Holding On: Ruthless Sinners MC

by Wilder, L.

  I’d always ridden solo, and for good reason. In my world, it meant something to have someone on the back of your bike, and I hadn’t had anyone I cared enough about to even consider putting on the back of my bike—until now.

  Remington

  I had no idea what was going through my head when I asked Noah to take me on a motorcycle ride. He’d been a complete asshole; first, when Rafe was here and then again, after he kissed me, but apparently, I wasn’t thinking about that. Instead, I was wanting to spend time with him doing something that he liked, and I couldn’t think of anything he cared more about than his brothers and riding. I was waiting on pins and needles for his answer, hoping that he wouldn’t turn me down, and I couldn’t have been more pleased when he finally sighed and answered, “Fine. I’ll take you out for a ride, but first, you’re gonna have to tell me where you came up with jack-nut.”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged with a smirk. “I guess you could consider it a term of endearment.”

  “Umm, somehow I find that hard to believe.”

  “Well, it just so happens that I call Madeline ‘hooker,’ and she’s my best friend, so there ya go.”

  “Hooker?” He smiled, and my heart literally skipped a beat. “Some friend you are.”

  “I’ll have you know that I’m a great friend, and Madeline knows I love her.” I tossed the covers back and stood. “So, are we going or what?”

  “We’re going.” He got up from the recliner, then disappeared down the hall. Moments later, he returned with the keys to his bike and a leather jacket. “Put this on.”

  “But it’s not cold outside.”

  “You want to go for a ride or not?”

  “Fine.” I slipped on the jacket, then said, “All set.”

  He looked down at my bare legs and feet, then said, “Not quite.”

  “Oh, yeah. Hold on a second.” I rushed to my room, and after I’d slipped on a pair of jeans and tennis shoes, I went racing back to the living room. “I’m ready.”

  “That you are.” His eyes drifted over me, sending a warm chill down my spine. My heart was beating a mile a minute when he motioned his hand towards the door. “Well, I guess we best get going.”

  Without hesitation, I followed him outside to his Harley. He took a minute to pull an extra helmet from his saddlebag, then helped me put it on. Once I was ready, he hopped on and started the engine, then reached out his hand to help me get on. Butterflies started to flutter in my stomach as I took his hand and swung my leg over the seat behind him. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had never been on a motorcycle before or that I was sitting so close to him, but my entire body was trembling with nervousness. Sensing my unease, Noah looked back over his shoulder with a smile. “Nothing to worry about, tough girl. I’ve got ya.”

  With that, I placed my hands on his hips, and he put the bike into gear, quickly riding us through the back gate and out onto the main road. To be honest, it wasn’t what I expected. While it was an awesome feeling being out in the open, I felt vulnerable, like I was totally exposed with little to no protection from the elements. As we headed into the busy streets of downtown Nashville, we were quickly surrounded by cars. I could hear the muffled sounds of their radios, smell the pungent exhaust from their tailpipes, and feel the radiant heat from their hot engines. It was sensory overload, but at the same time, I’d never felt so alive.

  I glanced around at the bright lights, noting each and every color of the flashing signs overhead, and with every turn, I noticed something I’d never seen before. It was like I was seeing the city for the first time, and the best part was I was seeing it with Noah. I leaned in closer, taking in the subtle scent of his cologne mixed with leather, feeling the curves of his back against my chest, and I had to fight the urge to let my hands wander.

  We hadn’t been riding long when Noah took a road I’d never been on before—one that seemed to go straight up, each curve taking us higher and higher up into a small neighborhood that I never knew existed. When we reached the top of the steep hill, I noticed a park sign, then leaned up and asked, “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  Moments later, we came to the end of the residential street and entered a park. Noah quickly pulled up to an old guardrail and stopped, turning off the bike’s engine. Without a word, he got off and removed his helmet. “Are you coming?”

  “Coming where?”

  “You’ll see.”

  I slipped off the helmet, then followed him over to the edge of the parking lot and gasped at the beauty of the lights below. We could see the entire city—the tall buildings and shimmering streetlights, all the cars driving back and forth, and the different houses were families were sleeping peacefully in their beds. I glanced over at Noah as I said, “It’s beautiful.”

  “I thought you might like it.”

  “How did you find this place?”

  “There was a time when it was kind of a hot spot. The locals call it Music City’s Lover’s Loop, but people don’t park up here like they used to.” He stared ahead as he continued, “I come up here whenever I need to clear my head.”

  “Well, it’s the perfect place for it.” I stepped over the metal rail, then sat down on the curved edge, looking out at the beautiful scene before me. “This would be a cool place to live.”

  “I’ve always thought so.”

  Noah stepped over the railing, then sat down next to me. We both sat there staring off in silence for several moments, and I had to say it was nice to be sharing his special place with him. I glanced over at his handsome face noting the detached look in his eyes, and I found myself wondering what was going through his head. Sadly, I didn’t have a clue. There was just so little that I knew about him, and if it hadn’t been for Ada and her stories I would’ve known even less. Noah was a man who kept himself at a distance, almost like he was afraid to get too close to me or anyone else. I could’ve just let him continue to put up his walls, but I wanted a chance to get to know him—the real him. Since we were at his special spot, I hoped that I might catch him in a moment of weakness and asked, “How long have you been a Ruthless Sinner?”

  “Seems like a lifetime.” He shrugged. “I started prospecting a couple of months after I came home from Iraq, so I guess around eight years ago.”

  “I didn’t know you were in the military.”

  “Lot about me you don’t know.”

  “I’m well aware.” I didn’t let his brisk tone derail me. “How long were you deployed?”

  “I was supposed to be there fifteen months but got sent home early.” His eyes skirted over to me as he revealed, “I got shot during a hostile raid and was medically discharged soon after.”

  “Damn. That must’ve been really hard. I’m sorry that happened to you.”

  “Don’t be. I walked away.” He faced forward, making it impossible to see the expression on his face as he continued, “Lots in my platoon weren’t so lucky.”

  “I’m sure that made what happened to you even harder.”

  “Yes, it did.” I could tell he was eager to change the subject when he said, “I’m good though. My brothers helped me through it. They always do.”

  “You think a lot of them, don’t you?”

  “Absolutely.” There was no missing the emotion in his voice as he told me, “They are my family. They’re all I got. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.”

  “You’ve got Ada.”

  A slight smile crossed his face as he looked over to me and said, “Yeah, I’ve got Ada.”

  “You’re really lucky to have her. She reminds me so much of my grandmother, especially when she’s telling one of her stories or fussing at you.”

  “She does plenty of that.”

  “Only because she loves you. My grandmother always did the same with me. It seemed like her day wasn’t complete until she gave me her two cents. She had something to say about almost everything, especially when it came to me. And she had this crazy ability to k
now when something was going on with me. It was like she had ESP. It would drive me nuts, but I’d give anything to spend one more day with her.” My chest tightened as I thought about how close we’d always been. I could go to her for anything, and I was devastated when she died. “She had some issues with her heart and died last summer.”

  “Damn. Hate to hear that.”

  “It’s okay. I still miss her terribly, but I know she’s up there watching out for me.” I glanced over at him as I said, “Who knows? Maybe she was looking out for me on the night of the attack. Made sure you found me and helped me get back on my feet.”

  “Doubt she’d want me to be the one who found you.”

  “I don’t see why not.” I playfully bumped my shoulder into his. “As I recall, you did save my life.”

  “Doc saved your life.”

  “Well, you’re the one who brought me to Doc, and if you hadn’t, I would’ve died.” He rolled his eyes as he shook his head. “Well, you did.”

  “Have you always been so fucking stubborn?” he teased.

  “Yep.” I giggled as I added, “But I’m not nearly as stubborn as you.”

  “You’ve got a point there.” He stood and brushed the dirt from the back of his pants. “We better get back on the road.”

  “Okay.”

  I quickly stood, then followed him over to his bike. As he offered me my helmet, I thought about a question I’d wanted to ask him earlier but hadn’t mustered the courage. I let out a deep breath before finally asking, “So, what was that whole deal earlier with you and Rafe?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When you walked in and found me in his arms. I thought you were going to blow a gasket.”

  “What? You were in his arms? I must’ve missed that.”

  “Are you being serious right now?” I placed my hand on my hip as I pushed, “You were acting like a caveman about to fight over someone holding his woman. Surprised you didn’t start pounding on your chest or wave your club in the air.”

  “A caveman?” he scoffed. “I think that’s being a bit dramatic.”

  “You’re saying it didn’t bother you?” He didn’t respond. Instead, he shrugged nonchalantly, pretending that it hadn’t gotten under his skin. Irritated by his lackadaisical response, I cocked my eyebrow. “So, you wouldn’t mind if I hooked up with Rafe?”

  His eyes locked on mine with an intensity I hadn’t expected. “You’re not hooking up with Rafe.”

  “Why not? He seems like a nice enough guy. I think—”

  Before I could finish my thought, Noah had his arm around my waist, pulling me close. His mouth crashed down on mine in a hot, demanding kiss that had my entire body melting into his arms. His hand dove into my hair, and a low, needful groan vibrated through his chest as he delved deeper into my mouth. The kiss quickly became heated, and it was all I could do to keep my footing as my hands clung to his chest. From the start, I’d felt an unexplainable pull towards this man, but this kiss was all that and more. Being in his arms made me feel like my entire soul had been set on fire with a blaze so intense I feared it could never be extinguished, and I wanted more—so much more. I was just starting to lose myself in him when he released my mouth and whispered, “That’s why.”

  And just like that, he’d given me the answer I wanted to hear. He didn’t say anything more. Instead, he slipped on his helmet, then kicked his leg over the seat of his Harley and sat down, waiting silently for me to get on behind him. Still in a daze, I put on my helmet, then climbed on behind him, slipping my arms around his waist. Seconds later, we were on our way back to Ada’s. Even though it was late, I was far from tired. That kiss had woken me in ways I couldn’t begin to explain, and I couldn’t imagine going to sleep. I wanted to watch the sunrise while riding through the city, but it was clear that Noah had other plans. He drove us straight back to the storage lot, and as soon as we arrived, he locked up the gate and I followed him up to Ada’s front porch.

  I was hoping we might finish what we’d started earlier, but as soon as we walked inside, I heard Ada say, “There you two are. You’s had me worried sick.”

  “Thought we’d be back before you got up.”

  “Um-hmm. Well, dats why you leave a note.” Ada fussed. “What am I gonna do wit you chil’ren?”

  “Sorry we worried ya. I’ll make it up to you.” Noah yawned, then said, “But first, I’m gonna need to get a couple of hours sleep.”

  “Go on nows. I’ll keep an eye on dings.” Ada looked over to me as she said, “Look like you could use some sleep too.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, ain’t no sense in standing round here.” Ada motioned her hand down the hall. “Get on in dare and gets you some rest.”

  Noah had already gone to his room, so without any arguments, I followed suit. When I got to my room, I crawled into bed and tried to fall asleep. It wasn’t easy. Every time I closed my eyes, I was back on Lover’s Loop, kissing Noah. Needless to say, I spent most of my time in bed tossing and turning, so I didn’t get much sleep. After several hours, I finally gave up and got up. I took a hot shower and changed into some fresh clothes. I did my hair, then went into the kitchen to see what Noah and Ada were up to. To my disappointment, Noah was already outside and was busy doing one of his walkabouts. I thought he would eventually return, but he didn’t. Instead, he spent most of his afternoon and night outside—only coming in for a quick bite to eat. Even then, he didn’t have much to say, so I couldn’t help but think that he was avoiding me.

  I tried to not let it bother me that he was putting up his walls again, but two days of getting the silent treatment had me beyond flustered. After the time we’d spent on top of that mountain, I thought things between us were going to head in a different direction. It made sense that it would. Every time our eyes met, I felt butterflies in my stomach, and it was almost more than I could take. Over the past couple of days, that feeling had only grown stronger. I had no doubt that Noah felt the same. I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, so I assumed that he would finally give in to these intense feelings we had for one another. I was wrong. Instead, he was back to keeping me at arm’s length. Hell, he’d barely said two words to me in days, but I’d seen the way he stared at me when he didn’t think I was paying attention. Those secret glances were getting under my skin, and I knew it was going to take something big to get him to see that I wanted him—all of him—the brooding, tough biker and the tender, kind man hidden beneath.

  It was late. Ada had been in bed for hours, and Noah was locked away in his room. I turned off the TV and got up from the sofa, then started down the hall. I knew it was a bold move, like nothing I’d ever considered doing before, but it was going to take something pretty dramatic to make Noah see that I wanted him. I knocked on his door, and his eyes locked on mine as I stepped inside his room.

  I held his gaze as I told him, “I know you don’t want to admit it, and you certainly don’t want to talk about it, but this thing...this connection between us is growing stronger by the minute.” I paused just long enough to kick off my shoes, then continued, “I can honestly say that I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” As he lay just a few feet away, watching my every move, I started to slowly unbutton my blouse. “What I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you, Noah. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you, and I think you feel the same way about me.” Once I’d unclasped the last button, I slipped it off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. As I reached for the button of my shorts, I told him, “I’m not asking for more than you can give me. I just want one night. One chance to be in your arms.”

  I lowered my shorts, leaving on only my black lace panties and bra as I whispered, “Will you give me that?”

  I could see the doubts raging in the back of his mind as he considered my proposition, and I couldn’t help but wonder what made him hesitate. There was so much about him that I didn’t know, but I knew how he made me feel. A sense of secur
ity washed over me whenever he was near, giving me a feeling of peace that I hadn’t experienced in years. I trusted him. I truly did, and after everything I’d been through, that wasn’t easily given. I hoped that he trusted me as well, and he’d give us the chance we deserved. Several moments passed, and I was beginning to think he was going to turn me down when he suddenly growled, “You don’t know what you’re asking, Remington.”

  “You’re wrong. I know exactly what I’m asking.” I held his gaze as I placed my hands on my hips and sighed. “So, what’s it going to be, Noah?”

  As he stood up and started walking over to me, a wild, hungry look filled his eyes, and I knew then it was finally going to happen. It was something that I’d dreamed about more times than I could count, and I couldn’t imagine wanting anyone more. He stopped just inches from me as he said, “You need to know that I can’t be who you expect me to be.”

  The way he looked at me made my heart ache. I lifted my hand to his face and whispered, “You already are, Noah. Right here. Right now. You’re everything I need and want.”

  His eyes blazed with desire as his hesitation vanished and his mouth took mine. He slid his rough hand to the nape of my neck, pulling me to his lips with a possessiveness that ignited an ache for him deep inside me. As his fingertips slid across my skin, a jolt of need rushed through my veins. I moaned against his lips, losing myself as the whirlwind of heat and desire flooded through me. He slowed for a moment as he kissed me long and intensely, taking my bottom lip between his teeth as he seduced me with his skillful mouth. The mixture of pleasure and pain that ran through me as his teeth bit into my lip shot straight to my core.

  I was lost in a delicious haze of need and lust, and I couldn’t get enough. A deep-seated groan escaped my mouth as I pressed my body harder against his. My need was growing fiercer by the moment. Suddenly, he pulled back, leaving me breathless and desperate for more. He leaned his forehead against mine as he whispered, “Are you sure you want to do this?”