She took a deep breath. “So, Gen said something today that I can’t seem to shake.”
“Really, honey? What?”
Luna looked down at her fingers, which were tightly intertwined on top of the kitchen table, then looked up and met her grandmother’s eyes. “She said that she thinks I love Connor.”
Grandma Grace’s brows raised slightly. “Oh?”
Luna’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t seem surprised. I mean, you do…but only a little. Or maybe like you’re only surprised that the comment stuck with me, and not the actual comment.”
Her grandmother gave her a half-smile. “I think that’s what they call projection.”
Inclining her head to the side, Luna said, “Touché. Yeah, I guess my thoughts have included variations on those themes for most of the day.”
“So, let me ask you something, honey.”
“Okay.”
“Gen says that she thinks you love Connor. What do you think?”
Luna took another deep breath. “Wow. You’ve zeroed right in on the other area my thoughts have been laser focused on all day.”
“Any conclusions?”
“Well…I mean, yeah. I…I think I do love him. I don’t know that I ever really stopped. I know I’ve missed him, pretty much every day since the last time we saw each other. So much that I couldn’t even come back here because I was afraid I’d see him and it would break my heart. And also, afraid that I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave.”
Grandma Grace’s brows shot up, and this time it was much more dramatic than the small gesture of a few moments before. “Well, honey, if you wanted to be with him so bad, why didn’t you just come back and be with him?”
This time it was Luna’s turn to raise her eyebrows in surprise. When, she spoke, it was with a sense of earnest resolve. “Well…because I had to be independent. You know…you’re the one that was always telling me that I had to be able to make it on my own, not to have to depend on anybody else. I couldn’t let you and Paw Paw down. Not after everything you did for me!”
Luna waited while her grandmother sat back in her chair, eyes wide. Finally, just as the silence was almost too much for her, Grandma Grace reached across the table and took Luna’s hands in hers, looked straight into her eyes, and spoke. “Honey, I never knew you felt that way. Is that really why you’ve stayed away from Connor, and from Valentine Bay all these years?”
Luna tilted her head to the side. It had never even occurred to her that this was a question. She’d thought it was clear. “Well…I mean, yeah. You know how mom was, even before she took off for good. Always chasing some guy or another. And then when she finally did leave and never come back, that was to chase a man, too.
“So, when I came to live with you, and you were always telling me how important it was to be independent and make it on my own, never depend on anybody…I mean…isn’t that what you meant? Don’t get tied down by a guy? I never questioned the connection. It just seemed obvious.”
Grandma Grace wiped a tear away. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for saying it like that. I never meant to leave you with that idea. You just…you have to understand it from my perspective. Here we were, newly responsible for this precious little girl with a huge heart, your mama was nowhere to be found, your grandpa and I were already getting up in age even then—”
“Oh, stop that!” Luna protested. After having just been through the heart attack scare with her grandfather, her grandparents’ advanced age was the last thing in the world she wanted to talk about.
“Well, it’s true, hon. A fact of life, and it weighed on my mind day and night. What would happen to you if your grandpa and I weren’t around? What if you had nobody to depend on? Would you flounder and fall? I couldn’t let that happen. It was my responsibility to make sure that when I left this world, I would leave you prepared.”
“Okay, seriously, I’m going to turn around and walk right back out that door if you don’t stop talking about your own mortality. I’m dead serious…no pun intended.”
Grandma Grace chuckled, then continued, “Anyway, sweetheart. That’s why I always tried to impress on you how important it was—is—to have a skill, to be independent. Not so that you wouldn’t love anyone. There’s a difference between loving somebody and needing them in an unhealthy way.”
Luna leaned back, processing this new information. It made so much sense when her grandmother explained it like this. Why hadn’t she ever seen it from this angle before?
“Besides,” her grandmother continued, giving her hands a final squeeze, “how could I possibly ever advise somebody not to fall in love, or be with the person they love? Look how long your grandpa and I have been together. And look how much we love each other. And how happy we are.”
Luna raised her hands to her face and pressed her palms to her cheeks. They were burning, her skin alive with emotion. “I can’t believe I never saw that contradiction before. I…I mean, I don’t know what to say. I’ve been chasing something that didn’t exist, for a reason that didn’t exist. It’s going to take me a while to process this.”
She shook her head to try and clear it but it was no use. She couldn’t believe that she thought this talk was going to save her a sleepless night. As it was, she very well might never sleep again.
“Well, there is a good side to that,” Grandma Grace said crisply.
“Really? What?”
“Just because you’ve been chasing something that wasn’t real, doesn’t mean you have to keep on doing that. You can stop in your tracks today.” Her lips curled up into an affectionate smile and she patted Luna on the side of her face. “Or, even better, sweetheart—start chasing something that is.”
Chapter 17
Connor
Connor was exhausted. Not just kind of tired, but bone-weary. He wasn’t sure how he’d been roped into attending this planning meeting for the Christmas benefit that, frankly, he also wasn’t quite sure how he’d been roped into…but here he was.
The first person he saw when he stepped into the meeting room at the community center was Gen, and then Ella sitting next to her. On the other side of the table was Abby, and next to her was Allison. He smiled at the women. “Wow. It’s a gathering of the women who love the Valentine brothers. I feel kind of out of place.”
“Don’t worry,” Gen laughed. “Not everybody’s here yet. But you do kind of fit in. Sometimes I think you spend as much time with Gavin as I do, out back working on that car.”
He pressed a hand to his chest. “That Mustang, Genevieve. To just call it a car is, like, sacrilegious or something.”
“Duly noted. Oh! And here are our last two attendees now.”
Connor turned to see Luna walking into the room. It gave him a jolt even though he’d known he was going to see her here. He was coming to realize that seeing her would probably always give him a jolt, no matter what.
But walking in right behind Luna was the real surprise guest of the evening. It was Mrs. Valentine, the matriarch of both the Valentine family and, really, the town that was named after them as well. She was grandmother to Gavin, Donovan, Jet, Troy, and their younger sister Mila—but most residents would’ve said that she was their honorary grandmother.
Connor had always had the urge to call her Madame Valentine. It just seemed right somehow.
And, honestly, seeing her at the meeting shouldn’t really have been a shock. She was heavily involved in most of the town business. He guessed it only surprised him because she seemed to be such a larger-than-life figure that seeing her in person always seemed a little surreal to him.
“Fantastic, now that we’re all here, I’d like to call this meeting to order,” Gen said, and he took the closest seat. Luna sat down next to him, which gave him a little headrush. There were plenty of other empty seats she could’ve chosen, but she chose the one next to him.
Score.
“Genevieve, dear, do you have an estimate for how long the meeting might last? I’d like to let
Fernando know how long I’ll be.”
Connor could see Genevieve pushing down a smile, but when she spoke there was no hint of it. From what he knew about Mrs. Valentine and her honest if sometimes sharp tongue, that was probably a wise move on Genevieve’s part.
“I’d say no longer than half an hour, ma’am.”
Mrs. Valentine nodded sharply. “Good, then. Get started without me. I’ll be back in a moment.”
As soon as she was out of earshot, Luna leaned forward eagerly. “Who is Fernando?”
Ella explained in a hurried whisper, “He’s the latest in a long line of young and handsome health care aides who have a lot more to offer in the brawn than brains department. Have Connor fill you in later.”
Luna looked up at him and they exchanged a look. After just a second’s worth of eye contact, she blushed and looked away.
His stomach twisted, but it was far from unpleasant. Damn. He really liked the idea that people around town were starting to think of them as a joined pair again. The fact that he and Luna were spending so much time together that other people put them in the “have Connor fill you in later” category was pretty much the greatest thing he’d heard in a while.
When Mrs. Valentine returned to the meeting room, Connor could’ve sworn she was just a tiny bit flushed from her conversation with the mysterious Fernando, but he decided not to think too deeply about that.
She bustled over to the head of the conference table and settled into the seat.
As Gen passed out agendas, she said, “First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for making the time to be here tonight. I know we all have busy lives and schedules, and I appreciate you taking the time.
“That having been said, I would like to move through the agenda as quickly as possible. There is a lot of work still to be done in the next two and a half weeks, and I for one would like to get started on it.”
Everyone nodded as they looked over the agenda. Gen continued, “So, quick rundown of who all is here and why—Grandmother Valentine is the main benefactor of the event—”
“Not to mention the emcee,” she interjected.
Genevieve nodded, suppressing a smile, then continued, “That’s correct, also the emcee. I’m coordinating…well, everything. Ella is heading up aesthetics and decor, Allison is wrangling the talent, Abby is curating the wine list, and now we have the addition of Luna and Connor, who have so generously offered to head up the food portion of the evening.”
Luna put her hand in the air hesitantly, and Connor thought that it might just be the cutest thing he’d ever seen. She even had a couple of false starts before she managed to get it all the way up.
“Now honey, if you have a question, just speak right up. We don’t bite,” Mrs. Valentine said, her voice firm.
Luna flushed at the admonition. Connor didn’t blame her—it could be intimidating being the object of the older woman’s laser-focused attention.
Instead of wilting, though, Luna flourished. She sat up straighter. “You’re right, Mrs. Valentine. I just wondered, since Connor and I came to this late in the game, if we could get a rundown of what the evening actually consists of. That might help us formulate a menu that would be appropriate for the occasion, but still on-brand for the diner.”
Connor leaned over and nudged Luna’s shoulder with his own. “Way to go,” he said softly. “This must be you in marketing consultant mode. I like it.”
Gen nodded. “Absolutely. The event is a part cocktail party, part talent review. There’s no sit-down portion, though. The entertainment is concurrent with the mingling.
“There’s also a silent auction component. Announcing the winners will cap the party.”
Luna nodded. “So, we’re looking at appetizers, then?”
“Yes, I think that would fit in well,” Gen agreed.
Luna looked thoughtful. “Since Main Street eats is a classic American diner, I’m thinking that appetizers based on classic American Christmas food would be a fun twist?”
“Oh, I love that idea!” Abby exclaimed, and Luna turned to her.
“Abs, maybe we could follow up this week and talk about wine and food pairings? They should definitely complement each other.”
“You’re reading my mind,” Abby confirmed.
Gen beamed. “Man. Coordinating is so easy when you’re working with the best people.”
“Thank you, dear. I appreciate that,” Mrs. Valentine said, but Connor could see the twinkle in her eye that showed she was teasing Gen.
He had the sudden urge to take Luna’s hand, or slide his arm around her shoulder. In fact, he stopped himself just in time.
There was just something about being in this meeting—the feeling of doing something good for his community, surrounded by his friends. And sitting next to his girl.
That was how he thought of her. “His girl.” He realized now that he had never really stopped thinking of her that way. He hoped that didn’t end up biting him in the butt…but, if he was honest, it probably already had.
Yeah. There was a good chance that the fact he’d never felt very connected or committed to another woman was because of the fact he’d never stopped thinking of her as his girl. At least now he realized it.
He looked over at her again, so bright and animated and engaged, talking about the food and the wine, and the evening, and how great it was going to be for the kids they’d be helping.
Damn. She was his girl. In his heart, she always would be.
Now the only question he needed the answer to was: what was in her heart?
Chapter 18
Luna
Walking out of the community center after the meeting, Luna was filled with a sense of contentment and rightness that she hadn’t thought was possible. When other people talked about everything falling into place in their lives, or even the feeling of fitting in and knowing they were on the right path, it wasn’t something she could relate to.
Everything she’d done, all she’d worked for—it had been because it’s what she thought she was supposed to want.
After all, if you were from a tiny little town like this, weren’t you supposed to want to make it in the big city? If you had always been boosted by the support of friends and family, weren’t you supposed to want to spread your wings and fly on your own?
She glanced over at Connor walking beside her and her heart squeezed inside her chest as she considered the last question.
If you had a high school relationship, weren’t you supposed to want to sow your wild oats and find out what else was out there for you in the world?
Well, there was one problem with all of those things she was supposed to want. They were bullshit. Or at least they were for her.
They were all based on how she’d interpreted her grandmother’s admonitions about independence. And now, come to find out…she’d interpreted them wrong!
Now that she was seeing things clearly, she knew that didn’t want any of those things. She didn’t want the big city. She didn’t want to be independent from her friends and family. And fuck wild oats, they’d only ever brought her chaos and heartache.
Connor squeezed her hand. “Need a ride?”
She nodded. She didn’t, really. Everything was so close here. She’d walked over, it was less than a mile. But she wanted to be in the car with him.
It didn’t matter that she’d been with him all day, and now all evening at the meeting. She wanted to be with him all night, too.
Gee. Ya think that might be your heart trying to tell you something?
Her inner voice wasn’t always the most compassionate. In fact, sometimes it was a downright bitch. But she didn’t mind. Sometimes she needed a good kick in the ass, and her inner voice was just the right bitch to deliver it.
Connor held the door open for her, supported her elbow as she climbed into the truck. Electricity shot through her body, just like it did every time she felt Connor’s strong hands supporting her, or his strong arms holding her.
Sh
ut it, inner voice! I already know that’s a sign!
Wow. So now she and her inner voice were having actual conversations. That was probably another kind of sign. The not-so-great kind.
Connor climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled the car out of the parking lot.
The radio came on when the engine started, and the song that filled the car was Wham’s “Last Christmas.”
Luna’s stomach clenched. The lyrics described a relationship where the man had given the woman his heart and she discarded it, causing a lot of pain in the process. Now the two were seeing each other again, at Christmastime, and suffice it to say, the feelings were flying.
Wow. So, yeah. Kind of on the nose.
She turned to Connor. “Do you feel like taking a drive?”
He smiled. “Always.”
Connor navigated the car aimlessly through neighborhoods, and they commented on the Christmas lights on each house as they listened to the Christmas songs being played on KVAL – everything from Nat King Cole’s traditional rendition of “The Christmas Song” to “Little Saint Nick” by the Beach Boys and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You.”
Finally, Connor pointed the car down a much less-traveled road that headed up into the mountains a ways and then pulled off onto an overlook.
And not just any overlook. Their overlook. It had been their special place to park when they were going out. Which wasn’t saying a lot, actually, since it had been half of the senior class’s special place to park…but, still. It had sentimental meaning.
Connor turned off the engine and suddenly, the inside of the car was engulfed in silence. It was shocking after she’d gotten used to the rumbling engine noise, combined with the poppy holiday music.
Now, there were no distractions. All that hit her ears was the sound of Connor’s breathing and her own blood rushing through her veins.
Unbreak My Heart (Valentine Bay Book 5) Page 8