Loving Lies

by Linda Kage

  Chapter Eighteen

  TESS DWINDLED INTO A STRANGE kind of depression. Two weeks had rolled by since the suicide of Jenner Treymore—more commonly known as Roadrunner among his friends, as she learned from watching the news—and her world only dipped to a new low. Food lost its flavor, the nights dragged on because sleep wouldn’t come, and her attention waned even during the most stimulating of conversations. Yet, throughout it all, life around her kept chugging along, and she drifted with the current, continuing on without really participating.

  When early enrollment for the Fall opened, she and Bailey registered for sixteen hours apiece. Tess was quickly running out of required classes to take, though. She was going to have to think up a major before entering her second sophomore semester. But planning her future just seemed so…blah.

  She hated filling in the word undecided more, though, so at the very last second, she scribbled down physical therapy for a tentative major. With a gasp, she stared at what she’d just done. Holy crap. That was perfect. She had loved watching Frenchie help Jonah. And she loved that refreshing sense of accomplishment when she helped someone. She loved feeling needed, and she loved seeing the results of her labor.

  Just like that, her tentative major became permanent.

  She wanted to be a physical therapist. And it was all because of Jonah.

  Ignoring the slice of pain that thought brought, she finished her online enrollment and declined to apply for a dorm room, since she and Bailey planned to rent some kind of place off campus during the next school year. It’d be nice to get away from this battle-scarred campus every evening after classes.

  But the campus wasn’t the only thing that seemed battle-scarred to her. She felt as if she’d lost a chunk of her life source. And it affected Bailey too. Bailey forced her out more as the weather warmed so they could take walks around the university in the evening and scout for a white cowboy hat and blue Wranglers. At least that’s what her friend claimed they were doing. Tess noticed how Bailey had stopped scanning the crowd everywhere they went. She’d given up on her cowboy, just as Tess had given up on everything else.

  As they were walking back to Grammar Hall one evening, Bailey chatted along, and Tess blocked most everything she said until Bailey blurted, “This Jonah guy totally messed you up, didn’t he?”

  Tess jerked to a halt and lifted her face. Her body responded at the mere mention of his name. “What do you mean?” How in the world had Bailey known she was thinking about him? She hadn’t mentioned him aloud once since they’d rushed to the hospital to save him.

  “You still behave like Tess, still smile like Tess, talk like Tess, but I don’t know. It just seems like Tess is gone. You’re this empty shell, going through the motions but not really living them.”

  Tess sighed and moved in closer as they walked along, resting her cheek on her friend’s shoulder. “You’re right. Lately, I feel…It just feels like something’s…”

  “Missing?” Bailey wrapped her arm around her shoulder and tipped her temple to the side until it pressed against Tess’s.

  Tess swallowed dryly. “Yeah.” Something was definitely missing. Like half of her soul.

  After a few seconds of silence, they turned a corner. As Grammar Hall came into view at the end of the block, Bailey murmured, “Maybe I messed up.”

  Since she never admitted such a thing, Tess glanced at her sharply. “What do you mean?”

  “I went to see him.”

  When Bailey glanced at her with a please-don’t-hate-me cringe, Tess pulled away abruptly. “Who? Jonah? Oh, my God, when? Why would you do that?”

  “Promise not to hate me.”

  “Prom—oh, Bailey. What did you do?” Dread sank into Tess’s veins as she covered her mouth with both hands.

  “The day after his big reveal, when all the truth came out and he ended up on national television as a complete villain, I went to his hospital room.”

  “And?” Tess demanded. She couldn’t believe Bailey had seen him more recently than she had and hadn’t told her about it. She felt betrayed. But, dear God, Bailey had seen him more recently than she had! She grasped her friend’s arm eagerly. Any scrap of news about him was like catnip to her. “What…what’d he say? What’d you say? What happened?”

  “Well, I wanted to correct him on his thinking. I’m a hater of all things miscommunication, after all, so I was going to let him know how wrong he was about you, that you’d never had any bad ulterior motives against him and you never willing ousted him to the police, trying to get him into trouble.”

  Tess couldn’t believe her friend had gone to so much trouble for her. Bailey had mostly been anti-Jonah in all their conversations. The fact that she’d gone to him to help repair Tess’s relationship with him told her just how much her friend loved her.

  But Jonah had only been using her, exacting his own revenge. She kept forgetting that part when good memories of him stole into her heart.

  Her shoulders slumped. “Let me guess. He didn’t believe you.”

  “Oh, he believed me, all right.”

  Shock pierced Tess’s chest. She shook her head, certain she’d just misheard. “Wait. What?”

  “The guy thinks you’re a freaking saint and can do no wrong.”

  “Huh?” Heart beating madly inside her chest, Tess let the hope swell. “He does?” Wait. Her blooming smile faltered. If he truly thought that, then why hadn’t she seen him since he’d gotten out of the hospital? Why hadn’t—

  “Never once did the thought cross his mind that you’d duped him.”

  “Then—” She choked on the question. Oh, God. Did this mean he’d cared about her all along? “Why did he accuse me of…of everything? Why did he…?” She shook her head. This didn’t make sense. If he did care, then why hadn’t he corrected her when she’d started assuming and accusing him of the worst? “I don’t understand.”

  Bailey shrugged, a little too easily. “What’s to understand? He’s a guy. Does he need any more reason than that to be an idiot?”

  “Yes! Dammit.” Tess stomped her foot and glared at her friend with her hands on her hips. “Didn’t you drag some kind of explanation out of him? God, Bay. Isn’t that kind of your specialty?” What good was having a best friend who could be outgoing, rude, demanding, and forthright if she wasn’t going to be outgoing, rude, demanding, and forthright when you needed her to be?

  “Okay, if you think about this from his point of view—”

  “His point of view?” Tess shrieked. She couldn’t believe this. Bailey was taking his side? The outgoing, rude, demanding, forthright girl was her best friend, not his! She should be looking out for Tess’s best interest, not—

  “His life had just fallen apart literally thirty seconds before you guys exploded on each other. He had no future left to look forward to. On top of that, he was about to become embroiled in a huge scandal…on the national level. And let’s face it, his physical capabilities were absolutely nil. You take that, add in a guy with typical macho protective tendencies, and of course he’s going to want to keep the people he cares about the most as far away from that kind of mess as possible.”

  “So…” Oh God. “You’re saying he just…he let me walk away to protect me?”

  “More or less.” Bailey winced and made a face. “Okay, yeah, that’s it, exactly.”

  “But…oh, Bailey. You didn’t agree with him. Did you?”

  Dear Lord, she had.

  “Hell, no. I told him you were a big girl and could decide for yourself which people you do and don’t want anything to do with, and he had no right to make that decision for you.”

  “Oh, thank God. Thank—”

  “Then I told him to stay away from you until he had his shit together.”

  “What? Bailey!”

  “Well, what did you expect? You’re my best friend; I feel protective of you, too, you know. And the guy was a freaking mess. He was crying all over the place and—”

  Tess gasped and
hugged herself. “He was crying?” Pain tore through her to even think of him getting emotional in front of Bailey. He must’ve hated that. “And you just—” Pressing her hand to her aching chest, she gaped at her backstabbing best friend. “You didn’t tell me sooner.”

  Bailey began to wring her hands. “Now…don’t look at me that way. Please, Tessie. If it’s any consolation, I told him to look you up again whenever he feels worthy of you.”

  That only made things worse.

  “You didn’t. Oh…damn it, Bailey. Tell me, how do you feel whenever things can’t get any worse for you and you think you’re at rock bottom? Do you ever feel worthy of anyone? God, what if…what if he decides he’ll never…” She couldn’t even finish the question, bowing her head, she squeezed her eyes closed and prayed he came back to her. Soon.

  “Tess…”

  When a hand hesitantly touched her shoulder, Tess growled. “Don’t.” As she glanced with clenched teeth and flaring nostrils, Bailey snatched her fingers back, her eyes wide with shock. “I can’t believe you! Once again, you interfered with my life and did something without my permission…on my supposed behalf. But this time…this time, you went too far.”

  “But—”

  “No! It’s my time to talk. Usually, I don’t mind that you take over. I actually prefer it. You like to lead. I like to follow. That just works for us. But I do have my own thoughts, too, and I can make my own decision. Butting into my relationship with Jonah was one place you didn’t belong. You weren’t there when I went to visit him. You don’t know what happened between us. What he made me feel. And…Jesus, Bailey how could you tell him to stay away? What if…what if I never see him again because of that? What if I can’t find him? Oh God, what if I go through the rest of my life never feeling for anyone what he made me feel for him?”

  As Tess’s chest heaved from her fiercely given speech, Bailey gaped at her mutely. Then she shook her head slightly and drew in a sharp breath. “He hurt you.”

  “Yes, he did,” Tess agreed. “But that’s my pain to bear. Not yours.”

  Bailey snorted. “What the hell ever. You’re my best friend. You can’t just expect me to—”

  “I can. And I do. I’m probably going to get my heart broken a lot in my life. I’m sure you will too. We can be there to console each other during the hard time and celebrate the great times. But interfering the way you did was wrong.”

  “Tess,” Bailey whispered as she dragged in a shuddered breath. Her lashes blinked furiously and her chin quivered. “I did it because I love you.”

  “No. You did it because you feel the need to control me.”

  “Control you?” Mouth falling open, Bailey sputtered before hissing, “That’s insane. I don’t—”

  “Yes, you do! Every time we do anything, it’s always your idea. And on those rare occasions we actually do something I want to do, you bitch and complain the entire time…because it wasn’t part of your plan.”

  Bailey threw her hands into the hair. “Okay, now you’re just being irrational. You’re upset and—”

  “No, now I’m being honest.” Tess dug her finger into her chest. “Brutally honest. Something I learned from you. I know this stems from watching your mom die when you were seven. You had no control over what happened to you then, so you feel the need to personally oversee every little detail over your life now and over the lives of everyone around you. But you went over the line this time. I mean, what if I never see him again because of you?”

  When Bailey didn’t answer, just stared with a pale, blank expression, Tess uncurled her fingers she hadn’t realized she’d balled into fists. She took a few deep breaths to rein in her overwhelming emotions, and it finally dawned on her what she’d just blurted out.

  She gasped and covered her mouth.

  Bailey tipped her head to the side. Quietly and slowly, she asked, “What do you mean I saw my mother die when I was seven? I was three when she…” She didn’t finish the sentence. She blinked a couple of times, then shook her head. “No.”

  “Bailey,” Tess whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have—”

  Holding up her hand, Bailey silenced her with a single look. She opened her mouth once, then closed it and turned away. As she walked off without a word, Tess whispered the worst curse word she knew.

  Realizing she’d just done what she’d been so mad at Bailey for doing by interfering where she didn’t belong, she hugged her waist and prayed for forgiveness.

  This was bad, though. Bailey had never before walked away from a fight. She always stuck it out. When Tess was the one who wanted to crawl under a rock and hide from an argument, Bailey forced her to stay and talk it through.

  Not sure if she should follow her friend and be the forceful one this time around or give her some space, she waited a second. Then another.

  Since she was still wired from what she’d learned about Jonah, she decided to wait. Bailey probably wanted to confirm a few things with her family before—oh, dear Lord, Mr. Prescott was going to kill her. Bailey’s father had always intimidated Tess with his gruffness, so she’d always been careful not to displease him. She had no idea what he’d do when he found out Bailey knew the truth.

  Chapter Nineteen

  JONAH WASN’T SURE what he was doing.

  He’d gotten a job today as a short order cook in a greasy diner at the edge of town. But that by no means meant his life was back on track. Sure, no reporters had mentioned his name on the news in the past few days, and he’d found a place to stay, sort of, but he knew this wasn’t what Tess’s friend Bailey had meant by seeking Tess out only when he had his shit together. His shit was strewn around him so far, he still woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for air from nightmares and his muscles twisting in pain from his wounds.

  Except he couldn’t stay away.

  Maybe if he just saw her once. Or if he could only talk to her. But, Christ, if he talked to her, he’d want to beg for her forgiveness, and then he’d beg her to give him another chance. Or would it be a first chance, since the first time around probably didn’t count? Didn’t matter. He shouldn’t be begging for anything; he shouldn’t be bothering her at all.

  And he definitely shouldn’t be on the campus of Granton, staking out her dormitory on the hopes of seeing her walk by. Because if he saw her, he’d want to talk to her, and then he’d start begging. From there, everything would just spiral out of control.

  But he couldn’t help it. He just had to see her, had to make sure she was okay. Happy. Healthy—

  Damn it, okay, he wanted to see her because he craved it. One hit of Tess was all it would take. After that, he could deal with life again. And if she just so happened to see him back when he saw her, then maybe he could mention the whole job thing, his living arrangements, and maybe slip in that he was so far gone for her, his life felt purposeless without her in it.

  He drew in a breath. No. He wouldn’t talk to her just yet. Maybe after he got rid of the crutches, or when—

  Someone walking up the front walk to Grammar Hall caught his attention. He peered out his hiding spot, which was in the shadows of a nearby copse of trees, and caught his breath. Bailey marched determinedly toward the front entrance. The urge to leap out at her and bombard her with questions about Tess was overwhelming. He actually took a step forward, nearly tripping on his crutches.

  Maybe this would be better than talking to Tess herself. He could check up on her, make sure she was doing okay, get his fix, and not actually bother her.

  But the way Bailey was walking made him pause. It was a fast, almost angry clip. She’d lifted her chin defiantly high as if she was pissed as hell, while tears streamed down her cheeks. Not sure what that was about, he hung back, hesitating.

  When someone called, “Bailey! Hey, Bailey. Wait up,” Jonah glanced over to catch some guy lifting his hand and waving to her down, trying to get her attention. But she was lost in her own world. She barely paused to unlock the front door and ya
nk it open before darting inside.

  Her pursuer broke into a run and reached out to catch the closing door but didn’t make it in time. Staring at the locked entrance, he muttered a curse and ran his hands over his short crop of hair. Then he whirled away and paced toward a nearby bench to slump down. But as he landed with a plop, he winced and rubbed at a spot on the upper left-hand side of his chest, reminding Jonah of those times he hurt his bullet wounds, jarring them whenever he sat down too fast.

  Wondering who this guy was, how he knew Bailey, and if that meant he knew Tess too, Jonah continued to study him. Contemplating if he should approach the stranger and ask about her, he sighed. This was bullshit. He should just—

  Suddenly bench guy lurched to his feet. “Tess!” he called with a relieved kind of grin.

  Jonah’s innards shuddered as that name seared him in half.

  He whirled until he spotted her. Unlike Bailey, she poked along at a slow pace, her head hung low with her long beautiful red mane covering most of her face. Swallowing dryly, he soaked in the view. God, just seeing her…he wanted to go to her, gather her into his arms, and pull her close until she realized every smile and touch and kiss had been the real deal between them.

  But when she looked up at the stranger’s call, it wasn’t Jonah she saw. From his angle, he still couldn’t see her face, which was slightly frustrating, but he didn’t care. He could see enough. And when she darted forward, he saw her throw her arms around another man. She hugged him tight and buried her face in his neck as if she just couldn’t get close enough.

  Her “companion” seemed momentarily startled by the act, but then he eagerly drew his arms around her too and bowed his head to speak confidentially in her ear. As he led her inside, pausing so she could unlock the door for them, Jonah’s world crashed around him.

  She had someone else.