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions. And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle. And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months. And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon."

  Justin closed the book, and returned it to his briefcase. "Granted, apocalyptic writing tends to be fanciful, but wouldn't you say that accurately depicts opening up Hell and unleashing the beast upon the earth? So I wouldn't say that breaching Hell is impossible. In fact, it's even predicted by Revelations. So the question is less a matter of if, and more a question of when, if we take Armageddon as an eventuality."

  I nodded, somewhat thunderstruck. "Okay, let's just say I will always agree in principle that my father has to be stopped. We're getting way off base on your original topic: What does the Harmon Group have to do with this cluster fuck?"

  "As I said, I can't disclose very much. However, someone of your talents would be beneficial to our purposes, as we support certain religious causes, and near as I can tell, despite your odd certainty in fate; your moral standing appears to have the correct orientation."

  I stared at Justin for a few moments. "While we might agree on my lunatic fucking father's ambitions being a problem, I think you might have the wrong impression of me, Mr. Harmon. I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and savior."

  "That's rather interesting, given your experiences. Most people have to go completely on faith, whereas you've experienced and seen things first hand. How can you know, but not believe?"

  I smiled sadly. "Believe what? That god has a plan for me? What fucking plan? To see nearly everyone that I've ever loved taken from me? Without them, nothing matters in the long run. Heaven, hell, Sheol, or oblivion doesn't matter beyond that. To top it all off, I'm hell bound, no matter what. Therefore, whatever you fucking believe, believe it. It doesn't fucking matter. That's between you and whatever fucked ass megalomaniacal deity you choose to place your misguided faith in, but it's not my fucking problem. As for stopping my father? That's simply doing what's right, and taking care of old business."

  Justin chuckled softly. "I admire your feisty streak. However, I think you'll find that your faith will work itself out in due time. At the moment, though, there is nothing more pressing that this matter with your father."

  I shifted uncomfortable in my seat. "And why is that, exactly? You've mentioned that everything seems to pivot on this, and you don't seem to mince words."

  "Because our analysts report that right now, all outcomes are converging. All the psychics are baffled. It's unheard of. There's never been a time that everything is pointing towards one pivotal moment in time. Moreover, the outcome of that moment is unknown. No known psychic can predict what happens after that, and that's never happened before. It's almost as if you're a real-life Schrödinger's cat."

  "What the fuck is a Schrödinger's Cat?"

  "Well, the techno-geeks like to bandy this one around, and forgive me if I mangle the explanation, but basically, it's a paradox of quantum physics. In a timeline, it's an either/or choice with a bizarre implication. For the purposes of a thought experiment, the experimenters create an enclosed box with a quantum random number generator that's like flipping a coin. The binary solution either comes up heads or tails. If the random generator comes up heads, the cat that is inside the box will live. If the random generator comes up tails, then the box will kill the cat instead. You don't know which way the random number generator came up until you open the box."

  "Theoretically and mathematically, both solutions and therefore both cats exist simultaneously until the moment you open that box. It's only the act of opening the box, and looking to see what the outcome is that actually finalizes the choice. That bears repeating, because it's so fundamentally hard to understand yet important—the cat is both dead and alive at the same time inside the box. It's only opening the box that determines which time line is true. By opening the box, the waveform function collapses to follow the timeline that matches the outcome of the quantum coin toss. It's the act of checking to see if the cat was alive or dead that determined which result was true for your timeline. It's not the result of the random number generator that matters. Both results are valid, and both cats exist. It's you checking the result that matters, and then only one cat exists that's either alive or dead. Very bizarre; but that's quantum physics for you. We could claim this is all hypothetical bullshit, but remember, this is the same math and physics we depend on to make computers run or MRI's to work. The mathematics doesn't lie."

  "In your specific case, we have a dilemma. The outcome of the next attempted breach of the gates of Hell is not a foregone conclusion. Either your father succeeds and Hell is unleashed on earth, or you stop him. It's a coin toss proposition, and it's tremendously important to the fate of the planet. Hence why it's so pivotal. I do not say that lightly. You are truly pivotal for so many people's lives. As far as the psychics are concerned, either result is probable. Either you will succeed in stopping him, or you won't."

  "But all I want is my family back!"

  "That's the same thing, I'm afraid. If that's easier for you to understand, then look at the problem from that point of view. In the end, it's the same result though. Either you'll get them back, or you won't. It's still a coin toss proposition, and we need to try to improve the odds."

  The Dam and Damnation

  “The river seeking for the sea / Confronts the dam and precipice, Yet knows it cannot fail or miss; You will be what you will to be!”—Ella Wheeler Wilcox, "You will be what you will to be" from the collection "Picked Poems", 1912

  Tom had left his car at a rest area, and was now in the limousine with us. Tom was reading from a file folder he had retrieved from the briefcase on the floor. Tom, seated next to Justin, tapped away on his laptop. "How did you stop him before?"

  "I told Justin I don't remember. The last thing I remembered was being in the woods near an old, twisted tree that I didn't recognize with my dad, a guy named Tanner, my sister Carla, and my girlfriend Sarah. Sarah and Carla were bound and gagged. The clearing was lit with a couple of lanterns. My dad was reading from some old scrolls. Tanner had walked me out to the woods, and had
just finished explaining to me what Nephilim and Elioud were and what the curse of damnation was.

  They had just put a gun to Sarah's head, and made me prove I could read a card they picked from a deck. Turned out it was something from a fucking Tarot deck. Then I think somebody hit me over the head, and that's where my memory gets really fucking fuzzy. I vaguely remember something about the goddamned cops, and an ambulance ride, and then it's mainly being in the psych ward of the hospital after that and being drugged to hell and gone."

  "Well, that's not very useful."

  "Well, fuck you too, Tom."

  Justin glanced up at me, frowning. I shrugged. Tom didn't seem to notice.

  Tom asked, "You never had any contact with your dad since then?"

  "No. No one has heard from him, at all. My name was changed, and I moved to get away from the publicity, first to Mount Pleasant, then I finally landed in Dark Harbor to settle down for good. I never saw or heard from him again. Trust me, if I had, I would have told Detective Ridenour about it. He has some questions for him. Ones that I never could answer to his satisfaction, obviously."

  Tom typed into his computer for a few seconds. "It says here, quote he told me to kill her. He gave me the knife and indicated that I should cut her throat end quote. That's right in your hospital file. Do you remember saying that?

  I leaned forward. "Let me see that!"

  He pulled the laptop away from me. "I don't think so, Ryan."

  "That has to be illegal or something!"

  Tom just smiled cryptically. "Or something. However, those are your words. Does that jar anything loose?"

  I racked my brain for a few seconds, trying to associate what Tom had just said with something concrete, but I was more concerned with how he could access the hospital file He was staring at me, but I didn't think he was making this shit up. I glanced over at Justin, but he was just watching me thoughtfully as well. "No, that's not knocking anything loose, but it creeps me the fuck out to hear you quoting from my hospital file, to be honest. What else does it say?