‘We did it!’ I called, and he opened his arms for me.
‘We have superpowers.’ His eyes lit up and he lifted and spun me around. Our laughter filled the air.
‘Feel like a swim?’ he asked.
‘Hell yeah, what else are we gonna do in this most perfect of places on this gloriously sun-filled night?’ It neared the end of April and yet it felt strangely normal to be here under the full heat of the sun.
With the absence of my normal level of fear, but still some trepidation, I peeled away my clothes, trying not to watch as Tyler did the same.
Strange how my mind could turn the night into day, but not my underwear into a bikini.
‘Okay, just pretend I’m wearing a bikini,’ I said, suddenly self-conscious.
Tyler swallowed as his eyes cast my way. ‘I can try,’ he said. ‘Although I’m not sure of the difference, it’s probably the same skin ratio as your bikini anyway.’ I raised my eyebrows. ‘What? You thought I didn’t notice?’ My bikini was almost as skimpy, and of course if I’d checked him out earlier I shouldn’t be surprised he’d done the same.
‘Fine, pretend I’m in a wetsuit.’ I removed the last of my clothes and tried desperately to avoid Tyler’s eyes.
‘Not possible.’
‘All right, can we just get in the water then? Race you.’ I ran down the jetty, barely keeping the lead as Tyler gained on me. By the time I reached the end he was alongside me, and we both leaped into the air, landing in the perfectly silky water, sending a tide of waves in every direction.
We floated on our backs, like we had the night before in reality, this time staring up at a bright summer blue sky with the tiniest flecks of white clouds.
Tyler reached his arm over the top of the water and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. I pulled back and as the tension raced through our bodies we lost our ability to float. Letting go of our hands we faced each other and treaded water.
‘Lucy,’ Tyler said softly.
‘Mm?’ My heartbeat grew faster at the intensity in his eyes.
‘I want to kiss you.’ He paused, and I swallowed. ‘I know this is just a dream, but it feels so damn real and I want to kiss you. Last time you didn’t know it was really me, and you said you wouldn’t have done it if you did.’ I opened my mouth to tell him I’d changed my mind, but he kept talking. ‘So before I do, I wanted to make sure you were okay with it.’
A lump caught in my throat, but I managed to croak out the words, ‘I’m okay with it.’
The water rushed around me as Tyler’s body closed in, and then his lips were on mine, warm and tender. My eyes closed involuntarily, and his wet hands were on my cheeks bringing me nearer as our lips moved together. We swayed in the water, our feet and legs dancing below us as we kicked to stay afloat. My body dissolved, and it was quite likely I’d die if I woke right then.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as Tyler lowered his hands to rest on my waist. We parted slowly, and I opened my eyes to peer into his.
It was a perfect moment, too perfect perhaps, but an ingrained benefit of experiencing it through the filtered lens of a dream.
‘What’re you thinking?’ Tyler asked still holding onto me.
‘That this feels like a dream.’ We shared a tender smile. ‘You?’
‘Happy. I’ve wanted to do that since the first moment I saw you.’
‘What? Since I pummelled into you like a train wreck?’
‘Maybe not right away.’ He tilted his head up as if remembering the collision. ‘But when I recognised you – yes, I would’ve kissed you right there and then if I didn’t think you’d punch me in the face for it. But then you ran away anyway.’
‘Do you blame me?’
‘No.’
We held hands and moved to float on our backs again. We were silent; all the words we needed to say drifted away unsaid. But silence had a way of saying other things – comfort, unity, trust – and the gentle chirp of the birds reminded us of how idyllic those unsaid words were.
The clouds hovered above us, where the dragons and sheep gradually morphed into dolphins and palm trees, and then they were gone.
The familiar sound of Maggies in the trees, singing their morning gargle, stirred me from sleep. My toes were icicles, and it took me a few seconds to grasp that I was outside and they were poking out from the bottom of the blankets. I jerked them in and heard Tyler’s intake of breath as my toes touched his feet.
‘Morning,’ he whispered into my neck. His arm draped over my side exactly as it had when we fell asleep. His hand caressed my stomach.
I widened my eyes at the touch, and then curled myself into him, savouring this moment of closeness. I’d never slept in the same bed with anyone, not since my younger days with Max, when we slept with one head up each end of the bed, but that was unparalleled to this situation with Tyler.
How had this happened so fast? Only two days before I’d been dreading the weekend and being so close to him, but now the thought of not being near him made my stomach twist in knots.
A hazy mist filled the air, and the horizon held an orange glow as the sun tenderly eased its greeting on us. I rolled over so I could look at Tyler. He beamed adoringly down at me.
Moments ago we’d been kissing in our dream, and as the new day dawned on us so did the memory, bringing with it a shyness I hadn’t known the night before. Heat rose in my cheeks, my embarrassment gathering into quiet chuckles and mingling with Tyler’s deep tremor. I buried my face into his chest and pulled the covers over my head, exposing my toes once again. Still giggling, I closed my eyes and inhaled his subtle scent: wood fire with a hint of spice.
‘Did you sleep all right?’ Tyler asked softly.
‘Yeah, you?’
‘One of the best sleeps I’ve had in a long time.’ I tilted my head back and peered at him. His eyes shone bright, and he sighed so heavily it dripped with satisfaction. ‘No seriously, best sleep ever. No hot sweats from waking from my dream like I normally do…you’re good for me.’ My cheeks grew warm.
‘Well, I hate to tell you this, but it can’t continue.’ His smile fell away and worry etched across his forehead. ‘The sleeping together part that is. What would we tell my parents?’ I laughed, and he tickled my sides evoking a huge whoop from me.
‘Don’t say things like that; it’s plain cruel to someone who’s been waiting a long time for this.’
‘This?’ I raised my eyebrows teasingly, although I had a fair idea of what he might mean by ‘this’. Still it wouldn’t hurt to hear it.
‘You…I’ve dreamed of you almost every night for the last year, and that was before I even met you. Now, well…’
This was too much for my just-woken-up mind to comprehend. I was falling hard; we both were. We’d become one big flaming asteroid headed straight for impact, and I feared no one would be able to stop us from ripping a great big hole in the earth.
‘What else do you dream of?’ I asked. ‘As in aspire, desire, hope for?’
‘Wow, that’s deep for this time of the day.’
‘Just trying to get to know the person I’ve shared far more intimate things with.’
‘You don’t regret it, do you? Now you’re awake?’ he asked, the hope in his voice palpable.
Without my dream to protect me, vulnerability settled over me, and the light of day allowed me to see his face more clearly than in the night just gone. I liked the rawness of reality, and at the same time savoured the memory of the perfect dream.
‘No,’ I said, and white fog escaped through his lips as he exhaled.
‘Good.’ He paused. ‘I dream of seeing the world. I need to learn more languages, though ’cause I kinda agree with Dad, I don’t think you can travel without seeing the people too. I don’t know how I’ll make money, but that’s a minor detail,’ he said with a chuckle.
I laughed with him but stiffened. I had a similar dream, one restricted by more than finances. He noticed my trepidation.
‘What is it?�
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‘Nothing. It’s a good dream.’
‘But you don’t get it, do you, not being interested in travel ’n’ all?’
‘It’s not that I’m not interested, I’m terrified of it. So any thoughts I might have will stay as that, as thoughts, dreams.’
‘What a load of bollocks. I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.’
‘Thanks,’ I said sarcastically.
‘Sorry, but it’s true. You can’t say you dream of something and then give up on it before giving the poor thing a chance.’
‘I can in my case. You try seeing the things I do, then ask yourself if you wanna be exposed to more heartache, more death, more pain.’ My palms grew sweaty and I was no longer cold.
‘Is that how you really feel?’
‘It’s how I really feel. My death tally is staggering, I’m not sure my pencil could keep up.’
‘You know that might be kind of cool.’
‘What, to see more death? So cool.’ Did he realise how thoughtless he was being?
‘No, I mean to draw people around the world. With the skills you’ve got, you could draw a whole book full.’
‘I’ve already got four.’ I set my jaw, but the stillness of Tyler beside me and the gentle brushstroke of his thumb on my arm calmed me.
‘Okay,’ he said, before the casual edge to his voice returned. ‘Sounds like I’m on the lookout for another travelling partner then.’
‘That you are.’ I hoped that might be the end of it. As rational as it was to me, I couldn’t explain something as irrational as Hodophobia – I’d looked it up. An intense fear at the thought of travelling. The furthest I’d ever been in my life was the south coast of Australia. I was ten when we’d driven the Melbourne end of the Great Ocean Road. Ten, before the dreams started, before fear of the uncontrollable set in.
‘All right then. Tell me one thing.’ Tyler reached over and moved the hair from my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. ‘Where would you go? If you weren’t afraid, what would you want to see?’
‘That’s easy,’ I said guided by the safe lure of his words. ‘Canada.’
‘Canada.’ He smiled dreamily, as if conjuring the images to mind. ‘Why Canada?’
‘The snow. Ours is nothing compared to what’s over there, or so I’ve been told. I want to feel the thick fresh powder under my board, do trails I don’t know like the back of my hand.’
‘So not the people then?’ He snickered at our complete opposite take on that aspect of travelling.
‘No, not the people.’ I swivelled and faced him. ‘Unless they’re painted or sculpted ones. I’d love to go to Paris too, I want to spend three days in the Louvre.’
‘But the Louvre has crowds of people.’
My mouth gaped open. ‘You’ve been?’
He smiled down at me and nodded. ‘For a few hours, it was packed. Could barely get close enough to the Mona Lisa to see her.’
‘I’m so jealous right now. But only a few hours?’
‘We had two and a half days in Paris on our way to England a couple years ago, that’s not a lotta time to fit everything in. And no, not enough time for the Louvre.’
I groaned and rested my forehead against his chest.
We lay together for a little longer before we collected our blankets, headed back indoors, and slid silently into our cold and empty beds.
The weekend ended as abruptly as it began. We loaded our bags back into Jake’s van and, although I’d been in Tyler’s arms only a few hours earlier, our goodbye was no more than the trading of phone numbers and a silent stare across the driveway.
I’d travelled this route many times before, but as Jake drove along the bumpy road towards home, it felt like I was entering new territory. It was terrain I hadn’t wanted to venture into; but like I’d resisted snowboarding to begin with, once I felt the absolute joy of gliding down the mountain I didn’t want it to end.
I had just as fiercely resisted Tyler, a fear of the unknown, but I’d learned he was like the snow; soft and gentle, with the power to incite a daily longing for its return. He made me feel things I never thought possible.
I felt adored, but most of all, believed; and with that came the ability to breathe again.
— 17 —
I sat in my dimly lit room in front of my laptop, determined to find some answers. I bit into my apple and tapped at the keys, logging in as @LucidLucy.
The night before, I’d been on the phone with Tyler for over an hour before bed, yet when I closed my eyes – nothing. I woke to my phone vibrating from my bedside table and Tyler’s eager voice down the line. ‘Anything?’
‘Nope.’ I’d normally have been happy about that.
I spent the afternoon at work, helping Laurie at an office function in Mayfield, and all day the question had stuck to me like her scone dough – why? Why could Tyler and I share dreams at the lake house, but not since we’d been home?
I scrolled through the list of questions on the forum, but as usual, nothing matched. I started to write a new thread before spotting a notification waiting for me in the top right corner of the screen. A spike of adrenalin shot through me as I clicked on the little bell icon, my heart rate accelerating at finally having a response to last week’s question.
@Star_Crossed: @LucidLucy it sounds to me like you’ve met someone who could become a very important person in your life, your soul mate. This could be friendship level or something more, that’s not important. What matters is that you’re open to the changes a connection with their soul will awaken in yours, and allow your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness. Think of seeing them before meeting them as a sample, a teaser trailer for the latest blockbuster. Did you feel anything in the dream? If you did, then imagine what it’s going to feel like now you get to sit and enjoy the full show. My best advice is to savour every magnificent morsel.
A shiver slid over my skin. What an answer. Never in a million years did I expect something like that. It sounded too perfect but also too right. It might’ve been a super soppy answer and a little bit too spiritual, but hey, when the shoe fits. I picked up the phone. I had to read it to Tyler.
When he didn’t answer I typed a message for him to call when he got the chance. His mum had been pretty clingy since we’d returned from the lake two days ago; we still hadn’t seen each other again.
I jiggled my ankles and scrolled through my phone – Granny Tess.
‘Lucy, darling.’
I told her everything, and although she sounded pleased and happy for me, her voice tinged with something more, sadness? She wouldn’t be upset or worried about my dreams. It had to be something else.
‘Is everything okay, Granny Tess? You don’t sound well.’
‘I’m sorry, dear, I am interested truly, it’s only something’s come up. A bit of a shock really.’
Fear contracted in my stomach. I gulped. ‘What is it?’
Her sigh filtered down the line before she spoke. ‘A friend of ours died last night in a house fire.’
I placed a hand over my chest. ‘I’m so sorry. Are you all right?’
‘Not really. She was from the church, loveliest old lady, made the best éclairs.’
I slapped my palm across my mouth to stifle my laugh. ‘Granny Tess.’
‘Oh dear, I didn’t mean it quite like that. Obviously that’s a loss in itself, but Beverly will be missed terribly too.’
‘Well, you don’t need to be on the phone to me then. I just wanted to share the latest.’
‘And I’m glad you did, dear.’
The moment I pressed the red end button I wanted to hurl my phone across the room. ‘Damn it.’ I squeezed my eyes closed, fending off the nauseating blend of emotions. Worry for Granny Tess, grief for their friend and the family that’d recently lost a loved one, and regret for what lay ahead when I closed my eyes.
I glanced out my window, disappointed to see how dark it had become since I’d been in my room. I’d kill for a run, but
that wouldn’t be happening without any daylight.
I yanked my sneakers on. I’d have to settle for a few laps of the backyard.
I squeezed my eyelids closed, but it only intensified the sting. I opened them to the smoke and could barely see through my tears and the thick cloud in front of me. I inhaled a mouthful of congested air, and huge, racking coughs escaped my mouth. I was going to choke to death before I even made it through my dream.
The endless shrill of the smoke alarm penetrated through me, and my legs wavered as they moved forward. I tried desperately to escape the heat of the fire that gained on me from behind. My breaths came short and fast. Placing my forearm over my mouth and nose, I concentrated on sucking in the filtered air through my thick jumper.
I stood beside a tall side dresser, covered in a white lace runner and crowded with unmatched photo frames. An elderly woman strode toward me from another room, her ankle-length floral nightie flowing around her as she sped through the house. She didn’t stop as she dashed past me, toward the fire. What the hell!
She rummaged in a drawer, fumbled, and eventually pulled something out. Smoke crept into every corner of the room, searching out its next victim, engulfing her. She stumbled to her knees, and the item in her hand landed with a clink on the floor. My heart raced in fear as she crawled to retrieve it. I knew I was safe, assured in my knowledge I would wake with clean air and a life, but it was little help for the lady about to slip into the longest sleep of her life. Her weak arms faltered, and she fell forward, her face etched in pain as it hit tiles. She didn’t move. I stared at her, hoping for the flinch of a finger, anything. Nothing.
I screamed. ‘You need to move. You’re going to die.’ But my pleas went unheard. All attempts to save her would be in vain. My being here was completely and utterly useless.
Dread crept over me as our death loomed.
I did the only thing I could and lay down beside her. I brushed the hair from her eyes – eyes wide with the aching agony of fear. Even though she couldn’t see or feel me, I carefully lifted her aged hand in mine and yearned for her to sense some of the comfort she so desperately needed.
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